


Writing Guilt

by Hichanchen, Smut_Hemingway



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 80 percent based on real life experiences, Academia, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom Chae Hyungwon, Caramel, Caramelsutra, Choose a discipline you love and you'll never work a day in your life, Complete, DOM DOM DOM HOSEOK, Developmental Psychology, Discussions about working conditions, Fluff, For all of us who struggle with a toxic job environment, Gradstudent Hyungwon, Hoseok can't get enough, Hoseok likes sweet stuff, HyungWonho - Freeform, Hyungwon is dessert, Hyungwon is the best boy, It's hot...seriously, M/M, Minhyuk is hot, Minor Changki and Joohyuk, Professor Wonho, Shitty work conditions, Smut, Supervisor-Student, This is some beautiful gay shit, This story is hot, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Toxic supervisor relationship, We always finish our stories, We’re all just two drinks away from being interdisciplinary, likely because there are no jobs in your field., no slowburn, this is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-08-29 06:54:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 162,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16739179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hichanchen/pseuds/Hichanchen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smut_Hemingway/pseuds/Smut_Hemingway
Summary: People around us, our work environment and our past relationships can affect us and influence the way we behave and perceive the world around us.Hoseok is a successful professor who came back after being on the run from his past and who tries to deal with the pressure by avoiding intimate relationships and drowning in work.Hyungwon is a graduate student, trying to deal with the toxic work-relationship to his supervisor and longing for a place where he can live his passion for research and feel appreciated.When both of them meet, influencing each other’s perceptions of the world, they realize that one is able to overcome a lot of things when there’s someone who supports you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,  
> With 'Writing Guilt' we are returning to the more realistic depictions of the world. We really enjoyed writing it and hope that you will enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it if not more.  
>   
>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>   
> We are really hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as our previous works if not more and will be able to learn something from it.  
>   
> We write one character each, also if it is the perspective of the respective other character  
> @Hichanchen writes Hyungwon (and Minhyuk) and  
> @Smut_Hemingway writes Wonho/Hoseok (and Kihyun, Changkyun, Orig. Male character, Jooheon)  
> A special Thank You to our beta-readers Molly and Natalie.  
>   
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)  
> 

A click.

The small, black mouse with a partially removed ‘property of the university’ sticker slid over the USB mouse pad repeatedly, circling a single button on the page but not pressing it. There was something dramatic about how simple the page was designed, plain white with the name of the journal on the top and several options below it. One of them was ‘status of your submitted manuscript’ and he should have pressed it approximately fifteen minutes ago instead of idly running the soles of his Converse sneakers over the grey, low pile carpet.

_Come on, how bad can it be?_

Pretty bad, but he wasn't willing to admit to that quite yet, drawing a few more circles around the button and chewing on his cheek. The texture of the inside of his mouth felt a little abused, but that was merely what came along with a job that kept you at the edge of your cheap office chair, hoping for a positive reply.

Fucking his fear sideways, Hyungwon finally pressed the status button and opened a page with the title of his submitted manuscript on ‘The Importance Of Language In The Development Of Other Cognitive Functions’. His eyes slid further along the crappily designed web page towards the very end where the words ‘under review’ harassed his eyes. The same words that were written in the same fucking spot three months ago.

_How fucking long can it take to review a ten-page manuscript?_

Groaning loudly, he pushed himself away from his desk and rolled back, almost hitting the office chair of Sammy, his colleague who was luckily on holiday for the next few days and wouldn't have to stand witness to his misery.

It was rather difficult to write a PhD thesis that relied on publishing articles in journals when three months were wasted on staring at a meaningless page without a decision. In one way it was good, ‘under review’ was still better than ‘rejected’, at least he had that.

His eyes slipped to the right and stopped on a small notebook with a peach drawn on it. It might have been a little too cute for something as simple as a to-do-list, but it fulfilled its purpose, reminding him of his ridiculous amount of work.

_You don't get paid enough for this shit._

A conference was coming up in the next few days, one that he still had to finish the poster for and preferably also print before he jumped on the plane. That was only part of his ‘peach-list’. There were seminars to prepare that he had to design and present, there was data he still had to analyze, an introduction for another paper he had to write and preferably also find time for the experiment he had been planning for the past few months. It was fucking ridiculous and he felt like that meme where the guy’s head explodes like an atomic bomb. Hyungwon wanted to slam his head on the desk and forget about responsibilities for a few seconds and the fact that it was already 6 PM and he had spent thirty minutes afraid of pressing a fucking button.

A knock on the door broke his non-existent concentration as the elderly secretary entered with an awkward smile. That was never good news.

“There was some mail for you, Hyungwon,” she remarked and placed an unpleasantly familiar envelope on top of his desk, thick and marked as confidential information. Smiling apologetically, she waved briefly and closed the white door behind herself, locking Hyungwon in his scientific prison of unproductivity.

Another glance at the gigantic envelope and a sense of dread reminded him of another huge item on his to do list, he could feel the rising levels of adrenaline in his blood.

_State exams, you have to correct state exams too._

_

 

 

“You're twenty-three, why would you stress yourself like this, darling?” Minhyuk asked and crossed his legs demonstratively, accentuating the impression that his ridiculously low-cut, glitter shirt and skin-tight jeans gave off. It was really not the time or place for club wear, but Lee Minhyuk had never been one to care about such conventions. Grinning at a poor office worker that made his way past their wooden table in the English garden, his best friend finally turned back towards him. “People your age go clubbing, travel the world and maybe, when they decide it is time to advance their career, they get their cute little butts in gear and attempt to become PhDs in god knows what.”

“Developmental psychology,” Hyungwon remarked, “it's developmental psychology, baby science, the one thing people believe women to do because it's about kids, the job where you can actively contribute to the field by producing participants yourself. Fuck my life.”

“My point exactly, why don't you go and be a fancy psychologist in the business sector, giving people advice on who to hire and diagnosing the American president as a narcissist?” Minhyuk giggled and slipped his delicate fingers through the handle of the gigantic beer mug standing in front of him. The two of them had gone out for a beer in the spacious garden next to the university. They sat close to a Chinese Tower that had been built particularly for the opening of the park.

“Because I hate it and my background isn't really psychology, they won't take me seriously unless I've done my PhD in something psychology related. There is also this conference coming up and I feel like I'm pressing something valuable out of my data.” Hyungwon groaned and took a sip from his own beer mug. There was something calming to it, like the size alone could compensate for the level of his misery at that point. His best friend had wanted to meet him for a beer for at least a week, but his boss had just thrown a random pointless assignment at him and forced him to stay until 8 PM every day to finish it.

“Fair enough, still doesn't justify getting treated like shit though,” the platinum blonde man pointed out and sipped his beer while watching a bunch of kids fighting with their curry sausages, smearing ketchup all over themselves. It was kinda cute, but Hyungwon was rather happy that he wasn't one of the parents, frowning while wiping red sauce off white shirts.

Minhyuk was right, getting a higher education and a PhD degree shouldn't be associated with the modern equivalent of slave work, but unfortunately the educational system was of a different opinion.

“That's just how it is,” Hyungwon murmured and licked over his lips, savoring the quality of German beer. It was one of the few things the country was really good at making apart from cars. Well, not like Hyungwon could actually afford one of those.

_A beer though, you can afford a beer in Munich, that's something._

“It's bullshit, I would never agree to work my ass off for absolutely nothing, no money, no recognition.” Minhyuk growled before apologizing to a young girl who knocked over her drink in shock. For a few seconds the blonde man rubbed over the girl’s legs to dry the stain while she blushed, pointlessly because Minhyuk was probably the gayest person Hyungwon knew. “I'd tell you to come and work with me, but you didn't write a teaching state exam, so you can't do it. What a pity, my high school girls would fawn all over you.”

Hyungwon chuckled because it was ironic considering he was grading state teaching exams on a regular basis, deciding who got to be a teacher and who didn't. Something else that wasn't meant to be part of his job, but oh well.

_There is no point in complaining anyway._

“I don't want to be a teacher, I want to do science. It’s fascinating and I feel like it's important, but somehow it also feels like they want you to be fucking desperate to actually do it. I don't see the point, but I also don't have time to think about this with all the stuff that needs to be finished. Fuck, I hope I don't embarrass myself in Philadelphia.” He hid his face by squeezing it in between the space of his crossed arms, top of his head touching the cold beer mug. It felt pleasant.

“You're really good, Hyungwon. Usually people are at least four years older than you when they do this shit. You'll rock it as always, just make sure you have a place to sleep, not like last time.” Laughing again, Minhyuk leaned over the table and placed a kiss to the top of his head, slapping his arm right after for no reason. There were other words that left his best friend’s pretty lips, but ‘place to sleep’ had stolen all of his attention because he had no fucking idea whether he did.

_Fuck._

Jumping up, he threw a ten-euro bill on the wooden table and apologized a few times then simply turned around and sprinted to the office, on a Saturday.

It was difficult to tell what was sadder, that it wasn't the first Saturday or that the guy at the reception area didn't even bother to comment anymore, familiar with his face.

It was simple, Hyungwon wasn't married, had no partner and therefore nobody waited for him at home. There was no point going home when it was just to an apartment the size of a pea for the price of a whole fucking castle. The office was more spacious and kept him busy, and he was able to actually achieve something with his time.

It could have been perfect, working productively and finishing his PhD in record time, loving his topic and finding the answers to meaningful questions. It could have been really really perfect, but it wasn't.

_Because in the end nobody gives a single shit._

_  
  


The colorful bag made from recycled plastic bottles cut into the skin of his shoulder, weighing him down like a damn suitcase filled with stones.

He was happy that he wasn't actually carrying his suitcase which was (hopefully safely) tucked away in his hostel room, a rather shady place surrounded by drug emergency centers and the red-light district. It wouldn't have been his first choice, but as Minhyuk had guessed he had forgotten to book a hotel room and had to pick the one place his university was still willing to pay for, a backpacker hostel.

From the inside it wasn't as bad as from the outside. Hyungwon had gotten a huge room with two beds for some reason, enough to bring company had he wanted to. But making out and leading someone past drug emergency places seemed like a real buzz kill.

_In addition, you're at a conference, as if people hook up around here._

Compared to his hostel, the conference center was definitely a better place to be, with lots of catering and interesting individuals that Hyungwon had had the chance to talk to. Next up was a keynote talk by a famous developmental psychologist who was currently at a university in the US, working on moral development and social behavior in children. It was fascinating and Hyungwon was so fucking happy when he was able to place his conference bag on the ground between his legs, pulling down the small wooden table to get out his notebook and take notes. It felt like being a student again, sitting in a lecture and trying to suck up all the provided information while running on five Americanos.

Someone hissed a curse next to him for some reason, but Hyungwon ignored it and wrote the date and title of the lecture in his notebook. It felt calming to focus on research for once instead of all the other tasks he had to take care of. There was also the possibility that there would be no emails from his boss because he was on a work trip. Unless she forgot of course, which was also perfectly possible.

Hyungwon sighed and tried to stop thinking about work, looking towards the front to identify the speaker. The name was Korean, so he looked for a Korean-looking man, eyes scanning over everybody standing at the front.

He heard a low laugh as a black-haired man tried to put on his microphone and did not quite manage to do so. He wore a white button down, black suit pants and was talking to a woman who tried to help him with the equipment. The first two buttons of the broad man's shirt were open, revealing a little of the pale, muscular chest and Hyungwon might have missed it, had he not put on his glasses, which suddenly appeared to be the best idea ever.

Another low, open-mouthed laugh and the keynote speaker lifted his gaze, smiling brightly at the crowd. He was handsome, so incredibly handsome. The professor must've been thirty something, judging by the extremely young-looking face and the gorgeous body. Hyungwon was only able to discern the older man's build due to the tight clothes and damn, he was thankful.

This was going to be an intellectual and visual treat, the best combination ever.

“Welcome to my keynote, I'm Hoseok, you can read my name and title on the program. So, who of you would say that your moral judgement is well developed? I'll spare you the introduction, as those who look down into their coffee know what I mean,” the speaker joked and laughed again, making the audience laugh in return. His smile and the low chuckles were somehow contagious.

The professor’s gestures were smooth as he led through the presentation, joking and asking questions while his smile made the girl next to him hiss as if he had undressed in front of her.

“I’m looking forward talking to many of you this evening at the dinner event, so feel free to come over when you see me drinking my beer and forgetting about moral judgement.” Hoseok winked and it looked as if he was aiming it at Hyungwon.

_Maybe it's the Mona Lisa effect, everybody thinks it's them and tries to get into his pants._

Hyungwon couldn't help wishing that it wasn't and that perhaps he had a chance, but knowing his luck he was too young and Prof. Lee was straight. A sad, but statistically very likely truth.

The black-haired man threw his blue water bottle in the air, catching it behind his back, and laughed before the woman helped him take off his microphone, thanked and hugged him.

_She probably also wants his dick._

Hyungwon sighed and packed up his notebook, realizing that he had added random ‘fuck’ and ‘he's hot’ notes next to the actual content of the lecture. That definitely reminded him of his university days, back when he had the hots for one of the PhD students doing his philosophy seminars. That guy was hot, sitting spread-legged on tables and talking about being married. Those were sad times.

Although he should have gotten up and mingled during the break, he couldn't help but stare at his notes trying to come up with a good question and join the three girls that had already made their way down to the podium waiting to ask the speaker a question. It was probably something pointless considering how little time they had needed for it.

Hyungwon hated shitty questions, all questions were valid, but they had to show that you listened. He listened, so he needed something reasonable. Questioning a theory pointlessly was dumb and had no content, he needed to have good arguments.

Moral judgement in children wasn't quite his area of expertise, but there were a ton of people working on that as well as prosocial behavior in children in his department. There were a few questions that he considered interesting, but only one that he wanted to ask in particular.

Heart beating like crazy, he stood up and walked down to the podium, ignoring the way his bag cut into his shoulder and joined two overdressed psychologists that asked the speaker what made him decide to study psychology and moral judgement in particular. If they had read the description properly, they would have known that Prof. Lee actually specialized in action-understanding, bilingualism and had a particular fascination with autism in young children and moral understanding. It wasn't his main topic.

It was a little childish but Hyungwon was happy that his question wasn't going to sound like a poor attempt at flirting but like something with content instead. Chewing on his bottom lip and rubbing over the reused plastic of his conference bag, he watched the ridiculously attractive older man respond to the question.

The speaker smiled. It must've been his strategy, because it was gorgeous and it worked. Answering both women, the black-haired man peeked between their shoulders, catching his gaze in an instant. Hyungwon forced himself not to swallow audibly and ignore the feeling of his heart jumping out of his chest at the unexpected eye contact.

“Oh, I think there are more people interested. Hello.” The muscular man smiled brightly while brushing his bangs back in a smooth movement.

Hyungwon forced his face to remain professional and intellectually intrigued instead of hot and bothered. He wasn't really hot and bothered, for that there were still way too many closed buttons on that tight, white shirt, but he was definitely enjoying the pleasant sight.

“That was a fascinating talk, thank you for the trip through several years of research,” Hyungwon began, following scientific conduct of praising before asking questions. “While looking at your results, there was something that I was curious about. Prosocial people are said to be more satisfied with life and more successful, but do you think it makes a difference whether they are prosocial due to a feeling that they _have_ to do it, as in ‘mommy says I need to share, so I do it’ or due to the inherent wish to be nice as in ‘it's right to do it, so I do it’?

He smiled after finishing and placed his conference bag on the table next to the podium, lifting the weight from his shoulder and thereby hopefully also from his mind.

The muscular professor listened to his question intently, ignoring the two ladies throwing Hyungwon death stares and drank some water from his bottle.

“This is an interesting question. Let's say you are happy and satisfied because you published a paper in an important journal...” the dark eyes scanned his conference badge briefly, before the intense gaze settled on his face again, “...Hyungwon. So, does it matter or do you access the reasons for pursuing a scientific career while being happy about the outcome of a certain action that contributed to your satisfaction level? Does it make a difference for your happiness whether you really love psychology, or your parents forced you to study, because they loved Freud and thought it was about psychoanalysis, that Hollywood celebrities love so much?” Prof. Lee smiled and slipped his pale hand in one of the pockets of his tight suit pants.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened briefly as he wasn't quite sure how he felt about how quickly the older man got personal. In addition, his question hadn't been a personal one at all.

_But if he says Hyungwon, you can say Hoseok._

He could, but for some reason he still didn't do it. It felt weird, like he overstated his own position. Still, he wanted to leave an impression, be memorable somehow.

“I meant my question a little differently, from a developmental perspective. Let's assume we want to increase life satisfaction in everybody and we know that being prosocial helps, do you think it is the voluntary or the forced prosocial behavior that helps? If I take a three-year-old now and want her to be prosocial, will it pay off even if she doesn't give a single shit about sharing?” he asked and licked over his lips. His eyes scanned over the professor’s face as he thought about his question. He had really round eyes, pretty big even though they fit perfectly to his face. His lips had an interesting curve at the edges, like they always wanted to smile independent of how the older man felt. His nose suited his face and had a smooth but prominent bridge, definitely more so than Hyungwon’s did. His face was pretty round apart from his huge lips.

Looking at Prof. Lee’s face, there was a detail that calmed him down a tiny bit. The older man had protruding ears and even though it fit well to the rest of his appearance there was at least something that didn't qualify as ‘perfect’ about the black-haired man.

“It’s very exemplary to think that we should increase life satisfaction in everybody by making them prosocial, but I think it is- how should I put it- a very unrealistic and a little disturbing goal? There are various possibilities to increase life satisfaction, so I wouldn’t recommend trying to turn kids into volunteers under the assumption that it’ll improve their life satisfaction. In the end it’s way too complex and I research only a tiny part of the whole picture that we both look at from the perspective of a kneeling ant.” Another smile and a wink, before the older man was called by another professor in the back and waved at Hyungwon quickly, before disappearing in the crowd.

It happened suddenly and he felt a little dumb standing there with his mouth open and ready to answer as the attractive older man ran off. Well, it was understandable, Hyungwon wasn't a professor and despite coming from a prestigious university he hadn't really published anything substantial yet. He had only begun his PhD studies half a year ago.

_He's right, you were only thinking about training kids, but missed out on whether there are any benefits in doing that._

He hadn't wanted to create social workers though, that was a little harsh. Instead, he had been thinking of people with particularly low motivation for social behavior, assholes in a way. It would have been amazing if one could have taught a person like that to be prosocial and care about others, maybe also understand what their actions could do.

Like Hyungwon's boss. It would have been amazing if he could have turned her into a decent human being with a little bit of prosocial training, even if she couldn't care less.

The two girls from before were still throwing him a dissatisfied look as he made his way out of the lecture hall and towards the free coffee. He needed at least another two cups if he was supposed to survive another one and a half hours of talks.

Grabbing a cup and filling it up to the very edge, he emptied half and refilled it, saving himself a second trip. There were a few muffins but Hyungwon would have preferred a steak or something similarly meaty. Still, he grabbed one of the cinnamon ones and took a careful bite, hoping that there were no crumbs attached to his lips.

His eyes scanned the crowd for familiar faces until they settled on a muscular chest in a white shirt, beautifully illuminated by bright light right above it. It almost seemed like the older man had chosen the particular table just for that purpose. Hyungwon wasn't familiar with the other professors but damn, he really wanted to be.

Chewing on his cheek, he contemplated how rude it would be to join a few professors standing around a table and discussing sophisticated topics. Such events were created to socialize and make contacts, weren't they? A PhD student was also someone to socialize with.

Just as he licked over his lips to remove sugar crumbs, his eyes met dark, round ones, probably recognizing him from a few moments ago.

_You probably stared too much._

A smile pulled at the corners of the curved mouth before it spread the older man’s pale cheeks and he nodded at him.

_Oh my god._

Hyungwon spent approximately two seconds deciding whether it was an invitation to join or whether that was a sign the older man appreciated his attempt to get food off of his face, before he simply crossed the distance and joined the small round table, squishing in between two elderly professors and standing across from Prof. Lee and a female professor that Hyungwon recognized from another keynote. Holy fuck.

“May I join?” he asked and placed his ridiculously full coffee cup on the white table in front of him. It almost looked like he was greedy, he should have thought about that before barging into the conversation.

“Sure, this is Hyungwon, we previously talked about prosocial behavior in children. Maybe you can say something about your research area?” Prof. Lee introduced him as if they had known each other for years, which earned him several nods from the other people around the table.

He tried really hard not to panic and look like he did this all the time, joining famous keynote speakers with a cup of shitty coffee and a half eaten cinnamon muffin.

“I work on the interaction between language and the ability to put yourself into another person's perspective,” he replied and stretched out his hand while the other keynote speakers introduced themselves briefly. “I mainly do longitudinal work in addition to a training study.” He tried to put three future years of work into as few words as possible. After all, the people at the table were doing different things, Prof. Lee was the closest to his research area in addition to being fucking hot, damn. Hyungwon struggled to not look at the fine line separating the older man's pecs.

“Oh, a Theory Of Mind enthusiast. Interesting. We were talking about the reviewing process and how much time it takes. I see you're from Munich, say hello to Prof. Mueller from me.” There was something strange about the older man's expression as he turned to his colleagues and continued talking about the journals the other man must have reviewed for, including the one he had just submitted his paper to.

_Oh god, what if they are reviewing your paper._

Hyungwon swallowed and took a tentative sip from his coffee cup, as he listened to the professors talk. He wasn't surprised about Prof. Lee knowing his boss, she was famous in the field, but the reviewing caught him a little off guard. Luckily, it was anonymous, so even if the people around him were reviewing his paper, they wouldn't know it was him. Thank god.

His eyes followed the way Prof. Lee’s lips moved as he talked and argued against the theory suggested by the woman standing next to him, arm flexing repeatedly as he gestured to support his words. He was really charismatic, casual and intelligent in his replies. It was admirable, like his body. It was an unfair combination. Being smart, successful and hot was simply too much.

_And straight, he's probably also straight._

“Are you still married to work, Hoseok? Don't you know that people in committed relationships are more satisfied?” a female professor asked and grinned at the black-haired man.

“I have to carry the burden of our individualistic society and exchange my life satisfaction for data.” A loud laugh sounded as the gorgeous, muscular man opened his bottle of water with a loud sizzling noise and emptied it while Hyungwon watched the other man's Adam’s apple move while doing so. He was ridiculously attractive, it should be illegal.

“Developmental psychology is usually easier to combine with family,” Hyungwon remarked while thinking it applied to every other university but his own. People got shit for taking time off in his department, but there were a lot of people starting families in the bigger projects in other cities. Being that hot and single was almost suspicious.

“I’ll think about it, if you give me data, Barbara,” Hoseok commented and leaned close into the female professor’s personal space and wiggled his eyebrows which happened to be incredibly flexible. Turning towards him, the muscular man smiled and nodded. “But only if you want family.”

_He's a flirt, and doesn't want family._

“Fair enough,” he replied and took a sip of his coffee as his eyes met those of his colleague, widening ridiculously at the sight of his company. Hyungwon glanced away quickly to seem busy, which he kind of was, busy pretending to be important. “A fascination with children is often what brings people to study development. In the end, family tends to be closely associated. Is that not the same for you?” Hyungwon barely stopped himself from saying Prof. Lee, because that would have shown they weren't actually close.

“Do you need to get married to a car if you work in the automobile industry? It’s the same for me, I am really interested in concepts and theories, I’m interested in finding new correlations and connections, new theories and to test hypotheses, also interesting data, or the replication crisis. The replication crisis and I are in an intimate but rather complex relationship.” The black-haired man laughed loudly and they all joined in, before a tall, blonde man tapped his shoulder and whispered something into his ear. “It was nice, but I have to meet another colleague, see you this evening, I guess. Bye, Hyungwon.” The pale palm waved in front of his face as the hot professor disappeared from his sight.

Hyungwon had never regretted not having a ticket for the social evening as much as he did at that exact moment. He could have looked for the older man, drank a beer with him and discussed his thoughts on the non-replicability of implicit theory of mind tasks. He would have loved to stare at the attractive man for a whole evening while enjoying intellectual conversation and learning something. It would have been amazing, but alas, he didn't have a ticket.

_Unless you manage to get one._

Ignoring his colleague, he basically sprinted to the reception, smiling brightly and playing with the handles of his conference bag.

“Excuse me, I wanted to ask whether it is still possible to buy tickets for the social evening, I would really love to go.” He emphasized the last part and leaned forward, pouting his lips a little as the young female student's eyes widened comically. That tended to be the reaction when he pouted. His lips were indeed rather big.

“I- it was sold out but- maybe I can see what I can do,” she murmured and stood up abruptly and ran to the back. Hyungwon had no idea what she intended on doing back there, but hopefully it was some kind of magic that made a fifty-dollar ticket appear.

It took a while until the blonde girl reappeared with a little bit of blush on her face and held out a ticket.

“One of the invited speakers cancelled his ticket, but the reservation remains. I hope this is fine with you, there is no free choice of table for this one.”

_Well, fuck, so no joining him for beer then._

Hyungwon was just about to reject it until he realized an important fact.

“A speaker cancelled the ticket? Which table is it?”

The young girl looked a little awkward as she smiled, right corner lifting a little higher than the left. It was almost like she believed that she was ruining Hyungwon’s evening.

“The keynote speaker table.”

 

 

***

  
  
Entering the tiny kiosk, Hoseok went straight to the freezer, pulling out a container of Ben and Jerry’s, Caramelsutra. Because he was eager.

_There will only be expensive dead animals, so you have to get something for your fragile soul._

Next was the Gin. It was bad Gin, he didn’t even know whether the transparent liquid could be considered Gin, but the label stated so and who was he to doubt something that was out of his field of expertise. At least the tonic was semi fine. Getting scanned instead of the things he had bought, Hoseok smiled at the young guy at the cashier. He was hot. Tall, slim build and big eyes. Boyish. Hoseok liked boyish within reason, or within California state law.

_You act as if you thirst after 18-year-olds. They should at least finish university or your ears will fall off when they open their mouths. It’s no fun._

Not as if Hoseok had any problems, he had none at all, besides the paper he still had to review. The first reviewer had suggested changes, but for him it lacked a proper explanation of the hypothesis, it seemed as if two different people had written the manuscript.

_They probably did. The professor wanted to be on it and wrote the discussion, which was poorly done._

It could’ve been the case that the first author was lacking, but his experience taught him otherwise.

Packing everything into a plastic bag because the US had no problem with plastic trash at all, he winked at the hot guy and left the kiosk, walking towards his hotel to store the ice cream in the freezer and put the Gin into the refrigerator for later, when he came home from the evening social event.

_You wanted to work actually._

There was a problem with socializing. He was at least eight years younger than his professor colleagues, but not quite the same age as the grad-students and he was over his trickster phase, where he simply sat next to some student in his own lecture and listened about marihuana, the stupid professor Lee who schedules a lecture at nine PM and dick. After listening enough, he had always grinned and gone to the front, seeing how the student’s life passed in front of the respective guy’s or girl’s red eyes.

_You don’t do stuff like that anymore, you became more mature._

Hoseok nodded to himself, storing the Caramelsutra ice cream in the freezer and trying to fit the Gin and the Tonic into the small mini-bar fridge. There had to be something nice to come back to, after spending an evening during which everybody was waiting for their turn to tell you their story about the tiny little niche they picked for their research.

_No-one wants to hear that. Literally no-fucking-one._

Like that tall grad-student who had asked him about prosocial behavior and tried to promote conservative family concepts to him.

_No thanks._

He was fine. His laptop was enough of a family, continuously needing to be charged and screaming at him every five minutes because a student email came in. Or a colleague wanting something. A PhD student wanting another meeting to talk about his thesis. Or another paper to review. He really didn’t feel the longing for another person telling him their expectations, wishes and moods.

_You can’t turn them off, Hoseok. You can’t._

Taking a black silk shirt out of his luggage, he pulled it over his pale shoulders and left the first two buttons open, strategically, hoping for some fun but not expecting much from a congress.

_You never hook up at these things. It’s like shitting in your own backyard._

But he still liked looking hot and showing off his body, so he pulled the tight black jeans over his butt, closing the button and tucking the shirt in the waistband loosely.

His smartphone vibrated, indicating that the Uber driver had already arrived and was waiting for him in the lobby, so he slipped into a pair of black leather shoes and left after brushing through his hair once. He looked good. Really good.

Thankfully the driver only talked about himself and his kids and his wife and his holiday, telling him everything he never wanted to know, but also asking no questions, which was admirable. Arriving at the location, he gave the older man a twenty percent tip and stepped out of the car, scanning the strange, mixed crowd consisting of old professors and members of the organizational committee on the one hand and on the other hand undergrad students and grad students, who tried to mimic their older mentors by dressing as if this was an old-people-prom.

_Sad._

He glanced at his watch while grabbing a glass of champagne from the nice-looking girl in a blue apron and nodded, setting himself one and a half hours to suffer at the keynote speaker table and to then go somewhere else after fulfilling his duty. He hoped that he wouldn’t be seated next to the characterless bastard from the UCSB, sabotaging his research, because he was a spineless idiot who couldn’t admit that he had been wrong with his bullshit theory since forever.

_Also, sad._

Smiling, because he knew that he had been right all along, Hoseok walked towards the table that was already full apart from one spot that had probably been for him. Scanning the surroundings, he recognized Barbara on the one side of the free chair who beckoned him over. He winked and lifted his glass, before recognizing the other familiar face. Thinking for a few seconds, he recollected the meeting after his keynote, where the black-haired grad-student named Hyungwon had asked him questions. The said grad-student was surprisingly sitting on the left side of his spot.

“How come you’re here, did you also have a keynote I didn’t know about?” He smiled and sat down, nodding at Barbara briefly.

“I wish, I bought a ticket later and whoever was supposed to sit here ditched the event,” the younger man replied and smiled at him, visibly a little out of place with the old professors. He didn't bother with a suit unlike everyone else and wore a loose white shirt and tight jeans. “I hope it's fine that I'm here.”

_More than fine._

“It’s marvelous. I was anticipating some decent company, but I see my colleagues at the university canteen and at every possible conference, so I’m happy to have a young stranger next to me.” He winked and took a sip of his champagne, picking a small pretzel out of the brown basket and biting a piece off. Americans just couldn’t do it, the pretzel.

The handsome boy nodded and smiled briefly, concealing the thickness of his lips for a short moment until he also grabbed a small pretzel and inserted it into his big, luscious mouth, visibly frowning at the taste.

“That- is definitely not a pretzel,” he pointed out and grabbed his glass of champagne, taking a big gulp. “So, you don't mind the company of young strangers?”

_You prefer it._

“Not at all. Aren’t you jetlagged? In my opinion the Germany-USA jet lag is one of the worst there is.” Hoseok pulled his chair back a little and spread his legs for comfort, turning a little towards his newly acquired company.

Looking at the black-haired boy intently, Hoseok realized that he was quite handsome. Full, red lips, big, brown eyes and a rather slim frame. He especially liked the grad-student’s skin tone that reminded him of soft caramel.

_Caramelsutra._

“If by jetlag you mean waking up at 3 AM, unable to fall asleep and instead contemplating the point of existence and all those other questions that don't matter while lying in bed and staring at your phone, then yes, I'm definitely jetlagged. I'm surprised you haven't mistaken me for a crumpled paper bag.” Hyungwon laughed loudly and parted his lips. There was a small mole in the center of his bottom lip, it was gorgeous.

The handsome boy turned towards Hoseok almost automatically, the perfect sign that he was interested in the conversation, pulling his chair back and crossing his ridiculously long legs.

_Tasty._

Hoseok looked around but there were only a couple of old professors around them, so Hyungwon must’ve come alone.

“I was looking forward to meeting your spouse after you were promoting family models to me so eagerly, but it seems as if you’re alone?” Hoseok asked and sipped on his champagne with a smirk.

“I wasn't speaking for myself, I was speaking for 95% of researchers in developmental psychology. You are the first exception apart from myself and my supervisor that I have encountered.” Licking over his lips briefly, Hyungwon turned towards the table and ripped a chunk off a croissant, chewing it deliciously. His lips were moving against each other so smoothly that Hoseok couldn’t help staring for a few seconds.

“I see.” He smiled and moved his chair closer as the food had been served. He took some of the salad and the meat. He didn’t want to count how many cows had to die in Texas for these t-bone steaks, but if Hyungwon moved his lips similarly while chewing on his, the deaths had a purpose. “What made you want to go to the socializing event? Did you meet nice people? Am I keeping you from broadening your horizons?”

“I am pretty sure that you are the best candidate for broadening my horizons, Prof. Lee. I dare say that I have considered taking you up on that offer of beer, which may or may not be the reason I am here.” As expected, the younger man cut a careful piece of his steak and let it slide into his mouth, lips moving gorgeously and Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. Hyungwon had a long and slim neck, much like everything else about him. His fingers were almost endless as they closed around his glass of champagne. “Cheers.”

Hoseok shivered at the ‘Prof. Lee’ because his American students never called him by his last name and definitely never used his title, much like his colleagues, but Hyungwon must’ve brought the title mania from Germany.

_Don’t you miss all the Prof.Dr.Dr. bullshit?_

Not really, you had a title, but the title also gave you lots of crap along with it.

“I’m Hoseok. Literally nobody calls me Prof. Lee, apart from when I’m back in the country. So, you want me to broaden your horizons? I might be able to do that depending on how you want to broaden it.” He cut off a small piece of meat and placed it into his mouth, chewing quickly before taking his glass again. The Champagne was really good. “Cheers.”

“Alright, Hoseok,” Hyungwon muttered with a grin, eyes getting a little bigger as the pretty boy stared at him. “Depends on what you have to offer.”

Clinking their glasses, the younger man turned his slim body towards him again, showing the outline of his right collarbone with how his white shirt slid down his shoulder a tiny bit. Hoseok had a weak spot for collarbones and open science, it was a mess, but at least he knew and he tried not to be obvious.

_But he flirts. He thinks you’re hot, doesn’t he?_

“The offer always depends on the possibilities and expectations.” He licked his lips slowly, tasting the medium rare meat and leaned back a little. “I have Caramelsutra and Gin,” he said, but laughed loudly right after, waving with his hand in front of himself. “Never mind. Can’t wait to broaden your horizons, Hyungwon.”

The black-haired boy chuckled and instantly followed his gesture, licking his own lips as his eyes slipped lower, probably over his curved mouth and muscular chest.

“Caramelsutra, really? You went for ice cream and Gin? I'm digging the Gin though, especially if you have tonic.”

_He wants to come with you. Definitely._

“I do, I even fitted it into the mini bar fridge which is harder than simulating multivariate statistics models after three glasses, but how could I ask you to come with me to my hotel room, if you haven't even danced to bad eighties music yet? You must get value for your money, Hyungwon.” He grinned and downed his Champagne while spreading his legs a little more.

He didn't even need to be attentive to see the younger man glance downwards before his big eyes returned to Hoseok’s face, grin in place.

“Is that also part of broadening my horizons?” Hyungwon asked and turned his foot smoothly at the ankle, right hand resting next to his plate and tapping along to the rhythm with his fingers. “Unfortunately, I don't eat that much, so I'll have to get value for my money differently, maybe you can show me some alternatives.”

“Oh, but getting the maximum value out of money is unfortunately not my area of expertise. Don’t you know prosocial behavior? I’m more into making others feel good.” It was an obvious one, so he licked his lips again, smirking a little and placed his right palm on top of his right thigh.

“As you know I like perspective taking, I'm pretty good at catching what others like,” the stunning boy replied smoothly and leaned a little closer, big eyes focused on his own. “I'm intrigued.”

Hoseok examined the other man’s features once again from up close, Hyungwon was really gorgeous, and he would’ve loved to see him naked, to see how the black-haired boy moaned and how his lips tasted sucked into Hoseok’s mouth.

_Call it a night._

“If you’re nice I might share my Caramelsutra with you, let’s go.” Placing the Uber call, Hoseok smiled and pulled back his chair, standing up slowly, without any hurry, even though he really wanted to broaden Hyungwon’s horizons. The younger man seemed more familiar with the situation than he would have thought, remaining seated like he had no intentions of going with Hoseok while throwing him a small smile and shifting his shoulders so that the beginning of his collarbone was visible again.

“Oh, no dancing then?” he asked quietly, but playfully and crossed his legs again, plump lips sipping on the remainder of his Champagne.

_Maybe he will dance, who knows._

“Depends on what you like,” Hoseok replied and moved towards the exit. He didn’t bother to say goodbye to Barbara, the older woman knew him well enough as they’d worked together for almost a year. Arriving at the exit, he got a buzz alert that his driver was around the corner. The sound fit really well with his increasing heartbeat. He really wanted to explore the black-haired man’s reactions, to hear how he sounded and what he looked like when he was feeling pleasure. He really didn’t think that he would be lucky enough to find someone as gorgeous and interested in his company, interested enough to come with him.

Hyungwon was impossibly smooth as he left the building with absolute nonchalance and threw Hoseok a brief glance before climbing into the Uber that had just turned around the corner and stopped in front of them, long legs barely fitting into the provided space in the back. Hoseok entered right after, waiting till the driver pulled the front seat a little further forward, so that he could spread his legs. The jeans were really tight. Sucking in a breath, he looked to the side, sliding his gaze over Hyungwon’s long, slim legs, his lean thighs, narrow hips. He seemed to have a really thin waist, Hoseok loved it.

Instead of looking at him, the younger man threw his head back against the headrest. He also spread his long legs, accommodating them better as his left hand lay almost directly next to Hoseok’s thigh, rubbing over the leather of the seat a little.

“You aren’t nervous, are you? I really have ice cream and Gin. I’ll make you a Gin tonic in a wineglass because that’s what my room provides and then you can broaden your horizons by tasting some really shady alcohol with proper tonic because I’m too stingy to get anything from the minibar.” Hoseok smirked and patted the other man’s hand that lay next to his thigh.

A chuckle left Hyungwon's lips as his eyes fluttered open and he looked at Hoseok. The black-haired boy had pretty long eyelashes, throwing shadows in the barely lit cab.

“I'm not nervous, just holding back,” the plump mouth replied quietly as the younger man's long fingers travelled over the few centimeters of leather to Hoseok’s legs, stroking over his knee and the length of his muscular thigh right until the point when it would have gotten interesting.

_Now you're talking._

Hoseok smiled while licking over his lips and grabbed the other man's pretty jaw, turning it towards himself and leaning closer until he could feel Hyungwon's breath tickle his lips. Sticking out his tongue, he licked over the other man's plump bottom lip briefly, watching his facial expressions intently.

He was met with gorgeous, wide eyes and a soft hiss as fingers dug into the skin of his thigh a little, probably a preview of what was to come.

“Tease,” Hyungwon murmured with his low voice and sucked his lower lip into his mouth, making him look sensual and suggestive at the same time.

Hoseok hummed quietly while returning the moisture that his lips seemed to lose with every passing second. He almost leaned in again, but the car stopped in front of his hotel and forced him to get his phone to pay.

Wishing the driver a nice evening for dealing with them, Hoseok used his card to open the main entrance and walked towards the elevator, waiting for Hyungwon to follow. The younger man seemed much calmer than he would have expected him to be, leaning against the wall next to the elevator and basically eating him with his gigantic eyes.

“Not too greedy for a hotel like this then,” he commented with a smirk.

“Uni pays.” Hoseok winked and stepped into the elevator, pressing the eight and waiting for the doors to close.

A smirk passed over Hyungwon's features briefly as he grabbed Hoseok’s collar in a quick motion and pulled him close enough to lick over his curved lips with his hot tongue before letting go again, moisturizing his own lips.

Hyungwon wanted him to broaden his horizons, so he glanced to the side briefly, before pinning the other man's lean body against one of the walls and rolling his hips softly. His lips attached to the spot behind Hyungwon's ear that was funnily curled. He smelled like some nice perfume, Hoseok liked it.

His actions were rewarded with a gasp and a feeling for how slim the boy's waist really was, white, loose shirt surrounding his skin more tightly. He looked gorgeous with the color that instantly spread over the caramel skin of his cheeks and the almost blood red color of his lips. Hyungwon's hands lifted carefully and attached themselves to the fabric of Hoseok’s shirt, pulling him closer while a lean thigh slipped between his legs.

The elevator arrived and he moved out, pulling Hyungwon along. Fumbling the card out of his wallet, he opened the room and stepped in, pulling Hyungwon after himself and slamming the door shut. The black-haired boy looked so incredibly tasty that Hoseok curled his arms around his waist and went for his neck, nibbling on it and sucking on the sensitive spots he had identified in the elevator.

“You look like a treat, makes me so motivated to broaden your horizons,” Hoseok whispered next to his ear.

“I'm a fast learner,” Hyungwon whispered back and circled his arms around his neck, giving him more of a hold on Hoseok’s body as shaky breaths left his lips with each discovery of another delicate spot. “Let's see what you have to offer.”

_He wants to see? He has to unpack it first._

“Don't you know that presents have to be unwrapped? Because otherwise it's not a present. Just like I really want to unwrap you,” he hissed, slipping his hands under Hyungwon's shirt and feeling the smooth warm skin under his fingertips, so incredibly arousing that he had to inhale once again.

“Well, then,” the black-haired boy murmured and rolled his eyes at his comment. Then he pulled Hoseok’s hands away from his skin smoothly, like a fucking tease. Licking over his lips once, Hyungwon sat down on Hoseok’s provided working desk and spread his legs, beckoning him over. “Unwrap me,” he breathed out and lifted his arms in a smooth motion. It looked fucking hot.

_Holy mother of god as a human construct._

“You're such a nice present, I'm intrigued,” he commented and stepped closer, grabbing the seam of Hyungwon's shirt and pulling it over his head slowly. The other man looked so good, his caramel skin and the lean body form were exactly what Hoseok considered attractive. Licking over the man's mouth, he attached his lips to one of the collarbones, caressing it with his tongue and travelling down towards a small nipple.

Hyungwon wasn't as loud as he would have expected him to be, sucking his lips into his mouth and breathing out through his nose in irregular intervals, almost like he attempted to be quiet while keeping his arms above his head and enjoying Hoseok’s ministrations.

_So pretty._

Hoseok really wanted to see him naked.

Traveling further, he opened the tight jeans and slid down the zipper, stroking over his lean thighs repeatedly. The handsome boy placed his hands behind himself, resting on the wooden desk and used them for leverage as he lifted his hips, easily following the caresses of Hoseok’s fingers.

_What a treat._

He would've loved to see the boy’s long, gorgeous legs, but his nicely shaped dick had to suffice for now. Pulling the black underwear down a little bit, Hoseok attached his lips to Hyungwon's lower stomach, loving how the lean muscles contracted under his tongue as his hands slid over the other man's waist.

He was squeezed in between the long legs as Hyungwon pulled them together to enable Hoseok to pull the pants lower if he so desired. Gasping repeatedly, the black-haired boy leaned on one arm only and let the fingers of the other sink into Hoseok’s hair, pulling a little.

“I like your tongue,” the low voice whispered and Hoseok could feel big eyes settling on his face, watching his actions.

“I like your body, you’re gorgeous, and you taste like heaven,” Hoseok whispered against the caramel skin that also smelled like caramel, it was a mess.

_Too bad that you have a weak spot for caramel._

Deciding that he had tasted the gorgeous boy enough, he pulled the other man’s trunks down, freeing the nicely shaped erection, and tracing the length with his tongue. He caressed the tip, spreading precum and teasing the pretty boy with tiny licks. Hoseok wanted to hear some nice, low moans.

He could see Hyungwon smile while the younger man brushed through the strands of his hair, pulling him closer towards his dick. Instead of full-blown moans there were still only gasps and wide eyes betraying that it must have felt good.

“You're not too bad,” a gasp, “either, I doubt I was the only one in that lecture hall thinking further than your research.”

_Cocky._

He didn’t answer, sucking on the tip instead and humming over it. His hands travelled over the other man’s chest, brushing over his nipples and feeling how his body tensed due to Hoseok’s ministrations. Hyungwon didn’t want to moan? Fine, Hoseok would find other ways to get the feedback.

“Shit, you're hot,” the black-haired boy muttered and threw his head back a little, still tugging at Hoseok’s hair to bring him closer. “Touch me more.”

The increasing eagerness definitely got him going, and he sunk down, tightening his lips around the other man’s dick. It was unfair how everything about the boy was pretty, even his erection.

“Fuck-" Hyungwon cursed loudly before he leaned back, black hair rubbing over the white wall as he released a breathtakingly desperate moan, low and stemming from his throat, lips parted. Angling his neck more, several strands stuck to the white tapestry, messing up his previously styled hair. The lip bite that instantly followed perfected the gorgeous sight.

“Mhm, show me that you like it,” Hoseok heard himself say as he sunk down again, taking the whole length and letting it hit the back of his throat.

_You don’t have a talk tomorrow, so it’s fine._

“Shit, Hoseok, shit.” A scratching noise filled the room in addition to the sound of his wet lips sliding along the boy's erection. Hyungwon was holding onto the edge of the desk tightly, nails scratching along it as he tugged at Hoseok’s hair. It was gorgeous how those almost black eyes stared at him, plump bottom lip caught between his teeth and harsh breaths and moans raining from his luscious mouth. The almost red light reflected off the surface, pretty spot of light positioned right next to the boy's lip mole.

_But he’s not the only one who wants some fun._

Giving the pretty boy the possibility to moan once again as he tightened his lips around his tip, Hoseok let go and licked his lips.

“You’re not the only present, are you?”

Chest rising and falling quickly, Hyungwon's big eyes focused on Hoseok’s face before sliding downwards and settling on the way his erection strained against his pants.

Smiling briefly, the younger man slipped off the desk and pulled Hoseok closer by grabbing the waistband of his pants, slamming their lower bodies together as he attached his plump lips to Hoseok’s neck and followed the line to his shoulder. He bit the skin lightly as long fingers slid along the outline of his clothed dick, pressing right where it felt good, especially if there was no fabric in between.

“I'm pretty good with my lips,” Hyungwon breathed out against his face, air tickling the skin of his cheek and curved mouth.

If Hoseok was honest, the boy’s lips looked as if someone had drawn his blowjob fantasies, but he decided not to say it.

“Can’t wait to find out,” he whispered and smiled before leaning forward and catching Hyungwon’s bottom lip with his teeth. Grabbing one of the boy’s big palms he pressed it against his crotch and twitched on purpose.

A moan left the pretty mouth, easily caught by his own as the tall boy’s eyes widened and darkened at the same time. Hissing, Hyungwon opened Hoseok’s pants with one hand, unbuttoning them easily and pulling down the zipper. Only a second or two passed until long fingers slipped into his underwear and curled around his dick, rubbing over the slit with a slim but hot thumb.

He twitched again for effect and licked into Hyungwon’s pretty mouth, pulling him closer by curling one arm around his tiny waist.

“I want you in my mouth,” the low voice moaned against his lips until the gorgeous boy broke the kiss and sank to his knees, mouthing Hoseok’s erection through his briefs, tongue following the outline, impossibly hot despite the fabric.

_Normally it’s ‘I want you inside me’ but it’s definitely better than nothing._

Hoseok walked two steps back and sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling Hyungwon along and immediately accommodating him between his legs.

“Your lips are so pretty, I bet they’re even prettier around me,” his low voice sounded through the room.

A smile passed over the pretty face as the tall boy leaned in and licked another stripe along his clothed dick before simply lifting the fabric away and gasping briefly. He got that a lot.

“Holy fuck,” Hyungwon hissed before leaning in and closing his plump lips around the head, sucking intently and digging the tip of his tongue into his slit. The boy seemed to know what he was doing, slowly making his way down his dick while licking and sucking repeatedly, accompanied by the occasional low hum, centering the arousal right in his groin.

Moaning, he threw his head back and sunk his fingers into Hyungwon’s black hair, pulling and pushing him further. Of course, he made sure that the boy was comfortable as his length was a lot to take.

Low moans sent more vibrations along his dick as the younger man responded to his actions, visibly enjoying the rougher treatment. Sucking his way up after about half, Hyungwon smiled briefly before licking over his lips and stretching out his tongue. He teased the head of Hoseok’s dick repeatedly, making eye contact. The kitten licks continued until the boy inhaled sharply and took him between his lips, sucking and moving down until Hoseok could feel himself hit the back of the gorgeous boy's throat, plump lips touching the sensitive skin of his groin as Hyungwon moved all the way down, holding his breath.

_Holy shit, holy fucking shit._

If he was honest there had never been anybody who was able to take him completely during a blowjob, but the gorgeous boy just deepthroated him as if it was nothing. After Hoseok groaned loudly, he grabbed his hair, pulled him off and clashed their lips together, touching the naked skin of his lower back and slipping one hand into his pants to cup his firm butt.

The action must have caught the younger man by surprise as he whimpered at the pull on his hair and exhaled all at once. He must have liked it despite looking surprised. Kissing back with the same vigor, the black-haired boy circled Hoseok’s dick with one hand and gave it a few tight strokes.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking hot,” he moaned, tightening his grip around Hyungwon’s pretty erection, moving his hand over it slowly and tightening his grip around the tip. “Do you want to come in my mouth?” he asked, while licking his lips and staring up from under his black bangs that fell into his face messily.

“Mmh,” was the pretty boy's reply followed by a moan at the way Hoseok’s hand must have been doing a good job, lean legs twitching at the sensations. “Blow me, Hoseok.”

That had been pretty straightforward, so he lifted the other man’s weightless body from his lap and pushed him against the sheets. Crawling in between the long legs, Hoseok immediately took the other man’s length into his mouth, still not believing that Hyungwon had deepthroated him a few minutes ago.

_Because it’s crazy. Human anatomy does not support stuff like that._

But it didn’t matter, because the black-haired treat lay under him spread-legged and eager and he loved it the most, so he sped up his ministrations, making sure to moan around him and to take him completely, because it was only fair.

The mixture of whimpers and loud moans was impossibly arousing, lean thighs tightening around his head once in a while and shivering repeatedly. Hyungwon held onto the sheets with his fists, pulling them without a break and thrusting shallowly into his mouth.

“Fuck, your mouth, it's like a fucking organism on its own, fuck,” he moaned and threw his head back and forth, gorgeous blush spreading over his cheeks and neck. Hyungwon was right, his lips were quite flexible, which is why he got called bunny professor, if his students didn’t want to sit down on his dick, which didn’t happen often.

“Come for me, babe,” he hissed and took Hyungwon completely, tightening his lips further and focusing on the connection between head and shaft that was the most sensitive.

“Fuck- fuck- fuck,” Hyungwon cursed repeatedly as his whole slim body tensed up, lean muscles of his abdomen and thighs visibly contracting as he let go and came into Hoseok’s mouth, accompanied by a loud moan that echoed off the walls of his hotel room.

He swallowed quickly and sucked up, pulling up Hyungwon’s underwear and closing his jeans.

“You’re such a treat,” he whispered and crawled up, kissing Hyungwon’s luscious lips briefly, hoping to feel them around his dick soon.

He was blessed with a brief grin as the younger man bit down on his lower lip and turned them around, crawling on top of him and lifting his shirt a little to bite along his abdominal muscles before he finally arrived at his dick and closed his lips around him. Sucking on the tip intently, Hyungwon slowly made his way down, rubbing around his length with his hot tongue and humming repeatedly. Inhaling deeply, the black-haired boy let his teeth graze over his length slightly on his way up as an additional sensation before letting go and staring at him.

“Want me to take it all?” he asked, voice low and full, red lips spread in a smile.

“I can’t believe you’re able to,” he answered and grinned, entangling his fingers with the black hair and pulling a little. “Take it.”

A moan left the gorgeous boy at his order and he licked over his lips briefly before holding his breath and sucking his way down Hoseok’s dick, letting it hit the back of his throat and humming on purpose, sending vibrations along the whole damn length. Shit, it felt so fucking good, he groaned loudly, curving his spine and throwing his head back.

“Fuck, this feels amazing.”

Another hum followed as Hyungwon used his right hand to pull his pants a little lower and play with his balls as he made his way back up, inhaling through his nose sharply before sinking back down, lips touching his groin. Moaning at the pulls on his hair, the younger man sped up his movements, sliding up and down Hoseok’s dick repeatedly while allowing him to hit the back of his throat, tip rubbing along the top of his mouth with each slide like the boy knew exactly what he was doing.

_His skills are no joke, he must’ve done it a lot._

He felt how his orgasm approached quickly, pulling at his insides and exploding in front of his eyelids as he pushed Hyungwon further against his crotch and released himself down the other man’s throat accompanied by a loud moan. The orgasm was intense and he loved it. Feeling the tingling spread along his limbs, he pulled Hyungwon off, and sat up to kiss his pretty, swollen lips.

“That was amazing.”

The gorgeous boy hummed in agreement and licked over his own lips before licking into Hoseok’s mouth briefly. It was crazy how he didn’t taste like cum, probably because of the way he had pushed the boy against his groin and came down his throat instead of into his mouth.

“I’m not quite sure who broadened whose horizons though,” Hyungwon remarked with a grin and lifted up on his knees.

“I’ll broaden yours next time. If you can take it.” Hoseok grinned and jumped up, hearing a buzzing from his bag where his work phone was located.

_Who the fuck calls at 1AM?_

Smiling apologetically, he picked up the call.

“We got the grant for the project. She'll stay. You need to come back, Hoseok.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe we'll see each other around. I wish you lots of success with your thesis.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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>   
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> 

 

There were a lot of valuable experiences that one could take away from a conference, new information, new research ideas, probably even some critical questions that needed to be answered. Hyungwon had expected all of the above in the best-case scenario, but getting a blowjob by a ridiculously hot keynote speaker at his fancy five-star hotel had definitely not been on that list.

It still felt surreal as he attended a symposium on open science and reproducibility of data, staring at the way one of the speakers played around with his beard, visibly nervous.

_Better hope that you don't look like that when you present._

Hyungwon had his own poster presentation coming up, worthless piece of paper already hanging in place and waiting for the perhaps two random researchers from completely different areas that would give it a little bit of pity attention. Rarely anybody actually cared about poster presentations, but it was a way to have a different type of publication, showing activity and that your research was worth something.

_Or the name of your supervisor._

The previous day had successfully distracted Hyungwon from the fact that his daily work was a mess and he actually had no time to breathe let alone have fun with older men in their hotel rooms. He didn't even go for older men usually, but Prof. Lee Hoseok had something particularly attractive about him, charisma mixed with a healthy amount of dominance and possibly a tiny hint of too much confidence. It almost felt like he knew something Hyungwon didn't, on several levels.

The social gathering had ended much better than he would have expected it to. Not only had he been lucky enough to join the speaker table, but Prof. Lee had ended up being gay and interested. The likelihood of that would have been ridiculously low in normal circumstances, but he must not have been reading the signs properly from the beginning, thereby underestimating the posterior probability because of his bias.

_Now you're even applying Bayes to your personal life._

Sighing, Hyungwon filled his cup of coffee, emptying half of it before refilling it again and made his way to the poster hall on the second floor. Americans were pretty good at preparing such events, leaving a lot of space for people to stand around and discuss while not blocking any of the posters. The sight made him a little hopeful, positive about actually being able to explain some of the findings to someone who cared.

Hyungwon was in a big project, even if he wasn't really important as such. There were a lot of reasonable and interesting questions asked, even if the circumstances under which he had to answer them weren't optimal.

Everything seemed perfect and relaxing, the girl next to him was pretty and presented a study on the benefits of classical music during pregnancy, his poster was hung up the right way around and he had left the heavy plastic bag at home. Everything was absolutely great until the first person came to his poster and asked a question.

It wasn't even a difficult question, nothing he wouldn't have been able to answer. The problem was the fact that he hadn't spoken that day and couldn't hide his shock at how his voice sounded like that of a dead man crawling out of his grave, screaming for mercy and to be able to return to the living.

“Oh, do you have a cold? Must be horrible timing,” the postdoc from San Francisco remarked and smiled empathetically, unaware of the fact that Hyungwon had a sore throat because he considered deep throating a speaker’s gigantic dick a day before his presentation a good idea. A genius, he was a genius.

“Yeah, it doesn't really want to leave,” he commented with a bright smile and explained his research as well as he could, even though it was in the beginning phase, playing with data before addressing the main questions that were of interest.

A tiny part of him hoped that Prof. Lee would pop by his poster, but the older man was probably ridiculously busy and had more important things to do than checking out a poster session. It was probably safer to separate his scientific and his sexual interest in the gorgeous keynote speaker.

When an elderly professor from his project stopped in front of him, he almost choked on air but disguised it beautifully with a rough cough, convincing everybody of his frustrating cold.

“Oh, Hyungwon, great to see you here! How is the project moving along? Are you joining us for dinner?” the older woman asked with a friendly smile and placed a warm hand on his shoulder. She was ridiculously friendly and amazing in her area of expertise, owning the kind of publication list Hyungwon wished he could achieve in under twenty years.

“I thought it was for the professors and postdocs of the project, will it be fine if I join?” he asked carefully and felt thankful that she didn't ask him to talk her through his poster.

“But supporting young researchers is the main part of the project! Of course, you are invited, to come I mean, everyone still pays for themselves, we're in science after all.” She laughed and tapped Hyungwon's shoulder twice before letting go. It was nice of her to come by and invite him like that, Prof. Jenner had always been immensely supportive towards all members of the project.

Smiling cheerfully, he nodded and mentally contemplated what to wear, hoping that his throat would settle by then.

_His face was worth it, even if you can't talk._

_

 

Putting on a black shirt and equally black, tight jeans, Hyungwon felt attractive and somehow professional looking at the same time. It was a meeting with all members of the project, so leaving a good impression was important, especially if he wanted to escape to a different university later, applying with some of his current collaborators.

The area around the main station turned only more intimidating by night as at least three independent guys offered to sell him marihuana, apparently taking no cues from his outfit. He felt he looked more like the kind of guy who should be having them work for him, if he didn't look like a twenty-year-old that is.

There was something smooth and young looking to his face, no matter how far in his career he was or what he wore.

Arriving at the Italian restaurant, rather fancy looking from the outside, Hyungwon walked in and mentioned the name of the project. The waitress’ teeth were a little too big and too white for her mouth as she smiled and led him to a mostly occupied table, even though he had done his best to be perfectly on time.

_They probably went right after the last talk which you ditched._

Prof. Jenner instantly waved at him, like she could sense he would be uncomfortable and gestured towards the spot diagonally in front of her, next to one of the Postdocs from Frankfurt and someone else that Hyungwon didn't recognize immediately, too occupied with smiling back and taking his seat. Only when he greeted everybody and wished to do so with the person next to him did he recognize the familiar face. Attractive and intense dark eyes, muscular chest and lips that were spread in a charming smile but were just as good at suggestive smirking.

“Prof. Lee?” he asked, voice instantly betraying his surprise and unfortunately also the fact that it suffered from the older man's dick rubbing along his throat.

“A day was enough to forget my name?” The older man smirked and watched him intently after scanning him like a supermarket chicken. “Nice to see you again. Didn't know you were part of the project.”

“It's part of my thesis,” Hyungwon replied and couldn't help the way he instantly had to lick over his lips, like the older man's gaze was able to make him nervous even though it didn't before. It must have been the fact that all the people at the fancy, wooden table were familiar. All of them knew him and he really didn't want them to be aware of his bidirectional sexuality or the fact he hooked up with a professor. “I didn't forget your name,” he commented right after, following it up with a quiet ‘Hoseok’.

“That’s right, we didn't really talk about your research, but well, we can catch up on that. Anyway, glad to see you.” Hoseok's words were professional but his gaze wasn't.

“Oh, you know each other? But yes, it makes sense,” the older professor commented and smiled.

Hyungwon had no idea why it made sense, but he assumed it must have been their similar research interest, after all there was a gigantic group in their department doing everything that Prof. Lee stated as his main topics. He nodded at Prof. Jenner and took a chunk of bread, covering it with oil and inserting it into his big mouth. It tasted good, definitely better than cafeteria food which was his usual standard of comparison. Munich cafeteria food tasted like somebody had taken the half-eaten scraps from two weeks ago and deep fried them.

Chewing carefully, he turned towards Prof. Lee, watching him quietly and hoping that it wasn't too obvious. Something about the ridiculously attractive black-haired man didn't allow Hyungwon to call him by his first name unless they had their dicks out. It seemed weird somehow.

“Do you like doing research in the US?” Hyungwon asked as he remembered several countries mentioned during the keynote, suggesting the professor had changed locations throughout his career.

_Just make normal conversation and stop thinking about the fact that you had his dick between your lips._

People probably had encounters like that all the time, previous lovers working together and all that. If those people could do it, then so could Hyungwon.

“Yes, the network is bigger and I have more freedom and larger grants, but you have to fight for them.” The older man smiled, immediately losing his teasing tone of voice.

“Yeah, I heard that it's easier in Germany. You don't get such big amounts of money, but there is enough of it to get smaller grants. We got pretty lucky with the big, eight sub part project. Is it true that you buy equipment first and then think what you can research with it?” Hyungwon chuckled, remembering what a friend told him after a semester abroad in Boston. “I heard that at MIT, they buy virtual reality devices and then think about what scientific questions they could answer with that, going bottom-up.”

“Yeah, you could say it like that, but well, good things don't last that long.” The waiter brought wine and Hoseok took his glass, filling a quarter of it carefully.

“Like money?” Hyungwon asked, wondering what the muscular man might be talking about, pale hands sliding along the stem of the glass. It looked really attractive and involuntarily reminded him of his little excurse with those hands, the way they stroked over his chest and played with his nipples. “Or experiences?”

A few seconds passed and it seemed as if the black-haired man didn’t listen to his questions, swirling the wine in his glass absentmindedly.

“Both, depends on what you consider to be ‘the good things’. It’s an arbitrary, unstable, subjective construct.” Staring at the wine some more, Hoseok finally let the glass touch his lips and took a sip, closing his eyes slowly.

“That's true, but there are attempts to define what most people consider part of that, money is one, sex, affection, feeling appreciated, those kinds of things. Stuff you don't really get in science.” Hyungwon chuckled bitterly, hoping it wasn't too obvious and brushed through his black hair. Good things could be anything, really. “It could be anything that results in positive emotions.”

“That is true, but as it is highly dependent on upon other also situational factors, it’s not really relevant and doesn’t carry any valuable information. Today I might consider sleep the good thing, but it’s only because I had to write three pages about why I had rejected a paper and couldn’t get enough, but tomorrow it might change and become something else, still only relevant for me personally.” The older man put his glass aside and rolled up the sleeves of his black button down, revealing his pale, muscular forearms.

Hyungwon swallowed because the sight instantly reminded him of rather positive experiences from last night, something he would have defined as ‘good things’.

“Then what are those ‘good things’ you meant subjectively? I can think of a few, but as you said we might not agree, but then again-" Hyungwon toyed with his bottom lip between his teeth and crossed his legs to get more comfortable. The topic was still safe and a glance around revealed that everybody was involved in a conversation independent of them. “Maybe we do.”

He felt the dark gaze on his face as Hoseok finally looked in his direction, eyes focusing a little longer on his lips.

“You want to agree on the ‘good things’ with me? I thought you wanted to broaden your horizons.” The intensity stayed only for a few seconds, before the other man smiled professionally, as if he hadn’t implicitly asked whether Hyungwon wanted to fuck.

_Holy fuck._

Hyungwon swallowed and smoothly turned his head towards the other professors, smiling briefly and taking a big gulp of his glass of water. It felt like he was acting out a drama by himself, trying to be inconspicuous while also wanting to send the older man the right messages.

_He flirts with you in front of everybody._

“I find broadening my horizons very important and as you seem very experienced in that area I'd love to-” Hyungwon turned back towards the other man, lips slightly parted and thinking of how to reply in a way that only the attractive man understood. “-benefit from that. I feel like it might even be mutually beneficial after our encounter yesterday.”

“You might have a point, it had been an interesting and eye-opening contribution on human anatomy, so of course I want to be a good mentor and try to contribute too and to expand your horizons.” The black-haired man sipped on his wine as if he was talking about an EEG study, before he felt the other man’s thigh brush over his. “I’m not quite sure if your previous knowledge and your state are enough to take the contribution.”

_Did he just say that blowing his huge dick doesn't mean you can take it inside your body?_

Well, wow. The innuendos were obvious, especially since a developmental psychologist rarely needed to learn about ‘anatomy’, ‘brain mapping’ maybe, but wow. It was almost ridiculous how no one paid attention, neither to their conversation, nor to how close their thighs were.

_Because they can't see and don't expect it. They don't know what to look for._

“I think my state is perfect for the contribution. As you might know from experience, it is always valuable to invest resources and answer the important questions whenever a field is rather narrow and has not been fully developed yet.” It was difficult to keep a straight facial expression like he was actually talking about psychology and not about being tight and perfectly able to take the older man's dick. Minhyuk would have choked on a damn Vienna sausage if he was there.

Hoseok hummed and smiled, before taking another sip from his glass.

“It’s not for lack of motivation to invest resources, I will gladly invest them, but broadening one’s horizons can also be a negative experience if one is not fully aware of oneself and the consequences. Anyway, I will do my best to make it the best experience possible.” The food arrived and the muscular black-haired man put his glass to the side and leaned back a little to give the waiter the space to place his dish in front of him. A short glance revealed the older man’s tight, black jeans, hinting at how huge he was, even though he wasn’t even hard.

“You mean because the area of research is rather slim and barely explored?” Hyungwon asked, eyes remaining on the professor's gorgeous thighs until he unfortunately moved forward again and hid them from sight. The older man made it sound like Hyungwon had never taken dick before, sure, maybe not one of that size but the procedure was the same and with enough prep it was most likely going to be an out of body experience. He doubted that it was even possible to miss his sweet spot with a dick like that.

_You really want to fuck a professor at the conference? Holy shit, Hyungwon._

“To be honest, I personally prefer narrow areas of research, it gives you more experiences and enables a certain flow. And it’s easier to find what one’s searching for.” Hoseok grinned and placed a piece of steak into his mouth, chewing cutely, so unfitting to the conversation.

_So, he knows that it's easier to hit with that enormous dick of his._

Hyungwon grinned back and cut a piece of his shrimp, inserting it into his mouth slowly and savoring the taste. It was really good and damn, he loved shrimp.

“As you seem to be experienced with such areas of research, I'm sure you'll let me use some of that experience for myself then,” he remarked and licked over his lips. His legs were crossed, so he used the side of his calf to brush along the older man's, a little bit of contact that accompanied his words. He really wanted the older man to fuck him into a mattress. It's been a while and he was so far from work and responsibilities that it made it almost seem like the devil’s offer, too good to resist.

“What field are you talking about? Is there even a narrow field left nowadays with the number of idiots studying psychology?” an old professor that Hyungwon wasn't very familiar with, but remembered to be important, asked suddenly, interrupting the two of them and almost forcing a tomato into the wrong tube of his throat.

_Oh god, good luck with that._

“That’s not quite true, as only today a researcher had gotten an award for a theory based on the heuristic of putting butter under Nutella. Which, by the way, had inspired our discussion. We might think that it’s irrelevant and perhaps bizarre, but we should definitely give it a chance and broaden our horizons.” Prof. Lee was a professional, chewing on his steak and making the older professor rethink his previous words. “Furthermore, if I remember my professor, he also thought that all of us were idiots, but it doesn’t really fit well with the current findings on the plasticity of the brain and epigenetics.”

_Shit, he not only manages to distract from the fact he was offering a grad-student anal sex but also disses the poor guy for his medieval views._

Hyungwon was genuinely impressed, especially since he had panicked and almost choked on a vegetable (actually tomatoes were fruits, but he disliked vegetables and tomatoes happened to belong to the group of things he disliked).

“In addition, the criteria for being allowed to study psychology are rather harsh in Germany. I wouldn't say that everybody who does is a genius, but it's a fallacy and problematic to call them idiots. The main goal is finding out the truth in a way, isn't it? So why would it matter if the field is narrow or not, it could still contribute by answering questions, no matter how insignificant they may seem.”

_Like your questions, they tend to seem insignificant at the beginning._

Hoseok hummed, watching how the older professor immediately tried to engage in a different conversation. The way the older man looked at the other professor reminded him of something from those animal documentaries, when the lion was lying in the bush and waiting for its prey to do one stupid mistake to jump and kill it. It felt exciting, like playing with fire.

“When are you going back, Hoseok?” the woman next to the older man asked, touching his shoulder.

“Tomorrow,” was the short answer before the black-haired man concentrated on his food again, thigh brushing over his under the table.

_The conference ends tomorrow, you're also going back to hell then._

The attractive professor had suddenly become popular again and Hyungwon would rather have that attention on him instead, helping him to forget that he had responsibilities that would drown him as soon as he returned to Germany.

“As I was saying, since you have a liking for narrow fields of research, I'm sure you could share some of that experience with me,” Hyungwon murmured and let his calf glide along the keynote speaker’s leg again. It was hot somehow, especially the way the older man remained perfectly composed, eating his steak and flexing his muscular arms. Hyungwon wanted them around his waist and spreading his legs.

“I definitely will.” The older man turned around and said it right into his face before opening his mouth and placing another piece of steak inside. “I miss my ice cream. I didn’t eat it yesterday,” he suddenly added, lips spreading in a grin after he finished chewing.

Hyungwon really couldn't tell if he spoke of actual ice cream or him, but shit he really hoped he was the ice cream.

“I'm sure you can have a taste today,” he replied and licked over his lips again, feeling the blood rush through his chest, filled with adrenaline from the situation. This was not a dinner he could escape from easily, but fuck he wanted to touch Hoseok.

_He's Hoseok now because you want him._

“Mhm. I have a weak spot for caramel.” Curling his pale fingers around the wine glass, Hoseok took another bigger sip, licking his lips twice while staring at him.

_You, he means you._

Hyungwon glanced away, crumbling briefly under the intense gaze. It had to be him, he had a preference for caramel, using it as a shampoo and shower gel scent. It was perfectly possible that the older man was basically telling him that he wanted to eat him. Holy fucking shit.

“Then maybe you should stop keeping yourself from it,” Hyungwon replied quietly, leaning in a little to make it only audible for the gorgeous muscular man. Worried about getting hard, he stood up right after, excusing himself to the bathroom. It was safer.

He walked past several tables and entered the men's restroom, washing his hands even though there was no real reason to do that. Cold water tended to be a great help with coming back to one’s senses.

He heard the door open and basically flew after being grabbed by his wrist and pulled in the direction of the toilets. The black hair and the incredibly intoxicating perfume mixed in his senses as Hoseok clashed their lips together, pressing him against the wall of the small toilet stall.

“I should definitely stop keeping myself from it,” the other man’s voice whispered against his lips.

Hyungwon moaned at the sudden onslaught until his eyes widened and he covered his mouth with his palm, shutting himself up. His heartbeat was pulsating in his ears, aided by the excitement and surprise. He had wished to calm down but instead the older man threw all of his inhibitions overboard like a faulty paradigm. Fuck.

“Fuck, please,” he hissed against his own fingers, eyes wide as he stared at Hoseok’s almost black ones.

The older man smirked and leaned in, attaching his lips to his neck, kissing and licking along it.

“Shit, I really have a weak spot for caramel,” Hoseok whispered and sunk his teeth into his skin, right under his shirt so it wasn’t visible.

Fuck, it felt good. Hyungwon ditched covering his mouth and simply bit down on his index and middle finger, exhaling roughly through his nose and trying to shut the fuck up because he was in a public bathroom during a project meeting. Holy shit, sweet Jesus.

“Listen up, caramel babe, I’ll ditch this now and go to my hotel because I have the advantage that I had my share of stupid meetings during my PhD days and you come after a while if you still intend on getting your horizons broadened. Fuck, I’d eat you here, but it smells like piss, so see you later.” Hoseok exhaled against his collarbone and lifted his gaze, removing his fingers from his mouth before catching his bottom lip with his teeth and pulling a little, dark gaze in place.

Hyungwon felt like he was merely a spectator, breathing heavily and feeling his body respond by making his jeans unpleasantly tight. He really hoped that horizon was his ass, because there was nothing else, he was able to think about. He hadn't even been aware of the bathroom smell, covered by the sweet perfume the older man used.

“I'll come,” he gasped and licked over Hoseok’s top lip, loving the taste.

“You will. I’ll take care of it.” Hoseok winked at him and left after licking over his curved lips.

_Fuck, holy fucking shit._

Hyungwon remained in place for several long minutes, forcing himself to calm down and forget about his excitement. There was no way that he could go out there and have an intelligent conversation while a gorgeous, hot man waited to be inside of him.

_Don't think about it._

Biting down on his tongue, he washed his face and waited until his erection didn't attempt to jump into people's faces as evidenced by how tight his jeans were. The people out there worked on a project with him, he was going to see them the next three years and he couldn't show them his hard dick then fuck off to get nailed by their colleague.

Hyungwon still couldn't believe he was doing this. He didn't even know how old Lee Hoseok was. He only knew that he was hot, confident and probably felt good inside of him.

Walking out of the bathroom, he plastered a suffering smile on his face and joined the table.

He had never thought sounding like he had a cold would have its advantages.

  
_  


It felt crazy, standing in front of the five-star hotel after a ridiculously long trip by public transport. Hyungwon hadn't wanted to seem too eager despite murmuring ‘please’ at the older man, and had gone home first, fixing himself up and making sure he looked gorgeous. Like a fucking treat.

Chewing on his cheek, he pressed the elevator button and waited for its arrival. Not even once had he been to a hotel room on his own to have sex with somebody, not even once. It was always either coming along with somebody or their or his apartment.

_What if he changed his mind and you're the eager idiot?_

Hyungwon sincerely hoped that getting thrown against a bathroom wall proved that thought wrong, suggesting the opposite. Fuck, he was excited.

Arriving on the floor that he only remembered because it was the amount of sections he still had to write for his dissertation, Hyungwon stopped in front of the room and knocked, lower lip disappearing in his mouth. He was nervous.

The door opened but there was no-one, the other man probably went inside after opening.

That only made him even more nervous which he hid by overcompensating with a grin, as usual, and entering the already familiar hotel room. He spotted the black-haired man, who leaned against the wall, and was licking a spoon he had probably dipped into the small ice cream container in his hands.

“I got a little impatient waiting for the real dessert,” his low voice murmured before putting the spoon into his mouth again.

_Holy mother of the big bang._

Hyungwon's attempts at staying composed failed almost instantly as his eyes travelled over the older man's clothed body, muscular and gorgeous even though he couldn't really see it, but fuck he wanted to.

“I have a feeling the real dessert is over here,” he murmured and stopped at the little bit of skin that the opened buttons of Hoseok’s shirt revealed. Hyungwon hadn't seen anything apart from his dick yet, it was a pity.

“Want a bite?” Hoseok dipped the spoon into the ice cream and closed the distance, placing it in front of his lips, watching intently.

Hyungwon smirked at that, feeling in his element and leaned in, lips parting gracefully and closing around the metallic spoon with the sweet caramel ice cream. It was delicious. Sliding off the smooth surface slowly, he savored the taste and closed his eyes, humming in approval.

“Delicious,” he whispered before deciding that it was enough. Exhaling roughly, he grabbed a fistful of Hoseok’s hair and clashed their lips together.

The older man kissed back, before breaking the contact and walking towards the freezer to store the ice cream.

_Priorities._

Turning around, Hoseok watched Hyungwon from under his bangs, lips curling into an anticipating smile. He closed the distance and lifted him up, pushing his back against the wall, while rubbing his crotch against his. The older man's lips attached to his neck, caressing the skin with licks and kisses before the friction must've gotten too much and Hoseok started nibbling on his collarbone.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his head back, not bothering to hold his breath this time. There was no real reason to stay quiet, at least none that the muscular man pressing him into the wall cared about. His senses tingled at the constant onslaught of pleasure and light pain, paired into a potent mixture that forced his groin to respond and harden almost painfully in his tight jeans. But he wanted to act too.

Curling his arms around Hoseok’s broad neck, he leaned forward and sucked on the small earlobe, playing with it and continuing along the pale neck that instantly gained color from a single caress. The black-haired man had really sensitive skin, responding to the lightest of touches.

Hoseok hissed and threw his head back for a few seconds, letting him nibble on his pale neck, before he loosened the grip and reached for his shirt instead.

“It was a pity that I didn't get to see you naked, but I want to rectify that today,” the older man whispered and started unbuttoning his shirt slowly, licking his lips as soon as a new patch of skin was uncovered.

_He really looks at you as if you were a meal, holy fuck._

Hyungwon swallowed again and continued watching the black-haired man’s facial expressions. It was fascinating, like observing lust and arousal unravel in front of his eyes, seeing how the round eyes got darker and the curved corners of Hoseok’s mouth moved a little further up in a smile. It was fucking hot and Hyungwon wanted to undress all the time if it meant being looked at like that.

“Do you like to expand grad-students’ experiences?” he asked and gasped at the way the older man’s fingers felt on his skin. He wanted to do the same, but Hoseok’s face was too fascinating.

“I wouldn't generalize like that, but if someone is intrigued by me and can offer me something tasty in return then I usually don't have a reason to decline.” The older man unbuttoned the last button and pulled his shirt over his slim shoulders slowly, not removing his gaze. “Especially if it's caramel. It's a weakness, don't tell anyone.”

_A weakness for caramel?_

Hyungwon couldn’t tell if it was meant as a metaphor for something or the older man genuinely meant that he enjoyed caramel, suggested by ice cream and liking Hyungwon’s scent. Whatever it meant, Hoseok had done this before. That explained the ridiculous skill with which he pretended to be professional and nonchalant while wishing to fuck Hyungwon into the sheets.

“Intrigued might be an understatement, but that still depends on what you are going to give me,” Hyungwon breathed against the curved mouth and returned the favor by quickly opening the buttons of Hoseok’s shirt, eating the black-haired man’s muscular chest with his eyes, barely able to hold back. Fuck, he wanted to touch him.

“We had time to play these games while the others were around, so just tell me what you want me to give you and I'll answer if I will.” A pink tongue licked over Hoseok's curved lips as the other man pulled the shirt down his shoulders and let it fall to the ground. He was gorgeous, so fucking gorgeous. The muscle definition was no joke, lines clear below sculpted pecs that hinted at hours and hours of work. Hyungwon wanted to sink his teeth into the pale skin and leave marks, easily bruising it.

“I want you to fuck me on that silk bed of yours and make me scream,” he murmured and closed his lips around a patch of skin on Hoseok’s shoulder, sucking harshly before soothing it with his hot tongue, loving the taste of the older man’s body. It was delicious, much like everything else about him.

“Mhm. That definitely sounds like something that I want.” Hoseok moaned quietly after Hyungwon had licked over the spot behind his ear. Reaching for his jeans, Hoseok unbuttoned them and pulled down the zipper, turning them both and pushing Hyungwon towards the bed until he fell on top of it.

He gasped at the sudden fall, before catching himself with his elbows and lifting his hips with a grin, aiding Hoseok in undressing him. He couldn’t wait to do the same to the older man and feel his strong hands on him.

“I love how you look like you want to eat me up,” he hissed and bit down on his lower lip, feeling his own arousal spreading further as he stared at Hoseok through his bangs, impatient to feel him.

“Oh, your impression is accurate,” the other man replied and didn't make much fuss, pulling everything down his long legs until he was completely naked. Leaning back, Hoseok watched him, sliding his gaze over his naked body and licking his lips impatiently.

“You're definitely better than dessert.“

Hyungwon had never been more grateful for his obsession with the sweet and intoxicating scent of caramel.

 

***

 

Hoseok loved caramel.

He focused on how the ice cream melted in his mouth, leaving the buttery texture he felt spreading over his tongue. Savoring the sweet taste, he heard a knock.

Anticipating the real dessert, he opened the door and leaned against the wall, enjoying the remaining taste on the metal spoon.

The pretty boy must've gone home before coming to him as his hair was styled.

_Just so you can ruin it._

He got impatient, especially after Hyungwon had told him about his wish to get fucked into the mattress. Hoseok was definitely able to help with that.

Pulling the boy’s tight jeans down his gorgeous, long legs, he left himself some time to inspect his treat, and shit, Hyungwon definitely was one. His caramel colored skin looked gorgeous on the white sheets, fueling the contrast and almost distracting from how sexy the boy’s body was. He was everything that Hoseok considered arousing

_Look how his thighs are shivering, fuck._

He hissed and licked his lips slowly, anticipating what was about to come. His dick was straining against his jeans that were super tight without having an enormous erection, but he couldn’t help but stare at the slim, gorgeous body.

“You’re definitely better than dessert.”

The pretty boy responded almost instantly, eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment and arms slowly making their way over the white sheets until they grabbed the white fabric above Hyungwon's black hair. It was like the younger man enjoyed the way Hoseok looked at him, almost quivering under his gaze alone.

“Have a taste then,” he whispered, teeth abusing his luscious, full bottom lip.

He didn't bother taking off his jeans, the black-haired boy would take care of it if he was eager enough which Hoseok was working on. Crawling on the bed slowly, he licked his lips before leaning down and kissing along Hyungwon's pretty calf, up to his knee. Taking a small break, Hoseok started nibbling on the boy's inner thigh that smelled like caramel, fuck, he was doomed.

“Tasty,” he whispered from between his legs, gaze focused on the other man's face.

Hyungwon had lifted himself up on his elbows to watch him, mouth open as he exhaled roughly with each twirl of Hoseok’s tongue and light bite of his teeth. The gorgeous boy shivered a little in anticipation, muscles of his lean thighs flexing repeatedly.

“I want to see you naked,” he muttered and rose until he was sitting, one arm sufficient to hold his weight as the other reached out and pulled at Hoseok’s jeans.

“It's a reasonable demand, please feel free.” He curled his arm around the other man's slim waist and bit into his neck lightly. He could see how the young boy’s straight erection twitched at the feeling, followed by a gasp. Long fingers grabbed his shoulders and turned them around as Hyungwon straddled his lap and placed kisses along his chest, dipping his tongue into the hollow of his collarbones and brushing his plump lips over his right nipple. The boy’s left hand occupied itself with pulling down the fabric of his jeans in the meantime, beautifully coordinated.

_And look at this, he's also talented._

Hoseok smiled, and lifted his hips to aid the process, hissing here and there at the sensations on his skin.

“You're doing so well, who would've thought? I really like how you look on my lap, as if you belong there.” His comment was followed by another hiss as Hyungwon brushed over his crotch.

“I like how you look like you belong inside me,” the boy remarked with a grin and pulled Hoseok’s pants off completely before settling back on top of his lap, fitting his erection between his butt cheeks and rolling his hips forward.

He moaned and thrust up into the movement, loving the feeling and going crazy because of the sight. Hyungwon definitely looked like someone Hoseok wanted to see moan and beg right in his face, fuck.

“You have endless possibilities, depending on what you’re into, so choose wisely,” Hoseok commented and licked his lips. “My tongue, my fingers, or you can try persuading me to let you sit on me, but a little spoiler, I won’t unless you give me evidence that you can take it and I’m not really into talking right now.” His hand travelled along Hyungwon’s lean stomach up to his chest and neck, as he grabbed the other man’s black hair and pulled him down into an open-mouthed kiss.

Nibbling on his lips and meeting his tongue eagerly, the pretty boy rolled his hips again, perfectly sliding along Hoseok’s dick with his butt cheeks like he was made for it, friction reminding him of what was about to come.

“I’m pretty good at riding,” Hyungwon purred and repeated the motion, scratching over Hoseok’s chest lightly with his blunt nails. “But biology tells me I will need some more preparation for this, so fingers sound good for now.” Repeating one last torturous roll of his hips, the younger man slipped off his lap and lay down on the white sheets. His black hair looked stunning spread out over the soft pillow.

Licking over his lips briefly, Hyungwon hooked his slim arms under his knees and lifted up his long legs, presenting himself like a present, just for him.

His dick twitched, which was reasonable considering the extremely arousing sight, and he took the lube and a condom from the drawer, throwing the latter next to him. Opening the bottle, he covered his fingers and circled one around Hyungwon's entrance, slipping inside quickly. It wasn't the time for teasing.

“How's your endurance? Will you survive if I take you into my mouth and prepare you at the same time?” Hoseok curled the digit upwards and rubbed along the sensitive spot.

“Depends on how dead on you hit,” the handsome boy pointed out and threw his head back, hissing briefly. “But I guess one doesn’t get that successful by constantly missing the point.”

_Exactly._

He hummed and added another finger, enjoying the tightness and loving the contractions as soon as he pushed the right spot.

“Can't wait to see your face when you sit on me,” Hoseok whispered and rubbed against the spot before adding a third finger carefully, giving Hyungwon time to adjust.

“Fuck, you’re good at this,” the younger man moaned and threw his head back, rubbing over the sheets repeatedly and messing up his carefully arranged hairstyle. Hoseok loved how Hyungwon responded by contracting the muscles in his thighs and abdomen, adding to the gorgeous sight. The boy’s mouth remained open as he reacted to the pleasure, not bothering to hold back and merely fisting the sheets without a break.

“So gorgeous,” he murmured, spreading his digits slowly and not feeling much resistance. “I think you're good.”

Staring at him with black eyes and equally black bangs messily covering his forehead, Hyungwon licked over his dry lips and nodded, anticipation obvious from his body movements.

“Turn around and let me ride you then,” he purred and pulled back to let Hoseok’s fingers slip out of him. Grinning a little, the pretty boy didn’t bother to wait for his answer and simply curled a leg around his waist, using the grip to throw him to the mattress and climb on top of him, shamelessly rubbing over his rock-hard dick.

Hoseok didn't mention the fact that he let him, because he thought that it was cute. Instead, he grabbed the condom and rolled it over his erection, lubing up sufficiently.

“Feel free, caramel babe,” he hissed and licked his lips.

Hyungwon seemed impossibly eager, circling his long fingers around his lubed-up dick and giving it a few tight strokes as he rose up on his knees and lined it up with his entrance, chewing on his cheek. When Hoseok could feel himself prodding against the tight ring of muscles, the gorgeous boy finally looked up. His face mostly consisted of his gigantic eyes and full lips that seemed even plumper from the way the black-haired boy had been chewing on them.

Visibly relaxing his body, Hyungwon used Hoseok’s chest to prop up on his left palm and guided his erection with his right hand, hissing at the intrusion while Hoseok was swallowed up by intoxicating tightness squeezing his tip.

“So much for narrow, fuck, your body is gorgeous, take me,” he moaned and tried to keep still, only twitching against Hyungwon's rim.

The beautiful boy muttered a curse and contracted around his tip once. It was almost too much until the slim body on top of him visibly relaxed again and Hyungwon let his hips sink further down, watching him intently as he followed Hoseok’s words and took him, centimeter by centimeter.

“It feels so fucking full and I'm not even halfway, shit- you feel amazing, Hoseok,” the boy moaned and let his eyes roll back briefly as he paused and rolled his hips in a horizontal circle, rubbing over Hoseok’s dick and flexing around it.

Blunt nails scratched over his chest lightly as the younger man opened his eyes again and looked at him. The intense gaze did not break as the lean boy licked over his lips and relaxed his muscles, still remaining ridiculously tight despite the effort. Nothing happened for a few seconds until he suddenly slid down the rest of the way, touching Hoseok’s groin with his ass and thighs. Hyungwon's lips parted in a silent moan but he didn't break the eye contact.

_Fuck._

He let out an open-mouthed groan and threw his head back, baring his neck. Fuck, Hyungwon was so fucking tight, but took him so well despite his slim build. He would even bet that he could see the progress on his abdomen while the other man slid down his length.

“You're taking it so well,” Hoseok whispered and twitched inside the boy's tight body, stroking over his caramel thighs and giving his erection a few tight strokes, gifting himself a couple of contractions.

“Because you told me to,” Hyungwon moaned and sat up slowly, letting Hoseok slide out of him. A smooth circle of the boy’s hips followed, stimulating his sensitive tip before he suddenly sat down with a roll, using the tightness of his body just right as he moved back down. Another loud, low moan passed through plump lips as Hyungwon placed both of his palms on Hoseok’s chest and sped up his rhythm, almost dancing with how smooth his motions were, beautiful to look at and making Hoseok’s senses tingle.

“Fuck, you feel amazing, but I know a better position as you haven’t screamed yet even though I promised you would.” Hoseok thrust up into Hyungwon's sensual hip-roll.

A loud groan was his immediate feedback as the black-haired boy scratched over his chest, leaving faint red lines and stuttered in his rhythm from the sudden thrust.

“Fuck, do that again,” he gasped and threw his head back, showing Hoseok his gorgeous caramel colored body, nipples erect and a little darker than the rest of his skin. A faint blush spread from his cheeks downwards along his neck while the boy’s erection moved with his rough up-and-down motions. Hyungwon was eager and impatient. “Make me scream.”

Hyungwon was cute for thinking riding was the position he had meant, but Hoseok still complied, stabilizing his hips and thrusting up as well as he could, coordinating with the boy's hip rolls.

“Can I fuck you against the wall? It's nice from that angle and I can taste you like the dessert you are.” He sat up and licked over Hyungwon's collarbone.

The slim boy moaned before nodding furiously and curling his arms around Hoseok’s neck, pulling his hair a little.

“Fuck, yes, do it, Hoseok,” he hissed into his ear and moved up before letting his body slam down again, moaning right into his ear.

_So eager, you should definitely make him scream properly._

He nodded and shifted with the caramel boy on his lap until his feet touched the ground. Standing up, he lifted Hyungwon and walked to the nearest wall, pushing his naked back against it and immediately attaching his lips to the pulsating veins along the boy's delicious neck. Pulling out, he slammed his hips into Hyungwon's tight body, rolling him over his erection at the same time.

He was met with wide eyes as a low, loud scream left the boy’s mouth, surprise and pleasure fighting for attention. The eye contact stayed only for a few seconds until the black-haired boy threw his head back against the wall and groaned, attempting to repeat the feeling by pushing against him. The grip on his hair tightened and Hyungwon's lips remained parted, muttering ‘more’.

“Huh?” Hoseok teased with a grin, before repeating the motion and sinking his teeth into an especially delicious patch of caramel-like skin.

Hyungwon attempted to contain the next scream but wasn't able to, exhaling through his nose roughly and biting down on his plump bottom lip. The boy's erection was twitching between them, accompanied by a shiver in his slim but lean thighs. He was struggling to hold back while still meeting each thrust with his hips.

“Do you like it, babe?” he asked after another well aimed thrust as he continued ravishing the black-haired man's neck. “I like your body so much I might really eat you up.”

“Fuck- I love it- eat me up, whatever you want,” the gorgeous boy moaned, throwing his head back and forth and sinking his nails into Hoseok’s shoulders, visibly a little delirious from pleasure. Desperation and need looked so good on him, full, parted lips, half-lidded eyes and pink cheeks.

“You look even better while taking my dick, fuck, moan for me.” Hoseok pulled Hyungwon a little higher to have more space to move and experimented with rougher thrusts in between, it felt like getting drunk. On caramel. So basically, the best thing to ever exist.

“Oh my god, fuck me harder, Hoseok.” Hyungwon curled his body tighter around him, keeping his muscles flexed to make thrusting easier in addition to becoming ridiculously tight. His moans were like music to his ears, loud and unrestrained, a result of the way he moved inside the pretty boy.

“How could I say no to that, babe?” he groaned and moved away from the wall, letting Hyungwon’s back hit the sheets and crawling on top of the boy. He grabbed the lean thighs and lifted his long legs, placing them on his shoulders. He leaned in and bent the long body in half, licking over Hyungwon’s blood-red lips and exploring his mouth before he lined up and entered the younger man’s tight body again, moaning at the feeling.

“And now show me how much you like it, because I know you do,” he said, watching Hyungwon’s erection twitch as he filled him up.

“Shit, I love it, I love it so fucking much, Hoseok, please,” the desperate boy screamed, lost in the sensations and the pleasure that must have been almost too much to take, moaning helplessly and whimpering at the desire for Hoseok to move inside of him. “Please, fucking please.”

“Fuck, then fucking take it, babe, take it,” Hoseok groaned, and slammed his hips into Hyungwon's roughly, moaning and biting into the other man's deliciously firm calves.

He was rewarded with loud screams and fingers desperately holding onto his shoulders, slim body taking every rough thrust as if it was made for him. Hyungwon threw his head back and kept his mouth open as variations of Hoseok’s name and ‘please’ rained from his lips. It felt like somebody was sucking his soul out from his dick as the gorgeous boy contracted around him repeatedly, unwilling to let him go.

“Make me take it, give me everything,” the low voice moaned into his ear.

Hoseok would be lying if he said that he wasn't losing his fucking mind. It was mind blowing, Hyungwon was mind blowing. He gave his all while sweat started dripping down his chin.

Curling his hands around Hyungwon's erection, he pumped it a few times, coordinating with his precise thrusts.

“Come for me, caramel babe,” he groaned, pulling out almost completely to check if everything was alright before sliding into the tight body with force, barely holding back his own orgasm.

The gorgeous body spasmed around him and the beautifully straight erection twitched as the slim boy released himself into his hands, squeezing the living daylights out of his dick while doing so. Hyungwon's voice was stunning when he screamed, low and unrestrained, sending a pleasant feeling to Hoseok’s groin.

He didn't wait, moving quick but sensually for his own release, still feeling how Hyungwon contracted around him, sending him over the edge as he buried himself as deep as he could and came with a groan of the black-haired boy’s name.

_What the fuck was that, Hoseok? Since when is fucking like this?_

“I got lucky, I guess,” he murmured to himself, panting loudly, but still reaching for the tissues he had placed strategically close. Wiping over his hand and Hyungwon’s stomach, he pulled out carefully with a hiss and got rid of the condom.

Hyungwon whimpered at the sensation, chest rising and falling rapidly as he carefully rolled over on his stomach and slowly but surely pulled himself up on all fours, still exhaling roughly. He looked gorgeous on the bed, caramel skin glistening with small drops of sweat and lean thighs spread slightly, showing the impact from before.

_Holy fuck._

“It can't be that you want more, or do you?” he asked and took a tissue, wiping the excess lube from Hyungwon's firm butt cheeks. “Do you know how people say they have an extra stomach for dessert?” He slapped the boy's pretty little butt.

He heard a soft hiss at the slap, accompanied by flexing thighs as Hyungwon turned around and grinned suddenly.

_He likes it._

“Hypotheses need to be tested,” the black-haired boy purred and licked over his lips, before pressing Hoseok’s shoulders to the bed and climbing on top of him. He didn't even have the time to register what the tall boy was doing when teeth grazed over the length of his spent dick lightly, right at the edge of being unpleasant. The eager boy didn't waste a single second as he simply closed his lips around Hoseok’s dick and sucked like there was no tomorrow, returning the sensitivity like it had never left in the first place. Toying with him couldn't have been the intention as pleasure built up exponentially.

Sinking his hand into the black hair, he thrust into the other man's mouth eagerly, feeling overwhelmed but so fucking good.

“You're doing all kinds of things, aren't you? Fuck, your lips are sin,” he murmured, trying to catch his breath.

Hyungwon merely hummed in response and increased his efforts, deep-throating him repeatedly while sucking and playing with his tongue. It was amazing, plump lips brushing over the sensitive skin of his erection and gorgeous throat taking his whole length as if it was nothing.

Long fingers snuck between his legs and massaged the skin between his balls, only adding to the pleasure that was already fogging over his mind. Just when he felt the second orgasm of the night building up, the heat suddenly left him and he was met with two large eyes staring at him, lips swollen and more than beautiful.

“Fuck my mouth,” Hyungwon whispered.

Thinking and reconsidering was only for people who were coward enough to not be able to make proper decisions in a limited amount of time.

“Come here.” He pulled Hyungwon against his crotch and moved his hips, thrusting into the boy's gorgeous mouth until he felt the coil tightening and came, pulling him closer and feeling how the younger man swallowed around his length. Inhaling deeply, Hoseok couldn't believe that Hyungwon could stay with his dick in his throat, tears shimmering in the corners of his eyes.

_He's the best boy, isn't he?_

Hoseok sat up and pulled on the black hair, clashing their lips together and tasting himself on Hyungwon's hot tongue.

Swallowing audibly, the gorgeous boy lifted himself up and sat down on his calves, still breathing irregularly, each inhale visible through a motion of his lean chest.

“Unfortunately, an _n_ of one isn't really sufficient to confirm a hypothesis but I'll accept that,” he commented with a wink and chuckled, voice even more rough than it had been at the dinner.

“Didn't think you'd go all out, but I guess I'm broadening my horizons too.” Hoseok chuckled and licked over his lips, watching Hyungwon's pretty, long body. “Do you feel okay? I went a little rougher because you seemed to like it.”

“I'm amazing, splendid, awesome, I'd probably be religious now if I wasn't a scientist,” Hyungwon replied with a laugh and climbed off the bed, shamelessly reaching for Hoseok’s freezer and taking out his ice cream while hopelessly attempting to scratch some with the spoon. That stuff was like stone for the first two minutes.

_He's cute. Shameless, but cute._

“Do you like caramel? You have to wait a little bit if you want to eat it.” Hoseok stood up and slipped into his black underwear before walking to the mini bar and pulling out the bottle of tonic he hadn't touched yet. His throat felt like someone scratched it, so he gulped down a third of the liquid.

_Hyungwon took your dick in every possible way, he must be thirsty too._

Closing the distance, he handed the open bottle to the black-haired boy who tried to eat his ice cream, naked.

“Thanks,” Hyungwon forced out of his ravaged throat and emptied another third of the bottle, swallowing quickly as his Adam's apple bobbed repeatedly. The spoon for the ice cream was held by his little finger while the ice cream itself stayed in his other hand. “I like the scent of caramel, not that much into the taste, but the ice cream was pretty damn good.”

Pulling the spoon out of his big hand, Hoseok took the container and dipped the spoon into it, using a little strength to get some of the liquid caramel out. Putting it into his mouth, he felt how it melted on his tongue. It was delicious.

“I like the scent, the look and the taste, it's a weakness.” He leaned in and licked into Hyungwon's mouth briefly, letting him taste the buttery dessert. “Caramel babe.”

The pretty boy chuckled before moaning quietly at the taste, big eyes closing briefly.

“Delicious,” he commented and licked over his red lips, grin remaining in place. “Didn't think the conference would end up being exciting after all. I had already prepared myself for three days of faked interest and illegal research practices.”

“Yeah, it's a pity, there is so much wrong with academia these days, but I won't have time to deal with it as I'm going back to work in two weeks, fueling whatever is wrong with it and taking more PhD students for little money.” Hoseok sighed and took the bottle back, taking a few more gulps. “I still have to work today, my flight is at 6AM, so it doesn't pay to sleep.”

“Thank you for reminding me of my lack of income and the fact that I have to go back to work the day after tomorrow, Prof. Lee,” the tall boy remarked and rolled his eyes, reaching for his underwear and jeans and smoothly slipping into them. The skill with which he pretended that he wasn't sore was remarkable.

_He will wince as soon as he sits down._

“You're welcome, we, as scientists should keep our sense of reality intact. I hope your Prof. doesn't use you for authorship in papers, it sucks so much and I literally see it every week when I have to review those. Meh.”

The black-haired boy merely hummed and threw his shirt over his shoulders, buttoning up carefully and stuffing the black fabric into his tight jeans. Once he had rearranged his hair into a remotely acceptable look that didn't scream ‘I just got fucked’, he walked over to Hoseok and simply licked over the spoon with ice cream he had prepared for himself.

“I won't keep you from being productive then. I hope you'll get home safely and continue being ridiculously successful and hot.”

Hoseok hummed and curled his arm around Hyungwon's neck, pulling him closer and buried his nose in the crook of his neck, sucking in a long breath, before licking over his ear lobe.

“Maybe we'll see each other around. I wish you lots of success with your thesis.” He smiled brightly and licked over his lips.

_You might?_

He normally really didn't care, but Hyungwon smelled too good.

“Unlikely, but definitely welcome.” The gorgeous boy returned the smile, turning his plump lips into a thin, red line as he slipped into his shoes and took one last gulp from the tonic. He didn't elaborate on whether seeing Hoseok or being successful with his thesis was what he had meant. “Thanks for broadening my horizons, Hoseok.”

Grinning cheerfully, the black-haired boy blew him a kiss and disappeared through the hotel room door, closing it behind himself.

Nice, it was nice. He felt a little tired from the lack of sleep, but had actually wanted to work, so he opened his laptop.

There were dozens of emails from journals, from students and from his home university, informing him about his professor chair, the new lectures he had to give and asking him for specifications regarding the recruitment of new PhD students.

_You have to go back in two weeks, you don't even have time for jetlag._

Too bad that his, so called ‘sabbatical’ ended a little early, but on the other hand he missed proper healthcare, streets smelling like trees and a coffee for less than seven dollars.

_It's still seven dollars if you think about it._

True.

The people who had been listening to his keynote probably didn't know that he was sitting in a hotel room after fucking a grad student, in his underwear, fantasizing about cheap coffee.

_Yeah, that's what professors do._

_

 

His coffee almost got cold waiting for his friend whom he had last seen half a year ago at a conference, it was hard to meet more frequently due to time zone differences and their crazy workloads.  Although Changkyun worked in neuroscience, his schedule was no less filled with meaningful and less meaningful crap.

“I'm sorry, there was a grad student who needed help with his dissertation, so I had to explain fMRI to him for half an hour. I think it was in vain,” Changkyun muttered while letting himself fall into the wooden chair and glancing over at him. “Gosh, when did you get this muscular? You'd definitely get the award for the leanest steak.” The younger man grabbed his arm and squeezed tightly.

_Also, nice._

“And you still look as if you haven't seen a gym from the inside. I had to unpack all the boxes today because I'm going to work starting tomorrow, so my muscles are pumped. There are already two interviews and a project meeting, I can't believe it.” Sipping on his coffee, he watched Changkyun’s delicate hand that grabbed the coffee cup that the waitress had brought.

“Welcome to hell. I heard Regina started acting as if she was the only one at the faculty, so I bet the grad students will be happy to have you back.” His friend pulled out a little box and put it on the table in front of him while smiling brightly.

“It's caramel, I bought it when I was in the Netherlands. It's super buttery, just like you like it. I'm happy that you're back.” A beautiful, authentic smile graced his friend’s delicate features while he pushed the box in his direction shyly. It was adorable, really.

_He didn’t think that you’d come back after all that happened, did he?_

Hoseok was surprised himself, but life was like this, sometimes things happened that changed you and let you do things you didn’t think you would consider doing.

_Like coming back_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 4th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What? Don't like being called baby? It wasn't sexual, just mocking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

Hyungwon's stomach was in the middle of eating itself, grumbling loudly while Sammy giggled behind him, amused by his attempts to suppress his basic human needs.

“Shouldn't you go for lunch?” she asked with a chuckle and turned around in her office chair. It was bigger than his own, nicely designed with a proper backrest and space for the arms and Hyungwon shamelessly used it for himself when she wasn't there. Luckily, the rather short, brown-haired postdoc didn't need to know that.

He sighed and turned around as well, meeting her equally brown eyes. She was pretty and had she not been ten years older than him and married, he might have considered her sexually attractive. However, he was in a rather ‘intimate relationship with work’, much like Prof. Lee had described it at the conference in Philadelphia. Those few days when Hyungwon had been able to forget about his responsibilities and enjoy science - and dick.

There were different levels of reckless behavior and Hyungwon genuinely considered changing his area of research to exactly that. There had to be something terribly wrong with his brain to have him ride a man with a gigantic dick a day before a nine-hour flight. It would most likely remain in his memories forever, much like the day he had thought ‘how bad can hate mail be?’

The answer was ‘pretty fucking bad’, the carefully arranged collection in his ‘hate mail’ folder was the proof of that.

“I promised the girls that I'll go with them in a bit, they’ll pick me up at 12:30. I wanted to finish reading another student essay until then.” Returning his eyes to the blurry letters on his screen, he attempted to focus on his student’s essay on the benefits of attachment to horses on emotional stability.

_She likes horses, doesn't she?_

It was fine, psychology had to be interesting. The problem was rather that Hyungwon preferred to be an expert when he graded essays, but horses were definitely not his area of expertise.

Just like a lot of other things in his proximate space of responsibilities.

“Sammy,” he murmured while feeling the rather intense urge to not correct student essays. “Have you ever done something crazy at a conference?”

She thought for a brief moment before laughing loudly.

“I did smoke a joint with an anthropology professor and let him give me oral. Why? Did you have fun in Philadelphia?” she asked, wiggling one eyebrow suggestively.

Hyungwon barely kept himself from trying the gesture out because wiggling exactly one eyebrow seemed to be a special skill.

“Kind of, I guess, were you a postdoc already?” he asked to frame the situation in his head. Until now it was pretty comparable, maybe fucking individuals that were further advanced in their career wasn't all that weird as long as there was no direct relationship. “I guess it was a random professor then.”

“No, last year of grad school. I would never get it on with someone from our faculty, first they have no theory of mind and secondly there's exactly one man, Mark and he's weird. And I'm married.” She laughed again. “Oh, it'll soon be two as the General is coming back. But he's gay, so also off limits.”

_Who the fuck is the General?_

This time it was Hyungwon's turn to lift his eyebrows, both of them simultaneously since he wasn't as skillful.

“Me, you forgot me, I'm also a man, but thanks.” Pursing his lips, he pulled out his wallet from his backpack, preparing to be picked up in the next five minutes. There was no point in correcting essays anymore. “Also, who the fuck is ‘the General’?”

“Ah, the second professor in the faculty, he was on a sabbatical, having fun in California, but he's coming back. I think he'll be at the colloquium today. He's hot.” Sammy looked up to the ceiling and sighed.

_Great, but everyone says he's demanding as fuck._

Hyungwon hummed, still a little offended that Sammy hadn't mentioned him as a member of the male employees. Mark was not only weird, but also married, just like her.

“I thought he was coming back in another two months, fuck, I hope he doesn't suddenly want to see what I've done until now. Second supervisors don't really do shit, do they?” His eyes widened involuntarily and he tried to go through the points of his evaluation he had already fulfilled and those he had pushed around indefinitely. It was a fucking mess.

“Oh, he's very thorough though, I don't know, maybe the US gay-scene made him chill. His departure had been quite abrupt back then, I hope he's okay now. He worked a lot, it wasn't really healthy,” Sammy elaborated and glanced at her small watch. “Ah, I have to get Michael from the daycare. See you on Wednesday!”

Hyungwon smiled, rather grateful that the conversation was over because the fact that the other professor worked enough for it to be unhealthy reminded him of his own, rather unhealthy, working habits. Not like he wanted to work like that, but the amount of work that piled up was ridiculous and his first supervisor was rather demanding. He doubted that he'd he able to take another demanding person.

_He fucked off quickly though, maybe he also hated it._

Coming back was the weird part though, not really understandable unless a permanent position was more important than health.

It probably was.

Something about the way Sammy pointed out the other professor’s sexuality sounded like it wasn't common knowledge. She tended to be close to people and have extra information. Hyungwon couldn't imagine that his work place was a safe place for personal secrets like that. There was no doubt that someone, probably his boss, would grab it tightly and squeeze productivity out of it if possible.

‘You're gay, there is no partner anyway, why would you be so unproductive?’

It sounded painfully imaginable.

A loud knock on his office door almost forced him to drop his wallet as Lisa came in, grinning cheerfully and gesturing towards the hallway. She was one of 9 PhD students that were assigned to ‘the General’, getting evaluated from afar and through Skype calls. Life would probably be a bit easier for them now, or harder, depending on how demanding the guy was.

To be honest, Hyungwon didn't really care, he wanted his peace and time to eat apart from all the responsibility he had to shoulder.

_Please._

 

_

 

 

It was refreshing to be outside and place food into his mouth, even if his company consisted of eight girls that mainly talked about their boyfriends and which Bavarian mountain they had climbed on the weekend. It didn't need to be anything sophisticated but climbing definitely involved too much movement for Hyungwon's taste. He was a couch and office potato, moving from a flat surface to a seating surface and back.

“I heard your Prof is coming back, are you excited?” he asked as soon as there was a break in the retelling of one of his colleagues elaborating on finally finding an apartment in the city that was just like his, expensive and tiny.

“Sure,” Laura remarked from the side and chewed on her poor excuse for spaghetti Bolognese. Hyungwon had been rather careful and picked a pizza. It was really difficult to fuck up a pizza.

They still managed though.

“We'll have regular meetings again in which we discuss papers and have to be all philosophical. It's shitloads of work, but I think it's fun,” Lisa added and squeezed his hand, sitting across from him. She was pretty touchy but he didn't really mind.

_Holy shit, they have regular meetings._

Hyungwon was happy when he saw his supervisor a maximum of once every two weeks. He didn't mind though, each meeting only resulted in more work and random ideas while he was being questioned about his lack of progress. It was uncomfortable, but still better than hate mail.

“Sounds like something I couldn't fit into my schedule,” he murmured and chewed on another piece of his pizza. The cheese was decent. “He signed my supervisor agreement over email back then, I never actually met him.”

Melanie gasped loudly and covered her tiny mouth with her equally tiny hand. She had been there the longest but still resembled a child because of her height.

“Right! I forgot that you never actually met him. He's pretty sarcastic and it's hard to tell when he's joking sometimes, but he's fair. That's an important quality for someone who does moral development.” She grinned and turned back to another new colleague whose name Hyungwon didn't know, but was also too embarrassed to ask after eating together at least five times.

He was slowly getting used to working in developmental psychology and being surrounded by mostly women. In the early career stages at least, it changed the further up the ladder one went.

There was one other lecturer at the developmental chair that didn't really have a professorship as such, but that had his own team and was qualified for a professorship. He was male too, making Hyungwon's supervisor the only female professor in the area.

_Maybe that's what it takes, one has to be a really picky bitch to make it in science._

“I guess I'll see him at the colloquium then,” he murmured and followed the Armada of women out of the cafeteria, placing his tray on the conveyor belt. He made sure to put his fork and knife onto the plate and to throw away his tissues, something that upset the employees greatly when it wasn't done. Lisa happily attached herself to his arm and pulled him in the direction of the colloquium hall, telling him that their presentations would have to be shorter now, because her supervisor hated lengthy presentations without a point.

“He always says maximum five slides, but the presentations get longer towards the end of the semester,” she remarked with a giggle and squeezed his upper arm, reminding him again that he was slim. Everybody seemed rather enthusiastic about that guy’s return, but Hyungwon was happy as long as the work he had to take care of didn't double.

Entering the colloquium room, he glanced around until his eyes settled on his supervisor and he smiled politely before sitting down next to his direct colleague, Aurora, who wrote her dissertation on the same project. She had picked a seat at the window, strategically far away from Regina and therefore more peaceful.

“My second supervisor is back, the one I've never seen,” Hyungwon commented and grinned, checking out Aurora’s pretty dress that she wore without tights even though it must have been cold. Not like he really knew, but it looked cold.

“Not mine, I got somebody who actually understands EEG, unlike the person at the other end of the room,” she whispered and pulled him down on his seat to keep him from blocking her view towards the front. She was a little emotional and rough sometimes.

_Something must have pissed her off._

He smiled apologetically and glanced around the room, checking whether any new people were added. There were a few new girls but none that seemed to be working in his own area of research. His attention almost returned back to Aurora when he glanced to the front and basically choked on his own spit. He overestimated his balance as he rocked on his chair and lurched forward in a rough motion to keep himself from landing on the ground embarrassingly. Unfortunately, the sound with which his palms hit the table was enough to gain everybody’s attention, including the broad, muscular man at the front.

The handsome professor glanced at him with a smile, preparing to say something, before his features slid into surprise mixed with horror as he continued staring at Hyungwon's face in disbelief. The curved lips muttered something he might not have recognized if he hadn’t been sitting in the second row because he was blind.

‘Caramel babe’

_Holy shit, holy fucking shit._

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he instantly focused his gaze on how beautiful the drawing of a dick on his table was, fit into the corner so that it was difficult to see and scratched over with a key to make it more difficult to remove. It helped a little to distract him from the fact that the guy he had fucked back in Philadelphia was apparently the second professor of his department and also his second supervisor. Fuck.

The distraction didn't help for long as Aurora poked his side and asked him if he had seen a ghost in her prominent Italian accent.

“Just a little sick,” he murmured quietly and glanced back up, letting his eyes begin at the professor’s shoes to figure out whether it was really Hoseok or he had finally lost his mind from overworking himself. His gaze slid over the older man's Budapests upwards along his dark-blue suit pants that were especially tight on his thighs and crotch, which Hyungwon didn't even want to think about. A light blue button down complimented the look, supported by the first two buttons that Hoseok had left opened to show a tiny bit of his chest. Arriving at his face, Hyungwon saw the older man lick his lips and hold his gaze for a few seconds, before walking to the middle and introducing himself in English and perfect German.

_Oh no, the introduction round._

His heartbeat was hammering in his chest like his body was preparing itself to run. Where exactly it wanted to run was unclear, as Hyungwon had the obligation to be at the colloquium unless he wanted to get shit from his boss.

The situation was simply ridiculous, what were the odds of him going to his first international conference, fucking a dude for the first time in fucking forever and that dude being his second supervisor whom he had never seen because the whole department was shady as fuck?

_At least you know why Sammy said that he's hot before, and gay._

Had his department not been developmental psychology, he would have been rather concerned about the 9 ladies that Hoseok was supervising having a gigantic crush on him, but most of them had boyfriends. Women were more likely in that area of research.

Swallowing, he waited for everybody to introduce themselves, his turn slowly getting closer as one girl after the next pointed out that she was writing her dissertation with the ridiculously attractive man standing at the front.

_How old is he even, how can he look that good?_

And more importantly, how the hell did he have time to supervise so many students? His boss only had two and barely had time for them.

_Thank god._

Hoseok crossed his ridiculously trained arms in front of his chest and stared at him, waiting for his introduction like a fucking lion on a hunt.

“I'm Chae Hyungwon, supervised by Regina and working on the importance of language on Theory Of Mind development with Aurora over here.” He smiled because he had this ridiculous talent of overcompensating his fear with confidence and gestured towards the girl next to him, who immediately continued. Hoseok’s eyes were intense, even though there was nothing to it, merely him mentioning his name and his topic while trying not to panic.

The black-haired man nodded and opened his laptop, typing something while the rest introduced themselves. It seemed as if he had lost interest as soon as Hyungwon's turn was over.

_That's definitely your bias speaking, Hyungwon. You saw how professional he can be, he's not gonna thirst after you in his work environment and neither are you gonna thirst after him._

Yeah, that. That was very important, especially considering the amount of work he had to do and the fact that Hoseok, no, Prof. Lee was noted on his official documents.

Once the round of introductions was over, Hyungwon released the breath he had been holding. One of the girls began to present her research, nothing he hadn't seen yet, but sufficient to stop panicking. His eyes travelled over to Prof. Lee sitting at the side and typing something into his laptop once in a while. There was something very serious and intimidating about the older man unless he smiled. Hyungwon liked it somehow, a gaze like that made it easy to be taken seriously.

When nobody wanted to give the girl input, his hand rose even before he could stop himself. He wasn't a genius when it came to statistics, but using a parametric test on non-parametric data was simply dumb.

He said it in a friendly way, making sure the girl didn't get too uncomfortable and wrote down his point before she looked around for more comments, giggling nervously.

The one and a half hours went by relatively uneventfully, supported by Prof. Lee’s attentive gaze and a raised eyebrow as soon as he opened his mouth and absolute disinterest on the black-haired man's face while everybody else presented.

_Why is he paying so much attention to you?_

Hyungwon had no fucking idea, but it was a little intimidating, so as soon as the session ended, he grabbed his wallet, patted Aurora’s shoulder and snuck out of the room. The number of girls piling up to talk to Ho- Prof. Lee was large enough to feel safe and unnoticed. Not like Hyungwon was really afraid of talking to him, just-

He was fucking afraid. Shit.

Leaving the room, he speed-walked to the elevator and pressed the button. He could have walked up the four flights of stairs but it felt like he was going to live two years less each time he did that. He breathed in slowly and kept the air in his lungs for a while to calm down. There was no reason to panic, it was an accident that neither of them was aware of. It wasn't going to happen again and they weren't going to talk about it. Only about research, and methods, and interesting topics, without any innuendos.

The elevator arrived and Hyungwon jumped inside, almost hyperventilating, when Lisa grabbed his arm cheerfully and asked him what he thought about ‘Hoseok’, shamelessly calling him by his first name.

_It's normal for colleagues and doesn't mean anything, get a grip._

Hyungwon wasn't even supposed to know him yet, he couldn't call him by his first name.

_You screamed his name in a hotel room two weeks ago._

“He seems very professional,” he commented and felt immensely thankful when the elevator doors opened and he was able to leave, smiling at Lisa before hiding away in his office.

The door remained open as usual (because otherwise it was impossible to breathe) and he sat down at his desk, staring at the student essay about horses he had been correcting.

He heard slow steps before the familiar broad shoulders appeared in his sight. Prof. Lee opened the door of the office across from him and he really hoped that the other man wouldn't turn around, but he did.

_Fuck, just fuck._

“Well, this is not by chance anymore, is it?” the older man commented with a grin.

Hyungwon had no idea how he managed to be that nonchalant, but he wanted a course on that, preferably with a new method on removing particular memories.

“Depends on whether you purposefully took the office across from mine or not, I take what I get,” he replied and pursed his lips, unable to help the size of his eyes. They always reacted first.

“Considering that it had been my office before you were here, caramel boy, I'd say it's the result of circumstantial variables.” Hoseok licked over his lips and walked into his office, leaving the door open.

_For fuck’s sake, why?_

Hyungwon really hoped the older man checked whether anybody was around before calling him ‘caramel boy’ at their workplace.

“Great,” he simply commented and forced himself to stare at his screen instead of the way Prof. Lee sat down on his office chair and got comfortable by spreading his legs. It was so fucking awkward that he didn't even know what to say or think. Shouldn't they keep quiet about the whole thing and pretend it never happened?

It took about two minutes until his screen lit up, informing him about a new email from Prof. Dr. Dr. Lee.

_Two fucking PhDs? How old is he?_

‘Dear Hyungwon, As I looked through my documents, I figured that we have to talk about your thesis once a year at least, so please tell me when would be a good time for you to come to my office, so we can get this over with. All the best Hoseok’

There were a few things that Hyungwon had been afraid of happening, more work for example. He had also been worried about having to talk about his thesis and his progress with Prof. Lee, who was apparently demanding, which was bad, really bad. Now, the worst of all of the above was being alone with him in a room, because Hyungwon had the wrong behavioral scheme for the gorgeous, older man. Not like he thought he was going to jump him, but it was going to be weird, really weird.

Inhaling sharply, he placed his fingers on the keyboard and began writing a reply.

‘Dear Prof. Lee,’ he began and hoped that it would help him to get a fucking grip. ‘How about now? All the best, Hyungwon’

_You are talking to him over email while he's sitting a maximum of three meters away._

He heard the chair in the other room roll back, showing Hoseok throwing his head back and glancing at him.

“Prepared at all times, huh? Come here then.”

Hyungwon's brain instantly provided him with the image of the older man lying on his bed and telling him to do exactly that, but for a different purpose. Fuck, even his voice sounded exactly the same.

Swallowing audibly, he grabbed himself by the balls (figuratively) and got up, crossing the distance to his door and locking it with his key before he entered the older man's office. He left the door open because it felt safer somehow, like he had less reasons to say something stupid like ‘don't say that, it reminds me of when you fucked my mouth’’.

“Could you close the door please.” Hoseok pointed at the entrance and rolled to the side, lifting a chair and putting it next to his desk with one hand.

Hyungwon wanted to die. Well, not really, but disappearing through an invisible hole in the ground might have been good.

He nodded, as always compensating for his nervousness beautifully, and closed the door behind himself. Chewing on his cheek, he sat down next to the muscular man, staring at him expectantly.

“I know the project, more or less, so please tell me what you’ve done for the past half a year, whether it worked out the way you wanted it to and what you are going to do for the next year.” Hoseok opened a thick, brown leather notebook and wrote ‘Chae Hyungwon’ into it in calligraphy-like letters. Even the older man's writing was gorgeous.

It was a little childish, but Hyungwon was still happy about his ears, protruding a little under the raven-black hair.

“We started the longitudinal study, I've developed the paradigms and evaluation sheets and I created introductions on how to code the data to make sure it's clear and can be repeated by somebody who isn't me. I submitted one paper and I am working on the method section for the second one,” Hyungwon elaborated and licked over his lips. Hoseok was difficult to read when he was being professional and staring at him like that.

Placing his arm on the backrest of the chair, he shifted and brushed through his hair with his other hand. His achievements sounded okay out loud, but his boss tended to be dissatisfied with all of the above, telling him he had done a shitty job, which he probably did.

“Mhm, interesting. I actually meant whether you're okay with the workload, the tasks, the supervisor/grad student interactions, whether the expectations are within your actual job description.” The older man stared at him from under his black bangs and he saw that Hoseok hadn't written anything into his notebook despite his previous monologue.

Hyungwon licked over his lips nervously because the answer to all of those questions would have been ‘no’. But he couldn't go ahead and complain to a returning professor about his struggles with his supervisor and the fact that he had too much work. Nothing would change because the older man wasn't really able to change anything. His only job was to give a second grade in the end.

“It's alright, I don't have to test that much because we have lots of student helpers. I do stuff like state exams, but that's my choice because they pay that separately. I had to switch the studies included in my thesis a little bit, but that's also fine, it changes with what kind of results we have and what can be published and what can’t. But how is that relevant to you, isn't it extra work to ask me that? You have nine rather productive ladies to supervise.” The topic made him a little uncomfortable, reminding him of the fact that not everybody was struggling like he was. He had gotten unlucky with his supervisor choice, but it was okay, partially it was him being a little dumb or not good enough.

The older man looked surprised at his answer, before his facial expression turned unreadable.

“Thank you for worrying about my productive PhD students, I'll do my best so that they can feel comfortable with me and my demands. It's not extra work to ask you about your working conditions as I'm not directly responsible for that and we don't know each other., at least not well enough. Don't be freaked out, that's what a supervisor does. I'm glad that you're fine. Your next evaluation is when?” Hoseok spread his legs and turned towards him, waiting for an answer.

His adrenaline spiked right back up as he hummed at the right times to show that he was listening while the black-haired man showed him repeatedly that he wasn't being supervised properly. His supervisor was really busy though and an elderly woman, it was understandable that she couldn't find the time for meetings or only remembered to make him do things a few days before the deadline.

“It's in a month,” he muttered eventually and remembered the fact that Regina had told him she wasn't going to sign anything unless he had at least one paper published, a paper that she was convinced she wrote mostly by herself.

_That's why you need the review to be positive, so she'll sign the evaluation._

Hoseok nodded and wrote the date down, right next to his name.

“Well then, we will see each other at that time for a private talk and you can always come over if there's something bothering you concerning working conditions, personal harassment or anything similar. I'm in charge of that.” The older man smiled and closed his notebook, dark-brown eyes glancing at him and watching his face intently.

“There is- somebody in charge of that?” Hyungwon asked with enlarged eyes and couldn't help the obvious surprise on his face. This was the first time he heard of that. Whenever Sammy had complained about their boss, she had always said that it was pointless and that he merely had to collect the hate mail. Just in case. The knowledge that there was actually a person in charge of helping him with stuff like that was new.

Having a person for that didn't really solve the issue though. He couldn't think of anything that the black-haired man could possibly do to improve the situation.

“Yes, it's new and it's me, I got promoted.” The gorgeous muscular man chuckled and leaned back against his chair.

_Is he bullshitting you?_

“You're shitting me, aren't you? You're only doing it on your own because you want to, right?” He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward a little, trying to decipher the older man's facial expression. It was difficult.

He was met with a pair of big, round eyes, as Hoseok leaned in too.

“No, and yes, but also no, caramel boy. I am in charge of that, you can ask HR, there was no-one before. You need to have a person like that, especially in academia. Anyway, please come to me if something goes wrong, we will find a solution together.” The older man smiled at him beautifully.

_Is he fucking serious?_

“But- even if there really is a person like that, shouldn't it be someone independent? Someone who isn't involved with any of the professors? Whenever someone comes to you it will be about your colleagues and what if someone has an issue with you? What will happen then? Isn't it too dangerous and too risky for something as fragile as a research position? I'm not sure anybody will have the mental strength to come.” He hadn't intended on giving a speech, but his hands had curled into fists and his lips had trembled with the wish to express himself and his worries. It was just so fucking dangerous. How could the older man do something when it was about a close colleague?

Hoseok sighed, brushed through his black hair, and leaned back, turning his chair to face Hyungwon properly.

“I see your point, let me explain. If someone is completely independent, he has to either be given power, a lot of power, or it will merely be a name without any behavioral consequences. You’d write emails and get a nice answer back, stating that they're taking care of it which will result in a talk with the supervisor or PhD. I have been part of those talks, Hyungwon. It's just: ‘They're complaining, please try not to make it too obvious.’” The older man curled his fingers around the armrests tightly. “Of course, there's a possibility that someone will have an issue with me, for that you still have the option to talk to HR, but I'm afraid they won't do anything. I try to give my people the feeling that they can talk to me comfortably, even though I'm their supervisor. The desired effect is more likely achieved like that. Anyway, I can also understand why you wouldn't want to talk to me, it was only an offer, it's important that you know.”

Hyungwon stared at the older man, chewing on his cheek and feeling like someone offered him a flashlight to get out of a pitch-black cave, but he couldn't be sure whether there were any batteries.

_Isn't it better to try then? To check if there are batteries?_

No, it wasn't, because accepting the flashlight might have a price, he wasn't aware of. Imagining his supervisor finding out that he had complained about her was one of his biggest nightmares, enough to make his hands shiver.

“Thank you for telling me about it, I'll- keep it in mind,” he replied quietly and rubbed over his tight jeans, listening to the sound his key made as he shifted on his chair. He hated looking nervous, but the older man's intense gaze made it difficult to pretend, at least when they talked about his work environment. “Are you also in charge of content, or not so much?”

“You mean scientifically? Your main supervisor is still Regina,” he paused for a few seconds, licking over his pretty lips quickly, “but I'm certainly interested in what you're doing. I'm afraid I won't really be able to butt in unless it gets unreasonable from her side.”

Hoseok sounded like he expected that to happen, like it was common instead of unlikely.

_She would kill you for talking to him about topics that she's the expert in. Only in an email of course, but it won't be nice._

Hyungwon nodded again and found himself staring at the older man's thighs in concentration, quickly returning to his face as soon as he realized. That was also a very good reason to avoid Hoseok’s office. They had- the wrong kind of interactions for their current relationship.

_Fuck, you fucked your second supervisor, Hyungwon. Shit._

For some reason his first fear was that it would influence his evaluation, that the professor wouldn't only judge his work but everything else attached to his person.

_Like Regina hates the fact that you are pretty, insulting your way of dressing and accusing you of pouting your lips to mock her._

The older man's red lips spread in a grin as soon as he caught Hyungwon staring at his thighs.

“Well, I'm glad that you know. You can also come if you have any other questions. But did you do something else before coming to the department? I tried to find your CV but it disappeared somewhere between the 298 unread emails.”

_He tried to look for your CV?_

Hyungwon grinned to hide the fact that he was a little embarrassed for staring shamelessly and shook his head.

“No, I came here almost instantly after finishing university. Thank you for offering your time, Prof. L- never mind, Hoseok.” Still grinning, Hyungwon got up and made his way to the door. “You know where to find me,” he remarked as he couldn't resist pressing his flat palm to his plump lips and blow the older man a kiss before stepping out of the room. He had to compensate for being shy. He hated being shy, especially when people were too full of themselves.

Once he stepped back into his own office, he closed the door and pressed his head on top of the keyboard, creating a mixture of letters that explained his emotional state perfectly.

_GTFSRDGTYDVGGH, indeed._

***

 

 

Caramel boy.

Hoseok should've thought about the possibility of meeting the young graduate student again, knowing that he was at the same university, but he somehow ignored the fact that he knew his topic and should've realized from the start that Hyungwon was supervised by his colleague and would definitely hang around somewhere at his work-place.

_Yeah, across from your office._

If he was honest, he was disappointed. If Hyungwon had been working in some other department, he might have wanted to broaden his horizons again if the gorgeous man wanted him to of course.

_But he stared at your thighs. Not only thighs._

Sighing, Hoseok rolled back and clicked through his emails again to find Hyungwon's CV. The other man must've studied late if he came right after university, which was okay, not everybody could go through the madness he endured to get where he was right now.

_And you can't thirst, because you're responsible now. You're his second supervisor, you're the person he would have to talk to if something goes wrong, which it definitely will sooner or later. You can't, even if you like caramel, his cute, pouty lips and his slappable butt._

Sighing once again, he finally found what he was searching for, an email from Regina, where she informed him that she was supervising another graduate student before her retirement.

Opening the attachment, he glanced over it briefly before his blood froze in his veins for a split second as he saw his birthdate.

 _Oh god. He's twenty-three, Hoseok. He's a kid._ _A real baby_ , _the age of his undergraduate students._

“Holy shit,” he exclaimed, forgetting the fact that his door was open like Hyungwon's.

He felt eyes on him as the black-haired boy had just returned to his office chair after opening the door right in time for Hoseok’s outburst.

“Made a new discovery?” the low voice asked as Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” he murmured and stared at the tall boy, sliding his gaze over his body, trying to find any clue about his age, but it was a mess. He had merely assumed that the gorgeous boy was older, being at an international conference and behaving all confident.

“Are you really twenty-three, Hyungwon?” he heard himself ask.

The question was visibly not what the black-haired boy had expected, lips parting a little and both eyebrows rising up.

“What? Yeah, sure, why would I lie in my CV?”

Well, how would Hoseok know?

“Oh god,” he muttered and massaged his temples quickly, before catching himself and focusing his gaze on Hyungwon's surprised face, counting the months furiously. “You only just turned twenty-three. Holy shit. Happy birthday.”

“Ehm- thanks?” the boy replied, sounding more like a question than a statement. Hoseok’s reaction must have visibly confused him as he pulled his chair away from his laptop and turned around, pretty brown eyes large and focused on him. “Is it because I started my PhD early? I simply did one of those science elite masters that only take one and a half years and then I already had this job waiting for me. I have a lot of content to catch up on though, because I'm not a psychologist by training.”

“You- did amazing, yeah.” Hoseok really didn't know what to say after thinking that Hyungwon was at least twenty-eight or older and fine for him to have fun with, but twenty-three was a new record.

_It's not a competition, it's fucked up._

But well, he was legal and it was only once and the situation was completely different.

_Yes, you're his supervisor._

“The more you know,” he whispered to himself and saved the document on his desktop.

The feeling of eyes on his face disappeared as the young boy returned his attention to his own computer, not commenting on his unexpected outburst any further.

_It's better like this._

_

He should've unpacked the last two boxes at home, but he was at work instead. On Saturday. At 10PM.

_Deja vu?_

Not really, he came back as a different person after the year abroad. The first three weeks were full of meetings with his PhD students, faculty meetings and other political crap he actually didn't plan on attending anymore, but still did because it was the only way to be a step ahead if someone intended on ruining your life behind your back. The weeks passed but he still had to plan the lectures and the semester started in a week, so he was desperate.

_Because you can't just do stuff haphazardly. You always want to do it in the best way possible._

The situation pulled him into a nostalgic mood, into similar situations that had happened over a year ago.

_It feels similar, right?_

He stared at his phone, but nothing happened. The black display stared back at him, mocking with the lack of feedback.

_There's no-one who wants you to come home. So you don't have to stress yourself._

Feeling the need to visit the bathroom after drinking the fourth hideous coffee from the machine located on the first floor, he opened his door, locking it up with the key, and walked along the hallway, trying not to stare at the ugly color of the doors in combination with the old carpet.

He washed his hands thoroughly, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, but only he himself could tell, because his skin appeared even paler than it usually was, contrast increasing with how his black bangs framed his face, and his black sweatshirt adding to the impression. He didn't bother wearing fancy clothes as it was Saturday and he was alone other than security. His blue, ripped jeans were really comfortable between his legs especially and while sitting in general.

Smiling briefly, he went back, moving towards his door and pulling out his key when he heard a sound from the office across.

_Sammy?_

_No, it's Hyungwon._

Was the other man still working on a Saturday evening? But why? He had told Hoseok that his workload was manageable, why did he stay at the university until 11PM? On a Saturday. It was nuts.

_Maybe he loves it so much?_

He almost laughed at his own thought. Sure, working in academia had in most cases been a decision accompanied by an insane amount of motivation and sacrifices, but the love for science was rarely the reason for staying until late in the night on a weekend.

Knocking softly, he opened the door and stuck his head into the room that was covered by yellow light from the overhead lamp. They should've changed it ages ago.

Hyungwon was sitting at his desk, back almost a perfect circle with how he hunched over his laptop and fingers running over the keyboard quickly, making words appear on the screen. The pretty boy was wearing headphones, noise cancelling ones as far as Hoseok could tell. There was no reaction to his entry, as if the black-haired man hadn't realized, bobbing his head to a quick beat instead.

Hoseok thought about scaring the boy for a split second, but decided that it was childish and would result in an unnecessary adrenaline shock and the poor guy still had to sleep tonight. He closed the distance to the desk and tapped the bony shoulder lightly.

Apparently, it hadn't mattered at all whether he wanted to scare him or not, as Hyungwon's whole body convulsed and he almost flew off his chair, hitting his wrist against the desk and wincing at the pain.

When large, brown eyes focused on his face, the pretty boy pulled off his headphones.

“What the fuck? You scared the shit out of me, shouldn't you knock?” His chest was rising and falling quickly, t-shirt tight on his slim body as Hyungwon kept rubbing over his wrist to sooth the pain, motion of his arm emphasizing his narrow waist.

“Why would you panic all of a sudden? I did knock and I tried to not freak you out, but you jumped like a stressed frog and hurt yourself.” He looked down at the boy's wrist but it didn't seem serious. “Why are you here? It's Saturday. Night,” Hoseok commented while raising an eyebrow.

“Probably the same thing you are doing, working,” the black-haired boy remarked and instantly pulled his lips together, like Hoseok had said something that resulted in a need to adjust his face, to smile less. “Sorry, I forgot about the headphones, usually I'm the only one here, so I didn't listen for knocks.”

“I'm not the Bavarian state police hunting you down for disobeying the labor law, which you're doing. So, don't panic. Want to drink a bad coffee? I had four, but I think I could take another one.” He didn't know why he said it, maybe because Hyungwon looked so pressured, probably by the things he had to do for Regina, but he felt like it, so he asked.

The boy's face switched from defensive to surprise as he glanced over to his laptop, visibly hesitating like he considered how much he still had to finish.

“I'm not sure I can, I mean- sure I can, but I kinda wanted to finish this before midnight,” he muttered and stared at the typed words again.

“Your brain is mush, look at yourself. Then don't get coffee, give yourself five minutes of breathing real air and not this disgusting mixture of carpet, electronics on standby and carbon dioxide.” Hoseok gestured around and curled his hand around Hyungwon's slim wrist, pulling him to his feet without using any strength at all.

“That was- oddly specific and revolting at the same time,” the younger man replied quietly and almost stumbled. Mush was an understatement. “Fine, but not for long, I really don't want to come back tomorrow.”

“Don't worry, I'll be here to send you back home.” Hoseok commented while leaning in and staring at the boy with his intimidating gaze, eyes narrowed and eyebrows pulled together.

“God, fine, I prefer it when you look like you want to eat me,” Hyungwon muttered quickly, visibly affected by his stare and glanced away, concentrating on a dirty spot on the grey carpet. “Forget I said that.”

_Oh god._

Suddenly the other man's wrist felt much hotter in his hand and he immediately let go, leaning back a little to put more distance between them.

_Fuck, don't think about it._

It was a struggle, especially with the gorgeous black-haired boy being so close and so pretty.

_He's twenty-three._

“God, you're a baby, what are you even talking about?” Hoseok muttered and walked towards the door, waiting for Hyungwon to follow. “Let's go.”

The younger man looked scandalized as he followed him, closing the door while still giving off the vibe that Hoseok had insulted his whole family.

“A _baby_? What?” Hyungwon's thick lips parted as if he wanted to say something, face still indigent, before they closed and he stared at Hoseok’s shoes.

He pressed the elevator button and waited till a yellow light blinked over one of them and the doors opened.

“What? Don't like being called baby? It wasn't sexual, just mocking.” He grinned and stepped into the elevator, pressing the ground floor.

It was fascinating how the pretty boy's hands curled into fists before relaxing again, like he used the motion to get rid of emotions, probably anger.

_Because you're his supervisor._

“Don't worry, you can curse, I won't rate your manners, only your thesis. I promise.” Hoseok really wanted the people around him to feel comfortable while communicating.

Hyungwon hummed and leaned against the wall of the elevator, next to a scratched picture of something that must have been a mix between a dog and a donkey. The destruction of property had already been there four years ago.

“I don't mind being called a baby, but in a different context,” the boy commented eventually and brushed through the black strands of his hair with his ridiculously long fingers.

Hoseok also didn't mind calling him babe.

Fuck.

“I see.” The door opened and he walked out, heading straight to the machine to get the disastrous coffee. “If I'm honest, I was a little shocked by your age. But well done, you have an impressive CV, especially considering the fact that you're twenty-three.” Hoseok used the mention of Hyungwon's age as a fucking reminder, one that he really needed.

“Now it also makes sense that you're so shocked, Regina always jokes that she reached the point at which the parents of her PhD students are younger than her, quickly followed by ‘every idiot gets an additional degree in due time’.” Chuckling briefly, Hyungwon held his employee card to the machine and got himself a hot chocolate. “I doubt I'll sleep after a cup of coffee at 11PM, but I do live on Americanos the rest of the day.”

Hoseok didn't have the energy to act surprised. He had the pleasure of knowing his colleague for years already.

“Mmm. Let's sit outside, it's nice.” Curling both hands around his hot coffee, he left the building and sat down on one of the long benches under the big chestnut tree. He looked up, it was one of those days one could see the stars, even in the city center of Munich. It was really beautiful, especially with the moon.

“Are you happy to be back?” the young boy’s low voice asked next to him as the other sat down and leaned back. He could hear him carefully slurp his hot chocolate.

“Happy? Happiness is a weird construct, I don't like it. Whether I enjoy being back? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, there are pros and cons. I prefer to see it as a part of the flow that I have to be back, it's simply the way my life is right now. Let's see what happens next,” Hoseok elaborated and took a sip of his coffee, still looking up and enjoying the view. It was really breathtaking.

“Are you happy writing your PhD?”

There was an appreciative hum as the black-haired boy shifted on the brown bench and took another sip of his chocolate before placing it next to him.

“I enjoy science and I think the questions are interesting, especially the ones I plan on answering later,” Hyungwon replied eventually and exhaled through his nose. He laughed briefly before continuing. “It's ‘simply the way my life is right now’.”

Hoseok turned his head, watching Hyungwon lean back on the stone right next to the bench, weight resting on his elbows as the boy kept his eyes closed and threw his head back, merely breathing in the fresh air. He looked gorgeous, black hair framing his pretty, youthful face, long legs crossed and side profile illuminated by the lamp on the other side of the small plaza.

Hoseok really wanted to lean in and try smelling Hyungwon's scent, to determine whether it was still caramel, or maybe something that made him less attractive, if it was possible at all.

“Must be nice to mock a professor on a Saturday night,” Hoseok commented and chuckled, licking over his lips while he let his gaze slide over Hyungwon's slim body he unfortunately knew from all angles. Sure, weeks had passed since the times they had been close in Philadelphia, but he still remembered some things that had undoubtedly left an impression.

_Yes. Like him being the best boy and letting you fuck him against a wall before taking you completely into his mouth while smelling like the best dessert. Shit._

_Why are you like this?_

“I gotta say that I rarely spend my Saturday evenings with professors,” the black-haired boy muttered and licked over his lips, still keeping his eyes closed. “The girls keep saying that you are very demanding.”

_He's even the best boy now, killing your sexual thoughts immediately._

Hoseok sucked in a breath and drank the rest of his coffee, putting the empty cup next to him. Leaning back, he mimicked Hyungwon's position and threw this head back too, watching the stars instead of closing his eyes.

“Yes, I am. If there are no demands, one can't get better. I want them to become better and see how much they can achieve in this time. Sure, it's stressful and I try to help where I can, but I won't cut on the quality of their thesis. It's what they're here for and it's my responsibility, as much as it is my responsibility to make sure that they're all feeling comfortable working with me.”

“Do they know you're gay?” the younger man asked suddenly, opening his eyes and staring at him. Hoseok could see it in the corner of his eyes, realizing again how big the other man's brown orbs were.

“Huh? Why? Is it relevant? I mean a couple of them might, but some might not, I don't know, but there are probably rumors I don't know about. And if they spend their time thinking about my sexuality, then I'm definitely not demanding enough,” he murmured and laughed right after, letting himself fall on the grass behind the bench as it had no backrest. It felt really nice and cool, some of the blades tickling his neck as it was really sensitive.

“I thought they might crush on you, but I don't know, we're not that close,” Hyungwon murmured and followed him, lying down on the grass and crossing his arms under his head. A sigh left the pretty, full lips. “Actually, I should be writing.”

“I should also be writing. A script, a presentation, a paper review and a huge doc for the faculty because we might change the curriculum. So, I really don't have time thinking about whether my grad-students crush on me or not.” He lifted up on his elbows again. “Want to go back?”

“Yeah, writing guilt is no joke,” Hyungwon replied with a chuckle and jumped up. While he stretched extensively, the black-haired boy's t-shirt rode up and revealed the waistband of his jeans, no underwear in sight. His skin still had the same caramel tone, even in minimal light. One arm thrown over his head, Hyungwon stretched the muscles and repeated the same with his other arm before sighing again.

_This tease. Why does he have to be so handsome? And slim, and boyish?_

_Because he's twenty-three, Hoseok._

Right.

Standing up, Hoseok threw his paper cup into the trash bin next to the bench and walked into the building, expecting Hyungwon to follow. He pressed the button again, staring at how it stayed yellow until one of the elevators arrived and the doors opened. Hoseok used his index finger to press the four and thought about the next two hours.

“You should go home though; your brain won't produce proper output like that. Get some rest and do it when you're feeling relaxed and had enough sleep.”

“So, my brain won't, but yours will, Prof. Lee?” Hyungwon asked and grinned, rubbing over the wall of the elevator with his sneaker until they finally arrived. “I’ll finish the section and then I'll go home. I’ll definitely think clearer now after breathing fresh air, thanks for that.”

Hoseok hummed and stepped out of the elevator while holding the door for Hyungwon to walk through. Pulling out his key, he thought about the boy's words.

_You have to be a role model though._

“I'll go home now.” He pushed the handle and picked his bag from the chair, closing the door again. “And you should too.”

Eyes wide, Hyungwon stared at him, visibly contemplating what to do.

“I'll- I'm going to finish this sentence and then I'll go too,” he answered eventually and sat down, typing instantly and quickly, fingers running over the keyboard for several seconds until they stopped and he shut down his computer.

The black-haired boy looked a little guilty as he grabbed his backpack, stuffed his external hard drive and his headphones into it and left the office, locking it with his key which he also packed into his backpack.

_He shouldn't be feeling like this._

“And that's exactly why this department is crooked. You shouldn't feel guilt after spending your free day at work and going home at midnight. It's fine to go home and to not do, or finish something. The only thing that's not fine is the fact that you think it's not.” Hoseok smiled sadly and threw his bag over his chest.

Hyungwon smiled back, but it didn't look genuine, not the way it had in Philadelphia.

“It's simply the way my life is right now,” he murmured again and shrugged with his shoulders. The boy's long fingers pressed the elevator button this time as he seesawed back and forth on his soles, like he attempted to bring the blood back into the rest of his body.

“Did you eat? You look pale. Not my kind of pale, but the unhealthy kind. And ruining your health is stupid, Hyungwon. Like, really stupid. It's what 15-year-olds do to impress while they think that it's cool.” Hoseok was really worried by the paleness of Hyungwon's usually caramel skin. “I can't call you ‘caramel boy’ if you look like you're ‘baking soda boy’.”

“I thought it was ‘caramel babe’,” Hyungwon remarked with a sudden grin and brushed through his hair. “I'm fine though, I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner today. I don't eat that much usually, because I don't need much, but today I was being a good boy.”

Hoseok really wanted to facepalm. In other circumstances he would've immediately thrown an innuendo back, making Hyungwon hot and bothered, but he didn't want him hot and bothered. He wanted him healthy and in a supportive working environment because that's how he felt about his employees even though Hyungwon wasn't his direct employee.

He sighed, massaging his temples slowly as the elevator arrived and they stepped out.

“Where do you have to go?” he asked, ignoring Hyungwon's previous words.

“Harras,” the black-haired boy replied and pursed his lips, visibly dissatisfied with his reaction.

“Oh really? I live close by too. Had to search for an apartment quickly and took the first one that was semi okay.” Running down the stairs to the metro, Hoseok asked himself when he would finally stop thinking about the fact that Hyungwon had been riding him over a month ago.

“Considering that you found a place within a month it couldn't have been that hard, with two ‘Dr’ and one ‘Prof’ attached to your name,” the tall boy grumbled and followed him, long legs easily keeping up without having to hurry. Seeing him with a little bit of distance made it obvious how small his face was, especially in comparison to his long and slim body.

_He's beautiful. He really is._

Hoseok stopped where the younger man tried to decipher when the next train was coming and leaned in a little closer, sucking in his scent. He couldn't say it for sure, but it seemed as if Hyungwon still smelled like caramel.

“It's another fif-" The pretty boy turned around while announcing his discovery and stopped as soon as he realized how close Hoseok was standing, eyes widening almost instantly. “Ehm, we still have to wait quite a bit.”

He leaned back immediately, and brushed his hair back as if he hadn't just smelled Hyungwon's neck.

“So what do you suggest?” he asked instead while licking his lips at the hint of the delicious scent.

“Ehm, wait?” His reaction must have brought the black-haired boy out of concept with how the gorgeous eyes instantly switched to his lips before returning to his eyes. “Not much else to do but wait.”

He hummed, glancing around and spotting a bench where he sat down and spread his legs, trying to think about his insane workload or the stupid metro that came rarely during the night.

Hyungwon followed him but remained standing, hands pushed inside the pockets of his jeans and teeth repeatedly abusing his bottom lip. He appeared in thought, staring at a random patch of concrete that didn't differ from all the other patches.

It was really weird, but there wasn't even one human at the station. Well, sure the university wasn't a people magnet on Saturday evening, but still.

“Don't you want to sit? Ah, never mind, you're probably sick of sitting,” he chuckled and pulled out a candy, loosening the wrapper and pushing it into his mouth. “Want one?” Hoseok asked while sucking on the fruity sweet intensely.

Hyungwon hissed something he didn't hear and covered his face with his right palm for a few seconds before simply stretching it out.

“Sure, looks tasty.” Inhaling audibly, the tall boy rose on his tiptoes before sinking down again, flexing the muscles in his lean legs.

_What is he doing? And why?_

He stared for a few seconds before slipping his hand into his ripped jeans and searching for the second candy he knew he had. After some time, he finally found it and put it into Hyungwon's palm.

“It is really tasty, but you can't crush it with your teeth, it tastes better if you suck properly.”

Hyungwon stared at him, expression absolutely deadpan until he slowly lifted an eyebrow and one corner of his pretty mouth jerked up.

“I don't think sucking properly is something I need to be concerned about, but sure, whatever you say,” the young boy finally said and unwrapped the candy, popping it into his plump mouth.

He really wanted to ignore it, but the words just spilled from his tongue.

“You definitely don't have to be concerned about that.” Hoseok licked over his lips and overcompensated by sucking on the candy intently while rolling it over his tongue.

Hyungwon looked smug, grinning a little as he watched him carefully, eyes sliding from his face downwards and back up.

“I'm amazed that you're able to fit candy into those jeans apart from your thighs, looks like god’s work to me and I told you before that I'm not religious.”

_Sexual harassment is not remotely okay, but he's funny and you're not at work._

“It's not only candy and my thighs, but thank you.” He raised an eyebrow and watched Hyungwon's extremely attractive body, his slim waist and his nice, firm thighs, accurately packed into those black jeans.

 _Tasty_.

“True that,” was the quiet reply as the tall boy licked his lips and briefly glanced at his crotch before returning his big eyes to his face. They must've stared at each other for a minute, moving the candies in their mouths and licking over their lips eventually. The sound of the metro came closer and the train arrived, forcing them to stand up and move towards the wagon.

There were a few people inside, mostly drunk teenagers and a few intoxicated looking middle-aged men. Hyungwon glanced around briefly and leaned against one of the transparent walls next to the door. He didn't comment, but his eyes remained on Hoseok, palpable even when he didn't look back.

_He's like a hungry cat, a hot, hungry cat._

He positioned himself across from Hyungwon, leaning against the glass wall and watching the black-haired boy. Because watching was okay.

Hyungwon was chewing on his lower lip, adding color to the smooth surface while one hand slipped into the pocket of his tight jeans. His eyes seemed almost black and it was difficult to tell if it was the lack of light or the size of his pupils, sucking up the sight of Hoseok like a sponge.

_Holy fuck._

He slipped one hand into a pocket of his blue jeans and leaned further back, letting his head touch the glass surface and throwing it back a little, just enough to still be able to look at Hyungwon.

The black eyes instantly focused on his neck, moving downwards to his low-cut shirt and finally his thighs and crotch. He could easily tell where the tall boy was looking, gaze slow and like it was taking in all possible details. The younger man's hand rearranged a little in his pocket, bulging out.

_This is eye fucking, Hoseok._

As Hyungwon stared at his crotch he twitched, for no fucking reason, but it was the only thing that he could think about. Maybe he was overworked again. Licking his lips, he sucked the bottom one into his mouth.

Hyungwon gasped, it was impossible to hear it but Hoseok could clearly see it, plump lips parting and tongue remaining flat in the pretty boy's mouth. His eyes widened a little as he placed his other hand into a pocket of his jeans as well, spreading his fingers like a fan. A glance towards his crotch area revealed the reason for the effort as a trained eye could easily recognize the prominent line of a bulge.

_Fuck. He's so hot._

_But he's way too young and he's your indirect subordinate. Off limits, Hoseok._

_Off limits._

Sucking in a long breath, he kept it inside his lungs for a few seconds, not wanting to risk a boner. The Harras station appeared on the screen and he gestured towards the door, pulling it open and stepping out.

_It's supposed to be a normal trip home. What the fuck?_

Hyungwon kept his hands deep inside his pockets as he followed him, glancing up towards the sky as soon as they left the metro building, standing outside the big roundabout with several trees decorating the middle area.

“I'm turning right here,” the gorgeous boy remarked with a quick motion of his head, color of his lips almost in contrast to the color of his skin.

“Mhm. I'm going left, but it's only a minute, so I'll probably be home before you. Get some rest,” he murmured and couldn't stop licking over his lips to return the moisture.

“I'll do my best,” Hyungwon replied quietly but didn't turn around, still staring at him intently as his eyes skimmed over Hoseok’s face. It was difficult to tell how much time passed until the black-haired boy finally sucked his lower lip into his mouth and turned around, walking along the almost endless street towards the right.

If two people found each other sexually attractive, it was usually a game with an unknown outcome. Either you would be happy and satisfied, or somehow dissatisfied and longing for something different.

The problem with the tall, black-haired boy was, that Hoseok knew for sure, how fucking amazing it was to be close to him.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 6th of December at 1 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Why, want to be a candy too?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

His body felt like it was a haystack, briefly touched by a lit match and set ablaze in a matter of seconds. His fingers were shivering a little as he reached for the lock of his apartment, squeezed the key into the petulant hole and turned it quickly.

Only when the entrance door was shut behind him, blackness engulfing him fully, did he allow the air caught in his chest to leave. It was a quiet noise, like wind that moved through a small opening, a crack in a door or an insufficiently shut window.

_Holy shit._

He slapped the light switch with his palm and blinked a few times to get used to the bright light.

_What the hell are you doing, Hyungwon?_

Technically, he hadn't really done anything. It was only the sultry movement of his lips and the intensity of his gaze, nothing more.

_But still you react like this._

He glanced down at the way his bulge filled out the crotch area of his jeans, lines perfectly visible and obvious when his hands weren't occupying his pockets. He should have long left the age at which getting hard in public was acceptable or even to be expected.

A glance at his right hand revealed its shaky movements, adrenaline rushing through his blood without mercy.

_He's your second supervisor now, Hyungwon. You can't go around and get hard in public because you look at him and his juicy thighs, that's inappropriate._

It was, but still he was standing in his apartment, hard as fuck and shivering because of the intensity of their interaction. He tried to explain his response to himself, hormones, some messy mixture of factors he was attracted to and that his body instantly reacted to. It couldn't be that complicated, emotions could mostly be explained, especially arousal, but why was he shaking like this?

At least he was shaking in his own apartment and not under the muscular man, feeling his weight on top of him as he grabbed his legs with strength and lifted them up like it was nothing.

_Fuck._

He cursed out loud and intertwined the fingers of his right hand with his black bangs, pulling a little to distract himself. Unfortunately, it didn't really help, instead he felt the sensation of warmth and urgency between his legs get worse as he remembered his encounter in a hotel room several weeks ago. How did people deal with situations like his? Humans tended to use the same behavioral strategies with the same people. Hyungwon had started with innuendos and hands on his body, how the hell was he supposed to stop now?

Through cognitive functions, like an adult.

Chewing on his lip, he instantly pulled his tight jeans down his legs, making sure they didn't catch unpleasantly on his erection before throwing the rest of his clothes into a basket in the corner of his living space. The only separate room was the bathroom.

_Just take care of this and forget about it._

His exhales were irregular when he lay down on top of his bed, naked, and spread his legs a little, giving him enough space to move his hand. He started out slow, fingers walking gradually over his chest and squeezing his thigh before he finally wrapped them around his erection. There was a bit of precum at the tip that he spread over the head, improving the slide and the sensation.

His blood resembled the sound of the sea in his ears, loud and helping to fade out his surroundings, his bed and his apartment, easily transporting him back a few weeks. White sheets with dark purple covers, soft and pleasant on his skin surrounded him instead, followed by pale, muscular hands touching him, caressing his skin until curved lips closed around the tip of his dick and sucked. Fuck.

Hyungwon sped up the strokes of his hand. His eyes were firmly closed, keeping up the image of Hoseok between his legs, pleasuring him the way he had in Philadelphia. It felt good now and it had felt almost overwhelming back then.

He couldn't resist and thrust up into his own hand, imagining the gaze with which Hoseok had looked at him, eyes almost black as his curved lips curled upwards, revealing a playful grin. The older man was gorgeous, even when he wasn't doing anything, standing across from him at the metro and staring, eyes saying what the body wanted to do.

Lips parted, Hyungwon moaned repeatedly, rolling his head on top of his pillow as his mind provided him with the mental imagery, he had attempted to forget for the past few weeks. It had been futile as everything returned with new vividness.

When the familiar coil contracted in his lower body and he felt his balls pull up, Hyungwon bit down on his lips to contain the sounds. Orgasming into his own hand, he let his eyes flutter open as his chest rose and fell quickly, returning him back to reality.

A reality in which he jerked off while thinking about his second supervisor.

Shit.

 

_

 

Sundays were great, there was nobody at the reception area and therefore also nobody who could judge Hyungwon for being crazy enough to come to work. It wasn't like he really wanted to, he could have worked at home too, but the stupid VPN client was broken and hadn't been fixed yet. He couldn't work and analyze data without access to the data and he couldn't write the data up in the form of a paper without access to it.

Sighing loudly, he pressed the familiar elevator button. The only disadvantage about Sundays was that most doors were closed, so he could only enter through the main entrance through a chip card that has special rights. It was a sneaky way to make him feel important despite doing slave work

He almost fell asleep in the elevator, getting a semi heart attack when the soft bell rang to announce that he had arrived.

Opening the strangely purple door to his hallway, he slowed down, suddenly remembering Hoseok’s threat of sending him back home on Sunday.

_As if he'll be here, why would he?_

Ignoring his concerns, Hyungwon resumed his pace and opened his office before letting himself fall in Sammy’s office chair. It was so much better, almost like a status symbol.

_Science needs more sacrifices before you can have a chair like that._

He turned on his pc, opened the document and attempted to write, typing furiously just to delete everything again. Regina hated his writing style but it was so fucking hard to change, like adjusting a personality trait.

He heard steps and the sound of keys opening the door across from him.

_Oh god._

Hyungwon froze in place, glancing to the side where his door was partially opened, giving him the perfect angle of Hoseok’s firm ass. Trying to be as quiet as possible, he stood up and shut the door with his index finger and thumb, hoping that the older man hadn't realized.

Throwing himself back into his office chair, he exhaled in relief and was just about to continue writing when his screen blinked with a new incoming email, from Prof. Lee.

_Fuck._

Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon clicked on the small window and waited for the respective email to open. It was worse than checking the state of his paper, which he had avoided the last few weeks, successfully.

‘Dear Hyungwon,

not to be the old man who ruins all the fun, but why are you at work on a Sunday?

All the best.

Hoseok.’

Hyungwon groaned out loud until he remembered that it was ridiculously easy to listen in and plastered his palm over his mouth. This was getting surreal.

‘Dear Hoseok,

not to be that guy who has to point out hypocrisy, but why are you?

All the best,

Hyungwon’

He massaged his temples and tried to force more ways to describe a task out of his brain. It was difficult to write like somebody else when his only experience consisted of writing like Hyungwon. He was again disrupted by an email.

‘Dear Hyungwon,

I am at work because it is expected of a professor to ‘invest an extraordinary amount of personal resources in research and teaching’. Did you have coffee?

Br

Hoseok’

Hyungwon stared at the email for what felt like five minutes until he felt competitive for no reason whatsoever and turned to the left, opening one of the drawers of his desk and got out the very first contract he had signed. Sure, most people had one contract and lived with it, but doing science consisted of having employment for half a year and hoping for an extension.

Looking through the details on the contract, he found the one sentence that pointed out his requirement to work beyond what he was paid for if necessary. He took a photo with his phone and uploaded it over Dropbox, hereby enabling him to attach it to his next email.

‘Dear Hoseok,

The same applies to me. Also, yes, I’ve had approximately three cups of coffee at this point.

Cheers

Hyungwon’

It felt like they were getting more and more informal in each email. Maybe Hoseok was like Regina and one could tell his mood from his emails. When Hyungwon’s boss was furious she only signed with ‘-R’ and didn’t bother with an introduction. The question about coffee sounded a little bit like the older man intended on inviting him for coffee, however, Hyungwon had just arrived and would feel ridiculously unproductive if he instantly left to drink coffee and thirst over his second supervisor.

_Nope, Hyungwon, no thirsting. You’re done with this, that's what you drank coffee for._

His display lit up again.

‘Wow, I hope pulling out your contract to submit evidence was worth it and gives you a positive mindset. Have a productive day.’

Hyungwon wanted to punch him for making him feel stupid, but instead he inhaled roughly and returned to the black letters in his google doc document, taunting him for not writing more even though he was supposed to hand in his first draft on Monday. Something told him that Regina wouldn’t even bother to look at it on Monday, but she was definitely going to give him hell for not finishing it on time.

_This is supposed to be your job, why are you so bad at it?_

Groaning again, he opened the email from before, typing an answer.

‘Doing science taught me to be critical and provide evidence. I am not sure a positive mindset exists in my vocabulary, but I hope you are productive too.’

He didn’t need to reply, he could have also continued writing his paper like he was supposed to, but it felt strange to leave something slightly provocative unanswered.

Feeling no better, he returned his attention to his paper, typing furiously to get the words out of his head and onto the white space. It didn’t have to be perfect, he had to write it first and as soon as that was done, he could revise it the rest of the day and send it to Regina, finally having some peace of mind.

Until she found the next task.

When the time at the bottom of his screen showed 15:00, Hyungwon decided that it was definitely time for lunch, or early dinner. It was difficult to tell at this point. His head hurt like a bitch and his fingers had only managed to write another two pages, nothing to be proud off. There was still a sketch of the introduction left and that was the hardest part, arguing why whatever he was doing is a valuable contribution to the scientific world. Hyungwon wasn’t even really convinced himself yet, that made convincing others that didn’t give a single fuck about his research even harder.

Pushing himself away from his desk dramatically, he hoped that it would help him separate himself from the words on his screen. His fingers hurt from hitting the keys of the keyboard for hours before deleting everything again and there was an unpleasant throbbing beneath his nose bridge.

_You hate this, you hate it and you still do it._

When he finally left his office for the first time since 10AM, he inhaled the scent of old carpet and stared at the door across from him.

_He asked you to join him last time, so you can ask too, can’t you?_

Probably not, but they didn’t really have the most typical relationship out there. How many grad-students could say that they fucked their second supervisor at a conference?

Knocking briefly, he suppressed the wish to run away quickly like after a bell prank and chewed on his cheek. He didn’t wait for a reply because it wouldn’t have mattered, people always either called you in or didn’t hear you.

“Lunch?” he asked as his eyes focused on the older man who sat on his chair, spread-legged, typing something. After spotting Hyungwon, he lifted an eyebrow and a corner of his curved mouth.

“You don't mean the cafeteria, right? Because I'd rather starve.” The older man had his hair styled up which made him look even hotter, in addition to his tight shirt and black jeans.

“It's- Sunday,” Hyungwon muttered and laughed. Usually, he would have eaten the poor excuse for food at the cafeteria, but there weren't many options on a Sunday.

“Oh, they're not open? I don't know because I never go there. Japanese then.” Hoseok stood up and slipped his wallet into the back pocket of his jeans, looking hot and absolutely unbothered.

_It's as if he didn't undress you with his eyes yesterday._

“Is it affordable with a 65% position?” Hyungwon asked and brushed through his hair, purposefully not looking at the way Hoseok’s thighs filled out his jeans, crotch area hinting at his big dick. He tried not to look, but kind of failed.

“You can eat miso soup.” Hoseok walked out and waited for him to follow, throwing his leather jacket over one muscular shoulder. “Or sweet potato fries. You look as if you eat stuff like that.”

Hyungwon genuinely wondered whether there was something about him that screamed fast-food. He actually didn't like being obvious.

“I love sweet potato fries; how could you tell?” He grinned and stepped to the side, waiting for Hoseok to leave his office and lock the door.

It was weird as Hoseok seemed lost in thought, not reacting to his joke and not really paying attention to him. The gorgeous older man stepped into the elevator and pressed the button absentmindedly, broad back hitting the wall quietly as Hoseok leaned back, closing his eyes as soon as the elevator started moving.

“Something on your mind?” Hyungwon asked as soon as they arrived, tapping the older man's shoulder lightly.

“Mhm,” Hoseok hummed and left the building, holding the door for Hyungwon and moving towards the Japanese restaurant across the road. He used the underground path so that they walked past the spot where the older man had leaned in closely and brought Hyungwon out of concept.

_You won’t be able to walk past here without thinking about it, will you?_

He swallowed and brushed through his hair again, watching the way Hoseok simply walked straight ahead, like there was something else on his mind, more important than conversation with a grad-student who worked on Sundays.

When they arrived at the rather big restaurant, mostly empty because nobody went to eat near the university at 3PM on a Sunday, Hoseok walked inside and sat down at one of the tables in the corner, brown benches decorated with red pillows and tables made of equally dark brown wood. It looked nice and a tiny bit fancy even though it probably wasn’t. Hyungwon enjoyed the way it looked, like a proper restaurant.

“It looks fancy,” he remarked and grabbed the menu after sitting down on the bench closer to the wall. There were various sushi menus and sweet potato fries as an extra. The best place ever.

“It's okay. I recommend a set menu, you'll get the most for your money,” the older man murmured without taking a look at it. Pulling out his phone, he typed something before stuffing it back into his way too tight jeans.

“What’s the matter?” Hyungwon pursed his lips in frustration. The professor appeared to be in his own world, an intimate relationship with his phone that repeatedly disappointed him if his desperate sighs were anything to judge by. Attempting to hide how annoyed he was, Hyungwon plastered a bright smile on his face. It felt like he wasn’t even there, just an extra.

_Maybe you shouldn’t have asked him, he probably only pays attention to his company when he is the initiator._

“Oh, sorry, we have a problem with a study and I don't know how to solve it yet, I guess I'll have to sleep on it a few times or go skinny dipping in the Isar at night.” Hoseok smiled apologetically. “Did you finish what you wanted to do?”

Hyungwon coughed awkwardly to hide his expression of shock at the mental image of his second supervisor skinny dipping in the river at night.

“I’m not attempting to sell myself for more than my input is worth, but sometimes it can be helpful to share the problem and discuss it,” he remarked, voice a little rough from swallowing air painfully.

“I know. But unfortunately, one of the girls made a mistake and if I tell you, you might know who it was and she would feel worse than she already does, so I have to pass. It's not because I don't want to share with you or anything.” The older man chewed on his bottom lip intensively before the waiter came and they happened to order the same menu.

Hyungwon couldn’t help but stare at the changes in Hoseok’s facial expression as he ordered and smiled at the waiter, before returning to the worried and concerned frown that took over his handsome features. The older man was really attractive. Sure, Hyungwon could tell he was older, but there was something mysterious and fascinating about him, like one needed to evoke some reaction from him to find out more.

It was crazy how much Hoseok cared about his grad-students, unwilling to make them look bad in front of Hyungwon even though he wasn’t that closely involved.

“They work really hard. Last week they told me that one internship girl left and gave them a huge bag of clothes that they divided among themselves. Quite a few items remained and they kept them in the office, using it for a change of clothes when they need it. That’s pretty crazy if you ask me.” It wasn’t really relevant, but Lisa had told him the week before, excited about a pullover that she found and put on because it had gotten ridiculously cold. It was simply crazy that they stayed long enough to need a change of clothes.

_Maybe you would too, but you’re a pig._

“Mhm, I'm trying to get things running again after I was absent for a year and it's like opening a giant shit hole and falling inside. Yeah, anyway, I hope that you'll finish quickly and can go home.” The handsome black-haired man took a sip of his coke and stared at the table for no reason.

“Is there- something I can help with?” Hyungwon asked even though he was drowning in a sea of responsibilities. There was something about the way Hoseok looked that made him want to help out, make him joke and be more relaxed again. It was a whole fucking mess. “At least I could help calm her down maybe. I don't judge them for making mistakes. It happens all the time, I’m a pretty good example of that.”

_Yeah, your boss hates you because of that fuck up._

“I guess you lost some sense of reality after staying so late yesterday. We're eating together because you're here on a Sunday, you want more work? You feel unchallenged? Want me to challenge you?” Hoseok suddenly concentrated all his attention on him, staring intensely with his dark, narrowed eyes.

Hyungwon felt the release of adrenaline in his blood even before the effects really kicked in, heartbeat increasing in frequency and big eyes unable to look away from the expression on the professor’s face. There were a lot of answers that popped up in his head, but none of them were even remotely appropriate for the situation. He had been annoyed by the lack of attention, but as soon as he received it, he became speechless, returning to the way he had felt the day before at the metro, staring while his body was burning like a match.

“Depends on the challenge,” he muttered eventually and bit down on his bottom lip, focusing on the way the texture felt beneath his tongue.

“You-" the low voice started, sounding dangerous, before Hoseok was interrupted by the waiter who had brought the food. Smiling brightly, Hoseok nodded at the young man who put the plate in front of him, as if he hadn't stared Hyungwon down with those panther eyes of his. “Let's see if you can finish the meal, it'll be enough of a challenge for you,” he hissed.

Hyungwon wanted to curse, to tell him to fuck himself, but he didn’t. Because no matter how angry he was and how relaxed the older man acted around him. He was still his second supervisor and could influence his future, whether he intended on doing it or not.

“Whatever,” he murmured, the most hostile response he allowed himself and grabbed his chopsticks, lifting a salmon nigiri and dipping it in soy sauce briefly before inserting it into his mouth. It was really tasty, just like the soup which he tried right after.

“Oh, you might be able to fit it all in,” Hoseok whispered and grinned, stuffing a maki into his mouth right after.

_So that’s the game._

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied and licked over his lips briefly. The corners of his mouth lifted up in a smirk as he took his spoon and filled it with a little bit of soup. Closing his plump lips around the liquid delicately, he enjoyed the taste while visibly sliding the spoon as far as possible into his mouth, keeping it there for a few seconds before he pulled it back out and filled it with soup again. Not having a gag reflex had to have some advantage.

Hoseok hissed before catching himself.

“You're supposed to eat the soup, not the spoon,” the older man commented before Hyungwon felt the other man's leg brush against his shin as if by accident.

He instantly bit his cheek to shut the fuck up, purposefully stretching out his long legs a little. The sensation was hot, like Hoseok’s body temperature was much higher than his own.

“Sorry, I like the way it fills out my mouth,” he replied smugly, and licked over the spoon, placing it back into the soup as he returned his attention to the sushi. He grabbed another piece with his chopsticks and inserted it into his mouth, licking over his lips right after. He made sure to keep it subtle enough to still look attractive while remaining provocative. Too much looked cheap and too little had no effect. It had to be just right.

_But why? He’s your supervisor._

Because he had provoked him, pretending to be all that and unbothered even though he was just as intrigued.

“Kinky,” Hoseok whispered while licking his lips slowly. The older man shifted again which resulted in their thighs touching for a brief moment.

Shit, Hyungwon wanted to touch him, sink to the ground and blow him, right there in the damn sushi restaurant.

Inhaling slowly to not reveal his thoughts, he glanced up. Another piece of fish wrapped in rice and seaweed disappeared between his lips as he sucked on his thumb and index finger briefly to remove sticky rice, abandoning his chopsticks for good. His slim legs shifted under the table as he slipped his right leg between Hoseok’s muscular ones and carefully rubbed along the older man’s inner thigh. It was dumb, it really was, but he still did it, ditching appropriate behavior.

Hoseok inhaled sharply, while staring into his eyes like he was ready to jump before catching his calf with his strong hands.

Hyungwon instantly attempted to pull it back, as if burned while not daring to look away from the dark expression on the older man’s gorgeous, pale face. His food was forgotten as one hand rested on his own thigh and the other on the table, gripping the edge.

Suddenly, Hoseok leaned in closer while still keeping his knee in the tight grip of his hand. He felt the fingers of the other man's hand stroke from his knee upwards slowly, almost dancing with how gentle they were.

Shit, fucking shit. Hyungwon’s eyes widened as his lips parted and released a gasp, blood rushing loudly in his ears. It wasn’t much, it was only muscular hands on his thigh, absolutely meaningless compared to what Hoseok had done to him before, but still his body responded, tingling sensation spreading from the points of contact. There was something hot about the fact that he hadn’t been able to pull his leg away, caught in the firm grip.

Hoseok stopped right before his crotch, scratching down his inner thigh towards the knee instead, all the while licking his lips and obviously eating him up with his black eyes. As soon as the older man's fingers reached his knee again, Hoseok let go and picked up his chopsticks, dipping the sushi into the soy sauce.

Hyungwon wanted to die again, body burning with each breath that he sucked through his plump lips and with the feeling of Hoseok’s nails on his thigh. The touch was gone but the tingling remained, travelling upwards towards his crotch and making him respond, right there, on a Sunday at 4PM at a Japanese restaurant with his second supervisor.

He tried to compose himself, to sit straight and grab his chopsticks. His eyes were focused on the way the big piece of fish looked on the ball of rice, the last piece that remained. He stuffed his mouth with it and wished for the black-haired man to grab his wrist, to pull him over the table and make him sit on his lap, thick dick obvious under his lean thighs.

_You’re crazy, you’re fucking crazy. He’s grading your thesis, Hyungwon, fuck._

The worst was that Hyungwon knew exactly how it felt. He didn’t even need to try hard to imagine it, he clearly remembered strong hands around his waist, rolling him over the older man’s gigantic erection while his back was pressed against the wall, limited in his motions on purpose. Fuck, it must have been Karma, Karma for forgetting about work and enjoying himself at his first conference.

“You're nuts,” Hoseok remarked, chewing on his salmon nigiri. “And I'm nuts.”

“Fuck my life,” he whispered, cursing in front of the older man and suppressing the need to touch him inappropriately in public. He couldn't, he fucking couldn’t. He was going to remain seated on his stupid red pillow on a brown bench and finish his Miso soup while having basic, meaningless conversation with a professor who was going to grade his thesis and was therefore off limits.

“You help students in need, right? What kind of help does that include?” he asked and almost face palmed at the way his voice sounded, even lower than usual. He hadn’t intended to sound needy but his body wasn’t playing according to the rules of decency.

Hoseok stared at him, expression deadpan, before he took a spoon of soup, swallowing visibly.

“You want me to help you? What kind of help do you need?”

“Never mind,” he replied quickly and returned his attention to his soup. ‘Your dick’ sounded a little too extreme just like ‘the physical kind’. Shit, this was getting embarrassing. He needed to get a grip and learn to be just as professional and nonchalant as Hoseok managed to be, at least mostly. The older man did react to his innuendos.

“Undecided? You can always come to me,” the older man commented with a smile that transferred into a grin the longer he stared.

_Definitely not for that._

“I’m not sure you’re the right person for that.” Grabbing his miso soup with both hands, Hyungwon gulped down the rest, proud of himself for finishing a whole damn meal in addition to sweet potato fries that he had stuffed into himself at the very beginning. “Not anymore.”

“What?” The older man leaned in, looking a little angry. “Because of the conference? You have no idea how much time and resources I'm using to change something in this crooked department, and I definitely care, so if you think you can't tell me something because of what happened, then I'm sorry, but it means nothing, neither for your grade nor for my concern about your working environment.” Hoseok finished his coke in one gulp and pulled out his wallet, throwing a twenty-euro bill on the table and leaving without any further comment.

_What?_

Hyungwon sat there, staring into nothing and shocked by how the older man must have misunderstood him.

_He thought you didn’t want to talk about personal problems because he fucked you._

‘It means nothing’ Hoseok had said, emphasizing that being in a sexual relationship for one night had absolutely no meaning, neither for their work nor for their future interactions. But somehow it did, didn't it? Otherwise they wouldn’t be acting like this, throwing innuendos at each other and unable to erase from their faces the obvious desire to be sexually close. Hyungwon would have been distant had they not fucked in Philadelphia. He would have treated Hoseok like any other supervisor, shown him his work, possibly asked a few professional questions and remained in his office otherwise. There was no way that being close didn’t change anything.

Sure, maybe it didn’t change anything about the fact that Hoseok was appointed to help with work conditions and that he was willing to be open-minded about it, but there was no way that Hyungwon was going to talk about it. It wasn’t all that bad, he could take it. Everybody suffered in science, there was no need to ruin the relationship of two colleagues because of that. Hoseok probably had quite a few years where he was going to work with Regina, who was Hyungwon to ruin that? Especially if most of the treatment was his own fault in the first place.

Paying for his own meal and feeling a little bad for accepting the older man‘s change, Hyungwon crossed the road and returned to the university building, steps a little unsure and adrenaline remaining in his blood because of how angry Hoseok had been. It felt like he had fucked up again, because of a misunderstanding.

When the elevator arrived, he walked slower than usual, attempting to remain quiet as he entered the hallway and finally reached the older man’s door that was open wide, as usual. Stopping in the door frame, Hyungwon stared at the way Hoseok sat in his office chair, occupied with the screen of his computer for a little bit, until he cleared his throat.

Nobody was there, just them, he could say it.

“I meant you’re not the right person to fuck me anymore, for fuck’s sake,” he muttered before turning around as quickly as he could without looking like an idiot and disappeared in his office, closing the door behind himself. It felt safe, kind of.

_Just pretend it never happened, like Philadelphia._

He was going to start a collection of repressed memories, continuing until psychoanalysis had enough reasons to argue that they were relevant. Or until he cracked and fucked up enough to get fired.

A glance at his shiny laptop screen revealed the unfinished document that had to be completed in a few hours.

_Just write, Hyungwon, that’s your fucking job._

 

 

***

 

 

_Maybe you’re oversensitive?_

Hoseok really wasn’t someone to make scenes or react harshly as soon as something went in a direction he did not want, but the grad-student’s comment had hurt and pulled on something that was really important to him.

_You want to be a trustworthy person, also for him. But he keeps making innuendos and acts on your mutual sexual interest._

Opening his office with his key, he hesitated for a second before leaving the door open, in case Hyungwon wanted to talk.

_You have to do it, so he at least has the possibility of talking to you._

He heard steps approaching and tried to act busy, clicking on a proposal and pseudo reading what it said. The tall man appeared in his door frame as he could see in his periphery and sucked in a breath.

“I meant you’re not the right person to fuck me anymore, for fuck’s sake,” the handsome black-haired boy exclaimed and slammed his door behind himself.

_What?_

Well, that went well. So, in the end it had been both. Not the person to talk to, because Hyungwon never did despite crazy working conditions, and also not sexually, which was reasonable considering their situation and the dependency relationship. But little did Hyungwon know that he had graded his ex-boyfriend’s master thesis C because it was bad. Despite loving and, as a matter of fact, also fucking him.

_Because academia and personal relationships have no overlap. There is none and there should be none._

Sighing, he stood up, feeling the need to talk this out before the misunderstanding remained unsolved. Knocking briefly, he opened the door and stuck his head through the door crack.

“I have a conceptual problem with being ‘the right’ person for anything. If it referred to some kind of skill or had a behavioral context I would understand. For example: ‘I don’t want to engage with you sexually because you don’t satisfy my needs.’ However, I got your point and I hope that you will have a productive day, acting as if you’re okay working on a Sunday and rubbing my thighs instead of talking to me about grad-school stress. Have a nice day.” He closed the door again and sat down on his chair, sighing loudly.

_Why does he have to be so pretty? And hot._

His door opened as the black-haired boy’s head poked through, staring at him with big eyes.

“I want to apologize for the outburst,” he muttered and instantly shifted his gaze to the carpet in front of him. It was the same disgusting grey color as in the rest of the building. “But for the record, you’re the one who rubbed over my thigh, I only shifted.”

_As if._

“Liar,” he whispered, glancing at the other man’s handsome face.

“Only partially, I wasn’t the one to grab your thigh and let my fingers run over it, you were. I merely moved my legs.”

Hyungwon must’ve been kidding him. The only reason for grabbing the younger man’s knee was the fact that the said knee had rubbed over his inner thigh and he didn’t want to get hard in public.

_But you should apologize if he didn’t want it and you still touched him._

“You didn’t like it?” he asked, rolling back from the table and turning to the younger man.

“What? No- I mean, yes- as in- I didn’t mind,” the black-haired boy babbled with wide eyes and opened the door a little further, revealing the rest of his long body as he stumbled inside. “God, I’m sorry, I provoked it.”  
  
_Great, now he apologizes._

“Listen, Hyungwon, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be like this to you, no matter how nice you smell, you are right to demand to not be touched or be talked to disrespectfully at work. I apologize and I will make sure that it doesn’t happen again. Also sorry for overreacting, being considered a trustworthy person is extremely important to me.” Hoseok brushed a loose strand behind his ear and sighed.

Hyungwon chewed on his cheek, humming quietly and leaning against the door of his office, foot drawing random patterns on the carpet.

“You weren’t being disrespectful, it’s fine, just- is it because of my scent?” The black-haired boy lifted his head and glanced up, lips pressing together for a few seconds, making them seem slim until they returned to their usual fullness, taking up most of the space on the small face.

_Not only._

He contemplated how to say the truth without being a suggestive prick and at the same time keep his role as Hyungwon’s second supervisor and not the old dude who thirsts after him.

“You are very- attractive, but that’s not an excuse, so I’ll pay more attention,” he murmured, licking over his lips and trying not to look at Hyungwon who was indeed fucking attractive.

A mesmerizing smile appeared on the pretty boy’s face, like he was genuinely happy about being complimented, long fingers playing with the fabric of his loose t-shirt. Hoseok didn’t even have to look at him directly to be able to see it. It was pretty and adorable how Hyungwon tilted his head downwards, like he wished to hide his face a little.

_Why is he doing this to you? Fuck._

Hoseok groaned and buried his face in his palms for a few seconds, before looking up again.

“I won’t keep you from work anymore, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered, still not really looking at him and slipped out again, closing the door behind himself even though Hoseok kept it open.

_It’s better._

Glancing at the screen of his monitor, he remembered the fact that he didn’t have time to find twenty-something grad-students adorable, there were so many things to do.

 _Stop thinking about irrelevant stuff. You didn't come back for this._  
  


_  
  


The weeks passed and the semester started, bringing him more work, even more work and three hundred new bachelor students in the first semester who thought he was some kind of consultation office. He was almost desperate enough to call central administration so that they would remove his email address from the homepage, god.

It was 10PM when he arrived home, opening his apartment with the small key and stepping inside. If he was honest it felt more like a hotel, there were no personal belongings, only books and furniture, but the books made him feel better, so that was at least something.

Pulling out his phone, he called Changkyun, setting the time and place for their meet up, before he showered and got dressed. He hadn’t gone out since he came back from California which was almost two months ago. The workload was no joke.

_Maybe you can exchange memories?_

That would be nice, as the last person he had slept with had been the gorgeous black-haired caramel boy from the office across from his. He really didn’t want to think about it anymore, it ruined his libido and his professional attitude.

_It’s as if someone put candy in front of you and watches how you struggle because you know how tasty it is._

But there was more candy and it was time to think about something else besides work, which was why he had picked a black button down, leaving the first three buttons open because it looked really good, and pulled the tight ripped jeans over his trained butt.

_You look great._

But he would’ve looked better if he had slept properly, which Changkyun immediately remarked on as soon as they entered the familiar bar. He hadn’t been there for ages, but it still felt nice, like- like before? Before before? When he didn’t have a relationship and when he had thought that submitting his postdoctoral qualification would give him freedom and that he would be able to make things better and be happily in a relationship with someone he loved, that there was no such thing as ‘science or nothing’, but oh well.

Smiling brightly, he got himself a Whisky-Cola and a gin and tonic for Changkyun. The alcohol tasted really nice, he also didn’t have time to drink for almost two months.

“Look, I think there’s candy you would like.” His friend pointed at a blonde, boyish-looking man, smiling prettily.

_True. He’s beautiful._

Smiling back, Hoseok lifted his glass and winked. The handsome man lowered his gaze and smiled again, shit, he loved it so much. It reminded him of the way Hyungwon had reacted after Hoseok had told him that he was attractive.

_It shouldn’t remind you of the grad-student next door, Hoseok. It shouldn’t remind you of anything besides your preferences, which are clear._

He sighed at himself and gestured at the chair next to him, in case the pretty blonde boy wanted to join.

“Can you tell me how you are before the dude falls head over heels and you leave?” Changkyun asked, biting into his arm playfully, but not affectionate enough to discourage his gorgeous, blonde candy.

“Okay? I guess? It’s a lot, it always is, the politics are fucked up, Regina wanted to resign a year ago but I guess she’ll stay until she dies. Or me, I’ll die. But the problem is, I don’t want to die, I want her to finally leave, so I won’t have the ‘but wait till she’s gone’ discussions with HR and the university committee. I also don’t want to see her to be honest, but that’s working quite well lately, because she always writes emails.” He turned to his friend with a pained expression on his face. “But can I not talk about that? It ruins my mood, I’m here to have fun, ok?” he whined.

“Sure, your man is on the way.” His friend gestured to the side and Hoseok felt the slim man’s thighs touch his own. God, it was so nice, he was starving.

“Hey there, I’m Minhyuk. Your smile is beautiful,” the blonde boy murmured and looked down, smiling. The best.

“I’m Hoseok, nice to meet you. What are you drinking? Is it vodka?” he asked and leaned in, smelling the other man’s pink lips while exhaling against them on purpose. He heard the boy hiss before the warm, prettily shaped mouth touched his eagerly, tongue lapping at his upper lip. Changkyun’s chair screeched which meant that the other man intended to look for better company than Hoseok. They were cock-blocks when they were together.

_He tastes good._

Minhyuk did, touching his thigh sensually. He opened his eyes and stared at the pretty boy, brushing a loose strand behind his ear and watching his face intently, how blush spread along his neck and how his pupils widened the longer Hoseok stared at him.

_Strong, immediate effect is the best. He’s hot, really hot._

“You’re so pretty, makes me want to make you feel really good,” he whispered before licking his lips and touching the other man’s with his thumb, enjoying the texture.

“You can make me feel good? And how?” the boy teased, biting down on his lower lip and moving his hand further up his thigh.

Hoseok took his hand and pulled it towards his crotch, twitching once for effect.

“Come here, I’ll show you,” he hissed into the blonde man’s ear. There was a half moan and more than enough reaction for Hoseok to be sure that they should leave. He looked around to say goodbye to Changkyun before his eyes settled on a pair of huge brown ones that didn’t fit into the picture and also somehow shouldn’t have been there.

_Why is he here?_

Hyungwon looked gorgeous, wearing a black semi-transparent loose shirt, waist clearly visible through the contrast of skin versus no skin. A black, almost lace-like ribbon was arranged at the top, framing his collarbones much like the boy himself. A glance downwards revealed tight jeans, leather judging by the reflections.

_He looks like a fucking present._

_But it's not your birthday party, so off limits._

Hyungwon was staring at them with wide eyes, but mostly at the boy in his arms instead of him for some reason. But the reason was irrelevant and so was the fact that Hyungwon was there, so he curled his arm around the gorgeous waist and pulled Minhyuk closer, licking over his pretty neck once while making sure to let him feel his crotch against his own. He felt fingers sink into the muscles of his butt and he knew it was going to be a really good night.

“Let’s go, babe?” he asked, licking over his lips.

Minhyuk grinned and waved towards somebody before curling an arm around Hoseok’s neck and almost pulling him along instead of being the one to be pulled.

“Take me home, big boy.”

“In the process,” he replied and slapped his firm butt, forgetting about Changkyun and everybody else. It was nice for once.  
  
_  
  
Work was work, and labor code was labor code, but the weekend was officially the only time he was able to have peace and work on the things that needed a lot of thinking and conceptualizing.

_At least you’re not running around horny and are able to be a proper supervisor without touching your grad-student’s thighs._

The gorgeous, blonde boy had known how to make it fun and they basically fucked until it was light outside and it got awkward, and because Minhyuk had probably been sore, but oh well.

Smiling brightly, he printed the paper he had read and considered relevant for Hyungwon’s research area and made his way to the office across. Knocking three times, he opened the door.

“Hey there.”

The black-haired boy didn't react, headphones covering his ears and eyes focused on the screen. It looked like he was staring at his email provider without really doing anything.

He threw the pile of paper on his table, knowing that it didn’t matter how he approached the other man anyway.

Instead of jerking, Hyungwon merely turned to the side slowly and stared at him.

“Hi,” he muttered as he pulled down his headphones. “What's that?”

“It’s a present. Actually, it’s not a present, it’s a paper that I read today and that made me think about your research. I think you could definitely use that in your discussion. How are you? You look tired.” He smiled, but couldn’t help being a little worried.

Hyungwon's face rearranged into a grimace as he talked about the paper not really being a present until it turned apathetic. It was a little weird, like the younger man was amused by something but not really, fake amused.

“Great, simply thinking about work, the usual, thanks for that.” Turning back to his laptop, Hyungwon closed his email provider and opened a document. It looked like a paper draft, appearing partially familiar.

_Is he in a bad mood because he has to write a paper?_

Hoseok leaned in and flew over the first couple of lines, getting a bad feeling the further it got.

_Oh god. It’s the paper you rejected. Oh fuck._

Leaning back, he swallowed, remembering the reasons and trying to think about what he had written into the review back then.

_You wrote your name, telling him that you’d be available to discuss the rejection further._

“It was you,” he muttered, suddenly not as happy anymore but instead affected by Hyungwon’s face.

“Mmh,” the younger man responded quietly, like he didn't need any further explanations on Hoseok's part to know what it was about. Not looking up, Hyungwon merely scrolled through the paper, stopping at a random part in the introduction where he began to make comments.

He knew this feeling, he knew it so well, back then being in graduate school, during his second PhD. He had countless papers rejected, but his first one had been the worst.

_It must be the first one._

“Do you want feedback on that?” he asked, not intending on taking anything back because he was pretty sure that Regina wrote half of it, which made it look messy in the end and resulted in rejection.

“Nah, you were pretty detailed, it all makes sense. Thanks,” Hyungwon replied and added another comment, typing furiously without looking up.

_He doesn’t want to talk about it, especially not with you._

Walking over to the door he opened it, looking back once.

“You can tell her that it was me. She can come over to argue,” he commented and closed the door behind himself.

How could a person go from happy to sad in five minutes? He felt a little unfairly treated because it had been one of the rare days when he had a positive mindset, but seeing Hyungwon like that broke his fucking heart, he was sensitive for no reason.

_But only towards his feelings, not regarding the paper. The decision was right._

Sitting down on his chair, he opened the next paper due, making sure he had read everything carefully and started writing the review.

After a few hours he managed to finish: a quarter of a paper review, the introduction for a script, comments on the paper abstracts of two of his PhD students and write a faculty reminder of how a professor should fucking behave according to law. He knew that nobody read them, but if Regina got pissed, it was worth it.

Hyungwon hadn’t left the office since they talked at noon and he started worrying about the other man. Eating was still something one had to do, no matter how busy one was.

Opening his door, he walked two steps and knocked, before opening Hyungwon’s, smiling brightly to cheer the other man up.

The first thing that caught his attention was the unusual way Hyungwon sat in his office chair. The black-haired boy was almost lying on top of his desk, arms crossed and face buried in the space between them. His butt barely touched the seat of his chair, like he was at the brink of falling off, back shaking uncontrollably.

_He’s crying, oh god._

Hoseok closed the distance and curled an arm around Hyungwon’s shoulders, trying to meet his gaze, which was not possible with how the younger man hid his face in his arms.

“Hey, what happened? Why are you crying?”

The slim body froze as if burned as Hyungwon shook his head furiously, not lifting it up and only hiding it more instead, like he didn't want Hoseok to see him like that. It was sad.

He didn’t say anything and crouched down, patting the boy’s shoulder lightly and keeping his arm around his shoulders.

Time passed as Hyungwon's shoulders kept shaking, fingers curling and uncurling without a purpose. His intakes of air were sharp and sudden, like he struggled to keep himself from hyperventilating. Suddenly, long fingers wrapped around Hoseok’s wrist as the young man lifted his head. His eyes were red and overflowing with tears, slowly running down his cheeks and over his plump lips, dropping from his chin to the desk.

_When did you see someone cry lately?_

Only himself, actually, and that didn’t count.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, please don’t cry,” he muttered and reached for the nevertheless incredibly handsome face, wiping the tears away with his thumb.

“Why- why the fuck would you apologize? You only did your job,” Hyungwon sobbed, rubbing over his gorgeous face, a little puffy but still as beautiful as ever.

_But you didn’t apologize._

“I didn’t, I said that I’m sorry, because I feel so sorry that you’re crying, god, please don’t, it hurts.” He tried to wipe away more tears from Hyungwon’s cheeks and lips but they were simply flowing. Normally he wouldn’t have touched his subordinate’s face like that but somehow it seemed easy because him and Hyungwon had been really close before.

“I'll stop eventually, just- I don't know, fuck-" Biting down on his lip painfully, the pretty boy turned his head, tilting it downwards to stare at his thighs, sniffing once in a while.

Reaching forward, Hoseok curled his fingers around the other man’s arms and moved his head down just to look up at Hyungwon, elbows slightly touching his thighs.

“Hey, tell me what’s wrong, there’s a solution for a lot of things, okay? I have two PhDs, they have to be good for something, don't they?” Hoseok improvised, stroking over Hyungwon’s thin arms in the process.

“You can't solve this, I can't fucking do it. That's it, I just- I hoped I'll manage but I can't fucking do this. I can't do shit, Hoseok,” the black-haired boy exclaimed and glanced down at him, whimpering with new tears that rolled down his cheeks and holding onto Hoseok’s wrist desperately, like he was afraid to let go.

_You have to calm him down first, so he can tell you what happened._

Actually, Hoseok was pretty convinced that he knew what had happened, but it was only an assumption and he wanted Hyungwon to tell him voluntarily.

“Can I hug you?” he asked, spreading his arms a little.

Hyungwon was chewing on his lip, moving towards him hesitantly until he nodded, exhaling against Hoseok’s shoulder. He wrapped both arms around Hyungwon’s waist and lost balance due to his crouching position, pulling Hyungwon off the chair and into his arms.

The slim boy gasped in surprise, digging his blunt fingernails into the skin of Hoseok’s back. When they were almost lying on the carpet, Hyungwon wrapped his lean arms around his neck and pressed his teary face to his chest, soaking his t-shirt.

Kneeling down to gain more stability, Hoseok’s selfishness came out and he sucked in Hyungwon’s intoxicating scent, finally being able to smell it because they were close.

_But you’re not here to smell him, Hoseok._

He lifted his hand and stroked over the boy’s black hair slowly, waiting until the tears stopped falling. Talking was good, but a hug did a lot when someone was crying or felt desperate.

“She doesn't want to sign it,” Hyungwon muttered suddenly, face still pressed to Hoseok’s muscular chest. “She wants me to submit another paper by Tuesday, but I will never manage, Hoseok, I can't fucking do it. I'm not good enough, but if she doesn't sign I won't be able to graduate, they'll throw me out of the program.” The slim boy was shaking in his arms.

_The snake._

“Well, she never wants to sign anything, so that’s not something new. She wants you to submit a paper? Because this one was rejected? But the evaluation is a formal thing, she uses it to blackmail you, Hyungwon.” He kept his hand on Hyungwon’s head, stroking down and adjusting his voice to not scream into the boy’s ear, even though he really felt like it. The topic made him so fucking angry.

“Even so, I still can't write. She's doing it because no matter what I do, I don't improve, since that one time I ruined everything, fuck,” Hyungwon muttered and trembled in his arms, hot lips moving against the skin of Hoseok’s throat as he spoke. It would’ve been hot, if the boy wasn’t this desperate.

_He wants to improve?_

“What did you ruin? Everything is going well in the project, it couldn’t have been something major.”

The younger man shook his head until he suddenly let go, rubbing over his eyes furiously and taking a few deep breaths.

“Fuck, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be like this,” he whispered and blinked a few times, staring at his hands. “I'll- I'll be fine. I'm going to find a solution, maybe- maybe a draft will be enough.”

Hoseok sighed, rubbing the tears off his jeans.

“If you’re feeling like this, then you definitely should be like this. Go home for now and let’s meet tomorrow at nine.” He reached for Hyungwon’s swollen face and removed a stray tear while chewing on his lip.

“Okay,” the pretty boy whispered in reply, not crying anymore but merely staring at him with wide eyes. His large palm lifted up and covered Hoseok’s, brushing over it lightly, fingertips like a feather. It felt strange, not like a thankful gesture or something similar, it felt alien and at the same time okay.

“Let’s go, I’m going too.” He patted the back of Hyungwon’s hand with his free palm and stood up, pulling the other man along.

There was no sound leaving the tall boy's lips as he shut down his computer, pulled his jacket over his shoulders and grabbed his backpack, ready to leave. He seemed a little out of it, staring at Hoseok without interruption.

“Let me get my bag and we’re good to go.” He turned around and packed his things quickly, hoping that Hyungwon wouldn’t start crying again, but he could understand him. Crying in the office on a Saturday evening was a thing in academia, wasn’t it?

Throwing his leather jacket over his shoulders, he hurried out and locked his door, waiting for Hyungwon and walking towards the elevator.

The tall boy followed him without hesitation, hands buried in his pockets and teeth chewing on his bottom lip. His eyes were even bigger from crying, adding to the really red, thick lips.

“I hate looking like this,” he commented suddenly and brushed through his black bangs, avoiding Hoseok’s gaze.

“Like this? You mean gorgeous?” he asked, taking in the sight of the younger man's beautiful face and pressing the ground floor.

Hyungwon chuckled.

“No, like I bawled my eyes out at prom cause my date ditched me,” he replied and a small smile appeared on his lips, not quite there yet but in the making.

“You're biased and have no simulation of how you seem to others. Please read up on this.” Hoseok grinned and walked out as soon as the elevator doors opened, waiting for Hyungwon to catch up.

“Homework, really?” the black-haired boy asked with a smile and slapped Hoseok’s shoulder briefly. The two of them were making their way towards the metro station. “I'm pretty confident about how I look, apart from when I have mental breakdowns, which is rare.”

“It's a good thing. How long do we have to wait this time?” He looked over Hyungwon’s shoulder as the young man looked up the trains.

“Eleven minutes,” the tall boy pointed out before suddenly grabbing Hoseok’s wrist with a grin. “Gotcha.”

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth, trying to think about what he could've been caught for.

Curling his fingers around Hyungwon's chin, he tilted his head.

“Gotcha.”

The other man glared at him with a raised eyebrow.

“What for? Grabbing your wrist?” he asked with a slowly spreading grin and stepped closer, eyes big and focused on Hoseok.

Something about the situation screamed ‘dangerous’ at him, but he didn’t listen, grinning back and not knowing what to say.

“Yeah, what did you ‘get me’ for?” he asked to make sure he understood what this game was about.

“Creeping up on me, like the last time.” Hyungwon's voice was low, lips vibrating from the sounds. He was close enough for the small tremble to be visible, just like the lines on his plump lips and the thin part of pink skin that separated the caramel of his cheeks from the red of his mouth.

_Because you smelled him, Hoseok._

“I didn’t creep up on you, I smelled you because I wanted to know whether you still have the caramel scent, which you have, but you’re indeed right, I maybe shouldn’t have done it while invading your personal space,” Hoseok said while holding onto Hyungwon’s chin like the worst hypocrite ever. He let go immediately after realizing the stupidity.

A smirk stayed on the gorgeous boy's features, eyes dark.

“So, you think that smelling me is so much less creepy? Do you like my scent?” The other man stepped even closer, tips of their shoes touching. Hyungwon's lips were almost grazing Hoseok’s cheek. This time they weren't alone, an elderly man sat on one of the benches and stared at them, judging hard.

_Amazing._

Hoseok really wanted to reply with something super witty, grin and be right, but the intoxicating scent filled his nose, much like when they had hugged in the office. He bridged the distance and sucked in a long breath, nose touching Hyungwon’s neck for a few seconds before he leaned back, mind clouded a little. God, he loved caramel so much.

“Mhm. I do.”

His response must have caught the young man off guard as his eyes widened and his lips parted, right hand squeezing Hoseok’s wrist unintentionally, still not letting go.

“What? Ehm, thanks,” he eventually forced out and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. Hyungwon's fingers finally unwrapped and let go of his wrist, followed by a little more distance between their bodies.

“Why do you ask if you don’t want an answer? Or did you ask thinking that I would say no?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and grinned.

“It's not your answer, it's the way you said it,” Hyungwon pointed out, eyes returning to Hoseok’s face. “Also, my scent isn't what other people usually enjoy about me.”

“What’s the next question? What I enjoy about you? There’s nothing to enjoy, you’re not a candy, you’re smart and you might be able to learn fast, I like that, but we will see tomorrow whether my assumptions are right.” He licked over his lips at the mention of candy and pulled his bag from the side, rummaging through it and finding a mint candy he immediately unwrapped and put into his mouth. “Want one?”

“Nah, I'm good.” Pursing his lips, Hyungwon leaned back against one of the pillars and brushed through his hair. “You have bars for candy, I forgot.”

Hoseok looked at Hyungwon with a blank expression on his face because he had no idea what the other man was talking about, until he remembered that he had seen the black-haired boy when he had visited his favorite gay bar on Thursday evening.

“Ah, that. Why, want to be a candy too?” he asked, leaning against an advertising board and watching how the black watch hand moved on the big white clock above him, showing the passing seconds.

It was silent as Hyungwon didn't reply, merely observing him intently with his lips pressed together. Time passed until lights appeared in the distance as the metro arrived, covering the station in a jittery yellow and eventually stopping next to them.

Pushing off the wall, the tall boy broke the eye contact and opened the doors, leaning against the glass on the side much like the last time. Hoseok did the same and watched Hyungwon’s facial expressions intently. He really didn’t want to tease or to act disrespectful, so he bit down on his lip and prepared to apologize.

“Sorry for saying that. I know that you don’t, I shouldn’t have-” he started, but the other man interrupted him.

“I do.”

“You what?” He stared at the boy’s handsome face in disbelief.

Hyungwon lifted one corner of his mouth and looked up, showing some of the delicate skin on his neck while avoiding eye contact skillfully. It didn't even look like he was really avoiding it, more like a nonchalant gesture, but after his comment avoidance seemed much more likely.

Hoseok knew that decision making was tricky, sometimes lack of resources, critical life events or other variables played into humans making really bad decisions. Considering that Hyungwon was stressed out, cried for twenty minutes against his shoulder and suddenly wanted to be a candy, it made sense.

“It’s okay. You’ll feel better tomorrow. Just try to sleep a lot. Do you want to come at ten instead of nine? But then we would have an hour less.” He ignored the previous comment and put his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.

Hyungwon continued smiling a little before shrugging briefly at his question.

“Nine is fine,” he murmured and pressed his lips together again, watching the way the metro drove into their station. Once the doors opened, he stepped out, making his way towards the exit ahead of Hoseok.

When the black-haired boy reached the top of the stairs where they had separated the last time, he turned around and pressed his flat palm to his plump lips.

“Have a good night, Prof. Lee,” he whispered before blowing him a kiss and disappearing around the corner, steps quick and echoing through the empty streets.

Hyungwon was mentally unstable, but Hoseok hoped that it would get better with a little help from his side. He really wanted Hyungwon to be satisfied and not cry in his office on a Saturday evening because his supervisor was a heartless, selfish robot.

_You comforted him and you will help him tomorrow, it’ll get better._

He smiled to himself and turned towards the street he was living in and strolled along the bars, breathing fresh evening air.

It was nice somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 8th of December at 1 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Because I need a reason to stop, but my brain can’t think of anything persuasive enough.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

Hyungwon had been pretty sure that he knew what desperation was, what feeling unable to do something felt like until he forced himself to reduce sleep and work through the night. No matter how hopeless he had felt, there had always been something he was able to do, be it not sleep, not eat, reanalyze everything, apologize, take the blame. There was always something.

_But not this time._

The blame was already his, his parts of the paper were the problematic ones, the reason for an instant rejection without revisions. No matter how little he slept, it would never be enough to write a paper in two days, neither to analyze the necessary data, nor to come up with a proper storyline. He wasn’t good enough for that.

During his master’s degree, writing had seemed easy and quick, just a matter of the right argumentation and the right questions, but he had enough feedback over the past months to know that he was wrong. He couldn’t fucking write, neither papers nor proper abstracts without his boss having to take everything he wrote and rewriting it. He couldn’t think of even one thing he had submitted that was entirely his. There was always something wrong with it.

And there was nothing he could do about it, not now that an important signature depended on his ability to stop time.

It felt like the multiple hit model, several unpleasant occurrences accumulating until he broke and cried on top of his office desk like a baby unable to stop. It wasn’t bad enough to be depressed, but it was definitely enough to feel hopeless, no matter how much his second supervisor had embraced him and attempted to calm him down.

_He’s doing all kinds of things, isn’t he? Hug you while you cry, fuck your best friend, tell you you’re being emotional._

His chuckle sounded loud to his own ears, confusing a student that was probably ridiculously late to her eight o’clock lecture. Hyungwon still felt weak when he entered the metro at twenty to nine, giving himself enough time to get to Hoseok’s office and to put his thoughts into order. He had been emotional the night before, but he hadn’t lied, neither about his situation and his inability to write, nor about his sexual attraction towards the older man. Both were true and equally inappropriate for his working environment. PhD students were supposed to be skillful and professional and keep their fingers off their supervisors, that’s how the system worked.

Maybe it wasn’t as explicit as a rule, but it had been perfectly obvious in Hoseok’s behavior as the older man had kept careful distance, skipping out on innuendos or at least apologizing instantly and being all serious and professional.

_How the hell are you supposed to act like that around him? It’s hard._

Hyungwon missed getting at least mildly drunk and forgetting himself, but he couldn’t even remember when the last time was. The last time when he actually enjoyed himself instead of watching his best friend walk off with his supervisor to fuck until the morning hours.

He sighed, frustrated with himself for still thinking about it. He had ditched seeing Minhyuk, worried that he would tell his best friend off for no reason, no understandable reason at least. It was childish to get angry or upset. There were clear reasons for his inability to be in his best friend’s place, there was a clear relationship between them, one that mustn’t get sexual.

_Even if it already had._

Hyungwon threw his bag into his office and closed it again, knocking on the door across. Getting his thoughts in order hadn’t been very successful, but he was already used to having to half-ass his tasks.

Hoseok surprised him by opening the door and basically bumping into him with his ridiculously muscular hulk-chest, hereby forcing him to stumble a few steps back.

“Oh, we need to go to your office anyway. Did you sleep well?” Hoseok asked and smiled beautifully. He looked really good, his hair fell into his eyes in cute waves as he probably hadn't styled it. It made him look really young even though Hyungwon still didn't know how old he actually was, probably thirty-one or two. His upper body was covered by a dark blue sweatshirt combined with ripped blue jeans that framed his thighs perfectly.

The sight was exactly the reason why Hyungwon hadn’t lied the night before.

“It was okay,” Hyungwon murmured and massaged his temple briefly, remembering the reason for their meeting.

_Because you cried and he is going to try to solve the problems you’re too dumb to solve by yourself._

That’s what Regina had written before, asking him if he was fucking up on purpose or just stupid. Seemed like it was the second after all.

He opened the door to his office again and pulled Sammy’s chair over to the side, using it for Hoseok as he sat down on his own.

“So, you are going to write a paper now and I will watch you, give you feedback, ask you questions and suggest minor changes while you do it all by yourself, then you're going to send it to the snake and put me in cc so that i can answer 10 minutes later that I've read it and that it's good. Let's see how productive you can be.” Hoseok leaned back and spread his legs.

_The snake? He really calls her ‘the snake’?_

Hyungwon decided not to comment on that as the meaning of the older man’s words slowly began to dawn upon him, repeating in his head until he was pretty close to a fucking panic attack.

Hoseok wanted him to write a paper. Now.

“W-what? Are you serious? But- the data isn’t even properly prepared yet and I haven’t even thought about how to argue. It’s this stupid intermediate result that doesn’t even answer the main question. I have no idea why she would want a paper on that, it’s like chopping an index finger off a hand and expecting it to be functional. I can’t go ahead and pull all of this out of my fucking ass in a few hours.”

When he finally stopped talking, his language dawned upon him, eyes widening only further as he held onto the edge of his desk tighter and stared at the black-haired man sitting next to him.

“Listen, Hyungwon, as someone who has been working in academia for the past 16 years, I can tell you, that people published papers out of a huge pile of shit, arguing the shit was legit because the pile was huge and therefore significant. You wanted to learn something, which is why I'm going to supervise you. If you have questions, I'll answer them all. Or not. It depends on the question.” The older man smiled and winked at him.

Shit. Hyungwon had fluently transitioned from panic to a try-not-to-die challenge. His brain got stuck at the sixteen years in academia, because the number seemed ridiculously large to him. How could Hoseok be in Academia for that long? Only if he added his university years, which meant that he must have been thirty-four, if he started university with eighteen that is.

_That’s pretty old, not for a professor, but in general it is. He looks amazing for his age._

“I’ll try,” he muttered eventually and returned his eyes to the screen, breaths leaving his lips much quicker than they were supposed to, as his thoughts rushed through all possible arguments he could use to bring the data into order. A few of the correlations could be meaningful if placed into the right context. “I think I could answer the question on whether children actually know what ‘to know’ means when they use the word,” he whispered finally.

There was silence as Hoseok seemed in thought.

“That sounds good, put it into proper theoretical background and try to make the reader understand why it's extremely important to know that and what it means for further studies. I'll use Sammy’s laptop, so ask if you have any questions. Do you want coffee? I could get us some.” The older man rolled closer and hit his chair against Hyungwon's lightly, smiling at him.

“Yes, please,” he replied quietly while his right hand already clicked through his paper collection until it found that one article on factuals and children’s understanding of ‘know’ versus ‘guess’ at a later age. That stuff could be relevant. His head was jumping from one idea to the next, instantly opening the next paper that could be relevant, piling them up on his desktop and making notes on a white sheet of paper with his shitty handwriting. He could think better on real paper.

Looking around briefly, he realized that Hoseok was gone.

He was surprised at the sudden disappearance, but decided to use the time productively, building an argument from the papers that he had and justifying the research. It sounded reasonable, almost as if he had planned the study the way he was presenting it, instead of it being a byproduct of something else. Smiling a little, he leaned back briefly, covering his eyes with his right palm and exhaling slowly.

Right at that moment a coffee cup was placed in front of him and he again saw Hoseok's smiling face. Why was the other man suddenly smiling so much? It was weird. Weird but also gorgeous, like the sunshine incarnated in the form of a human. Hoseok had a really beautiful face, curved corners of his mouth adding something genuine to his expression, like he was ecstatic seeing him work.

“I think I have an argument,” he commented and pointed at the ugly scribbles in front of him. “It might not look convincing but if I present it orally it might.”

“Well, formulating and making it sound interesting is what I’ve learned over the years, it’s actually one of the things that are really important. Take the journal, Psychological Science for instance. With you being you, so stuck on developmental psychology and kids, the articles published there still sound like something you would be interested in. The titles are really good, and the abstract immediately makes you want to read it, even though it's not remotely related to your field. This is how it should be, but you can learn it and you will learn it, do you understand?” The older man let himself fall on his chair and stared, waiting for him to say something.

Hyungwon stared back, thinking about what kind of titles he had read in Psychological Science and how he could possibly use them in his paper, chewing on his lips and furiously composing. A smile suddenly spread his lips into a thin line as the perfect title popped up in his head, based on something a lot of people should be able to relate to.

“This is kind of random, but how about: "I Knew That" - How Accurate Children's Assessment of Knowledge Really Is?”

“How about putting a controversy into the title, like: “I know that" - Do they? The accuracy of knowledge assessment in children? Sounds like they try to shit me, so I have to read up on it.” Hoseok grinned and sipped on his coffee.

Hyungwon grinned back, enthusiastic about the title. It sounded really good.

“Spoiler alert, they kinda do,” he commented and turned back to his computer, typing in the title and summing up the results in the abstract. This was much more exciting than it usually was, like there was actually a valuable outcome.

It was crazy, like a whole different world as cliché as it sounded. Hyungwon spent the rest of the day typing furiously into his computer while the older man instantly answered his questions, provided suggestions while accepting his and even brought him sweet potato fries with chili mayo, basically every PhD student’s dream. After each successfully answered question and accomplished task, Hoseok would smile brightly, like he was proud of him for achieving something, encouraging him further and bringing him coffee repeatedly. It was amazing, everything Hyungwon had ever wanted and more.

When it was pitch dark already and the sounds outside of his office had completely disappeared, he lifted his head from his screen, shaking a little with the unfamiliar feeling of accomplishment, first draft of a paper covering his whole screen like the holy grail.

There was no sound, so he turned around, seeing the older man resting his head on his muscular arms on top of the desk. He looked as if he was sleeping.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened at the sight, finding it unbelievable that the older man had really fallen asleep next to him, unguarded and so damn vulnerable.

Not like Hyungwon was going to do anything to him, not at all, but it seemed strange to see someone as nonchalant and confident as Hoseok sleeping on top of his arms.

Inhaling softly, he stepped closer and held his index finger under the older man’s nose to check how calmly he was breathing, whether he was really asleep. Air brushed his finger slowly, warm and pleasant as Hoseok exhaled, definitely asleep.

He wasn’t quite sure what to do, both of them should be going home. It was way past midnight, around 1AM or later. Hyungwon had no idea and also didn’t really care, too fascinated by the sight. Hoseok’s eyebrows were smooth, making him look even younger just like the skin on his cheeks, pale and gorgeous. His lips were the best, beautifully curved at the corners and making him look like he was smiling, even in his sleep.

Chewing on his cheek, he reached out and brushed over the surface of the older man’s lips, carefully to make sure he didn’t wake up. It felt so soft, reminding him of the way it had felt against his own lips, flexible, pink tongue licking into his mouth like he was ice cream.

_Oh god._

The thought was sudden, reminding him of Hoseok’s fascination with ice cream, and him for that matter, calling him dessert and talking about his wish to eat him up. It was probably the professor's way of telling his one-night stands that he was into them, it definitely worked well.

It was a little frustrating because Hoseok had told him he was attractive, but there was no sign of that anymore, like the black-haired man was able to turn it off like a switch, removing all innuendo’s and careful touches. It had disappeared completely after that one night at the bar, like there was some kind of tension and Hoseok had gotten rid of it somewhere else.

_Maybe that’s exactly what happened and you’re the only one, acting all hot and bothered whenever you see him._

It wasn’t even the looks alone, Hyungwon wanted to embrace the gorgeous man for his help, enabling him to write a damn paper in a day, something he needed months for.

_It’s done, it’s really done, holy shit._

Was it okay to give your supervisor a friendly hug after the mass of help he provided? Hyungwon had no idea, but he decided that at way past midnight that didn’t really matter. Curling his arms around Hoseok’s neck carefully, making sure to avoid his hand that most of his weight rested on, he embraced the black-haired man and buried his face in the soft but warm skin of his neck.

There was a micro movement he only recognized because he was basically lying on top of the older man.

“Are you done?” Hoseok asked, voice low and deep.

“Mmh,” Hyungwon hummed and didn’t bother to let go, only hugging the older man tighter instead. “Thank you so fucking much.”

“Good boy,” Hoseok whispered, not lifting his head. “It was my pleasure.”

It was supposed to be innocent, probably a habit because of the praise that came along with having students achieve something, but Hyungwon’s head had a very different reaction to praise, especially when it was whispered into his ear in a low tone, air tickling along the shell of his ear. Fuck. The sensation spread heat throughout his body, sliding along his limbs and centering in his lower stomach.

He didn’t reply and merely pressed his lips to the skin of Hoseok’s neck, enjoying how soft it was, reminding him of when he had been allowed to taste it without his current restrictions.

The body under him shifted a little before Hoseok leaned into the kiss, stretching his neck a little.

_He likes it._

Hyungwon forced himself to keep his breathing calm as he applied a little more pressure, tender surface of his lips sliding along the older man's jugular, downwards to the dip of his collarbone. There was something sensual to the action, like he was doing something forbidden but nobody was stopping him, neither the older man, nor his own sense of duty and obligation.

He wasn't somebody who paid a lot of attention to the scent of a person, but there was something calming to the way Hoseok smelled. It was simultaneously manly and exciting. Hyungwon wanted to dip his tongue into the spot where the black-haired man's collarbones met and trace the lines of his muscular chest.

Hoseok hissed quietly and kept his eyes closed, reacting with his body only, light shivers or goosebumps appearing on his sensitive skin due to the caresses Hyungwon was gifting him. He could see the older man licking over his lips before he parted them in a sharp exhale.

It was gorgeous and felt exhilarating, like Hyungwon was suddenly able to experience a sight that wasn't his to see. The touch was minimal, just the surface of his lips but he was capable of so much more, he could make the older man feel so good.

He drew a deep breath of air and parted his lips, closing them around the beginning outline of Hoseok’s collarbone, right next to the dip between them. His tongue slid over the sensitive skin briefly until he sucked it into his mouth. His heartbeat was deafening, like any second his permission to touch the gorgeous skin would be ripped from him.

Hoseok's white teeth settled on his pretty bottom lip as he turned his head and opened his eyes, gaze intense and a little dangerous, eating him up just like months before. He breathed irregularly, nostrils showing the pattern clearly. There was blush spreading over the pale skin of Hoseok's neck, along the spots Hyungwon had touched.

The deep breath he had drawn in earlier seemed utterly meaningless, like his body couldn't contain the oxygen, not with the older man in front of him looking like that. His eyes were black, pupil impossible to separate from the dark brown color. The gaze made it seem like Hyungwon wasn't the one who decided to touch the older man, to lick over his delicious skin, lapping at the connection of his collarbones. It was Hoseok, staring at him and controlling every motion of his body with his eyes, his hands that slowly entangled with black strands of hair, his lips that parted at the wish to kiss the glistening curved ones, his eyes that couldn't look away and finally his body that attempted to press closer.

“You-" Hoseok whispered before lifting his hand, curling his fingers around his head and pulling him down, until their faces were millimeters from each other. A rough exhale hit his lips as the older man licked over his own lips with his hot pink tongue, brushing over his in the process.

It was a test, a test of endurance, of willpower, of moral obligation, of something that Hyungwon didn't seem to possess. His body shivered from the desire to move, to close the distance and feel the warmth of the black-haired man's lips on his, to intertwine their tongues and finally relieve himself of the constant pressure on his chest. His lips trembled, lightly grazing the older man's.

“Fuck,” Hoseok whispered, barely audible and pulled him, pressing his soft lips against Hyungwon's hungrily.

He cracked, he couldn't help it, a low moan leaving his lips and vibrating along the skin of those delicious curved ones. It was too intense, too much like throwing himself into a burning hell pit for something as simple as a kiss.

Hyungwon's body was shaking uncontrollably as he attached himself to the older man, climbing on top of his chair and pressing their lips together, tongue drawing the path of Hoseok’s upper lip.

The older man gasped, wrapping his free arm around Hyungwon’s waist and pulling him further into his lap. He was so eager, licking into his mouth and roaming over his body.

It felt so fucking good, like tasting something he wasn't supposed to.

_Like the forbidden fruit._

Hyungwon nibbled on Hoseok’s bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and sucked on the hot tongue, wishing to feel it everywhere on his body, tracing patterns on his chest and thighs.

His fingers tugged at the black hair, hoping to experience how the older man’s sculpted chest felt against his own, burning along his tactile receptors and overwhelming them. It was as if they were in a bubble, a sanctuary that could be ripped apart by a single needle, piercing right through.

Hoseok cursed, leaning forward and sucking at the skin of his neck, sinking his teeth into it while pulling him flush against his muscular chest.

Hyungwon moaned, throwing his head back and feeling how his thighs quivered at the intensity of the touch, like the older man was able to evoke a mass of electric potentials in his skin, more than usual, through a bite of his teeth alone.

The muscular man sucked in a long breath, smelling his neck and licking over his earlobe. A low moan graced his ears, as Hoseok leaned back, staring up at him from under his gorgeous, black and wavy bangs.

Hyungwon stared back, inhales shaky and fingers drawing circles along the fine hair on Hoseok’s neck. It felt as if time stood still, location and circumstances irrelevant as he met the older man's dark eyes, paralyzing him in his motions.

The air seemed heavy between them, thick like fog that resisted entering his lungs and spread through him over his blood stream, no matter how furiously his heart was beating.

Hyungwon's hands slipped lower, sliding along Hoseok’s broad shoulders and along his chest. His fingers were spread to feel more, to take in the sensation that was disrupted by fabric in between. Leaning in, he exhaled against Hoseok’s lips, enjoying the instant reaction that followed. It was so different from the professional distance, the careful smiles and adult-like concern. This was different, it was what lay underneath, what the older man had attempted to hide from him.

_He wants you._

The older man closed his eyes, breathing roughly and leaning against the backrest. A few seconds passed before his eyes opened again, staring at a spot between his eyebrows.

“You should send off the draft and I have to write the email right after, so the snake is satisfied,” Hoseok whispered.

There it was, the needle that pierced right through, breaking the bubble and returning Hyungwon to where he really was. His office, still seated on his second supervisor’s lap who had attempted to help him with his misery.

His body still shivered a little as he stared at those curved lips that had been his to kiss only a few seconds ago. It was wrong, he knew it was wrong, perfectly, otherwise he wouldn't have kept himself in check before.

_But you weren't able to this time._

“Mmh,” he hummed, but didn't move, heat of Hoseok’s thighs easily penetrating the thin fabric of his jeans. Hoseok shifted and he could feel his erection brush against his crotch. The older man’s eyes widened for a second as he inhaled sharply.

_He wants you, he only pretends that he doesn't._

Hyungwon chewed on his lower lip, glancing down at the way Hoseok’s erect dick pushed against the zipper of his pants, lines clear like the form of it. He swallowed as his blood rushed downwards at the sight, tingling along his thighs and lower body in the form of arousal. His face felt hot, like the skin of Hoseok’s shoulders under his fingertips. It wasn't supposed to feel like this, like something he really wanted was right in front of him on a platter, waiting for him to be stronger and resist.

Hyungwon didn't know if he was able to.  
  


***

 

 

Shit.

Hyungwon was really smart, smart and quick, learning and sucking information up like a sponge. Hoseok had a weakness for smart people, and caramel.

He had fallen asleep on Sammy’s desk and woke up from the feeling of arms curling around his shoulders. Hyungwon had finished the paper and hugged him, probably to thank him. Unfortunately, it must’ve been late and he must’ve been sleepy, so he called the younger man a good boy, teasingly.

_Because you know that he is._

It was a mistake, maybe, considering how the situation progressed. Something cracked after the repeated caresses that Hyungwon was gifting him and he pulled the younger man on top of his lap, ravishing his mouth and neck and feeling arousal spike up in mere seconds.

_You’ll jump him like this, stop._

It was hard to stop, especially when he had tried talking to Hyungwon about his paper to stop thinking about how the gorgeous boy’s ass felt on top of his thighs. Fuck, Hoseok wanted him so much, so fucking much, it was a struggle.

He shifted to support his words which simply resulted in exquisite friction and forced a rough exhale out of his mouth.

“You- are thankful and it’s okay. You did it all by yourself, you don’t have to be, simply send it away and get some sleep,” Hoseok whispered, shifting again and hating everything, including his huge dick.

“You think that this is what gratitude looks like?” the gorgeous boy murmured, lips swollen from kissing him and pupils covering the whole iris. Hyungwon leaned back a little, as if he was emphasizing the form of his body, lean chest, followed by an impossibly slim waist and tight jeans, bulging out because of his erection.

“No,” he whispered, hands still curled around Hyungwon’s waist and unwilling to let go.

_God, he’s twenty-three, Hoseok._

“Then why are you pretending that it is?” the low voice asked him as the younger man leaned in again, eyes focused on him.

_Fuck._

Sucking in a long breath, he focused his gaze on Hyungwon’s gorgeous eyes.

“Because I need a reason to stop, but my brain can’t think of anything persuasive enough.” Pulling his lower lip into his mouth, he nibbled on it nervously.

The gorgeous boy hissed at the sight, shifting on top of him and briefly grazing his sensitive crotch, all the while not breaking the eye contact.

“Then...maybe there is no reason to stop,” he whispered and placed his hands on the backrest of Hoseok’s chair instead of on his shoulders, thereby leaning in even closer.

“If there wasn't, I would be inside you while you scream my name,” he whispered back, unable to contain his thoughts.

Plump lips parted as Hyungwon mouthed ‘fuck’ and rolled his hips forward. A soft moan left the beautiful boy as he tilted his head back and showed more of his caramel colored neck, partially covered by a light pink blush.

“Don't do this to me, Hyungwon, fuck,” he moaned, thrusting up instinctively and leaning forward to smell the boy's intoxicating scent.

There was something fierce to the almost black eyes, watching him intently as lean arms let go of the backrest of the chair and wrists pressed together slightly above Hyungwon's head.

“Restrain me then,” the low voice hissed.

_No, oh god, please no._

Hoseok didn’t know what he was supposed to do in a situation like this, triggering everything he wanted to do but prevented himself from. Until now.

“Is that what you want?” He didn’t remove his gaze while stroking up Hyungwon’s thighs, over his bulge and stomach, tracing his neck with his fingers, curling around his throat briefly, before reaching upwards to grab his wrists.

The response was instant as he could see and feel Hyungwon shake on top of him, thighs flexing and plump mouth releasing an unstable breath, like the beautiful boy wanted to fall apart under his fingertips.

“Yes,” was the quiet reply, barely more than an exhale as Hyungwon tilted his head so that his large eyes weren't covered by black bangs, focused on nothing but him.

It was too bad that it had also been what Hoseok wanted. More than anything.

“Shit, what are you doing to my resolutions, caramel babe?” he hissed and held Hyungwon’s wrists tightly while thrusting up and sinking his teeth into the gorgeous caramel colored skin.

The stunning boy whimpered, eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds until they opened again, watching every movement while he moaned without a break, lean body tensing repeatedly on top of him. Hyungwon looked breathtaking with his slim wrists caught by Hoseok’s hand. He easily held them above the boy’s head while leaving faint marks on his prominent collarbones.

“How am I supposed to not want you like this, huh? How the fuck am I supposed to say no?” He licked and sucked along Hyungwon’s jugular, pushing the boy’s ass against his crotch and moaning into his face, while eating him up with his eyes. Hyungwon was the best dessert he had ever had, and something told him that the black-haired boy knew it.

Hyungwon whimpered again, pressing down on Hoseok’s dick like he wanted to feel more of it, eyes remaining wide as he gasped at each touch and caress, only minimally resisting the hold on his wrists.

“Don't say no, don't do it,” he muttered and Hoseok could see the younger man twitch in his tight jeans, changing the way light threw shadows on the fabric.

He thought about how the boy would look naked, sliding down his length and whining at the way Hoseok would fill him out.

_Don’t do it, Hoseok. You can’t do it. You’re a supervisor, you’re here to help, not to fuck him into oblivion._

Letting Hyungwon’s wrist go, he stood up, with the boy still attached to his body and let the long legs slide down his lower body while hissing. He was painfully hard and the resolution to stop would’ve only crumbled further as long as Hyungwon was close.

“You will regret it. Let’s not be like this,” he whispered, stepping back a little. “You’re somehow dependent on me and it’s hard for you to deal with the fact that we were close, even now, how would it be if we did the same thing again in our respective roles and in our current situation? Let’s keep it simple.”

God, he wanted to die.

The pretty boy slowly stepped back too, staring at him for a few long seconds until he suddenly turned around and sat down in his office chair, typing the email he was supposed to and sending it off without a single comment. His hands were shaking uncontrollably as they let go of the mouse, shutting off the computer with a last click.

“Mmh,” he hummed, standing up and grabbing his bag, black eyes travelling along his whole body.

He licked his lips, arousal still so prominent and pulling on his insides mercilessly.

“I’ll write in 10 minutes, so it makes sense,” he murmured and turned around, unlocking his own door and sitting down on his chair.

“Are you sure that it'll get any better?” Hyungwon suddenly asked him, head tilted downwards so that it was difficult to see his eyes behind his black bangs, one palm propped up against the door frame.

_It doesn’t seem like it, does it?_

“What do you mean? What will get better?” He acted the fool while chewing on his cheek and pushing off his answer.

There was silence until Hyungwon let go of the door frame.

“Never mind,” the handsome boy muttered before he turned around and stepped out of his office, disappearing in the hallway as his steps echoed all the way to the elevator.

_Why is your life like this, Hoseok? Why do you always give up the marshmallow?_

He wanted to eat it so badly.

 

_  
  


It was definitely better to starve. Coming home, he immediately slipped out of his clothes and stepped into the shower, turning the water on and waiting until it reached the desired temperature.

_Get the edge off. It's no use._

He stroked over his chest and rolled a nipple between his fingers before curling his fingers around his length, chuckling at the fact that he couldn't really form a ring around it with how thick it was.

The boys really liked it.

Moving his hand slowly, Hoseok moaned at the feeling, thrusting into his hand and hating everything. Hyungwon, Regina, and being a responsible person. No. Not Hyungwon.

_You hate your attraction towards him._

He remembered how the young man had shivered under his hands, how he looked when Hoseok curled his fingers around his throat and how he whimpered when he sunk his teeth into his delicious skin that smelled like caramel and tasted like fucking heaven.

_Shit._

It didn't need much for his body to convulse and release himself into his own hand, thighs tensing and back clashing against the shower wall.

_Fuck. This needs to stop._

The number of times Hoseok had jerked off because of the black-haired boy were extreme. He never felt the need to get the edge off so often.

_Fuck this. You can't be thinking about stuff like that._

After he had dried himself and pulled a random black robe over his body, he sat down and wrote a very delicate passive-aggressive email to Regina, telling her that Hyungwon's paper was good.

_Take that, bitch._

He chuckled and closed the tab with his email provider, feeling better already.

_You should help him instead of thinking about fucking him at every possible occasion._

Yeah. That.

_

 

Tiptoeing past Hyungwon's door, he snuck into his office and closed the door quickly. Yes, he was coping well. The kind of coping that was generally considered maladaptive as it promoted an exaggerated fear response through negative reinforcement.

_Avoidance._

Yeah that.

What was he supposed to do if he wasn't allowed to jump the gorgeous boy? The only possibility was to stay away and hope for a normal relationship someday.

Regina didn't force Hyungwon to rewrite anything because he had been the one saying that it was okay and she never went against him.

_Apart from when you were under her._

Which he wasn't. Not anymore.

He wanted to congratulate the younger man, but remembered that he had been avoiding him for a reason.

_Aren't you being childish?_

It almost seemed as if he was, but he really didn't want to be.

_You don't need to go, he has to come to you today to sign his evaluation._

It was amazing how Hoseok even had time to think about that. Glancing at his watch, he realized that it was time to go to his lecture, and he left the office, closing the door behind him.

He was instantly met with the sight of big brown eyes, widening briefly until Hyungwon caught himself, small piece of paper in his hand.

“I kinda need your signature. Are you busy?” he asked carefully, glancing around like discussing an official document in the middle of the hallway wasn't okay.

“Yeah, I have a lecture. You can come at 6PM if you want to, I will have half an hour.” He put on a professional smile that said nothing besides the fact that he knew that he had to smile.

“Alright, I'll come by then,” the black-haired boy murmured, visibly thrown off by the sight of his face and pursing his lips. Without waiting for a reply, he turned back around and slipped into his office.

Sighing, he hurried to the second floor and observed the master’s students, thinking about how Hyungwon was not much older.

_He's not older. He's the same age. It's like fucking a student, Hoseok._

He prepared well, so the lecture went by fast and he even got intelligent questions by the two girls who were sitting in the front. Leaving the lecture hall, Hoseok stopped by a cafe and got a cappuccino before going back to his office.

The girls already went home and it was quiet around as he sat down on his pseudo ergonomic chair and rolled towards the table. Opening the draft for the paper review, he started reading before a knock put him off his stride.

Humming, he remembered that Hyungwon had wanted to come over.

The door opened and the pretty, tall boy walked in, all prepared with his piece of paper that he instantly put on the desk in front of Hoseok. Hyungwon looked uncomfortable and the reason became obvious as soon as he took a proper glance at the document.

Everything looked typical, Regina’s minimal signature at the bottom which meant she had actually signed it. Only when he looked to the top of the document, the young man's discomfort became obvious.

‘The student passes with changes of the agreement that are due to’ followed by Regina placing a cross next to the words ‘the student himself’. She gave Hyungwon the fault.

“Is she nuts?” he asked while staring at the paper. “That bitch,” he said accidentally, even though he intended to leave it in his thoughts.

“Well, she said that I didn't hand it in and didn't analyze enough data, that's why it's my fault we had to change the topic.” Hyungwon sounded a little like a robot while he elaborated and kept staring at the paper like it was the reason for his misery. It probably was. “She's kinda right, we didn't manage to measure as much as we wanted to and a lot of kids left the project, so we're delayed.”

“Yeah, which is definitely not your fault, Hyungwon. You've been here for less than a year. I'm not saying you didn't make any mistakes, but writing this kind of paper is basically her wanting you to be miserable as it has no potential for improvement and also nobody ever looks at it. She wants to make you feel bad and possibly also to name you as the scapegoat for everything that goes wrong.” Hoseok got really angry, forgetting that he had avoided the gorgeous boy and that they had a weird tension going on as soon as they were alone. And also, not alone, it didn't really matter.

_Don't do whatever you like, ask him._

“Do you want me to sign this bullshit, or do you want me to fight her - which I would?”

Hyungwon chewed on his cheek and stared at him for a few moments, visibly unsure.

“But- you said that it's meaningless, isn't it? Why would you ruin your relationship with a colleague because of this?” he asked eventually and brushed through his black hair. He was as gorgeous as ever, dressed in tight black jeans and an oversized white shirt, a little transparent if he squinted enough.

“There's nothing to ruin, don't worry, but it is meaningless. The thing is, if you feel unfairly treated you have to fight. That's how it works.” Hoseok licked over his lips and stared up, focusing on Hyungwon's pretty face.

The black-haired boy chuckled, but it sounded bitter.

“Then I would have to fight all the time. The question isn't how I feel, it's rather about whether it's true and there is indeed some essence to it. I could do better.” Sighing Hyungwon glanced to the ceiling, rubbing his sneaker over Hoseok’s carpet. “Maybe that's how she motivates people?”

Hoseok laughed loudly, before narrowing his gaze.

“Listen up, Hyungwon, she doesn't give a shit about anybody's motivation. She wants to have a button she can press to feel safe and that's exactly what she does. No more no less. But fine, here.” Hoseok placed his pretty signature under the absolute bullshit of evaluation and pushed it towards Hyungwon.

The pretty boy looked uncomfortable, shifting back and forth, first the right leg then the left. His teeth were nibbling on his bottom lip mercilessly until he suddenly looked up, eyes narrowed.

“Fuck, I hate this,” he muttered suddenly and grabbed the piece of paper. “Do you think I suck this bad? This is the first time that a paper says I suck.”

“I think that it's bullshit. You neither suck, nor is anything that happened in the project your fault. That's not my biased opinion, because I like you, but the objective impression you left on me.” He gestured at the bullshit paper before pointing at Hyungwon.

“But how would you know? You've been gone for a year, you haven't seen me work,” was the quiet reply. It was the result of months of depreciating comments, negative feedback and meaningless evaluations. At some point one started to believe it.

“God, then think whatever you like, you're super smart and you learn fast. Actually, you remind me of myself 16 years ago.” He grinned and thought about how he started his PhD at a really nice university in the UK with a really nice supervisor, willing to learn and how it changed when he came to the faculty to write his second one with Regina. It had been hell that continued until he went to California.

“Do you mean that?” Hyungwon asked again, paper jittering in his hands. There was something determined on his face, like he already knew the answer but wanted to hear it again.

“Yeah, it's so true that I'd actually like to have you for myself.” He smiled and thought that the whole situation would've been even worse for him and sighed. At least he was only the ‘second supervisor’.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at that, fingers already prepared to rip the paper into two as he stopped.

“W- what? I wanted to rip the agreement, but now it's plain weird, like I'm opposing a slave contract cause there's this hot sugar daddy I'd much rather be owned by.” The black-haired boy still ripped the edge, as if to prove a point.

“What the hell are you talking about? I think you're stressed.” Hoseok stood up and took Hyungwon's shoulders, turning him in the direction of the door and pushing him towards the exit. “Go home, drink some tea, play with your friends, I don't know what, and then come back when your brains had a proper rest.” He grabbed the handle, ready to nudge Hyungwon out of his office.

“Stop pretending like I'm a confused preschooler for fuck’s sake,” the black-haired boy exclaimed and held onto his forearms, not letting go. “I'm not a fucking dog to throw out of your office. You're the one who said ‘I want you for myself’.”

The younger man had been ridiculously careful before his lecture, whispering and looking around to make sure nobody was around. Now he basically screamed it through the hallway, confusing Lisa who was on her way home, handbag dangling from her right shoulder.

Pulling the crazy man back into his office and closing the door, Hoseok turned him around.

“Shut up! Why are you screaming, you mad person? And you are a preschooler, look at yourself.” Hoseok gestured along Hyungwon’s gorgeous, slim and tall body.

The black-haired boy's eyes narrowed instantly as he started at him, stepping closer gradually, sneakers creating a smooth scratching noise on the carpet.

When Hyungwon's stunning face was right in front of him, large eyes and red lips, the young man exhaled, gradually while brushing over Hoseok’s lips and his sensitive, pale skin.

“If I'm a preschooler,” the gorgeous boy whispered, scent of caramel filling Hoseok’s nose with each inhale, “then what does that make you, Hoseok?”

“An adult?” he asked and licked over his lips, quickly returning the moisture. “And yes, our age difference is no joke, I didn’t know back then.”

_But you knew three days ago, when you grabbed his wrists and bit his neck._

Glancing at Hyungwon’s gorgeous neck, he saw a faint bitemark right under the black-haired man’s curled ear.

_Oh god._

“Oh, really?” the boy’s low voice asked sarcastically as he licked over his plump lips. “I only repeated what you said, namely that you want me for yourself. No reason to throw me out of your office and suggest to go play. You're way better play company than anybody out there.”

_When will he let you live without creating sexual frustrations and more fantasies about him?_

“Well, how would you feel if I opened the door and repeated the things you said to me? Like: ‘More, I want more, Hoseok’ and ‘Restrain me’. The fact that you said it doesn’t make it eligible for every possible situation and conversation. Which is why you are a preschooler.” He finished and poked Hyungwon’s pretty forehead with his index finger.

“I said it in your office. You threw me out afterwards. Also, everybody left.” It was quiet for a few moments until Hyungwon's eyes suddenly widened and he glanced to the side, shock obvious. “I wouldn't scream it around for everyone to hear, that's simply crazy. Fuck, is somebody still here?”

The switch was instant as the younger man looked terrified, tightening his fingers around Hoseok’s forearms and staring at him in shock.

“God, go and sleep, Hyungwon. I didn’t throw you out, I said that it’s a bad idea, which it is and I argued that sometimes certain spoken words are not eligible for the situation and gave you an example. Like a good supervisor.” He grinned and acted as if he was in pain from Hyungwon’s grip on his arms.

There was no response as his words didn't seem to register for the boy, like his concern was an entirely different one.

“Will you do it?” The other man's face was serious as he let go of him, arms hanging loosely at his sides. “Fight for me?”

It pulled so painfully on his insides that he had to swallow a few times to get himself to answer.

“I will. And I would rather fight for you than fuck you which means a whole lot,” he whispered, ditching appropriate language, they went over the borders of appropriate a long time ago anyway.

Hyungwon hummed, chewing on his cheek and putting a little more distance between them. It was obvious that he actually didn't want to.

“Sometimes I wish you could do both,” he whispered eventually and brushed through his hair, not meeting Hoseok’s gaze. There was something timid to him when he acted like that, something shy that made Hyungwon seem even younger.

“As long as it’s only sometimes,” he murmured as he couldn’t really understand the young boy, because wanting Hyungwon on a regular basis had been a struggle. “So, will you rip the agreement, or will you screw it and wait? I’ll fight for you anyway.”

A gorgeous smile suddenly spread over the young man's features, pulling at the corners on his mouth and hiding the plumpness of his lips. Even his eyes turned into crescents from the change in expression.

“It's okay, I'm happy knowing that you don't think I'm hopeless. Thank you, Hoseok, really,” he replied softly and reached out to squeeze Hoseok’s hand once before he made his way to the door. “You might be the only one.”

Blowing him a kiss as the boy enjoyed doing, he left the office, closing the door behind himself.

_What a mess._

But Hyungwon was right, he should concentrate on the things he was responsible for, like making sure that the witch didn’t ruin more souls than she already had before she finally fucked off into retirement.

  
_  


The days went by and he had to finish correcting the PhD thesis one of his smart student’s had submitted, waiting for her grade patiently. Reading theses definitely needed a coffee, so he went down and bought one of those hideous ones from the machine on the first floor. Strolling along the empty hall, he pushed the button and waited for the elevator, stepping inside as soon as it arrived and pressing the four

_Hyungwon probably went home. He better..._

Loud steps sounded and a blonde guy jumped inside, panting loudly. As soon as he lifted his head, murmuring thank you, Hoseok recognized the extremely handsome man.

_Min? Minhyuk?_

“Oh, didn’t think I would see you here,” he said, smiling brightly and immediately checking out the younger man’s really nice body. He could still remember it well, better than Hyungwon’s at this point.

_This is a good thing. A very good thing._

“Oh, hello there, big boy,” the blonde man remarked and grinned, not hesitating for even a second before a delicate hand curled around his upper arm. “What gives me the pleasure of meeting you in an elevator at this hideous pink building out of all possible places?”

“I work here, what a nice surprise,” He grinned and flexed his arm on purpose. “Have you been well?” The elevator door opened and they both stepped out.

“My sincere condolence, Hoseok, this place is a real buzz kill.” Minhyuk didn't bother to remove his hands as he followed him to his hallway, as if he had completely forgotten about where he was actually going. “I'm doing great, school year is almost over.”

“You work at a school? That’s nice, why are you here then?” He stopped in front of his door and leaned in, smelling the younger man’s flowery scent. It was really nice.

“Yeah, I'm a teacher. I'm visiting a friend, we haven’t seen each other for quite some time and I got suspicious.” Winking sensually, the handsome blonde man squeezed his arm again, visibly unwilling to let go.

“That’s a pity,” he whispered and grinned, “Where do you have to go? Should I show you the way?” Hoseok lifted an eyebrow.

The blonde man giggled and lifted his beautifully shaped index finger, pointing at the door across. Hyungwon's door. Not hesitating any further, Minhyuk simply stepped a meter forward and opened the door dramatically, not even knocking. The wood hit the wall with a loud noise as Hyungwon almost jumped up in his seat, staring at Hoseok’s one-night stand and then Hoseok himself.

“Don't think you can pretend to be busy and ignore me, I'm not that easy, Chae Hyungwon!”

Hyungwon looked like a mixture of shocked and terrified as he stared at the man who was apparently his friend.

“What- I've been busy, but why-" He didn't finish and glanced over to Hoseok, eyes wide.

“You know each other?” Hoseok asked, and it suddenly made sense that Hyungwon had been a little pissed at Hoseok for fucking his friend. But it was fun and mutual and he might repeat it, if the handsome blonde man was willing to.

“Yeah, that's my best friend,” Minhyuk replied cheerfully and walked into the room, curling his arms around Hyungwon's shoulders and pressing them to his lean chest. “He's kind of pissed, but he's pretending not to be.”

“Yeah, and that's my second supervisor and he tries really hard to be,” Hyungwon murmured and pushed the blonde man's arms away from himself, throwing Hoseok a glare.

“What else should I be, if not your supervisor? I didn’t know you were friends. Anyway, I forgot to take your number, Minhyuk, but I’ll give you mine.” Pulling out his wallet, Hoseok took out his card with occupation, email address and mobile phone and handed it to the blonde man with a smile.

“Expect a call, big boy.” Minhyuk grinned and kissed it before throwing him another wink.

The eye contact wasn't long lasting as Hyungwon stood up, pushed Hoseok out of his office like he was a bunch of muscle and closed the door in his face, without a word.

_Someone is angry. But it’s always better angry than horny. And sad._

Smiling to himself, he sat down at his desk, happy that he didn’t spill any of the coffee thanks to his body mass and Hyungwon’s weak stick arms.

_Work, work, work._

He hoped Minhyuk would call.

_So you can exchange your memories with something different._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 10th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fuck, I'm sorry, I- just- sorry,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

Hyungwon was furious, ready to fight and choke the older man with his own two hands, no matter how thin and useless his fingers were compared to that firm neck. He wanted to hiss like a furious cat and dig his nails into that gorgeous pale skin of his, leave a few red marks and feel accomplishment because he was the one who had put them there.

It was crazy, but that was how he felt.

He had been pretty sure that he had gotten over it. That he had basically forgotten the fact that his second supervisor, who did his best to keep his fingers off him, had jumped in on the first possibility to fuck his friend.

_And apparently also the second._

Not only had Hoseok fucked Minhyuk, no, his best friend had also had the audacity to tell him about how amazing it was and how gorgeous the older man’s dick was and how nice it felt and all those things that Hyungwon actually knew first hand but wasn’t allowed to experience anymore. It was unfair. It felt like he was that one kid that didn’t get invited to the birthday party, watching all the others have fun through binoculars from the building across the street.

If he was honest, he shouldn’t have been angry. There was no agreement, nothing in Hoseok’s behavior that suggested or even allowed the thought that he and his body belonged to Hyungwon. They didn’t and that was totally fine, Hyungwon didn’t want him to belong to him. God no.

He wanted to be part of that rather privileged group of people that could have sex with him, as simple as that. Sure, it had been exciting before, sleeping with a hot professor at a conference, coming to his hotel room and getting fucked against the wall and riding him like a champ. All of that had been exhilarating and difficult to forget, but none of that had felt like a ‘royalty only’ tea party. Now it seemed like he was the bastard cousin of the queen that had to stay close to the king but wasn’t allowed into the bedchambers. Even though the king was gay as fuck and wanted him.

_He does, he wants you, it’s obvious._

His head was in conflict, wanting to be able to feel the pale skin under his fingertips and at the same time wishing to keep their relationship, the way Hoseok supported him and helped him with his struggles. He had learned more in the past 2 weeks than he had in the last six fucking months. It wasn’t comparable and Hyungwon was immensely grateful, but he also kinda wanted to fuck him.

_Is there some kind of scientific phenomenon for that?_

Probably not.

“You threw your second supervisor out of your office and now you’re sitting there in your ugly office chair while staring into nothing, are you sure that you haven’t lost your shit yet? I told you it would happen eventually, nobody sane can deal with so much pressure, and apparently also so much hotness, in one place.” His best friend talked quickly, gesturing with his right hand and glancing towards the door briefly like he would much rather ride dick than observe Hyungwon’s misery. It was probably true and also relatable.

“You fucked him, Minhyuk,” he muttered in reply and grabbed his hair, pulling it a little and attempting to not tell his friend off for doing what he always did. There was no point in getting angry, it was stupid.

“Ehm, yeah, best night ever. What’s the problem? Cause he’s your supervisor? He’s not mine, so I don’t care.” Giggling cheerfully, Minhyuk sat down on his desk and threw his legs on top of his lap, watching his expression intently. “You mind?”

“I shouldn’t,” Hyungwon whispered and sighed loudly. It was a mess.

_How the hell can you explain thirsting after your supervisor but also feeling conflicted about getting it?_

Did he want to be fucked or did he only want to make sure that no one else did? If that was the case it was selfish, pointless jealousy. Did he want to ignore the fact that they were in a dependency relationship and have Hoseok be sexually close independent of his job? Was that possible?

A lot of people had relationships at their workplace, be it beneficial ones or romantic ones. It couldn’t be that hard, one had to separate the two worlds. Hyungwon needed to look up research on that, figure out if it was possible and what the legal ramifications were. He wasn’t under eighteen, so it couldn’t be all that bad.

_Are you thinking about how to fuck your supervisor without breaking the law? Oh god._

“You shouldn’t but you still do,” Minhyuk stated, not even bothering to ask as he watched his face intently and pulled out a packet of nuts. The blonde man crunched on them while appearing in thought. “You like him? I mean- that would be a whole different story. I don’t want to fuck anybody you like.”

Oh god, that would have been a whole new level of fuckery. Hyungwon shook his head quickly, glad that it wasn’t the case. Sure, Hoseok was nice and all, but no, nothing like that.

“Have you ever wanted something so bad, that-” Hyungwon began but his best friend groaned loudly, slapping his shoulder.

“Oh god, you sound like a Pinterest quote, can you use like- literally any other wording?”

Hyungwon chuckled, it took off some of the pressure, reminding him that no matter what his issue was, he hadn’t died yet and neither had he lost his job. That meant that everything was fine, kind of.

“He fucked me in Philadelphia and I want him to do it again, but he doesn’t because he has to grade my thesis. That’s basically it,” he explained and brushed through his black hair, distracting himself from the fact that he had overreacted and thrown Hoseok out of his office, angry at him for fucking Minhyuk instead of him.

_That’s why he called you a preschooler._

“Not to kill all the excitement, but he kinda has a point, doesn’t he? Isn’t it weird to grade somebody you fucked? Unless it’s their dick of course, could rate that all the time. Hoseok over there gets a fucking A+ from me.” Minhyuk giggled before he pursed his lips and squeezed Hyungwon’s shoulder in a sudden outburst of empathy. “Don’t look at me like that, he’s gorgeous and you know it. It’s not my fault that he decided to be your professor and not just any professor. Can’t you write your thesis quickly and fuck him then?”

_That’s another two years._

Hyungwon really didn’t want to imagine himself going through the next two years while thinking about the day he could finally jump on his supervisor’s lap and have him fuck him. That was a little too obsessive for his taste. Sure, the tension was no joke and he barely managed to resist whenever they were alone in a room, but it wasn’t enough to suffer through it like that. He only- he needed to let off steam.

_Maybe that’s it, maybe you need to get laid. Like he does._

“I think I might need to get laid,” Hyungwon murmured and let his head fall to the surface of his desk, sounding as hollow as he felt.

His ears were met with a loud laugh as his best friend slapped his back, not bothering to hold back his strength.

“Well, now we’re talking.”

 

_

 

 

It was evening when Hyungwon decided to be a decent human being and knock on Hoseok’s door, waiting for the older man to call him in. It wasn't that late yet, but dark enough to make the university feel deserted.

There was a short hum and he opened the door, seeing Hoseok sitting on his chair. He wore all black, making him look even paler.

“Hi, I wanted to apologize,” Hyungwon began and closed the door behind himself, feeling a little safer and less likely to confuse other members of their department about their relationship. He had to bullshit Lisa quite a bit last time.

Stepping closer to the older man's desk, he didn't wait for an invitation and simply sat down on a chair next to him.

“It's okay. Did something happen? Is everything going fine?” Hoseok turned towards him, looking a little worried and sucking his bottom lip into his mouth.

_He thinks it's about Regina and not about you wanting him to remember what you feel like from the inside._

Hyungwon swallowed and shook his head, until he realized that the last question deserved a nod, which he did quickly, messing the whole thing up even further.

“I'm okay, god, I tried to say that I'm okay, she didn't do anything, only told me to stop looking like a male prostitute, nothing major.”

“Yeah, it's because you're not wearing a potato sack.” Hoseok sighed and threw his head back, probably getting angry again.

“Well, I do wear pretty tight pants. It's fine though, I make sure not to when I have meetings with her, it's not that much of a bother.” Hyungwon shrugged. Not wearing tight pants was the least of his problems. “It's only frustrating when she says I believe that looking pretty will get me through my PhD.”

“Save the emails, it's important,” Hoseok muttered and clicked something on his desktop, returning his attention right after. “But you're okay otherwise? Is there a lot to do at the moment?”

“Nothing major, I'm writing an abstract, a paper, analyzing data, preparing lectures and I have a talk at a conference in two weeks.” Hyungwon smiled a little until he remembered another few tasks that he had forgotten about, but decided not to mention. Something about Hoseok felt like he could talk freely without consequences, but he didn't want the black-haired man to wage war with Regina for nothing.

“That's a lot. Are you done for today? Going home?” Hoseok asked with a warm smile followed by a wink and leaned back a little.

“What? No, it's 6 PM.” Hyungwon laughed and gestured towards the clock on Hoseok’s laptop with his head, amused that the older man really thought he was going home already. He had to get more stuff done before returning home. “There is nothing exciting at home, I'll rather spend my time here. Wanna go home together later?”

_Why would you ask that? He's been avoiding you._

Something in Hoseok's expression changed and his pretty lips spread in a nasty grin.

“Sure, but only if you go now.”

“That's blackmail!” Hyungwon exclaimed with narrowed eyes. That is until he realized that he had admitted that going home with his supervisor was something desirable and therefore something he could be blackmailed with. Fuck.

“Is it though? I'm not forcing you to come with me, or am I?” The older man smiled while playing with the seam of his shirt.

Hyungwon couldn't help the way his eyes instantly jumped to the movement, watching the way the thin fabric rearranged on the older man's muscular chest. This couldn't be healthy.

“You're not, but it's boring to go home alone.” Hyungwon shrugged and pretended it was meaningless and that he didn't have to ditch three hours of careful ‘non-work time’ planning because he wanted to go home with the older man. It was almost embarrassing, but luckily Hoseok didn't know that.

Attraction was a scary thing.

“Let's go then.” Hoseok really hadn't been joking as he stood up from his chair and threw his leather jacket over his shoulders, fabric relatively tight with how the other man's arms filled it out. It looked amazing and Hyungwon wanted to trace it with his tongue.

_Which tells you that making a girl scream your name although you rarely do, hadn't been very helpful._

Almost physically ripping his eyes away from the sight, Hyungwon jumped up and went to his office to pack up his own stuff, throwing his hard drive and a few pens into his bag for working at home.

Once he got everything, he stepped outside the office and locked the door.

“Do you always hook up at conferences?” he asked as soon as Hoseok had locked his own office. He felt a little proud of himself for not pretending that it didn't happen anymore.

Watching him intently, the older man started walking towards the elevator, firm steps echoing in the ugly hallway.

“No, because it's almost always people I know, or people I will know, so I usually don't. At least not among the conference folks, if you know what I mean. Different cities have different beautiful people.” Hoseok winked briefly and pressed the ground floor.

Hyungwon wanted to clash their lips together because of that stupid wink. It reminded him of how Hoseok had talked to him at the project meeting, pretending it was about science instead of filling him up.

“Why me though? I was as conference folk as it goes,” he pointed out and licked over his lips, curious about what changed the older man's opinion.

_Because it might be still there._

“You-" Hoseok sighed and waited until they were out of the elevator, walking towards the exit. “You happen to harbor a lot of things I consider attractive and- also arousing at the same time.”

The answer wasn't particularly detailed but enough to make Hyungwon bite down on his bottom lip, attempting to contain a smile as he angled his face downwards. It felt good to be called attractive and to know that there was something about him that the older man found arousing. Seeing it was intense, but hearing the gorgeous black-haired man admit to it was crazy.

“How long?” Hoseok grinned, but continued walking because it was six and the trains came every few minutes.

“Why?” Hyungwon asked, grinning right back and tilting his head to the side, revealing a bit of his neck as he used his fingers to pull his shirt a little lower. “Want to smell me while I look it up?”

“Maybe.” The older man winked again, as if he was out to make Hyungwon crack, in public at 6 PM.

“I see,” he murmured and turned around, staring at the screen even though it said that the next train would arrive in four minutes. There were quite a few people around them, but nobody familiar, mostly elderly people and a few random students, probably staying after a day at the library. Friday was usually the day everybody left early.

Hyungwon's heart was beating fast even though nothing was happening yet, it was just him and his expectation to feel the older man's proximity, to have him close by without really seeing him. It could have been that Hoseok wouldn't dare, but fuck, Hyungwon really wanted him to.

Nothing happened until he saw Hoseok move in his periphery, leaning closer and brushing the tip of his nose along his neck, barely touching.

“Delicious,” the low voice whispered and the older man leaned back.

Hyungwon bit his lower lip to contain a gasp, too responsive to something as simple as hot air against his skin and the touch of somebody's nose on his neck. It wasn't really something to be excited about, but he couldn't help it. Deprivation made the briefest of touches resemble a firework.

The metro entered the station, filled like it always was in the evenings, an accumulation of people that wished to get home as quickly as possible, unwilling to walk through to the middle of the wagon. Hoseok and him and entered as well as they could, squishing in at the side. It was difficult to keep distance with how the older man's palm rested against the glass next to his head.

_Like he's pinning you against it._

A few more people squished themselves in and he felt Hoseok's body push against his.

“Cozy,” the black-haired man murmured, not able to keep the distance.

Hyungwon hummed in reply and wondered where to put his hands. He didn't want to accidentally touch anybody he didn't know, especially in a train that was as filled as this. Licking over his lips, he pulled his hands upwards between Hoseok and another man and curled them into the fabric of the professor’s jacket, holding onto his waist.

He couldn't help but stare at Hoseok’s face, so close to his own. He had never really used the time to examine the older man's gorgeous features like this. Apart from that one time the black-haired man had fallen asleep on Sammy’s desk, vulnerable and open in his expression.

This time he wasn't as open, his pretty lips were pinkish and curled upwards in a soft smile while his eyes looked dangerous. His eyes were really something else with the intensity the other man was able to create only by looking at someone.

Hyungwon could have stared at him for hours, eyes jumping from one attractive feature to the next, sucking in the sight like a delicious cocktail through a straw.

Unfortunately, he wasn't able to bask in the proximity and the feeling of Hoseok’s broad body against his as they arrived at their station and had to leave the train.

Hyungwon kept his hands attached to Hoseok’s jacket until he wasn't able to anymore, resting them at his sides instead.

Walking through the hallways of the station, he dreaded the point at which they would have to separate, at the top of the stairs of their common exit. His heart was beating in his chest as he was furiously thinking about how to delay that moment, to distract Hoseok with conversation, with a question, with anything that was enough to keep him away from home for a little while longer.

But there was nothing, only one step following the next as the staircase was about to end.

“Oh, I forgot, I wanted to give you something, do you want to come over for five minutes? I'll give it to you and you can go. Otherwise I'll bring it to work tomorrow, as you like.” The older man smiled beautifully and pulled his keys out of his pocket.

Hyungwon froze in place, in the middle of a step until he caught himself and nodded quickly. It felt like the older man had read his thoughts, found a way to delay them parting ways just like he had wished.

“Sure,” he replied. His voice seemed calm, like the action was meaningless, only a brief encounter during which he got something from the older man. But it wasn't, it didn't feel meaningless at all.

_You've never been to his apartment, only to his hotel room._

Hyungwon swallowed down the saliva that collected in his mouth from nervousness. He didn't know what could happen, what the older man might do, what he himself might do if given the chance.

His brain was racing ahead of him, thinking of every possible behavior and action, but he couldn't tell how likely they were. What if Hoseok really just wanted to give him something?

_Maybe he does, but he also never really intended to be close to you apart from the first time._

But still it kept happening.

After walking for a few minutes down the big street, Hoseok stopped in front of a residential building from the past century and pulled the key out of the pocket of his jeans. How the older man was able to put anything into his pockets was a mystery with how tight his jeans were.

Hoseok opened the door and ran up one flight of stairs, stopping at a perfectly white door and fumbling a little before he finally entered the apartment.

There was a small hallway with a shoe rack and a few pencil sketches in black frames on the walls, it felt a little empty.

“I know that it looks like a hotel room, but I had to buy everything anew because I didn't think that I was going to come back and sold everything before going to the US,” Hoseok commented with an apologetic smile while taking off his shoes and gesturing for him to come in.

_He didn't want to come back? But why?_

Hyungwon didn't comment and merely followed the older man into the apartment, taking a careful look around.

There were four doors leading to several rooms, one was open, showing a small kitchen. Opening the first one on the right, the black-haired man stepped inside and gestured for him to follow.

It must've been the living room, a black leather couch, a round coffee table and bookshelves occupied the space. There were bookshelves everywhere, filled with all kinds of literature from what he could tell, psychological literature, but also novels.

Hoseok crouched down, straining the fabric of his tight jeans and the black button down while searching for something. A few seconds passed with the older man showing him the definition of his back muscles before Hoseok turned around and waved with two books, grinning brightly.

“You know how scientists always have to rub their research into other people's faces? That.” The black-haired man closed the distance and put both books into Hyungwon's big palms. “I made this.” He chuckled, “It's my dissertation. Well, both of them. Now that you have it, you have to give me yours too, it's a rule.”

Hyungwon stared at the gorgeous smile on the older man's face, changing the effect that his face had on him in a matter of seconds.

“I still can't believe you wrote two,” Hyungwon murmured and let his hands slip a little further on the books until they grazed the older man's pale fingers. It was only a light touch, nothing more, but it was enough to make his breath hitch.

“Is there research on inferiority complexes after encountering your scientific work? Cause I'm not sure I want to risk opening it before that,” he spoke quietly. It was probably the proximity or the fact that Hoseok didn't have proper illumination in his living room yet. There were only light bars along the bookshelves, like the older man only needed to find his books and nothing else.

“Don't think about it, it doesn't mean much,” Hoseok replied, smiling brightly while still holding the books.

“I'll give you mine then, I promise.” It sounded final and like an agreement that had to be kept. Hyungwon really hoped that he could.

His fingers felt cold compared to the older man's warm ones, firm to the touch, but also soft, like the skin itself was sensitive but the strength that his hands contained was immense. Hyungwon wanted to feel them around his waist, to be pulled towards the muscular chest while Hoseok smiled that gorgeous smile of his against his plump lips.

He didn't say anything else, but he also didn't let go. His eyes remained on the older man's mesmerizing face and his teeth slowly settled down on his bottom lip, nibbling on it to contain his response. Blood was rushing through his body, centering in his face and a little in his groin, like it was preparing him for something that he might not get.

“You better,” Hoseok whispered and curled his fingers around his wrist, pulling him a little closer. The older man stared at him while licking his lips. “I don’t want to hold you here, only wanted to give you the books.”

“Mmh,” Hyungwon hummed and desperately tried to think of a reason to stay, anything. What reasons were there to stay at a professor’s apartment in the evening? It wasn't even ridiculously late yet.

“Would you- show me your books?” he whispered eventually, hand shaking a little in the older man's grip. The proximity was crazy even though their bodies weren't touching. It was just the two of them and two books separating them. The hot fingers around his wrist were the only point of contact. Hyungwon wanted more, so much more.

“You want to see my books?” Hoseok asked and lifted an eyebrow, a hint of a smile appeared on the older man's face as he let go of Hyungwon's wrist and turned to the shelves.

“It's mostly professional literature and the novels I like, why do you want to know?” the older man murmured and strolled along the shelves.

Hyungwon regretted his words because it seemed like he could have enjoyed the contact a little longer had he not said anything.

“What kind of novels do you like?” he asked, ignoring the second question. The bookshelves were packed, like the only thing Hoseok had brought back from the US were his books.

“All kinds, classical, but also modern, I like Japanese modern literature, but also Nietzsche, he's funny.” Hoseok laughed and turn around to face him. “How about you, caramel boy?”

The nickname instantly got to him as he licked over his lips hastily and stepped a little closer, almost brushing the older man's palm with his own. He must have seemed desperate but he couldn't help it, he didn't want to leave and he wanted to touch, at least a little bit.

“I enjoy a lot of literature. I only got to know most of it through school because my parents don't care much for reading. I hated it a little back then, but after discovering it by myself later I grew to enjoy it. I love surreal novels that tilt reality so that it seems magical but at the same time so much more true.” His reply was lengthy, but truthful. Literature was only something he had discovered on his own. There was nobody to guide him through it, much like there was nobody to guide him through his thesis.

Apart from Hoseok. The older man seemed determined to help him and it felt good somehow.

“That sounds interesting, I could give you some nice novels later, if you like.” Hoseok stroked over one of the books before turning around to face him. “I blackmailed you to go home, but here you are.”

Hyungwon licked over his mouth, running out of reasons to stay. His chest hurt from the strength of his heartbeat. His lips parted to enable him to inhale more oxygen at once.

“I like it more here,” he whispered eventually, stepping closer and fearing that the gorgeous, black-haired man would ask him to leave.

“How come? Is it cozy?” the older man joked, before catching his gaze, eyes dark and gorgeous.

Hyungwon swallowed, lips feeling dry from the eye contact alone. It seemed like Hoseok would be able to see how nervous he was, to hear how loudly his heart was beating in his chest.

“It has you.”

“It feels a little weird to have you here. As if you're not a grad student I supervise.” Hoseok’s low voice sounded in his ears while the older man slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

_It’s so that he doesn't touch you, he's trying to keep his distance, isn't he?_

Hyungwon stepped a little closer, leaving a few centimeters between their faces as he exhaled, shaky breath dancing along the curve of the older man's lips.

“Maybe,” he began, voice no more than a whisper and body leaning in until his plump mouth almost brushed over Hoseok’s protruding ear, “you can pretend that I'm not.”

The other man's body tensed and he leaned into the touch subconsciously, letting out a shaky exhale, bridging their distance a little.

“What about reality? You don't like the construct?”

Hyungwon inhaled the older man's scent, letting his lips travel over the outline of his neck. The skin was blazing hot to the touch, everything he wanted and more.

“I told you that I have a liking for tilting reality, for pulling it to the edges until the borders blur,” he replied softly and closed his lips around a patch of skin, sucking lightly. It tasted so good, like something he knew wasn't his to taste.

“Intriguing,” Hoseok whispered, still keeping his hands in his pockets, but immediately reacting with his body. Leaning into the touch, the older man hissed at one of the ministrations.

It was so difficult to tell with him, like the black-haired man's body said yes, not even doubting for a single second whereas his responsibilities said no, keeping those strong hands trapped in the pockets of Hoseok’s jeans.

Hyungwon licked a stripe from the bottom of Hoseok’s earlobe to the beginning of his collarbone, sucking on the skin a little while keeping his hands off the older man. If this was how they were playing then he was going to adjust to the rules, take what he could get.

His head felt blurry, overwhelmed by the proximity and the inability to properly act on it, to have the older man throw him against the wall and nibble on his neck, or be pushed on top of his lap and kissed roughly. Hyungwon wanted all of that, but his position didn't allow him to.

_He's much older too, you don't even know his age yet, you're just guessing._

“Why is it so difficult to resist you, huh? I didn't have problems holding back, not even once, but here you are, being this delicious dessert on a fucking plate, fuck,” Hoseok moaned and turned them without using his hands, pinning Hyungwon's body against the bookshelf with his hips instead.

A moan instantly left his lips as he barely resisted automatically lifting his hands and attaching them to the broad chest, feeling the muscles shift and flex under his fingertips. Fuck, he wanted it and couldn't contain the way he rolled his hips forward into the touch, whimpering a little at the sensation.

“You're not touching me,” he gasped, eyes fluttering shut before opening again. He didn't want to miss a single second of Hoseok’s expressions, of the way the black-haired man responded to him. “Doesn't that make it okay?”

“Your argumentation is shit, but damn it, I want it to make sense.” The gorgeous man leaned in and sucked his ear lobe into his mouth, sinking his teeth into Hyungwon's neck right after. Hoseok was hard, pushing his crotch against Hyungwon's in a smooth movement.

Hyungwon would have contemplated on the alternative explanation of the gorgeous man’s hands in his pockets, but he didn't have the resources for that. Instead, he moaned and threw his head back, accidentally pushing a carefully arranged row of books to the side. A few tumbled to the ground but he couldn't care less, gasping at the feeling of teeth on his neck, teeth that he had been yearning for over the past months. He wanted to make the older man feel good, to stay true to the game, but get what he wanted at the same time.

Licking over his lips briefly, Hyungwon groaned and slid down, rubbing over Hoseok’s crotch in the process until he was kneeling on the floor, right where he wanted to be.

Keeping his hands on his thighs, he leaned in and mouthed along the outline of the older man's erection, enjoying how hot and firm it felt against his lips despite the fabric in between. But he was impatient.

Still only using his lips and teeth, he pushed the button through the loop with his tongue and pulled the zipper down by using his teeth. Once there was only underwear in the way, he licked over the fabric-covered length and blew hot air over it, head slowly tilting upwards to look at the older man. His body felt on fire, but he had to stay composed.

_You can't leave him time to breathe, he'll stop otherwise._

“Fuck my mouth, no hands,” he whispered and licked over the black-haired man's erection again, soaking the fabric of his underwear with his spit.

Hoseok stared down and pulled his hands out of his pockets.

“Forget that I said it, but fuck, I want you to take it,” the older man's low voice whispered, twitching in front of his face.

Hyungwon smiled at that, glad to see he was able to make Hoseok lose his composure, appearing unable to hold back with how black his eyes had become.

“Give it to me then.” Licking over the smooth surface of his lips once, he parted them and flattened his tongue, still staring at the older man.

Hoseok pulled down his underwear and curled his fingers around the thick base of his huge erection, lining it up with his lips and stroking over them slowly.

“I'm fucking nuts,” he whispered, hissing at the action.

Hyungwon merely hummed, overwhelmed by the arousal that rushed through his blood and centered in his groin as he licked over the head of the older man's erection and dug his tongue into the slit, playing with it.

“Make me take it,” he murmured before closing his lips around the head and sucking harshly. He wanted Hoseok’s muscular thighs to quiver at the pleasure. Hyungwon wanted him to regret that he had denied him before.

“Oh god, babe,” Hoseok moaned, pushing himself into his mouth slowly, gaze dark and full of arousal. It took a few seconds before the older man started moving, hands curling around the black bookshelf.

Hyungwon moaned around the thick length in his mouth, stimulating it further with his tongue whenever he could and relaxing his throat to allow the older man to move all the way inside if he wanted to. It felt crazy, so different from the first time they had done it.

_Because now it's something forbidden._

He watched the change of expression on the gorgeous man’s face, letting him do whatever he wanted while moaning around his length. It was hot, so fucking hot to see Hoseok lose himself like that, to forget himself and his responsibilities, succumbing to how much he wanted Hyungwon.

He wanted to have his hair pulled but the rule was no hands, just lips and smooth thrusts into his mouth.

“It's so hard not to touch you, fuck, I want to,” Hoseok whined, thrusting into his mouth and keeping his dark gaze glued to his face.

Hyungwon felt the same, digging his blunt nails into his thighs to keep them in place, to not touch the older man's gorgeous legs and hips, feel the muscles flex under his fingertips with each thrust.

Hoseok was still careful, thrusts shallow and not using the whole depth of his throat. But Hyungwon wanted him to remember what he could do, to regret not touching him and sending him home back then, in his office.

He inhaled sharply through his nose and relaxed his throat before moving forward and fitting more of Hoseok’s length between his lips. Tears burned in the corners of his eyes, but it was okay, so he moved even further with the next thrust. He slid all the way until he could feel Hoseok’s dick hit the back of his throat and the skin of his groin against his lips.

Fuck, he wanted Hoseok to pull his hair and keep him in place while he came down his throat.

“Fuck, Hyungwon, you're such a good boy, shit,” the older man cursed right before groaning loudly and curling his hand into his hair, pulling roughly.

Shit.

Hyungwon moaned around the thickness in his mouth and scratched over his own thighs, forcing himself to overcome his wish to touch the older man, to feel him with his hands. The praise only added more fuel to the arousal he already felt, throbbing between his legs and taking his ability to think.

He instantly obeyed the grip on his hair, pulling back when it wanted him to and covering the whole length with his lips when the strong fingers pushed him forward. His vision turned a little blurry from the intensity of the situation, a mixture of little oxygen and tears that came from deep-throating. It felt so good, so fucking good. He whimpered at the mixture of sensations fighting for attention in his body.

“I'm close, babe, take it,” Hoseok moaned and pulled him against his crotch, twitching inside his mouth and releasing himself down his throat. The older man kept him there before pulling him off by using the tight grip on his hair.

_Holy shit._

“Shit, you're being so good to me, do you want me to make you feel good, babe?” the older man asked, sinking down to his knees and curling his strong fingers around his chin.

Hyungwon was breathing heavily, amazed by the switch in attitude. It was crazy how the composure faded into nothing as soon as he got close enough, tasting the black-haired man on his tongue.

He wanted him, he wanted to be touched and to feel good, to finally get rid of the liquid fire that concentrated in his groin and robbed him of his senses.

But he also wanted Hoseok to want him, a lot, just like he had in the older man's office, shivering because he wished to be close.

Licking over his lips briefly, the taste of the older man still prominent on his tongue, he curled his fingers around Hoseok’s wrist and pulled it away from his face, eyes not leaving the older man's black ones.

“I said ‘no hands’,” he whispered, voice rough from taking the black-haired man’s whole length. Still holding the blackness of Hoseok’s gaze, Hyungwon slowly stood up, fully dressed opposed to the sight in front of him. His hands shivered when he grabbed the bookshelf and slipped out of Hoseok’s personal space, overwhelmed by how much mental strength it required.

He didn't even know if it would pay off.

“Thank you for the books, Hoseok, I'll see you tomorrow,” he said as soon as he reached the door and opened it in a rough motion, closing it soundly as soon as he stepped through it. His thoughts were a mess, wish to run back almost unbearable as he ran down the stairs, not stopping until he arrived on the crowded street, hands instantly slipping into the pockets of his tight jeans to hide his state.

_This is a mess, Hyungwon, a fucking mess._

 

***

  


 

He cracked and he made bad decisions, like inviting Hyungwon into his apartment and thinking that he would be able to hold back. Not with how gorgeous the black-haired boy looked, how fucking delicious he smelled, reminding him of butter caramel and clouding his senses until he wasn’t able to do anything but lean into the soft, sensual touches that made him eager for more.

Hyungwon had been the best boy, letting him fuck his mouth and deepthroating him as if it was nothing. Hoseok had lost his mind at the stimulation, groaning and pulling the gorgeous man’s hair and he would’ve done anything if Hyungwon had asked him to. He was pulled into the beautiful, big eyes and thick, red lips that had taken him before.

But there was nothing. Only a cold comment about Hoseok using his hands, a short thank you for the books and a door that closed, really loud in his ears.

_What happened, Hoseok?_

He had no idea, not while throwing his clothes into the laundry bag and also not when he stood under the hot shower, thinking about different actions, his words, his expression, searching for something, anything that might have made Hyungwon not pull through.

_Why are you even thinking about it? It’s good that he didn’t pull through, you should’ve stopped too. You have to apologize._

Hoseok felt unfairly treated, even though he had been the one pulling his grad-student’s hair and stuffing his gorgeous mouth with his dick.

The best.

_Hope that he liked it so he doesn’t hate you now._

Maybe Hyungwon hated him, the whole evening seemed like a crack-dream, smelling the gorgeous boy, pinning him into the subway wall, giving him his own thesis twice and letting him suck his dick.

_Fuck._

Glancing at the screen of his laptop, he wrote five emails and informed everyone that he would be doing home office for the rest of the week. Except for Hyungwon. He wasn’t his direct supervisor, he didn’t need to tell him why he wasn’t at work.

_You need to find a solution before you come back on Monday._

__  
  
_  
  
  


It was Sunday, at night, 11PM, so he was sure that he wouldn’t meet anyone when he entered the long hallway. It was really quiet and a little creepy, but it meant that he would be alone with his stuff and not think about Monday when he would be forced to meet Hyungwon and apologize.

Pulling his key out of his pocket, he suddenly heard strange sounds coming from the office next door. It was almost as if Hyungwon whined about not being able to do a task.

_Why the fuck is he still here?_

His ‘good supervisor’ mentality came through and he knocked once, opening the door and staring at the chair where Hyungwon sat. Hoseok was ready to scold him for working on Sunday night and to apologize right after, maybe.

Instead of being met with the sight of Hyungwon's pretty face, chewing on his cheek while attempting to squeeze a few more lines out of his brain, his eyes settled on way more uncovered caramel colored skin than he was prepared for.

The black-haired boy was leaning back on his office chair, backrest tilted to the maximum and gorgeous neck on display. Hyungwon's lips were parted and he exhaled roughly through his nose with each motion of his arm, making the delicate body jerk repeatedly. His eyes were shut tightly, like he wished to drown in the feeling instead of the sight. The younger man had one leg lifted up on the desk, toes curling repeatedly while the other remained still on the ground, thighs flexing once in a while. His tight jeans were pulled down including his underwear, pooling around the leg that remained on the ground.

Hyungwon wasn't aware of his presence, too occupied with letting his long fingers slide over his straight erection, cupping the tip and rubbing the precum over his slit before stroking the whole length. It looked teasing, like it felt good but wasn't quite enough for release. The beautiful boy's moans and gasps weren't because of the touches to his length, the cause for those must have been his other hand, strategically arranged below his propped-up leg while two fingers repeatedly moved in and out of his tight body, aiding the pleasure he kept building up through the combination of the sensations.

_Fuck. Holy fuck. Holy fucking shit._

He had never seen anyone masturbate at work. Ever. Why would anybody do it in the first place? It was everything but sexy with the ugly carpets and people who wanted to ruin your life.

_What are you going to do?_

He stared with his mouth open, feeling arousal spiking up immediately, exponentially growing with every passing second.

Hyungwon moaned again, tilting his left hand a little to change the angle with which his fingers thrust into him. It must have been a good one as Hoseok could see the perfectly straight erection twitch at the sensation, followed by a whimper.

The sounds that left the boy’s gorgeous lips weren't as unrestrained as he remembered them, teeth biting down on his full bottom lip repeatedly to contain them.

“Shit,” Hyungwon cursed and tilted his head even further back, showing more of the rose blush that spread from his face and neck downwards to his chest. Hoseok could see his collarbones because the pretty boy had unbuttoned most of his shirt.

_You want to fuck him. Shit._

_But you should leave._

_Leave._

_Now._

He stumbled backwards and accidentally kicked over a box with office materials, making shit loads of fuss.

Hyungwon jerked in his chair, almost falling off as his eyes opened wide and he gasped, barely holding himself upright with a strong grip on his desk. Hoseok could see the younger man's fingers glistening in the light from what must have been precum, spit or lubricant.

“I- fuck-" the black-haired man cursed and pulled his shirt down hastily, like he attempted to cover up what he had been doing which was a little difficult with his pants and underwear lying on the ground. His eyes were wide and made him look so young, aided by the blush on his face.

“Fuck, I'm sorry, I- just- sorry,” Hoseok replied in panic and hurried out, closing the door behind himself.

He stood in the hallway for a few seconds before unlocking his door and closing it behind himself. He was breathing loudly, adrenaline and arousal mixing into a wrecking ball that he only became aware of because it was really quiet and he could hear himself exhale shakily.

_Shit. Oh god, why?_

He didn't know what to do, he didn't know why Hyungwon pleased himself in his office on a Sunday evening and he didn't know how to deal with the fact that he wanted to run back and fuck Hyungwon against the fucking wall, to make him scream his fucking name and to beg for more.

_But he doesn't want you. He didn't let you touch him._

Hoseok could have made him, but he knew that he shouldn't, he shouldn't and being inside his office was the safest for now. Sitting down on his chair, he cursed his tight pants, his huge dick and Hyungwon being the most ferocious, delicious treat. Burying his face in his arms, he tried to think about something work related, but unfortunately Hyungwon had managed to ruin his work-related thoughts too. At this point he wouldn't have been surprised, if he'd get hard as soon as he'd see Hyungwon's ugly chair.

He heard a door open in the hallway, easily audible with how quiet it was around him. Several hesitant steps echoed through the empty space until a knock sounded on his door, just one no more. Hoseok could imagine the way Hyungwon's long fingers looked, curled into a fist and hitting the wooden surface of his door briefly.

_Fuck._

He hummed, face still buried in his palms.

The door opened hesitantly and Hoseok heard the young man draw a deep breath. His mind instantly provided him with an image of how Hyungwon's lips must have parted for that, shiny after licking over them in a nervous gesture.

“Hoseok?” the low voice asked, dangerously close to him as a hot hand landed on his shoulder, weighing almost nothing. He wanted to be that hand because it had been touching the boy's gorgeous body before.

_Just- god, do something, it's torture._

Lifting his face, he let it rest on one of his palms, staring right at Hyungwon's gorgeous face and sighed.

“I want to fuck you,” he said, watching the pretty, black-haired boy intently.

The big, dark eyes widened and it seemed like Hoseok could see the pupil take over the rest of the chestnut brown color. It was gorgeous, a sign of the effect he had on the beautiful boy.

The grip of Hyungwon's hand got minimally stronger as the young man reached out and did the same with his other hand. Using his hold on Hoseok, the black-haired boy levered himself up, climbing up on top of his lap. Hyungwon's long legs squeezed in between the arm rests and his thighs, only fitting because of how slim the stunning boy was. It felt crazy to look at his breathtaking face, lips swollen from chewing them as his eyes revealed everything he wanted Hoseok to do to him.

_You're imagining._

“Hyungwon, I'm serious, I won't hold back.” He curled his arms around the younger man's waist and pulled him further onto his lap, brushing over his erection that had been straining his jeans since he left Hyungwon's office.

Those long and delicate fingers slipped upwards from his shoulders until they were cupping his face, tilting it upwards to make it easier for Hyungwon to look into his eyes.

The young man was beautiful, so damn beautiful.

“You want to fuck me?” the low voice asked, leaning in until their lips were almost touching. “Then fucking do it, Hoseok.”

He felt as if there was no point in resisting, it was bound to happen sooner or later. He wanted it, Hyungwon wanted it, their professional relationship consisted of 80% thirsting after each other anyway.

Slipping one hand under Hyungwon's shirt, he moved it up, brushing over his warm skin and erect nipples before sticking it through the collar and curling his fingers around the thin throat, soft strokes of his thumb feeling how fast Hyungwon's heart was beating.

“I think you're really demanding for someone who didn't let me touch you like I know you wanted me to,” he whispered and exhaled roughly. He wanted Hyungwon so much that it started to physically hurt, manifested by the pulling in his balls.

“I wanted you to want me,” the pretty boy murmured and shivered on his lap, as if he was fighting with himself, affected by the fingers around his neck. Hyungwon was so responsive, exhaling roughly and twitching in his tight, blue jeans. He was probably still a little loose from fingering himself, anticipating to be filled out properly.

His grip around Hyungwon's throat must have opened Pandora’s box as the black-haired boy moaned and let his eyes flutter shut. His lean thighs were quivering on top of him, like the young man couldn't contain his excitement.

“Please,” he whimpered suddenly, inhaling through his nose while reaching out to hold onto Hoseok’s forearms. “Fuck, please touch me, please.”

“Oh baby, I want to touch you so badly,” Hoseok hissed, pushing his fingertips a little further into Hyungwon's gorgeous neck. One hand unbuttoned the jeans, curling around his erection and squeezing a little. “I think you should get naked and sit on me.”

“Please,” Hyungwon breathed out again and lifted up on his knees, pulling his jeans lower until he was forced to climb off to take them off completely.

The pretty boy was fast, pulling the fabric off his caramel colored legs and revealing more of his body, finishing off with the shirt that he threw to the ground. He was stunning as he climbed on top of him again and rolled his hips. Grabbing his hand, the younger man pulled it up to his throat, whimpering again.

“I'll be so good for you, Hoseok, give it to me.”

“Unpack me, take what's yours, baby boy.” Hoseok thrust up before taking Hyungwon's big hand and curling it around his erection, twitching against it and hissing. “I want to be inside you, shit.”

Hyungwon licked his lips and purred, instantly giving Hoseok a few teasing strokes, fingers playing with his tip, rubbing over the slit. Leaning in, the gorgeous boy licked a stripe from Hoseok's chin all the way down to the connection between his collarbones, before opening the buttons of his shirt with his free hand and continuing further. The exhales that left the young man's plump lips were loud, echoing through his office.

“Will you make me take it?” he asked after nibbling on Hoseok's nipple for a few moments, rolling it in his mouth.

“I'll make you scream my name so often you won't be able to talk, babe, you'll take it like the best boy that you are, but first-" He licked his lips and stood up, letting Hyungwon's feet touch the ground before he turned the surprised black-haired boy around and pushed his shoulders down, bending him over the desk. Kneeling down, Hoseok licked over his entrance. “You'll let me taste your delicious ass,” he said and pushed his tongue into Hyungwon's tight body.

“Oh god, fuck- Hoseok.” The slim boy's voice was like music to his ears. Coherence was quickly replaced by whimpers and breathy moans as Hyungwon desperately clutched onto whatever his long fingers were able to grasp, starting with pens and stray documents until it turned into the sound of blunt nails scratching over smooth wood. Another whimper followed before Hyungwon pressed his forehead down and trembled in Hoseok's tight grip. “Fuck me, please- shit, please fuck me. I want you so much.”

_Get the lube. He must have brought it to his office if he touched himself earlier._

“Be a good boy and tell me where the lube is, I can't take you like this,” Hoseok leaned in and whispered into Hyungwon's ear. After getting the information, he tugged himself back into his jeans quickly and walked over to Hyungwon's office, getting the small bottle out of the black-haired man's backpack.

Entering his office again, he pulled out the key and locked the door from the inside.

Hoseok was so tense, no, he was basically dying. He took his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans and pulled them down a little, getting the condom out and rolling it over his painfully hard dick. Spreading the lube, he pressed against Hyungwon's entrance.

“Will you be okay without proper prep? I want you, but only if you'll have fun. Are you sure?” He pushed a little further, groaning and moving his flat palm over Hyungwon's back.

“I like it a little rough, but go slow at first,” the pretty boy muttered, holding onto the table tightly while Hoseok could see the muscles in his gorgeous butt flex and relax again. “Fuck, I want you so much, I can't breathe.”

“Shit, I imagined fucking you so often, but it was more spoiling you on my bed, or in the shower, not bending you over my desk at work on Sunday night.” Hoseok leaned in and kissed Hyungwon's beautiful, caramel colored back and pushed his tip further, waiting for him to relax.

The gorgeous boy basically melted in his arms like butter, loosening his muscles and allowing him to slip deeper. It was almost painfully tight, squeezing his dick repeatedly and neither allowing him to move further nor back.

“Oh god, you're so fucking tight, I should've played with you a little,” Hoseok murmured, half dying because it was a little painful.

“You feel amazing, Hoseok, fuck-” Hyungwon attempted to speak before groaning as Hoseok slipped a little further inside of him, evoking a gorgeous whimper. “I can take it all.”

“Shit, you're taking it so well, babe,” he moaned, pushing himself into Hyungwon's beautiful body until he could feel the boy's firm cheeks against his hips.

“Holy fuck, holy fucking shit. I almost forgot what it feels like,” the black-haired boy babbled incoherently and dug his fingers further into the surface of the table, attempting to get a grip. Hoseok could feel the lean body contract at the praise, as if his words were able to affect Hyungwon all on their own. “Please move, please, give it to me.”

He hissed, moving his flat palm along the slim, caramel-like back and curled his fingers into Hyungwon's pitch-black hair, pulling roughly. Slipping out carefully, he slid back in with a smooth roll of his hips.

The beautiful boy screamed, pushing his head to the wooden surface despite the grip on his hair and panting repeatedly, like the feeling overwhelmed him a little.

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god, do that again, Hoseok, and again, and fucking again,” he moaned and pushed his firm butt into him, like he couldn't get enough. “Please.”

If Hoseok had been forced to list his sexual preferences, then the list would've been a description of Hyungwon being bent over a desk, whimpering at the tugs on his hair and asking for more while taking him like the best boy he was. Fuck.

Pulling the young man's head from the table, he leaned in and sunk his teeth into the smooth skin of his shoulder, smelling the delicious caramel scent and going crazy. He combined the action with another thrust.

Hyungwon screamed again, right into his ear while curving his spine and following the tugs on his black strands without delay. The pretty boy's skin was glistening with a thin layer of sweat but it was so minimal that it resembled oil, reflections changing a little with every thrust into the gorgeous body. The black-haired boy's lips were parted, sucking in air and holding it for a few seconds before exhaling it all at once. He seemed a little delirious, begging repeatedly in between screams and whimpers.

Letting go of the boy's hair, Hoseok curled his fingers around Hyungwon's thighs, lifting his lower body in the air.

“I want you to take it all, wouldn't want to bruise your pretty thighs, am I right?” he hissed and rolled his hips again improving the angle.

Hyungwon wasn't able to reply as he screamed instead, sound echoing through the office and probably along the hallway. The boy's knuckles and fingers were white from the attempt to hold on and relax sufficiently to have Hoseok move freely inside his body.

“Fuck, make me take it all, I love it,” Hyungwon moaned and bit his lip, hard enough to bruise. “I'm close, I'm so fucking close, shit.”

“You're taking it so well, babe, be a good boy and come for me,” Hoseok groaned and went all out, slamming his hips into Hyungwon's roughly.

It felt crazy when the black-haired boy's whole body convulsed and pulled him deeper, accompanied by a loud scream and shivers that passed along the boy’s legs. Hoseok could feel him tremble beneath his fingertips as Hyungwon released himself on top of Hoseok’s desk, untouched.

He didn't stop, fucking Hyungwon through his orgasm and finally coming himself with a loud groan of the boy's name. He breathed loudly, oxygen not enough no matter how much air his lungs sucked in.

The pretty boy whimpered a little from oversensitivity, panting roughly and trembling in Hoseok’s hold. He was gorgeous, palms flat against the surface of Hoseok’s desk and head thrown back, showing Hoseok a little bit of his plump lips, parted to suck in big gulps of air.

“So pretty,” Hoseok hissed and leaned in before pulling out, smelling caramel once again. He grabbed the tissue box from his table and wiped over Hyungwon's butt cheeks and thighs before wiping his desk. Hyungwon came over his paper about moral judgement and he couldn't help thinking about whether it was a sign.

“Are you okay?” he asked, turning Hyungwon around carefully. It was crazy, he was completely dressed and took off his condom, placing it into one of the tissues, landing in the bin, while Hyungwon was completely naked, and gorgeous. God, he was fucking gorgeous.

“I'm amazing, feel like I reached enlightenment,” the pretty boy commented and sat down on top of Hoseok’s desk, looking beautiful all naked and covered by the light of the table lamp. “Watch me give up science and worship your dick instead.” He laughed brightly, lips spread wide, hiding how swollen and red they were for a brief moment.

“You're stunning, I can't believe it, I can't believe that I am like this,” Hoseok reflected and couldn't help coming closer. It didn't stop only because he orgasmed, he still wanted to touch Hyungwon's beautiful body.

“Like what? Fucking your PhD student?” Hyungwon asked and spread his legs, like he had found Hoseok’s weakness and was pressing his heel on it. One corner of his mouth lifted smoothly, fitting to his raised eyebrow. He reached out and let his long fingers slide along Hoseok’s chest, pressing lightly.

_This fucker. Handsome, teasing fucker._

“Yes, like fucking my PhD student. So, what are we going to do about this? I'm afraid that it won't stay a one-time thing. Or do you want it to stay a one-time thing? I will do my best,” he said and hissed at the long fingers touching him. It was different from the crazy arousal, but fueled it nevertheless.

“Oh, Hoseok,” Hyungwon purred and instantly curled his long legs around Hoseok’s hips, pulling him closer until their faces were almost touching. “Are you offering me a fuck-deal?”

_Oh god._

He tried to act shocked but after thinking about it for three whole seconds he realized that he fucking wanted a fuck deal. With Hyungwon. He wanted Hyungwon. His moral judgement was shit.

“Why do you act as if I'm the one who wants things? What do you want, caramel babe?” he purred back and leaned in, biting Hyungwon's neck quickly and licking over the spot right after.

“I'm not acting like I don't want it, it's the best idea you ever had, fuck,” Hyungwon muttered before hissing at the feeling of teeth on his skin. The gorgeous boy was so responsive. “What I want? The possibility of having you inside me without being excluded from that, apparently rather privileged, club.”

“So, you just want to be able to act on it, right? It doesn't imply anything else?” Hoseok curled his arms around Hyungwon's slim waist and pressed his body against his clothed chest.

“Anything else?” A few seconds passed until Hyungwon's eyes widened. “Dear god, I don't want to date you, Hoseok. I only want your dick.”

“Good, because I can't give you anything else. But you're taking me so well, so of course I should give it to you if you like it so much,” he hissed and let his hands pull Hyungwon's silky hair.

He was blessed with a beautiful whimper and eyes that widened instantly, staring at him.

“You should totally keep me, especially because you want it as much as I do,” the black-haired boy whispered and used his right hand to rub over Hoseok’s thighs, motions delicate but effective. “Also, you know who can take your whole dick into his mouth? Me, I can.”

“You're such a good boy, how could I say no like this?” Hoseok let his lips travel over Hyungwon's neck, licking over his jugular. Shit, he wanted him again, it was a mess. “I should give you my mobile number.”

“Oh, now I'm really joining the club,” Hyungwon teased and squeezed Hoseok’s dick briefly before letting go and jumping off the desk. He seemed nonchalant now but he had clearly trembled from the sensation of teeth on his neck. Grabbing his clothes from the ground, the pretty boy pulled them over his slim body, covering all that gorgeous caramel skin with fabric again. Once he was fully dressed, Hyungwon pulled out his phone and handed it to Hoseok. “Give it to me then.”

Taking the phone, he typed his number and wrote his name, saving the contact and giving it back to Hyungwon.

“But I have to tell you one thing, if I have the feeling that this thing starts affecting your relationship towards me as a supervisor, or myself I'll immediately stop. It's a cut off criterion.” He stared at the boy's big, brown eyes, hoping that the serious intention came through.

“I won't stop taking you seriously just because your dick was in my ass. You're a great help and you can tell me that my writing is shit when it is, but please also tell me how to get better.” Hyungwon pursed his lips and pressed the call button on his phone, making Hoseok’s phone vibrate and slide over his desk in response until it stopped. “This is independent of our jobs, I'm not stupid.”

“I know,” he murmured and smiled. “I actually came here to work and it was fun but I can't give the journal my dick as a review, so I have to write. Please go home, it's late.”

“Good luck with that,” Hyungwon commented and smiled, winking briefly and blowing him a kiss before he left his office, door shutting quietly behind him. It didn't take long for quick steps to echo through the hallway as the pretty boy left the building.

_He's listening so well._

Hoseok chuckled at his thought and sat down, opening his laptop and clicking on a draft.

_But you just fucked your PhD student in your office, Hoseok. Are you nuts?_

If he was honest the problem had not been the fucking but more the office. Having sex at work was actually a no go he didn't have to define because he simply didn't fuck at work.

He only worked and work fucked him, if at all.

Staring at his smartphone, Hoseok saved the number the young man had given him. He wrote ‘candy’ as the name but then remembered the other five people with the same designation, but with different geographic pins like ‘New York’, ‘Berlin’ or ‘The fuckvillage next to Frankfurt’. Thinking a little, he grinned, licked his lips and wrote ‘caramel’ next to Hyungwon’s number.

He should've been confused, but everything was clear and he had made a decision, resulting in a mutual agreement, specifying the details and cut off criteria. It was clear.

He hoped that the agreement would solve most of the issues with the gorgeous black-haired boy and he would have time to concentrate on more important things.

Like work.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 12th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just keep the sweet as long as it tastes good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

Was this how children must feel whenever they yearn for something, desperately wanting it and reaching for it until the delicious sweet finally ended up in their small hand? A feeling of excitement and accomplishment that spread euphoria through the whole body in several waves?

Hyungwon wasn't quite sure if his analogy was accurate. After all, yearning for a candy and wishing to own it wasn't long-lasting. As long as the sweet was placed into one’s mouth and devoured, the desire to have it disappeared, becoming irrelevant.

But that was not how Hyungwon felt about the older man's body. It seemed like a single taste only increased the wish to have another, and another until the whole package of sweets was empty.

_Or one of you grows tired of it._

Hoseok had agreed so much faster than Hyungwon had anticipated, eyes dark and hands already reaching out to touch him even before he had accepted the deal. The black-haired man wanted him, independent of how strong, responsible and in control he presented himself as.

_He wants you as much as you want him, even if he just had you._

_It doesn't fade._

Hyungwon was going home, feeling like he needed a little bit of distance to figure out what he had gotten himself into. He wanted to be sexual with the older man, but Hoseok was still his second supervisor. That fact didn't disappear, even if Hyungwon decided to fuck it, quite literally.

Fuck-deals weren't something he usually went for. He had dated a fair share of girls and boys during his university time, trying out, but sex was rarely something he had needed an agreement for. One could fuck without making an agreement and he hadn't really bothered to sleep with anybody twice, even if he had enjoyed it. It just seemed a little complicated, but his relationship with Hoseok was complicated either way.

_There is no real way for you around this, is there?_

Stepping out of the metro, Hyungwon stared at the digits of Hoseok’s number saved under ‘Hoseok’ in his phone. Having his supervisor’s number wasn't all that weird, unless they did sexting of course.

Which happened to be the reason they exchanged numbers.

_Oops._

Chewing on his cheek, he thought about how to change the contact name in his phone. There had to be some fitting name that described him well without being too obvious about who it was, much like Hyungwon was ‘caramel boy’ or ‘caramel babe’. He liked both.

Giggling briefly, he changed the name to ‘Dr. Dick’ and ignored the guy in lederhosen throwing him a strange look. As if he was the weird one.

Maybe he was. Letting himself be bent over the office desk by a professor wasn't really a normal thing to do.

The older man was really able to get him going, to make him lose his senses and forget about decency as he screamed from pleasure and begged for more. It felt freeing somehow, especially since Hoseok didn't bring him down because of it. Other guys Hyungwon had the disadvantage to fuck with, used it to drag him and hold it over him like they were the only ones able to make him feel good.

_Sorry bae._

Having a sex deal with somebody who made him feel good and also had something to lose couldn't be all that bad, could it? The black-haired man also appeared to let go with him, abandoning his responsibilities.

Sure, Hoseok was much older, around thirty something, and way further in his career than Hyungwon, but there had been the offer of broadening his horizons back then. Wasn't that exactly what he was doing? Gaining experiences and trying something new. He had no need and no time for a proper relationship anyway.

Science was a sacrificial business and Hyungwon was right in the middle of it. He just hoped that he was going to get out of it without losing his mind. Maybe such a deal was one way to keep himself afloat, as morally questionable as it was?

_Just keep the sweet as long as it tastes good, Hyungwon._

After all he was also only a candy.

 

_

 

Hyungwon was convinced that he deserved an award for his superior acting skills, easily continuing with his daily work life and drowning in tasks while pretending that he hadn't fucked his supervisor in the older man's office. It worked beautifully and Hoseok was doing just as well as he was.

At first, he had been a little worried that the tension they had between them would disappear, turned off like a gas stove after getting what he wanted. But that wasn't true. Independent of their little nightly endeavor, the two of them still stared at each other sometimes and Hoseok ate him with his eyes, much like he couldn't ignore the black-haired man's thighs. It was a little frustrating at work, but the spark hadn't died which was amazing.

_You just don't have the time for sex._

Sighing, he clicked away another hate mail that accused him of not having any presentation skills. Regina was furious because he had applied for a talk that was accepted, fearing that he would ‘embarrass’ her unnecessarily. It was ironic because her presentation skills were shit, something his students constantly complained about in his seminars.

When they stopped thinking that he was a student that is.

Hyungwon really wanted to go to Hoseok and show him the email, but that was just him wanting to get somebody to say it wasn't true. He could deal with stuff like that on his own, he'd just ignore it and hope that Regina was going to write something professional.

Right when he thought about whether he should answer after all, in case Regina got angry about that, his door opened with a loud noise and he hit his wrist on his desk, wincing in pain.

Lisa’s pretty, round face appeared in the door frame and the girl was holding a gigantic cake, placed nicely into a cake box.

“Surprise!” she exclaimed and lifted her cake.

“What? For me?” Hyungwon asked, genuinely confused because his birthday was almost another year away. The blonde girl had already baked one for him back then.

“You? No, it's for Hoseok. Today's his birthday and he said he'll order sushi for us. I asked if you could join too, since he's technically supervising you too and he was being wonderful and said yes. Likey?” Lisa spoke quickly while wiggling the cake back and forth. She seemed really enthusiastic about her achievement.

Another glance at his email account was perfectly sufficient to decide what he preferred to do. Hyungwon smiled and stood up, holding out his elbow for Lisa to grab his arm as she loved doing. Seeing how Hoseok treated his students was a little frustrating, making him wish that he was part of the older man's projects instead of what he was really doing.

_But that would make the deal even weirder._

Hoseok was being a literal angel, eating lunch with the girls outside in the park right in front of the cafeteria. One of the ladies had arranged several blankets that everyone was sitting on while the gorgeous black-haired man arranged the different plates in the middle, throwing various pairs of chopsticks at everyone.

It was unfair how good he looked, kneeling on a blanket with his muscular thighs packed up in tight pants and sleeves of his shirt rolled up, showing off his muscular arms.

Hyungwon instantly wanted to climb on his lap and beg, but alas they were at work.

“Hiiii, I brought our baby,” Lisa called out cheerfully and pinched Hyungwon's arms, forcing him to purse his lips at the nickname and the random pain. “And cake for you, Hoseok.”

“Oh my god, I love your cakes, I can’t believe you’re spoiling me like this.” The black-haired man took the cake and smiled brightly, placing it in the middle. “I’m glad you made time for this, Hyungwon,” Hoseok bullshitted, smiling as brightly, but having his gaze dancing over Hyungwon’s body.

_Because he thinks you're hot. This is ridiculous._

Hyungwon smiled back and licked over his lips to not seem too thirsty with how dry they had become. He wanted to be inconspicuous, but he basically walked around the whole group just to sit next to Hoseok, even though Anna, one of the older girls, patted the seat next to her.

He felt strangely babied, especially with how nice the girls were even though the only one who could really baby him was Hoseok, preferably while fucking him senseless.

He coughed at his own thoughts and got comfortable, accidentally brushing over Hoseok’s thigh. He shouldn't have. It was warm and firm and generally amazing.

Hyungwon definitely worked too much.

“Happy birthday, Hoseok, sure I make time for that,” he replied and refrained from squeezing Hoseok’s shoulder. It wasn't quite appropriate.

“Thank you, I always forget that it’s my birthday, but the girls don’t, so I’m really happy and don’t realize that I’m getting older.” The gorgeous black-haired man grinned and took a maki, placing it into his mouth carefully. It was fascinating how different Hoseok was around his other students, so friendly and carefree, none of the teasing nature that Hyungwon knew. It felt a little weird.

“Of course, we remember!” Lisa almost yelled and pointed at her cake. “I brought a cake on purpose and I even brought him.” She grinned suddenly and it looked a little nasty. “Just to remind you that you have only one year left until you're ‘that forty-year-old guy’. Hyungwon is almost half your age.” She giggled loudly while Hyungwon felt like something had pierced his skin and injected some chemical that successfully replaced his blood with ice, freezing throughout his veins and widening his eyes in shock.

“You're thirty-nine?” he hissed, staring at the older man. There were giggles around him like the girls thought it was particularly funny.

_Because they know nothing. Oh god._

“Yes? If I think about it, I’ve been studying psychology for 21 years now, so my knowledge and experience in academia is almost your age.” The gorgeous man smiled and wiggled an eyebrow. He definitely didn’t look like thirty-nine. He didn't even look like thirty-four.

_He's joking about being half your age, almost._

Hyungwon hummed and forced his face to return to normal instead of the semi mental breakdown he was having. Sure, he knew that Hoseok was older and he was thirty-something, but thirty-nine was basically forty. Hyungwon's mom was forty-four.

_You're fucking someone who's your mom's age._

“That's crazy,” he murmured eventually and stuffed his face with a maki as Lisa sat down next to him and squeezed his hand. The grins on the other girls’ faces clearly told him that they were amused, also by his age obviously. They joked about it a lot as he was the only boy and the youngest.

“It’s also been ten years since my postdoctoral qualification, god, why does time go by so fast? And it’s my hell anniversary because I have worked with Regina for 14 years. And my 100th publication too, what a day.” There was a full-blown laugh, before Hoseok took a piece of cake and put it onto Hyungwon’s paper plate. “Here, baby, eat some candy. You look shocked.”

_He called you baby but they think it's funny because they do too._

It felt like a double life.

“It's cake,” Hyungwon pointed out because he couldn't tell Hoseok to shut the fuck up. The news was a little difficult to swallow, all of it. It seemed like Hoseok himself was a little overwhelmed by the fact that he had worked with Regina for fourteen years. That was a hell of a long time. “But congratulation on your 100th publication, that's really impressive. Sounds like a dream.”

One of the girls yelled ‘unreal’ in between as Anna began to elaborate on how difficult it was to publish one particular paper. Hyungwon spaced out a little and stared at Hoseok instead, attempting to make sense of everything.

“Nothing you smart cookies can’t learn. Did you guys decide who goes to which conference? And let’s meet up to discuss the posters and talks so you feel good about it.” The girls instantly began presenting their carefully prepared plan. It felt like Hoseok had an Armada of ridiculously talented people. Hyungwon doubted that he was able to compete. 

“Don’t you also have a talk soon, Hyungwon? You could show me, I’m excited to hear about the project results too.” Delicate fingers grabbed a nigiri with the long chopsticks, placing the sushi into his mouth and chewing cutely while looking fucking hot.

Hyungwon would have loved to show the other man, who dared to be ridiculously attractive despite his age, but his project results weren't really the thing he wanted to show him. Especially since the mention of the talk reminded him of the mail he had received in the morning.

“Ah, yeah,” he murmured, unable to keep his enthusiasm because of the hurtful words that Regina bombarded him with. It didn't really matter if they were true or not, it still fucking hurt.

“After this then, surprise presentations are the best. Simply come to my office.” Hoseok grinned, before turning his attention to the girls.

Hyungwon's eyes widened again before Lisa randomly kissed his cheek and forced him to snap out of it.

“He won't kill you, Hyungwon,” she giggled and squeezed his thigh. He really felt like he wasn't really part of the whole thing. It made him feel even younger as most of the girls were around twenty-eight, slowly reaching thirty. He had never thought age mattered all that much, but suddenly it felt like it created a gigantic abyss, not only for his sexual attraction towards Hoseok, but also for his ability to be taken seriously. Suddenly it felt like his age was the reason the older man called him a child.

Humming, he simply stuffed his mouth with food, making sure he couldn't talk while Lisa just didn't stop, giggling and giving a lecture on how well she made the cake.  
“True, I don’t bite,” Hoseok lied and licked over his lips before pulling his phone out of his ridiculously tight pants and typing something with a grin.

Something pissed Hyungwon off but he wasn't quite sure what it was yet. Instead of replying, he snuck his hand behind himself so that he was able to pinch Hoseok’s ridiculously firm ass, for the hell of it. Smiling at Lisa, he pretended like he had been listening to her the whole time, skillfully nodding in the right places.

Hoseok didn’t do anything, he didn’t react and just kept typing, smile still on his lips.

“Who are you writing to, all happy like?” he asked eventually and placed a maki on the professor's plate. Considering that Hoseok had bought all of it, he was eating surprisingly little. Hyungwon ate little too, but he generally didn't eat much, so it didn't make much of a difference for him.

The situation was strange. He was more concerned about what was going on in Hoseok’s head than the results he had to present to the older man in a little bit.

“Candy,” Hoseok whispered, before putting his phone back into his pocket.

_Candy?_

The answer surprised him a little bit. Wasn't he candy? But his phone remained safely tucked away in his pocket, neither vibrating nor showing any other signs of a message. Which meant that it wasn't him. But if it wasn't him, then…

_It's some other candy._

Hyungwon inhaled sharply through his nose and ate another piece of sushi, blood boiling even though it shouldn't have.

A fuck deal wasn't exclusive, the point was to fuck when two people wanted to fuck. Nothing in their agreement had pointed out that the older man was going to fuck him only. Hyungwon didn't mind that per se, he just didn't understand why Hoseok would text some other candy if he could also text him. Hyungwon could be so much better, take him perfectly and blow his fucking mind. Why would Hoseok need to text another boy? He hadn't even asked if Hyungwon wanted to.

_Maybe it's because he's still your supervisor? It's harder to cross the line with you than it is with someone else?_

“So, you're getting some sweets? Are you sure they are tasty enough?” Hyungwon asked and licked over his lips.

“Yeah, quite decent as I have well developed taste,” the older man smiled playfully before placing a piece of cake into his mouth, cream remaining in the corner of his perfectly curved lips.

Hyungwon stared for a few moments, urge to lean in and lick over that gorgeous mouth almost unbearable.

“Don't you think you could get something better?” he asked, voice level like he wasn't talking about his own body on a plate.

“But there's only one thing that's better than just candy and it's caramel candy.” Hoseok's face was so freaking intriguing.

_Isn't that you?_

Hyungwon smiled briefly, fingers sliding over his own thigh in a nonchalant manner. It didn't look like much to the girls, but with the attention he got from those almost black eyes it should have done exactly what he wanted it to.

Tease.

“Shouldn't you get caramel candy then?” Hyungwon asked as Lisa suddenly pulled his arm briefly, attempting to get his attention. He really didn't want to break the intense eye contact they had established, but it would have been rude. Biting down on his lower lip, he turned around as Lisa pulled him down to whisper into his ear.

“It's weird if I do it, can you please wipe that white cream from his mouth?” she hissed before letting go and grinning briefly.

_Oh god._

Hyungwon turned back to Hoseok, waiting for his reply while his eyes focused on those gorgeous curved lips.

“One can't have all the good things at once, I can eat caramel candy once in a while, and eat usual candy more often.” Hoseok licked over his lips, not quite getting the cream.

Hyungwon inhaled slowly and hummed. Hoseok was skilled, able to say that he was going to fuck random other boys but that he was special. It was smooth, but probably also bullshit. A skilled move to keep him interested.

“But caramel candy might be unwilling to wait,” he murmured quietly and reached out, letting his thumb slide over the curve of Hoseok’s mouth, catching the white cream. Acting before thinking, he removed it and inserted it into his own mouth, licking it off.

“Oh my god,” Lisa commented before laughing.

Hoseok stared deadpan before realizing that Hyungwon had wiped the cream and caught himself easily.

“Are you hungry? There's more cake, don't worry. And you don't need to panic, I won't ask anything mean, you know that I'm fair,” the black-haired man answered smoothly.

“I know you are, I'm not worried about your fairness,” Hyungwon replied and smiled briefly, taking a piece of cake even though he could probably not finish it. “I was just worried that you'd accept a mediocre presentation even though I am much better than that. Isn't it depressing to listen to average presentations all the time and then deny a good one when it's offered?”

It felt just like Philadelphia, using a topic to express something entirely different.

“Well,” Hoseok licked his lips and grinned, “the thing is, I'm a good teacher and can mostly contribute and make an originally mediocre presentation quite enjoyable. Life is like this, isn't it? You can't always eat the most delicious candy and listen to the best presentations. They only remain the best if you have a reference frame.”

“But you're calculating with the thought that the most delicious candy and the best presentations will still bless you, despite being forced to wait,” Hyungwon pointed out and chewed on his cheek.

This was frustrating. His only argument for becoming Hoseok’s preferred choice was that he might get annoyed and find somebody else besides the older man, which wasn't very likely with his party habits.

“So, you're telling me that the caramel candy wants to get appreciated, otherwise it might not be available anymore? Demanding. I'm a really reliable person, you know, and I agreed on eating the usual candy today, so caramel has to wait.” The older man brushed his black hair back and stared up to the sky, watching the clouds. “Hey girls, look up, it's really pretty.”

_He'll ditch you if you're too demanding._

The thought was sudden, scaring him a little bit as he chewed on his lip and stared up at the sky, following Hoseok’s gestures. It was really pretty.

“It's fine, I was just teasing,” Hyungwon commented eventually and attempted to bury the feeling of discomfort.

_You're just being greedy._

He probably was.

 

_

 

The discomfort didn't disappear even after the lengthy lunch and talks with the girls. When he was standing in front of the older man's office door, Hyungwon just wanted to seduce him and make him his, let him forget about his plans. But that would have been cheap and he wasn't.

Sighing loudly, he knocked and entered without waiting for an answer. Stepping into the office, he instantly closed the door behind himself.

“Hey, are you ready?” Hoseok smiled in a friendly way and rolled back from his office desk, turning in the process and twirling the pen in his hand. He looked amazing, even if he was almost forty. It was a mess.

“Yeah, open my slides please, I sent them to you via email,” Hyungwon replied and sat down on the corner of Hoseok’s desk, staring at the older man's screen. He wanted to impress him, if it wasn't through him being gorgeous and a good boy it had to be his brains.

“I know.” Prof. Lee went back to his professional mode and pushed a button to light up the screen where he could already see his slides.

_You have to rock this._

He had never been more glad about his habit of overcompensating and appearing confident. Taking a deep breath, he began, smoothly going through the background and motivations while pointing out problems with previous studies and questions and alternative explanations that still remain. The words flew from his lips like honey, building up his argument, supporting it with his results and finally finishing off with the conclusions. It felt good, especially when he arrived at the thank you slide and focused his eyes on the older man's gorgeous face.

His second supervisor sat on the chair, spreading his legs a little and taking a few notes. After Hyungwon finished, the older man lifted his gaze and watched him for a few seconds.

“Good. But good is bad feedback, so I'll make it structural and more detailed if you have five minutes.”

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied, getting comfortable on the desk again while his heart was beating furiously in his chest. That was what the older man must have meant by keeping their sexual and work relationship separate.

“Your presentation style is very clear, you search for eye contact and make sure that the listener understands the topic. The use of examples is also very good. Considering your topic, it's needless to say that you're very fluent in the scientific background and show a deep understanding of the project specific questions. I would try to work on your speech in terms of pace, sometimes you speak very fast and one might get the impression that you try to fill pauses, which you don't need to do because your listener needs time to perceive your message, give him the time and get some air. Otherwise, excellent. You should definitely try to present something you're unsure about next time, so you can practice techniques that deal with nervousness.” Hoseok finished with a friendly smile and closed his notebook.

It felt crazy how detailed the black-haired man was, like he genuinely analyzed Hyungwon's presentation skills and wanted him to improve. The feedback left a positive feeling of warmth in his chest making him smile brightly which he tried to hide by tilting his head downwards.

“Thank you,” he whispered and shifted on top of the table, feeling strangely timid. “I usually overcompensate when I'm nervous and seem really confident even though I'm not.”

“You seem very confident, indeed, but you can train being confident, so that you can use your resources for other things and leave an even better impression.” Hoseok stood up from his chair and placed his notebook next to Hyungwon's butt. “You did really well. Good job.”

“Thank you- really,” Hyungwon murmured again and fought with the smile on his face. He was ridiculously happy about this, basically shining at the older man like he wished to replace the sun. “I'm glad you don't think I'm an embarrassment.”

_Why would you still think about that email?_

“Do you think that you're an embarrassment?” Hoseok asked, sitting down on his chair and rolling towards him, until he was positioned right across from him.

“I- not, not really- just-” He swallowed because actually he didn't want to say it. It felt like a child complaining to daddy that mommy was mean. His voice shook a little, unpleasantly and his hands began to reveal his emotional state.

“Someone else thinks that? But the important thing is whether you think it yourself. Do you?” the older man asked, crossing his legs and intertwining his fingers on top of his thighs.

“I like my presentation skills,” Hyungwon replied hesitantly. He did, he was pretty good at it and seemed confident. He could probably even make bullshit look good.

_But then it's still bullshit._

“You like them, but?” Hoseok didn't seem to let him go, asking further and piercing him with his dark gaze.

“But if I present bullshit it's still bullshit.” His voice was barely more than a whisper at this point. Since Hyungwon was sitting on the table he couldn't control the way his legs trembled a little, visible with how his left foot didn't touch the ground. He hated it.

Hoseok didn't focus his attention on that and asked further instead.

“Do you think that your research is bullshit? Or the things you have to present?”

“I think that not everything I have to do is proper research practice and I don't think it's reliable research when it doesn't follow the guidelines. It's like preaching bullshit.” Chewing on his cheek, he glanced down, uncomfortable with the thought.

“So, what would you like to do? Only present the parts of research that follow proper research practice? Would that make you feel better?” Hoseok asked, uncrossing his legs again but still watching him intently.

_Yes._

“I like the topic and I love the questions, I just don't want to lie when I talk about the results,” Hyungwon replied and finally looked up again, staring at the older man's face.

“Mhm. I can understand that and as a good scientist you also don't have to lie, you're not supposed to lie about the results, even if it fucks up your project. We're not here to get a confirmation of our awesome research and our position as scientist, but we're here to answer questions. Don't keep it for yourself, Hyungwon.” Hoseok looked up at him and focused his gaze on his face, looking dead serious.

“But I can't argue against her, Hoseok, she'll make my life hell,” he whispered, clenching his fists in frustration. She already was.

“I wrote my PhD with her. And my habilitation, she ruined a lot of things that were very dear to me and I helped her by doing what she said, so I have a slightly different approach now. I can argue against her.” The older man was absurdly calm, licking over his lips once in a while out of habit.

“You can, but I can't. I'm nobody,” Hyungwon whispered and held onto the edge of the desk, knuckles white. He felt so damn helpless.

“First, that’s not true, you're a human, a M.Sc. and a PhD student. You're smart and you're an employee at the university, she's a professor but honestly, all her power consists of a pile of shit and anxiety she induced in the people working for her, giving them the feeling that they have no influence over her behavior, making them feel helpless and unworthy. You're twenty-three, Hyungwon, don't let your self-concept be ruined by an old woman with shit loads of issues that have never been treated properly.” The black-haired man stood up and caught his gaze, standing only a few centimeters away from him and smiling a little.

It felt reassuring, so damn reassuring. But at the same time Hyungwon knew exactly that he would walk out of that office, open his email account and feel exactly the same way he had when he entered it.

“I'm trying, but it's hard,” he murmured and breathed in, recognizing the scent of the older man's skin. It was pleasant, giving off the same feeling of strength and comfort as the first time.

“Mhm, I know, because it seems as if nothing will change, no matter what you do. I don't want to overwhelm you, you don't need to fight her or anything, but share, so that I'll be able to influence that at least a little bit to make it better. Okay?” Hoseok lifted his delicate hand and brushed a loose strand behind his ear, gently stroking over his jaw and neck while doing so.

The gesture was so intimate that Hyungwon just wanted to lean into it, to have the older man's warm arms curl around him. At first, he thought that he could, after all they had their deal to be close if they wanted to, but it wasn't the same. It wasn't sexual, it was emotional and that was a little too much.

So instead of embracing the older man, he hummed in agreement and covered the warm hand with his own, enjoying the way it felt under his fingertips. He wanted to be close.

“Promise?” the older man asked, with a breathtakingly beautiful smile on his lips.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon breathed out, still holding the warm palm on his cheek. His heart was beating fast but not because of adrenaline, it must have been the proximity, something about the way the older man looked at him.

“Good boy,” Hoseok whispered barely audible, but it didn't sound teasing at all, more affectionate and appreciating.

Hyungwon felt his lips tremble at the words, but it wasn't arousal, not at all. He just felt so overwhelmed, unable to comprehend why he was feeling this way all of a sudden.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” he murmured, tightening the grip he had around Hoseok’s palm and keeping it close, heating up the soft skin of his face. He wanted the older man to be close, to embrace him so that he could let go.

“You don't have to be scared, you really don't. I told you I'll fight, so that you can have a nice time writing your PhD and that you can learn things. That's why I'm back.” Hoseok used his thumb to brush over his cheek slowly, gaze still focused on his face.

“You came back to help others? But- why? She will retire soon, are those two years’ worth it? It's just me.” He sounded so hesitant, so much unlike himself. His body slowly slipped down the table, legs touching the ground and moving a little closer towards the older man.

“Because the project got money, so she'll probably stay. She wanted to retire six years ago. And it's not just you. Look at yourself, you're an overachiever, I saw your CV and I heard you talk, I saw you present and I witnessed you write a paper draft in a day, but she still manages to feed your insecurities so much that you think you can't do anything. I hate it.” The older man stayed on his spot, hand pressed against his cheek and moving his thumb up and down in a gentle gesture.

“But-" Hyungwon wanted to oppose, to point out something that he couldn't do, but it seemed pointless. Hoseok’s words sounded so true, even if he didn't quite believe them himself. “But there has to be something to complain about, she can't just pull all that critique from nothing.”

“Mhm, I thought that too. But it's bullshit, Hyungwon.” Hoseok hissed and turned to the side, gaze suddenly removed from his face.

“What did she tell you?” It was personal, maybe more personal than he was allowed to be, but Hyungwon couldn't help the curiosity. The older man appeared so affected by his previous years with Regina that it was difficult not to ask.

_What did she do to him?_

“What do you mean? I worked with her for fourteen years, she said a lot of things during that time. Also, similar stuff like she tells you. I don't know for sure, but she doesn't seem to butt in to your personal relationships. That's a plus.” Hoseok pulled his hand from under his palm and let it hang at his side loosely.

“Because I have none,” Hyungwon whispered and didn't give a single shit anymore. Hoseok seemed hurt, like there was something impossibly bitter to his words even if he didn't say it. Instead of remaining frozen in place, he closed the distance and curled his arms around the older man's waist, hugging him from behind. It felt warm, familiar scent instantly entering his nose mixed with fresh grass, probably from sitting outside during lunch.

“But you should. It'll kill you if you're alone with this all the time. I'll be here as long as you need me.” Hoseok spoke quietly, as if the way they communicated changed after the older man had given him the feedback.

Hyungwon inhaled again and rested his head on top of the warm, muscular shoulder, feeling like he could just let go now and it would be alright. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt free like that.

“I'll be fine,” he whispered into the fabric of the older man's shirt, hands wrapped around his waist and holding onto him tightly.

“I have you now.”

 

***

 

_Coming back was a good decision._

He thought about the call, when Sammy had told him that Regina had gotten the project money. A year ago, him and his postdoc colleague agreed that he would stay in the US in case the older women finally retired.

_Which she didn't. Of course not._

He still had the signed agreement that he would get the project responsibility including both PhD students lying in the bottom drawer of his office desk.

_Hyungwon was actually supposed to be yours._

He thought all that while having the grad student's thin arms wrapped around his waist and feeling how the young man breathed ‘I have you now’ into his ear, reminding him why he had come back in the first place.

_How did you not realize that it was him in Philadelphia?_

If he was honest, he had tried not to think about Munich at all, hoping that he'd never have to come back after all that happened.

“You do,” he replied and felt his phone buzz in his pocket, reminding him that he had plans for the evening.

Turning around, he looked at the beautiful black-haired man and smiled in a friendly way.

“I have to go, otherwise I'll be late for my appointment and you should go home too, I'm being a role model today.”

“Sure, you are,” the black-haired boy replied, but it sounded different from the soft whispers before. It was almost a little sarcastic.

Hyungwon let go of his waist and stepped back, chewing on his cheek.

“Have fun then,” he remarked nonchalantly, grin suddenly spreading over his gorgeous features. With a last ‘bon appetite’ Hyungwon left his office, skipping out on the kiss he usually sent him with his plump lips.

_Is he sulky?_

Hoseok didn't think about it for long, simply grabbing his wallet and keys and walking towards the elevator.

To be honest, Hyungwon didn't have any reason to be sulky as he had gotten all of Hoseok's attention regarding his thesis and his professional development and they didn't have time to get sexual because of work. Sure, he could've met up with the gorgeous black-haired man, but he didn't call him either, so there was no point to force it if he had Hyungwon's handsome friend who was always up for some fun.

And he really needed some fun.

 

_

 

Walking up to the room where they had their colloquium, Hoseok plastered a bright smile on his face. He had slept well because Minhyuk left quite early and he didn't have to ‘work’ as much as the last time.

He entered the room and greeted the girls before sitting down next to Regina and pretending to be nice.

A short glance towards Hyungwon showed that the black-haired boy was talking to one of his PhD students, not paying attention to him.

_Fair enough._

After Lisa had presented her part, Regina turned to him all of a sudden.

“This is very interesting; your students are doing well. I'm the only one who has bad luck with PhD students.”

_This bitch._

“It's difficult to understand, Hyungwon is really capable, and so is Aurora as far as I heard from her second supervisor. You should be happy having them.” Smiling in a friendly way, he realized that most of the students had heard their conversation.

“Not really, they try hard for the first month and then they get lazy, just waiting until they can go home and not paying attention to the research anymore.” Her penetrating tone of voice almost ripped his eardrum. He hated it.

_You have to shift her attention away from the students._

“No, I'm pretty sure that they both work really hard. You probably remember my PhD time.” He smiled at the snake and waited for her reply.

“No, you were really good and worked hard, just the year before you went to Berkley you seemed to have given up on being a real scientist.” The witch talked about him as if he was some kind of idiot who needed guidance in his decisions.

_And she has memory issues. She told you the same things when you were writing your thesis with her._

“But I'm glad that you caught yourself in time, just make sure that it stays like that, the papers won't publish themselves and there are a lot of people who work harder than you, so you have to catch up on the year you were gone, nobody will gift you my position only because you're sitting here. But you're doing well, so keep it up.” He wanted to kill her, but smiled and nodded.

_Must be nice thinking that everyone is crap besides oneself._

“I published 8 papers while I was in the US. It was one of the reasons that you got the grant. Anyway, I have an appointment with a PhD student, so I have to leave.” He glanced around, seeing his students’ shocked expression and smiled reassuringly. “See you all next week.”

Creating a neat pile out of the notes he had taken during the presentations, he put them into his laptop bag and stood up, leaving the room and going up to his office.

_Just write another paper, there is data._

Two knocks interrupted his thoughts. It instantly revealed something about the person behind the door just from the sound. It was light, like the touch with the wood must have been brief, insignificant almost. It also had something hesitant to it, like the person thought twice before knocking, clear from the distance between the single sounds.

“Come in,” Hoseok called and rolled towards his desk, pressing the power button of his laptop. It looked almost new, which was funny considering that the device had been in use for a year already.

_It's because it's always turned on._

The door opened and he could see Hyungwon's long body from the corner of his eye.

“Hi,” the black-haired boy commented awkwardly.

“Hey. Nice presentation, you must've thought about my feedback. Exemplary.” Hoseok grinned and showed a thumbs up in Hyungwon's direction, before entering his password into the log in.

“Thanks,” the younger man replied and walked over to his desk, pulling his slim body on top of it, right next to Hoseok’s hand. “You published more in the last year before leaving than she has in the past four years.”

_So that's why he's here._

“I know, but she has 195 publications, so she feels superior. I guess there's nothing else to feel superior about,” Hoseok commented and clicked on a paper draft, opening it and examining the name.

“Yeah, amazing considering she's double your age,” Hyungwon began before his eyes widened and he licked over his lips. “Almost.”

The younger man's long fingers reached out and curled around his shoulder, squeezing it briefly.

“She just hates you because you are better and everybody waits for her to finally resign so you can take over. Can't wait.”

“You know that you were supposed to be mine? She wanted to resign a year ago, shortly before you came, but she changed her mind last minute. I still have the paper. I’ve known her for 14 years, Hyungwon, don't mind me, I'm immune after what happened last year, I'm more worried about you.” He added an introductory sentence while talking to Hyungwon before glancing up to meet his gaze.

“I'm not confident in a lot of things but reading body language is one of them.” Hyungwon sighed and slid his slim butt a little closer towards Hoseok on the desk, almost brushing his keyboard with his thighs. “You had a reaction and I hate that. You're amazing and there is nothing that I want more than being yours, fuck. Why would you tell me that? Now I'll regret my life choices.”

“To be honest I'm sorry, I should've warned you but I was too busy sorting out my own life in California on the beach. Sorry. But I'm here now and I'll help you and you'll finish your thesis. Also, I didn't mean to sound possessive, I meant that I should've been your first supervisor.” Holding his gaze, Hoseok smiled.

_That'll probably look weird if someone comes in._

Hyungwon's eyes were wide as he stared at him, caramel color of his skin a little brightened by rose around his cheeks. He looked gorgeous, teeth abusing his bottom lip without mercy. The younger man was casually sitting on his work desk in front of him, jeans fabric stretched a little on his inner thighs.

“I don't mind you sounding possessive, it kinda-" There was a break as the black-haired boy glanced away, avoiding his gaze. “It kinda gets me going.”

_Gorgeous. He's fucking gorgeous._

Licking his lips, Hoseok lifted his arms and put them on each side of Hyungwon's slim hips, rolling a little to the side.

“Are you trying to argue that instead of my paper, I should rather work on you?” he asked, grinning and letting his gaze travel along the boy's attractive body.

The change in facial expression was stunning, cheeks turning even more rose colored and lips parting slowly, like the way Hoseok looked at him alone made the beautiful boy respond like that. Hoseok could see how Hyungwon's lean, luscious thighs spread a little, so minimal that it must have been subconscious.

“I wouldn't want to keep you from working,” the black-haired boy whispered but his face and body easily revealed the truth.

_Not at work, Hoseok. Get your shit together._

“Good, because work is a no-go and you're unpacking here in front of me, being the most delicious treat and it's hard to resist.” He leaned forward and kissed Hyungwon's thighs before leaning back again. “How long will you stay today? I think I'll go home around nine because I have to prepare my feedback for the girls. Mind going home together?” he asked with a playful smile.

Hyungwon licked over his lips slowly as the boy’s grip on Hoseok’s desk turned his knuckles white.

“Sounds good,” he muttered eventually, eyes sliding over Hoseok’s crotch upwards until the black-haired boy finally dared to look at his face again.

Listening to the sounds outside, Hoseok picked the right moment and reached for Hyungwon's neck, pulling him down and licking into his mouth. After getting a taste, he went for the crook of the gorgeous boy's neck, biting into the skin after moving his shirt to the side to make sure it wasn't visible from the outside. The caramel scent entered his nose and he stopped to not lose his shit.

“Damn, you're so fucking delicious.”

Hyungwon was good at reading situations, instantly inhaling roughly and keeping the air inside his lungs. Only the way his lips parted in a silent moan and how his legs spread further revealed the way he felt about the contact. The boy's long fingers slowly curled around his neck, rubbing lightly over the fine hair at his nape.

“Taste me then,” Hyungwon whispered in his ear, only audible because of how close he was.

“Mhm, I will, I kept the best for later, you won't be able to keep quiet and neither will I. Furthermore, I would be sad if I didn't hear your pretty moans and little whimpers, so let's push it to later, I promise that I'll spoil you.” Hoseok talked, but his teeth still nibbled on the line of Hyungwon's neck, intoxicated by the delicious scent, the soft skin and Hyungwon's gorgeous reactions.

The pretty boy hummed lowly and pulled at Hoseok’s hair, leading him further towards the sensitive spots of his neck. The full lips remained parted without releasing a single sound.

“I missed tasting you,” Hoseok whispered into the small curled ear and sucked on the cute earlobe.

He could feel Hyungwon's body tremble, thighs shaking as the gorgeous boy pressed them together, capturing Hoseok’s waist in between.

_How are you going to work like this, and what if someone comes in?_

“You're keeping quiet, like a good boy, fuck,” he hissed next to Hyungwon's ear and stood up, curling his fingers into his black hair. He pulled the boy's head back and licked over the line of his neck. Again, the slim body trembled from pleasure, blush only increasing and travelling over the beautiful neck.

“Let's push it to later, babe, or I'll just take you here at 1PM on a Tuesday. You can wait a little, am I right?”

Hyungwon stared at him with his gorgeous eyes, almost black with the way the brown color had disappeared. The pretty boy nodded slowly, holding his gaze as he wrapped his legs around Hoseok’s hips, pulling him closer. It was impressive how he didn't make a single sound.

“Ah, you awake my competitiveness. I kinda want to fuck you on my desk again and see whether you'd be able to keep quiet.” He smirked and rolled his hips against Hyungwon's, letting his fingers stroke over the boy's throat, curling around it as he combined it with a lick over his thick bottom lip.

The younger man didn't break the eye contact, staring at him with black eyes and opening his mouth to release breaths repeatedly, just to hold it again. He was gorgeous, responding clearly with his body but not with his low voice. A firm erection pressed into his lower body as soon as he applied a little bit of pressure to the boy's neck.

‘Fuck,’ Hyungwon mouthed and let his eyes flutter shut briefly before they returned to Hoseok’s with their full attention.

“Mhm, I think so too,” he whispered and let go slowly, hearing steps outside. “Be a good boy and wait till the evening.” Biting into the delicious flesh for the last time, he leaned back and let himself fall on the chair.

“Fuck my life,” Hyungwon hissed and brushed through his black hair before jumping down from the desk and stopping in front of the door. He pressed his forehead to the cold surface for a few seconds, like he wished to compose himself.

“I started developing ridiculous needs at work after meeting you. You're triggering.” Hoseok grinned and spread his legs, hating his jeans. A lot.

“So are you,” Hyungwon whispered before finally lifting his head and pressing down the door handle. “See you tonight.”

“Can't wait.” He licked his lips and watched Hyungwon's long fingers opening the door. “Caramel babe,” he added and returned his gaze to the screen, using breathing techniques and cognitive control to get his arousal to fade and to be able to concentrate on the task at hand.

_Your life is not supposed to be dominated by you wanting to fuck your PhD student._

It wasn't, but he still wanted it. A lot.

 

_

 

 

It was already dark and he had been productive, finishing all tasks and having a talk with Regina for an hour, handling her bullshit and her annoying voice just to create a timeline for Hyungwon's dissertation with certain milestones, so that the black-haired man was able to have an orientation and defined goals and Regina wasn't able to change her mind anymore.

_She did have the audacity to ask you whether you wanted to be a nice person because your last paper was about altruism. That bitch._

Packing up his things, he left his office and knocked on Hyungwon's door. Three times, because he was a tiny bit traumatized by the last time he visited the boy's office and found him fucking himself while masturbating on his office chair.

_Who does stuff like that? At work?!_

Instead of calling him in with his low voice, the door opened in his face and he was met with Hyungwon's gorgeous face, lips taking up most of it and eyes big and round. The way his black bangs fell on his forehead made him look even younger than he already was.

“Hi there,” he whispered, air caressing Hoseok’s lips from how close he was.

“Yeah, ready to go?” He winked while smiling at Hyungwon's beautiful face.

“Yeah,” the pretty boy breathed out and locked his office in a matter of seconds. He seemed eager, walking a little faster than usual and eyes repeatedly slipping towards Hoseok’s body and face.

“You're a little bit cute,” Hoseok commented and grinned brightly, loving the way Hyungwon showed him everything on a plate like this.

The words plastered a smile on the boy's face.

“That's what you think now,” he commented and entered the elevator as soon as it arrived. Leaning against the wall, Hyungwon turned to him. “You know, I don't really have the time to find a nice plate to lie on, so I tend to be happy when I have the possibility of presenting myself in all my caramel glory.”

“Caramel is my favorite dessert,” he commented and winked while licking his lips. “And you're cute very often, it's not just now.”

“Damn,” Hyungwon cursed with a laugh and stepped out of the elevator, quickly making his way to the metro. “I'm glad that I'm your favorite though.”

“You're gorgeous.” If he was complimenting the other man he could as well just do all of it at once.

The pretty boy hummed and murmured a brief ‘thank you’, smiling to himself while chewing on his plump lip. His long legs moved smoothly down the stairs of the station, jeans tight around his thighs. As if following a tradition, Hyungwon turned around to check the timetable for the metro, hands playing with his backpack straps.

“Did you have a good rest yesterday?” he asked, remembering that Hyungwon had gone home earlier, following Hoseok's selfish advice.

Hyungwon didn't turn around but his voice changed, a little less cheerful than it had been mere seconds ago.

“I kinda wanted to hang out with my best friend, but he happened to be busy. Funny, isn't it?” he asked before finally turning around and throwing himself on one of the benches, face unreadable.

_Minhyuk._

“Ah. I'm afraid I was the one keeping him busy. Sorry.” He wasn't really sorry because the evening was fun.

“I know,” Hyungwon replied and shrugged with his shoulders before leaning back and spreading his legs a little. They were ridiculously long, stretching out half the way to Hoseok. There was something challenging in the black-haired boy's eyes suddenly, watching him intently as he curled his long fingers around the edge of the bench.

“You don't like it, do you?” Hoseok asked while licking over his lips, challenged by Hyungwon’s attitude and the fact that he was fucking hot.

“It's rather...” Hyungwon began and then paused, gaze dark and shoulders shifting so that the black-haired boy revealed a tempting, caramel-colored collarbone, “that I'd prefer to be the one who is blessed by all that ‘attention’.”

“Well, you didn't tell me that you wanted it, but I wanted candy. You're triggering my appetite, running around and looking like the best dessert.” Licking his lips again, he smiled, watching the train approach.

“Then maybe you can just keep in mind that I'm-" Hyungwon spread his legs a little wider and bit down on his lower lip, “available.”

As if nothing had happened, the black-haired boy jumped up and crossed the distance to the train, winking at Hoseok.

_Available, huh?_

To be honest, Hoseok would've fucked Hyungwon every day, but he didn't want the black-haired boy to not be able to walk. Or sit.

“Let's be reasonable,” he murmured and followed, entering the train and leaning against the wall on the right.

“I'm pretty good at taking, Hoseok, I'm being reasonable. You don't even have time as often as I-" The pretty boy stopped like he just realized where they were, pausing briefly before he continued quietly. “As I would like to.”

“Listen up, babe, you literally live five minutes away from my house, come over and I'll give you whatever you like,” Hoseok hissed, spreading his lips in a grin. Hyungwon was cute, complaining even though there was definitely nothing to complain about.

‘Watch me,’ the gorgeous boy mouthed and sucked his lower lip into his mouth, devouring him with his eyes. It seemed like the eagerness with which Hyungwon had left the office returned full force, showing on his face and in the way his hands curled and uncurled around a pole.

“Sure, let's see how long you'll last.” Glancing up, he saw their station approaching and grabbed the handle to open the doors.

Hyungwon's long fingers squeezed his arm as the younger man pulled him along, even though they were going to Hoseok’s place. Chewing his bottom lip repeatedly, the black-haired boy stared ahead, like he needed to bridge the distance they still had to cross.

Hoseok loved it.

Someone might have said that he was an almost 40-year-old professor, who enjoyed the excitement and full attention of a 23-year-old student, and he would've been right because that's exactly how it was. Hyungwon was exactly his type, the boy was super smart and fucking gorgeous and Hoseok would've been an idiot if he didn't jump the opportunity to be close to him.

“Can't wait to be home,” he murmured and smiled, pulling his arm against his side to have Hyungwon closer.

“If you don't touch me once we're past that stupid door I might just die,” the beautiful boy hissed before pressing his nose into Hoseok’s shoulder, inhaling his scent while tightening his grip.

_Babe._

He smiled and held back to not kiss the top of Hyungwon's head out of random sentiment.

“I will touch you as much as you like, caramel boy. You will want to shower anyway, so maybe you'll cool down a little,” he laughed and opened the door, walking up the first flight of stairs before entering his apartment.

Hyungwon chuckled as he followed, instantly closing the door behind himself and leaning against it, eyes dark and chest rising and falling quickly.

“I don't need to shower.”

_Huh?_

_He must've taken care of it before._

Watching the young man intently, Hoseok felt how his heartbeat picked up, lungs sucking in more air with each inhale. It was crazy, he wasn't twelve and neither was he eager, but there was something about Hyungwon. He was crazy about his body and the way he reacted, making him an excited teenager.

_But you're better than a teenager. You know how to use what you have._

Coming closer, Hoseok stretched out his hand and stroked over Hyungwon's clothed stomach first, walking up and brushing over the younger man's neck, using his nails a tiny bit to leave lines that disappeared instantly. As soon as his fingers curled around Hyungwon's throat, he pushed his hips into the black-haired boy's, licking into his mouth but removing his hand again.

Hyungwon moaned, instantly curling his arms around his neck and breathing heavily, chests touching whenever he inhaled. The pretty boy was so eager, meeting his tongue with his own and holding onto the strands of his hair like Hoseok was about to disappear any second.

“Fuck, please,” he whimpered as he broke the kiss and threw his head back instead, hitting the entrance door.

“Please what, babe? Do you want me to touch you?” Hoseok purred, gifting the gorgeous boy with slow, sensual touches along his sides, chest and neck, curling and uncurling his fingers around his throat and loving the reaction. Hyungwon must've really liked it.

_He's perfect._

“Yes- please touch me, fuck,” the boy murmured helplessly and let Hoseok hold most of his weight with his body, gasping repeatedly and shivering a little in his arms. “I want you, fuck, I want you so much.”

“Let me unwrap you,” he whispered and took the seam of Hyungwon's shirt, pulling it over his head after the other man raised his arms.

_Would be easier if you were taller._

One couldn't have a huge dick, a handsome face and be tall, it would be utopian.

After the shirt was gone, Hoseok concentrated on Hyungwon's jeans, unbuttoning them quickly and sliding the useless fabric down the younger man's long legs until he was completely naked, standing in his hallway.

_You should put him on your bed._

He nodded to himself and pulled Hyungwon's thighs, lifting the black-haired boy up and carrying him to the bedroom. A yelp was the immediate reaction until Hyungwon simply attached his lips to Hoseok’s and wrapped his arms and legs around him, holding on tightly.

“Eat me up, show me how much you want to,” he murmured, sucking on Hoseok’s bottom lip.

“A lot, I want you a lot.” He let Hyungwon's back rest against his silky sheets and crawled on top of him, sucking on his caramel colored skin that smelled absolutely delicious.

_He’s indeed a caramel babe._

“Then have me, shit, I couldn't think about anything else today,” the gorgeous boy babbled and threw his head back and forth, shivering under his fingertips like a perfectly tuned musical instrument. Hyungwon's hands travelled over his clothed chest and instantly began to unbutton his shirt, working quickly like he couldn't wait to have Hoseok naked. “I want to taste and feel your skin.”

“Do it, you can do whatever you like, babe,” he hissed, feeling the long fingers slide over his sensitive skin. He loved Hyungwon's touches, they weren't hesitant, but they also weren't rough. He sucked a nipple into his mouth, rolling it between his teeth and letting Hyungwon curl his legs around his hips eagerly. He wanted to kiss him and to bite him, to taste him with his tongue, to push himself into his tight body and to make him scream and whimper at the gentle pressure of his fingers around his delicate neck.

Opening the button of his jeans because he was at least equally eager, Hoseok got rid of everything that separated him from feeling Hyungwon's skin and returned to his position between the young man's legs, throwing lube, a condom and tissues on the pillow next to them.

Hyungwon trembled under his fingertips, showing how much the gorgeous black-haired boy wanted to be touched. Licking his lips, Hoseok lubed three fingers and took the other man's pretty erection into his mouth, sucking intently while slipping a finger inside his tight body. Curling it upwards, he easily found the sensitive spot and rubbed over it carefully while letting a second finger join.

The gorgeous boy released whimpers, breathing heavily and trying to meet the motion of Hoseok’s fingers, like he wanted them deeper, to feel more.

“Hoseok, you- fuck- I won't hold out like this,” Hyungwon muttered and squeezed his eyes shut. His beautiful face looked like the epitome of pleasure, like Hoseok was sending him to heaven with his hands and mouth.

Inserting a third finger, he loosened the other man up while sucking on his tip intently, trying to make it as nice as possible. After a while he let go, and pulled his fingers out.

“Do you even know how much I want you?” he asked even though it had no point at all, independent of the other man's answer. He just stared at the gorgeous, black-haired boy while lifting up on his knees.

Hyungwon was stunning, his parted lips, glistening in the dimmed light and the shadows on his body, increasing the contrast to his caramel colored skin, his defined muscles, firm but also slim and delicate in a way. His black hair was sprawled over the white pillow, showing every single strand and making him look a little younger than he was with how his eyes widened, so big and attentive, watching him intently.

“You're like a drug,” he whispered.

“Then take me,” Hyungwon whispered back, making the words appear like they were in slow motion with how the stunning boy’s lips moved. His legs shifted a little and a soft blush colored his cheeks.

It was a little weird because he would've normally just taken his legs, thrown them over his shoulders and just pushed his erection inside the hot, tight body, but he wanted it to last a little longer.

_Because he's caramel. It's special._

Isolating his index finger, Hoseok stroked over the boy's stomach, feeling it contract under the touch. He went further down towards sharp hipbones and lean thighs, curling his hands around them and brushing the hot skin until he took Hyungwon's calves and placed them on his shoulders.

He took the package at the side and ripped it open, rolling the condom over his length and preparing to feel the tight heat again.

Hyungwon watched him intently throughout every move, expression open and vulnerable, like Hoseok was allowed to see it all. The eye contact didn't break, even when the black-haired boy's mouth opened with a soft exhale at the intrusion.

Hyungwon was so fucking beautiful, holy shit.

He looked back, focusing on the expression in the other man's eyes while he moved further carefully, giving Hyungwon time to adjust to the thickness.

It seemed like there was an unspoken rule as the black-haired boy didn't look away and focused on him instead, pretty face showing every little twitch of his lips and the sheer size of his eyes. Hyungwon was tight, slim body taking him in bit by bit and unwilling to let him go, pulling him deeper instead.

“Take it,” Hoseok whispered and bridged the rest, burying himself inside the gorgeous body. A low moan left his lips as he let his hand travel over the slim sides to Hyungwon's chest, rolling a nipple between his fingers.

The boy under him moaned, still looking at him with his lips parted and legs flexing on top of his shoulders. Hyungwon must have felt good with how his breathing frequency increased and he pushed against Hoseok’s hips a little, letting their skin meet.

“God, you feel amazing, shit, why can't I have it every day?” he blabbered and pulled out half way, before rolling his hips into the slim hips under him with a moan right into Hyungwon's face.

He must have hit dead on as the big brown eyes widened in surprise and the gorgeous boy screamed, instantly attempting to push against him, needy for more.

“You can have whatever you want, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied and scratched over his sides and thighs, gasping for air repeatedly.

“Do you want more?” He pulled out again but a little more this time, preparing for the smooth movement and waiting for Hyungwon to tell him.

“Yes, please, please give me more,” the boy begged and curved his spine, calves flexing on Hoseok’s shoulders. He didn't look away, no matter how pleasurable and overwhelming the feeling was.

“Shit, I really enjoy the way you look at me, it gets me going so much, fuck,” he moaned and rolled his hips again, this time faster and with more force. Reaching to the side, he took a pillow and put it under Hyungwon's butt, to improve the angle.

The black-haired boy whimpered, holding onto Hoseok’s thighs desperately while fighting to keep his eyes opened, focused on him despite the visible and overwhelming wish to roll them back. Hyungwon looked gorgeous under him, pleasure obvious with every twitch, every shiver and every tremble of his slim body. The younger man wanted him and it was clear as day.

“I love the way you make me feel, the way you fill me up, take every coherent thought from my head and make me scream,” Hyungwon babbled and stroked over Hoseok’s chest with his fingertips, following the dips of his muscles. Reaching lower, he caressed the skin of his abdomen and briefly brushed his groin and the base of his erection. “It's so crazy because I can feel how you're inside of me like this, shit, Hoseok.”

“Okay, let me make you scream properly and then we can have some fun and I'll take you while standing.” Pulling out, he got more lube and turned Hyungwon around, so that the black-haired boy lay flat on his stomach. Placing his knees on each side of his slim hips, Hoseok entered the tight body slowly until he was completely buried inside the other man. He knew that the angle was perfect, Hyungwon would be screaming every fucking second as soon as he started moving.

_Give him all the pleasure, he deserves it all._

Hyungwon gasped, visibly surprised until he relaxed his body to enable Hoseok to move inside of him. His long fingers were grasping the sheets next to his head, hands curled into fists. He was going to need the grip. Inhaling sharply, the beautiful boy whimpered again, probably at how full he felt.

“I'm going to make you feel good, babe.” Hoseok pulled out almost completely before sliding in smoothly, hitting down automatically due to his position and placing a flat palm on Hyungwon's gorgeous back.

An unrestrained scream left the gorgeous boy, loud and low, echoing of the walls as Hyungwon muttered ‘oh my god’ repeatedly, just to be interrupted by another loud scream. The younger man was losing it, thrashing back and forth on the sheets as much as his position allowed and easily succumbing to the pleasure. It must have felt amazing with how his muscles twitched, anticipating more just to signify it with loud moans and low screams, begging for more.

“Would you-" Hoseok pulled back, “like me to restrain you a little bit?” he asked, taking the boy's slim wrists and crossing them behind the gorgeous caramel colored back while pushing them down with his hand.

Hyungwon didn't reply and merely whimpered, throwing his head back briefly and showing his gorgeous, pleasure-stricken face, bottom lip sucked into his mouth and body contracting around Hoseok’s erection repeatedly, like it responded to the way he held Hyungwon down alone. Another scream followed until coherency left the beautiful boy completely. He babbled and begged him repeatedly, meeting his thrusts and baring his delicious neck. It seemed crazy how awareness seemed to slip right through the boy's fingertips and he left himself in Hoseok’s hands.

He knew how to take care, so he leaned in after a rough thrust and licked over Hyungwon's neck, biting into his skin while holding his wrists in an iron grip.

“You're so fucking beautiful like this, shit, the best boy,” he whispered into the tiny ear.

There were no signs and no warning as Hyungwon's whole body suddenly tensed under him, big shudders passing through the endless legs, as the black-haired boy spasmed around the hard length inside of him and probably released himself on the sheets. A loud scream passed his lips, followed by several gasps and whimpers, big brown eyes wide.

“You must've liked it so much, you're a whole kink. My kink.”

Hoseok started moving again while still hitting dead on before he felt the white fire travel around his body and center in his groin, orgasming inside the tight heat that surrounded him with a low groan of the boy's name.

Hyungwon must have been impossibly sensitive, gasping and shaking under him from the pleasure before the sound transitioned into full-blown moans.

“I like it, I like it so fucking much, shit, I feel like you burned me to the ground, oh my god,” the black-haired boy babbled and shifted his hips a little, gasping at the sensation. “It felt so fucking good when you came because of the angle. I want you to come inside me all the time, Hoseok.”

“I want you all the time.” He loosened his grip around Hyungwon's wrists and leaned down, kissing both of them, a little red from the pressure. “You're so fucking gorgeous, god, when I hold your hands or dance with my fingers around your neck, you look so fucking stunning, I keep thinking about that.” Pulling out carefully, Hoseok got rid of the condom and returned to wipe over Hyungwon's pretty butt and thighs until he was completely dry, just like the sheets. Hovering over the slim boy who was still lying on his stomach, Hoseok blew into his small ear and kissed along his cheek and jaw.

“I- I really like it when you do that, when- you restrain me and wrap your fingers around my neck,” Hyungwon whispered, hesitation obvious with how he covered his face with his upper arm, still breathing harshly from before. Goosebumps spread along his skin from the air that caressed over the caramel colored skin. “I want- more, do you want to play with me, Hoseok?”

_Oh god. Yes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 14th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to make sure he has no time for anybody but you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

There seemed to be something that Hyungwon had no control over. A desire or a wish that repeated like a catchy song in his head, endlessly until he finally listened to it, succumbed to it.

Hoseok was such a desire.

There was something about the way the older man treated him, how he looked at him and was able to evoke the wish to connect their bodies. Hyungwon saw those almost black eyes and just wanted to drown in them while the older man had his way with his body.

It was crazy and even the anger he felt at Hoseok for sleeping with Minhyuk wasn't long-lasting, overshadowed by his own wish to be with the attractive black-haired man.

Hyungwon had been dying, impatient and unable to contain his desire to feel the older man inside of him and be filled out completely. The wish had been almost primitive compared to what Hoseok had given him, stars behind his eyelids, mind blowing pleasure and a whole firework that exploded in his groin, leaving him with the urge to attach himself to the mesmerizing muscular body and be embraced, spoiled, played with.

It was almost mental, like he had abandoned sanity when he agreed to have sexual encounters with the older professor. He had never particularly enjoyed a hand around his throat and the way being restrained made him feel was simply surreal. He was trembling when arousal caught up with him and the embarrassment of revealing what aroused him covered his face in a light blush.

“I want- more, do you want to play with me, Hoseok?” he asked carefully and hoped that the way his body responded to the thought alone wasn't too obvious.

“I don't seem to get enough of you, so, yes, I really want to play with you, is there something special you would like me to do?” Hoseok purred next to his shoulder before letting his teeth nibble along it.

Hyungwon swallowed, impact of the words slowly settling in his head as his groin pulsated from orgasming recently but still wishing for more. Inhaling sharply, he decided to dare it.

“I want to be a good boy.”

Hoseok hummed into his ear in his low voice.

“Let me touch you a little bit and if you'd like me to be inside you again, you'll ask nicely, okay?” There was the feeling of warm fingers around his hips as Hoseok turned him, climbing on his lap. The older man looked so different from him, thick muscular arms and a broad chest with defined pecs, lean abs and pale gorgeous thighs, looking like a fucking meal with his huge, thick erection between his legs as a cherry on top. Hyungwon couldn't believe he was almost double his age, it was crazy. He wanted him so much.

“Please,” he whispered embarrassingly quickly even though he didn't know what Hoseok had planned for him, arousal spiking up.

There was another hum, as the black-haired man took his hands, pinning them above his head in an iron grip and leaned forward, licking and biting his skin in succession. His teeth were gentle, only sending tiny impulses, reminding him that the sensation might become painful if performed rougher.

He moaned, unable to look away and loving the way he felt like he couldn't resist, even if he had wanted to. Hoseok was much stronger and easily pinned him to the mattress, spoiling him with attention and the right mixture of pleasure and pain. His dick almost hurt because of the way he reacted to the treatment, impossibly aroused.

Hoseok was heavy, it felt like being pressed into the bed by an unmovable stone while his hands were motionless too.

The older man ravished his neck, pressing his muscular chest against his and didn't let him breathe for a few seconds before leaning back. The way Hyungwon's dick twitched below him was almost embarrassing, accompanied by a whimper he couldn't suppress.

Hoseok licked over his lips and crawled up, positioning his muscular thighs on each side of Hyungwon's shoulders, taking his erection into his free hand and still pinning his wrists to the bed with the other. The older man parted his lips with the broad tip of his dick.

_Shit, he'll fuck your mouth while restraining you._

Hyungwon whimpered again, opening his mouth and licking over the tip of Hoseok’s erection, lapping at the slit. He loved it, he loved it so fucking much. It was crazy, like he just wanted to write ‘use me, Hoseok’ on his forehead and let the older man have his way with him. His body betrayed him much like his face did, not containing the pleasure that Hoseok’s motions evoked in him.

“You're being such a good boy already, what am I supposed to do with you?” the low voice spoke from above him while Hoseok pushed himself into his mouth half way, enjoying the movements of his tongue and letting out gorgeous moans. Hyungwon loved to see him feel that good just because of him, because of something his body was capable of. He sucked intently, tasting precum on his tongue. His dick twitched at the sight of Hoseok’s face. The older man was so fucking hot, a wet dream.

What happened next literally took his breath away, as the black-haired man moved further into his mouth. The grip on his wrists got tighter, leaving him without oxygen for a second, before Hoseok moved back, moaning, but watching his face intently.

It was fucking hot and Hyungwon moaned around the length in his mouth to make it obvious, tongue dipping into the slit again. His heart was beating furiously in his chest and a brief dizziness appeared but it only aided his arousal, growing almost unbearable. He tried to pull Hoseok closer with his tongue, twirling it around the thick erection.

“You're taking it so well, baby, do you want me inside you?” Hoseok pulled out and crawled back down, leaning in and whispering the words against his swollen lips.

“Yes,” Hyungwon gasped, feeling like he was about to lose his mind, dizziness travelling further and body screaming for the older man's attention. “Please, Hoseok.”

It went really fast as the muscular arms turned him on his stomach, lifting his ass into the air and pushing his upper body into the mattress with the heavy weight of Hoseok's warm palm.

There was shuffling before the older man took both of his arms again and left them stretched out over his head, just pressing down around his back, to keep his upper body on the mattress. The cold sensation of lube appeared before Hoseok started filling him out.

“Fuck, you're driving me fucking mad, Hoseok,” he cursed at the almost overwhelming fullness that returned, angle amazing and like the older man wanted him to feel every centimeter. “I want to see you come all over me, shit.”

There were no inhibitions, his lips just said whatever his brain considered a nice image, revealing everything.

“You're being the best boy, so of course I'll do what you like,” Hoseok groaned at the feeling of his tightness and pushed himself in until he was inside him completely. Picking up pace, the gorgeous, muscular man slammed his hips into him while keeping his upper body pressed into the mattress, lungs squeezed a little but still possible to use. It was just the right amount, like the black-haired man knew exactly what he needed, moans and screams intermingling into incoherence. His right hand travelled along his own stomach until it closed around the base of his erection and he tried to stoke himself with the same pace Hoseok used. It felt like he was close to fainting but at the edge of orgasm, perceptions so much more intense.

“I'm close, I'm so fucking close, it feels so crazy, please, Hoseok, please,” he babbled, throwing his head back as far as the older man's grip allowed and stroking his erection quickly.

“Be a good boy and come for me,” Hoseok's low voice replied while he kept moving his hips, thrusting into him and making him see stars. It felt otherworldly, like everything slowed down suddenly and he was climbing up the edge just to topple over abruptly and shiver from the intensity, scream echoing off the walls as he came over his stomach and the sheets.

“Shit,” he hissed and turned his head, eyes remaining open to watch Hoseok and see every twitch of his face. “I want to see you come.”

Hoseok pulled out carefully and threw the condom on the ground. Turning him around, the older man positioned himself between his legs, stroking his erection that looked even bigger in his delicate hand. Hoseok's eyes were sliding over his body, lips and eyes before he saw the pale thighs tense, much like the defined abs and the older man groaned his name, orgasming over his stomach.

_He's stunning._

Hyungwon just stared, breathing harshly and chewing on his bottom lip, not believing that he was blessed with such a sight. The way Hoseok had looked at him and his body had been intense, spreading goosebumps over his skin.

“Oh my god,” he whispered, eyes not leaving the older man's.

“Yes, this is crazy,” Hoseok whispered back, sitting back on his calves and breathing heavily. He took the tissues and wiped over his stomach and threw everything down from the bed, creating a tiny pile. Once he was done the older man let himself fall next to him right after, still not able to calm his breathing.

_This is fucking crazy, Hyungwon. It's just mental. He's your supervisor and you don't only fuck him, you just go berserk._

He didn't reply and merely sucked oxygen into his lungs, attempting to calm himself and ignore the pleasant buzz that spread through his body. It felt amazing, like he could just close his eyes and relax fully, behind throbbing faintly from the feeling of damn good sex. Shit.

“We should shower,” Hoseok murmured and chuckled, making no attempts to stand up or go anywhere. Curling his muscular arms around him instead, the gorgeous man took him like a doll and spooned him, feeling how hot lips pressed against his neck from behind while Hoseok buried his face in the crook of his neck, smelling him.

“Delicious.”

It felt amazing, so Hyungwon relaxed, tilting his head back a little to be closer and wrapping his fingers around Hoseok’s arms. His eyes fluttered shut instantly despite the fact that he was probably still covered in cum despite tissues. He was just fucking crazy, period.

With the position of his head he could recognize the faint scent of Hoseok’s skin, calming and manly. Hyungwon loved it.

“Your scent is so rough but sweet at the same time, I love it,” he whispered and followed the position of Hoseok’s legs with his own, flattening himself against the older man.

“You smell like everything I like, the most delicious treat,” the older man murmured against his skin, breathing frequency decreasing slowly judged by the hot air hitting his skin.

It was nice and warm, naked skin heating him up despite the lack of a blanket. Hyungwon closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, feeling his senses slowly begin to blur, pleasant ache in his limbs reminding him of how the older man had made him feel. Hoseok pulled a thick blanket over their bodies, and kept him in his strong hold, breathing against his nape, soft exhales and his manly scent clouding his senses.

‘You shouldn't sleep’, Hyungwon thought vaguely right before darkness engulfed him.

 

_

 

It felt like he was moving through large masses of water, surrounding him and keeping him in place. It was almost like he had become immobile, surrounded by heat that engulfed him and sent hot puffs of air to travel along the outline of his neck.

_Water and air?_

Hyungwon's eyes opened at the illogical conclusion and he was met with an unfamiliar bedroom which, being completely honest, had never happened to him before.

_What the hell did you do yesterday?_

There were heavy arms around him, muscular and holding him close, pressing him flush against a sculpted chest, firm abdomen, juicy thighs and- a gigantic dick. Hyungwon almost gasped at the realization, recognition kicking in just like the fact that he had just fallen asleep in his second supervisor’s arms after getting fucked twice.

_Holy shit, you just fell asleep in his bed, what the fuck, Hyungwon?_

His eyes widened and he shifted a little, only moving the older man's hard dick between his butt cheeks. Oh god.

He wasn't really someone to go for one-night stands all that much, but when he did, he sure as fuck didn't stay for the night, spooning naked. Inhaling roughly, he tried to shift again with the same result, thick length sliding along his crack. It was kinda hot but it was also a little fucked up.

_How are you gonna wake him up? It'll be awkward as fuck._

Hyungwon didn't even know what time it was and when he had to be at work. It wasn't even the weekend. It couldn't be late yet, otherwise his alarm would have pulled both of them from the depths of sleep.

Instead of coming up with a good strategy, he leaned back and shifted his hips, this time on purpose. Something told him that it was difficult to contain responses while asleep.

_You're sneaky._

He was, but he was also not the only weird one falling asleep while spooning after sex with no strings attached. Hoseok felt amazing against his back.

The grip tightened and Hoseok moved his hips forward, rubbing himself against Hyungwon’s butt. It was perfect, like the older man was exactly where he belonged. The way the professor reacted to him was different from what he would have expected. His naive beliefs about middle aged men suggested that sex drive died sometime after thirty, but damn was he wrong.

_He could probably fuck you all day._

He bit down on his lower lip to keep quiet and rolled his hips over Hoseok’s length, letting it slide along his crack the way it would slide inside of him, providing friction while feeling his heart beat furiously in his chest. He didn't know what to expect, Hoseok could have thrown him out as soon as he opened his eyes, but like this his preferences were clear.

He suddenly felt the older man’s lips against his neck while his strong hands grabbed his hips and one hand reached between his legs, curling around his erection.

“Good morning, babe,” Hoseok’s low voice sounded in his ears, sending shivers down his spine.

Shit. Hyungwon contained a whimper at the low voice and the nickname and rolled his hips again, enjoying the way the skin of the older man's dick felt against his ass. He loved it but he also tried to be less obvious, containing the sounds that threatened to leave his lips. He had wished to hear Hoseok moan, but the black-haired man must have been a light sleeper.

“Mhm, I would love to take you like this, but we have to get up and shower. Would you like to take a shower with me? I might spoil you a little bit for being such a good boy yesterday,” Hoseok purred into his ear, stroking over his length, but keeping the movements torturously slow.

That tease.

Hyungwon threw his head back and rested it on the older man's shoulder. Exhaling roughly, he prevented himself from begging first thing in the morning.

“Yes,” he forced out and hoped that it didn't sound like he was ready to kneel on the shower tiles and suck the older man's dick, which he was.

Hoseok hummed into his skin and loosened his grip. Jumping down from the bed, the older man tilted his head and stared at him.

“Come on,” he commented and disappeared in the hallway, showing him his firm, naked butt.

_Holy shit._

It seemed like Hoseok didn't mind still having him in his bed, acting all nonchalant and offering a shower, which he definitely needed. Climbing off the bed, Hyungwon grimaced at the soreness but ignored it like a champ. Feeling sore was only problematic until the pleasure hit, and he felt pretty convinced that the older man was going to bless him with exactly that.

He had no idea where the bathroom was, but simply followed the path the black-haired man had taken, brain easily providing him with a list of things Hoseok could do to him that he would thank him for.

Once he entered the bathroom, he saw Hoseok putting his toothbrush aside and handing him a packed one with a raised eyebrow.

“I thought you might want to brush your teeth,” the older man commented, looking gorgeous, wavy black hair falling into his dark eyes and pale, hairless skin covering his thick muscles.

“You thought correctly,” Hyungwon replied and accepted the toothbrush, unpacking it and squeezing a perfect line of toothpaste on it, which he found on the sink. Once he had brushed his teeth thoroughly and cleaned out his mouth, he leaned against the sink, emphasizing the curve of his slim waist to his hips.

Hoseok moved towards the shower, stepping inside. He waited until the water got warm and slipped under the stream, soaking his hair and body.

“You’ll just watch, or?” the older man commented without looking at him as the water ran over his face.

Hyungwon grinned and licked over his lips, pulling the door to the side before he joined, enjoying the temperature of the water. It was pleasantly warm, sliding along his skin and pulling the last remains of sleep from his body. In addition, it cleaned him up after being covered in cum which was even better.

_Sweet Jesus, you even told him to cover you in cum._

Hoseok poured some sweet-smelling shower gel on his palm and creamed his body. It looked gorgeous, the way his delicate hands moved over his ripped body, dark eyes focused on Hyungwon’s face.

It was intense even though he wasn't really doing anything, merely watching the older man soaping himself up. Licking over his wet lips, he reached out and let his long fingers travel along the outline of Hoseok’s pecs, sliding over his solar plexus and following the lines of his prominent abdominal muscles. The gorgeous black-haired man must have been putting so much effort into his body, creating a work of art.

He kept the eye contact as he let his hand tread a path towards the older man's thick length, curling around it and rubbing over the tip. He pulled the foreskin back and drew circles with his thumb while his own lips parted.

An arm curled around his waist and he was basically catapulted against Hoseok’s broad chest with how much strength the older man used before clashing their lips together, lower bodies touching.

Hyungwon cracked, moaning loudly and giving up on his muscle tension as he licked into Hoseok’s mouth and whimpered at the feeling of being held. The older man was so fucking strong, he loved it. It made him feel much smaller and more vulnerable despite his height.

“Please,” he whispered against the hot, curved mouth, begging first thing in the morning.

Hoseok moaned into his mouth, moving his hand from his stomach upwards, circling his fingers around his throat and pressing down gently. The older man’s curved lips travelled along his jaw, teeth nibbling on his earlobe and exhaling roughly right next to his ear while his fingers kept changing the pressure.

It felt crazy, senses blurring much like they did the night before and long fingers squeezing the gorgeous man's erection tighter. He whimpered again, meeting the unexpected touches and hoping for them to take over his thoughts, drowning him in pleasure like before. He had joked about the older man broadening his horizons before, but it seemed to be true, confirmed each time they got sexual. Hyungwon wanted to be the only one Hoseok played with.

“You were such a good boy yesterday, taking me so fucking well, I should make you feel good, don’t you think?” Hoseok’s low voice vibrated against his neck, in addition to the water that was running down his skin.

“Yes, you should, you totally should,” he muttered and let his eyes flutter shut, overwhelmed by the desire he felt towards the black-haired man. There must have been some healthy amount, but Hyungwon felt like he had passed it a long time ago. He wanted to be the only one, the one that drove Hoseok crazy, giving him things nobody else did.

The fingers applied more pressure for a split second, before Hoseok let go of his throat and let his delicate hands travel down his chest, rolling a nipple between his fingers and slipping further down. Licking his lips, Hoseok smirked and sunk to his knees, leaning in to bite into his thigh while his hands cupped his ass and pulled him towards the older man’s face.

Hyungwon stared down, worried that his legs were going to shake at the sight and reveal how needy he was. It was too early for feeling like that, but his body didn't give a single shit.

“Shit,” he hissed and felt arousal punch him like a fist.

“I love how you shiver under my hands, so eager.” Hoseok licked over his lips again before taking him into his pretty mouth, sucking on his tip intently, one hand massaging his balls while the other slipped in between his cheeks.

“Fuck, Hoseok-" He threw his head back and grabbed the older man's hair, pulling it while succumbing to the pleasure that spread through him. He wanted to feel Hoseok’s finger inside of him, so he lifted his right leg and placed it over the black-haired man's shoulder. He hoped that he would have enough strength to keep himself upright, brain already blurring over.

Hoseok lifted his hand, stretching it towards his mouth.

“Lick it.” he commanded, before taking him back between his hot, tight lips.

Hyungwon whimpered and obeyed immediately, taking the digits into his mouth and covering them throughout, sucking in between and jerking once in a while when the pleasure between his legs spiked up. It felt really good, pulling moans from his lips easily.

“I love the way you treat me, play with me, I like it so much, Hoseok,” he babbled, licking over the fingers one last time like a fucking cat.

“That’s because you’re the best boy,” Hoseok hummed before slipping two digits inside him, along with his tight lips sinking down his length, all the way down, letting him hit the back of older man’s throat.

Hyungwon screamed because of the combined sensation and hit his head on the shower wall, adding to the dizziness.

“Oh my god, please Hoseok, I'll be so fucking good to you, I swear,” he babbled and let go of his weight, slowly slipping down the wall while gasping and rubbing his hair over the wet wall repeatedly. “Can't you just keep me?”

The older man grabbed his hips and pinned him against the wall with one hand, letting him slip out of his mouth.

“You are so fucking good to me, babe.” The fingers inside him curled upwards and rubbed the sensitive spot inside him repeatedly. “How can I keep you, if you’re the most delicious treat? I can’t just have it all the time.”

“But I want you to, I want it so bad,” Hyungwon muttered, orgasm building up rapidly and burning along his body, setting his blood on fire and pulling moan after moan from his throat and making him beg repeatedly. “Can't you make me your toy? I can do it, I'll be perfect.”

“But I don't want a toy. I want you, caramel babe,” Hoseok moaned and deepthroated him, rubbing further without friction, probably aware that he was sore.

Hyungwon lost it, screaming loudly and hitting his head against the wall again as his body convulsed and he released himself between the older man's beautifully curved lips, babbling incoherently. His brain felt like a mess, unable to create a single coherent thought, he wanted to make Hoseok feel good.

“Then take me,” he muttered and let his hands slip around Hoseok’s neck as well as he could. He was crazy, far away from every reasonable thought, body burning and wish to feel the older man inside of him almost making him shiver. It wasn't about orgasm anymore, he just wanted to see Hoseok feel good, drown in the way he loved his body.

“Shit, you make me go crazy with this eagerness of yours,” Hoseok murmured after swallowing and removing his fingers.

Hyungwon shook his head furiously and attached himself further, legs instantly curling around the older man's hips and teeth nibbling on his earlobe, gasping into his protruding ear. The pale, wet skin felt unreal under his fingertips, hot to the touch.

“Fuck me, Hoseok, please,” he gasped and rolled his hips, feeling the familiar thickness against his crack.

“You want me to fuck you? I want to, shit.”

“Yes, do it, please,” he hissed and rolled his hips again, feeling like he was going to die unless the older man connected their bodies.

The black-haired man stepped out of the shower, leaving him under the water. Some time passed before Hoseok came back, wearing a condom and obviously lubed up.

“Turn around,” he commanded, after stepping into the cabin.

Hyungwon was quick, still feeling dizzy and palms flat against the shower wall. His thighs shook from anticipation.

“Mhm, tasty,” Hoseok hissed and roamed over his back before cupping his cheeks and spreading them. The older man's firm erection pushed against his entrance, slowly slipping inside his tight body.

It burned a little, but it was okay, fullness taking over his mind and pulling a long moan from his lips. He relaxed and adjusted to the feeling.

“I want you to feel good, move,” he whispered, sound barely penetrating through the water drops that covered their bodies.

The other man’s strong hands grabbed his sides and he rolled his hips smoothly, sliding his thick length into his body, filling him out completely.

“This is not a one-man party; how do you like me the most? Tell me what you like.” Hoseok’s low voice sounded right next to his ear, as the older man leaned in, letting him feel every centimeter.

“Fast and deep,” Hyungwon moaned and pushed against the older man, feeling the pleasure take over again, blurring his mind. “Tell me how it feels, praise me.”

“You’re tight,” Hoseok whispered before moving back out almost completely. “And you’re such a good boy for me.” Sliding back in, the black-haired man picked up his pace and added force to his thrusts. Strong fingers curled around his hair and pulled it roughly, sharp teeth sinking into the crook of his neck as the older man slammed his hips into him.

Hyungwon loved it, he loved every second, moaning loudly and meeting each thrust, showing the older man how much he loved it and needed it and how fucking willing he was. Hoseok was perfect, giving him everything that he wanted and more.

The older man pulled him a little lower and added more force to his thrusts before suddenly stopping as his dick twitched inside Hyungwon’s body and he released himself, panting loudly and burying himself so deep that Hyungwon could feel his length when stroking over his lower stomach.

“You're amazing,” he whispered in awe, shaking in the older man's hold. “I hate the thought that I might want this but you could be with somebody else, getting something that I could do better. I can take it, Hoseok, I can take it all.” His palm pressed down on his lower body, enough for the black-haired man to be able to feel it. It was simply crazy.

There were no words, just loud exhales before he suddenly felt incredibly empty as Hoseok got rid of the condom. He was turned around and the professor’s gorgeous and beautiful face appeared right in front of his eyes. Hoseok pressed him into the wall and brushed a strand of wet hair behind his ear, gaze jumping from his eyes to his lips.

“I will tell you why it’s not possible. We’ve been together for seven hours and I’ve fucked you three times. It’s morning and we should go to work, but we’re standing in the shower and touching each other like crazy people, action-reaction, arousal, cloudy thoughts, all of it at once, you drive me crazy and I’m pretty sure that I’m driving you crazy too, but I can’t be losing my shit because I have to work, to publish, to supervise students, to go to the gym and to meet friends, but I’m forgetting all of it as soon as you’re next to me, begging me like the best boy and I can’t and don’t want to say no, because you seem to be this rare case of everything I’m into concentrated in one person.” Leaning in, Hoseok licked over his red lips and into his mouth, sensually, while the water kept running down their bodies.

Hyungwon kissed back until their lips separated, sensation of warmth staying a little longer than the touch. He inhaled slowly and watched the way drops rolled down Hoseok’s nose and dropped on his slim body, travelling all the way to the ground.

“But won't we be able to keep this in check if both of us know? Right now it's just a desire, the feeling that I don't know when I'll be able to feel it again. You were able to work before, why shouldn't you now?” Licking over his lips, Hyungwon added confidence to his words, eyes big and expressive. “Both of us will get dressed and go to work, follow our respective jobs and when you want to experience what I feel like from the inside you call me up and the same goes for me.”

It was crazy now, but it didn't have to stay crazy. Both of them could just establish the possibility to meet and therefore take the fear of separating. Hyungwon wouldn't have to be worried about not having Hoseok’s attention and the older man could enjoy his body.

“You’re cute,” Hoseok chuckled and kissed his lips again. “What’s the reason for wanting me for yourself? Jealousy? I told you that you’d get whatever you want, just come here.”

“I'm not jealous, I just don't want to pop by your door while you fuck someone else, it leaves me empty even though I want to be full,” he replied and slowly curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck. There was something intense and intimidating about Hoseok when he spoke like that, eyes penetrating like they could tell every thought in his head.

“Write a message, I’ll tell you when I’m free, and then you can come and get your treat. It’d be the same if I’m at the gym so there’s actually no difference.” The beautiful, black-haired man stroked over his cheek and kissed his lips sensually even though his words were everything but affectionate. It felt like whiplash.

“Fine,” Hyungwon whispered into the kiss, melting a little.

It was simple, if the constraint was Hyungwon getting what he wanted as soon as he asked, then it was clear what he had to do.

_You have to make sure he has no time for anybody but you._

 

***  
  
  


Actions without proper cognitive control were an absolute no-go. Excessive drinking, taking drugs, or fucking Hyungwon. All of them were supposed to be a no-go, but there he was, letting the gorgeous boy fall asleep in his bed and fucking him in his shower instead of going to work the morning after. It was nuts, so fucking nuts.

_And he wants you for himself, even though it makes no sense._

Hyungwon didn’t seem to be emotionally involved, so there was no reason besides slight possessiveness, which was cute, but nothing Hoseok would’ve considered worth changing his behavior or his routine for.

_But still you’re both nuts. Get a grip and concentrate on the important things._

Sitting on his office chair, he looked through his emails, slowly forgetting the fact that he was fucking his PhD student like a crazy guy. There was too much work to think about unimportant stuff.

A sudden knock interrupted his thoughts, pattern familiar.

“Come in, Hyungwon,” he murmured, pushing Regina’s email into the folder named ‘If I have enough time to sue her’.

“I wanted to ask you about something,” the black-haired man pointed out and sat down next to him, chewing on his cheek. “I have attempted to overwork the paper, the one you rejected, and changed the whole argumentation structure, I wanted to discuss the pattern with you and if it makes sense from your perspective.”

He turned towards the pretty boy and focused his attention on him, ready to contribute with some useful feedback.

“Sure, feel free.”

Hyungwon smiled briefly and stood up again, leaning against the table instead as his big hands lifted from his sides and began gesturing to follow the pattern of his arguments, moving from one point of research to the next and elaborating on the advantages. The black-haired boy's shirt was lose on his slim body, slowly making its way down his shoulder and revealing a little bit of a collar bone, catching Hoseok’s attention because of the contrast of black with caramel.

He was hot, but he was also his student, so he listened intently, focusing on the boy’s big hands that were gesturing around.

Once he finished, Hyungwon sat down on Hoseok’s desk and placed his palms on his jeans clad thighs, chewing on his bottom lip and looking a little nervous.

He took a minute to let the boy’s argumentation sink in before answering and making a small suggestion only, because Hyungwon was really good. He was sad again because the black-haired man wasn’t his PhD student.

“You have a good train of thought, it makes sense and I would do it like this. You can let me read over it if you like, after you’re done.” He smiled and looked to the side, where his mobile phone buzzed next to Hyungwon’s hips.

Hyungwon followed his gaze and nodded slowly.

“Are you busy? I had another question,” he murmured and shifted on top of Hoseok’s desk, fabric of his jeans pulled tight on his thighs and groin. Again, the motion caught Hoseok’s attention.

_Gorgeous tease._

He licked his lips and didn’t take his phone, as he was working and work was more important. Always.

“Sure, I told you I’ll do my best, you can always ask. Anything.” He smiled at the other man’s pretty face, forcing himself to look away from Hyungwon’s delicious looking thighs.

“Regina gave me extra feedback on the paper we wrote in a day and I don't know how to deal with it. I hoped- that you'd have some time this evening to work over it with me.” Hyungwon shifted again like he was worried about a rejection, fingers curling around the edge of the desk. His lips looked even redder than usual, big eyes focused on him.

_So pretty._

“Yes, one second,” he murmured and turned to his screen, looking over his calendar briefly and blocking the slot between six and eight. “6PM? I’ll have some time and we can talk about it.”

Hyungwon smiled beautifully and nodded quickly, slipping of the desk with his gorgeous long body. Crossing over to the door, the pretty boy turned around again, hesitating a little.

“Do you- think you could also take me home afterwards?”

_He wants you._

“Mhm,” he hummed, licking over his lips and already anticipating after triggering his response with the other man’s gorgeous body on his desk.

The beautiful smile returned as Hyungwon blew him a kiss and left his office.

Smiling brightly, Hoseok turned back to his laptop and switched his attention to his smartphone that buzzed once again. It was Minhyuk, asking whether he had time for some fun.

‘Busy today, sorry’ he wrote back and asked himself whether Hyungwon had known, asking him before he was able to look at his phone.

_You’re not some kind of overly desirable person, don’t imagine things._

But it felt funny to be forced to decide who to have fun with.

_Isn’t it funny? You would’ve never thought you’d find yourself in a situation like that one and a half years ago._

He was a different person back then. A worse, but also a happier one.  


_  
  


It was 6PM and he got a coffee, sitting down on his chair and waiting for Hyungwon to come over from his office while reading a thesis draft from Lisa and commenting every second line to make her understand what his point was. The weeks had passed in the same way, Hyungwon suddenly wanted a lot of feedback, sharing things, emails from Regina that made him mad, spending hours in Hoseok’s office, talking about science while being hot and extremely attractive.

It was weird, it seemed as if his life suddenly got filled by another person without him intending to change his routine. The boy was so eager and they were ridiculously compatible with each other, the sex was mind blowing, every fucking time, leaving him satisfied and he hadn't slept with anyone else for almost three weeks, which was weird.

_You should._

If he added up the hours he had spent with Hyungwon over the last few weeks, during the day and night, it almost added up to six hours on some days, especially if the young boy came over on the weekends and they spent hours playing with each other and fucking like crazy people.

_But it’s just sex. Crazy sex. And the professional side doesn’t count._

Knocking briefly, pattern the same, Hyungwon opened the door without waiting for a reply and entered, smile spread on his lips.

“I am fucking terrified because I'm not confident about this conference talk but I really really hope that you can't tell,” he replied and grinned, slipping on top of Hoseok’s desk as he loved doing.

“Shoot.” Hoseok smiled and leaned back in his chair, watching the gorgeous man's movements intently. He was beautiful, black hair falling into his big eyes and plump lips spread in a pretty smile.

_Babe._

Leaning over the keyboard, Hyungwon grasped his computer mouse and opened his slides, returning to his comfortable position on the desk.

“Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to present my research, “Hyungwon began, obviously going through his prepared introduction for the conference. His voice was level, not too fast and not too slow, like he had taken Hoseok’s prior feedback to heart and attempted to improve. The pretty boy sounded confident, gesturing with his right hand but not too much and met Hoseok’s eyes at the critical moments, showing interest for his response. It felt fluent and clear and only when Hyungwon finished, smile on his lips, was Hoseok able to tell how much his hands shivered.

_He has to improve, you can't always tell him that he does well, even though it's the truth._

“What do you think you did best and what is in your opinion something you could work on?” he asked, spreading his legs a little and waiting for Hyungwon's answer.

The black-haired boy's eyes slipped to his crotch for a few seconds before they returned to his eyes.

“I sounded confident and I tried to speak slowly, but I feel like my thoughts are a mess in my head, several steps ahead of what I say and that makes me panic,” Hyungwon replied and sighed, brushing through his hair.

“How do you prepare? Maybe it would help you to structure your thoughts after presenting once, to keep a certain strategy and save resources,” Hoseok suggested and brushed his black hair back. He had styled it in the morning but after the long day it was no use anymore.

“I talk to myself,” the black-haired boy replied with a laugh and shifted on top of the desk, spreading his legs a little. “I feel like it's structured but when I begin talking my head just moves too far.”

“Comes from being smart. When I had to present my first PhD thesis, I told them about altruism for ten minutes even though it had only been a tiny part of the literature, but there were so many facts and so much knowledge that I just talked. Now, after 13 years, it’s gotten better.” He grinned and intertwined the fingers of his hands, smiling softly and watching how Hyungwon looked at him.

The boy followed the motion of his hands, biting down on his lower lip slowly. It looked a little bit like he wished to share the position with his hands, eyes appearing intrigued until he smiled. There was a little bit of color on his face, it was gorgeous.

“Thank you for thinking I'm smart and not just confused,” he commented and slowly lifted his leg, brushing over the outline of Hoseok’s calf.

“No need to thank me. I'd tell you if you sucked.” Hoseok licked over his lips slowly, rolling a little closer with his chair.

Hyungwon's eyes changed a little, dark color taking over and leg sliding further up, all the way to the top.

“There is another little something I wanted to talk about,” the gorgeous boy whispered and pulled Hoseok closer by hooking his legs into the holes of the armrests and letting the office chair roll closer to the desk, right between his legs. His long fingers were holding onto the edge of the desk, lips red.

“You did? What could that be?” he whispered back, leaning forward on purpose and focusing his gaze on Hyungwon's gorgeous face.

“Well...” the black-haired boy trailed off a little and leaned in, exhaling into Hoseok’s face, lips plump and gorgeous right in front of him. “Remember when you said that you can't eat caramel every day and you won't appreciate it, therefore requiring simple candy for the comparison?”

Leaning in even closer, the beautiful boy curled his fingers around his chin, tilting his head upwards. Plump lips almost brushed his, trembling against them as Hyungwon slowly moved forward, almost slipping off the table.

“You were wrong.”

_Cute._

“Listen up, caramel boy, it's still the same, I simply didn't know that you would use up all my free time. Maybe I should get some comparison, or I'll start drifting in a direction I don't like,” he replied and licked over Hyungwon's finger that held his chin.

The beautiful boy gasped, eyes becoming huge and lips parting with a whimper. His expression seemed impossibly affected, switch sudden as he let himself fall forward until he landed on top of Hoseok’s lap, arms curled around his neck.

“What direction?” Hyungwon asked and shifted, eyes wide.

“Don't want to get too attached and you're making it a tiny bit hard.” He grinned and stroked over Hyungwon's smooth, caramel colored cheek, enjoying the expression on the boy's face.

“Having sex isn't attachment, is it? It's not like I want to marry you.” Hyungwon chuckled lowly and pressed his hips forward, exhaling against his lips. “I just want to be the boy, not a boy.”

God, Hyungwon was so smart but also so fucking naive sometimes.

“Of course, you don't want to marry me, you don't know anything about me, you couldn't base any serious decision on the knowledge of what I feel like inside you or how I look when I orgasm.” Hoseok smiled and kissed Hyungwon's lips briefly. “Why would you care if I have sex with anybody else? As long as I'm there when you want to play. It kind of reduces the attachment issue. Take an example from work. If you work a lot you start caring, if you start caring you start feeling, if you start feeling it starts going downhill. But if you have other hobbies, you gain a little immunity. Hobbies that don't make you feel attached.”

“So, you're saying I'm like a hobby and you want other hobbies, so that you don't like me too much?” Hyungwon asked deadpan, lips pulling together a little bit. “That sounds a little self-destructive to me, almost as if- as if you're afraid.”

_Would be nice if you had an attachment issue._

“Nothing to be afraid of, but definitely something that I can't and won't be doing. It's an experience-based decision, not a reaction. And I just meant that spending a lot of time together leads to affection, Hyungwon. You're not affected by me? Awesome, because I don't share anything with you besides my body that you seem to want for yourself. Is it a principle? Do you need me to be exclusive sexually?” he asked, not willing to talk about affection any further and leading the topic back into a safe space.

“I guess exclusivity just opens some possibilities that fucking around does not,” Hyungwon murmured and shrugged, shifting on top of Hoseok and exhaling against his lips again.

“Fine. Let's be exclusive as long as we're sexual with each other,” Hoseok agreed and curled his arms around Hyungwon's slim waist.

_Just find something else to distract yourself._

The smile he received in response was gorgeous, occupying all of that small, pretty face and spreading the plump lips into a thin line. Hyungwon showed a little bit of his white teeth before kissing Hoseok’s mouth, still smiling. There was something innocent to the young boy like that, appearing happy and shifting on top of his lap, hands playing with the fine hair on his nape.

“You're so adorable, oh my god,” he murmured, cupping Hyungwon's face with his palms and pressing a kiss against his thick lips.

“Guess that's what comes with twenty extra years of experience, everybody is cute,” the black-haired boy replied and laughed, closing his eyes briefly as soon their lips touched.

“No. Just you. My exclusive caramel babe. Aren't you tired? Maybe you should go home today?” Hoseok suggested while nibbling on the boy's bottom lip.

“I like that nickname,” Hyungwon purred and rolled his hips in a horizontal manner, showing how smooth his movements were. “I'm okay though, you're usually good at waking me up.”

“I know that you really like it when I spoon you, you want to stay over? Let's go home then.” Suddenly he really wanted to touch Hyungwon's naked body while lying in bed together, not necessarily fucking like crazy people, but more sensual, stroke over the younger man's sides, his neck and slim arms, kiss his pretty ears and shoulders and listen to his soft exhales.

_See? You need distraction._

_

 

 

“So, why didn't you want to meet at the bar?” Changkyun asked and pursed his lips.

“Well, I have this exclusive thing going on, so I can't. My candy will be sad,” Hoseok murmured and took a sip of the gin and tonic he had ordered before.

Something in the younger man's gaze changed and he stared a hole into Hoseok's face.

“Since when do you care about candy? I thought the whole point in candy was that it's there to be tasted and thrown away? Why would you get attached and start doing unnecessary things? Maybe you should've stayed in California, you try to be overly nice. You don't have to, Hoseok. You'll suffer. It's the tall boy with the black hair who clutched onto you while getting off the train, right? He looks really young.” His best friend was right with everything he had said, but it didn't change the fact that he would continue doing it until he had the feeling that he felt more than the sexual attraction.

“Mhm. I see your point. I can still go to California, I just want to protect him from her. Before I go somewhere else. Actually, she should just give me her chair and enjoy her pension, ruining the life of her husband instead.” Hoseok immediately started thinking about possible ways to get Hyungwon out of Regina’s hold without him having to change the project.

“Ah, you're protecting him by making him your exclusive candy and intertwining your professional and personal life by fucking a PhD student?” The younger man downed his beer and threw him a judgmental gaze.

_Are you, Hoseok?_

“No. I'm protecting him by making sure that he gets the maximum out of his PhD and by fighting Regina in certain topics that concern him. The thing with the exclusive candy is separated from this, we don't fuck at work and we don't date. I'm not emotionally involved and I would immediately stop if I was. I was clear about my expectations and I told him that there is nothing that I can give him besides sex. It works pretty well, he also only wants sex, he knows nothing about me besides my professional side and he also doesn't want to know. It's really nice like this.” Hoseok murmured the last words and took another sip of his drink, leaning back on the comfortable couch.

“But he still wants to be exclusive? That doesn't sound like a ‘sex only’ deal to me. How old is he even?”

“Twenty-three. Which is good because he won't have the intention to turn it into something serious. He'll just have some fun with an older dude who'll make him see some stars and move on.”

_Right?_

Changkyun’s gaze changed and he sighed loudly, shifting on top of the leather.

“Whatever you think. I don't want you to get hurt, but I have a bad feeling about this, also judging by your behavior. You seem to be spending so much time with him and still you're saying it's nothing, even though you know well how it works with investment of personal resources. Do whatever makes you happy, but do it consciously.”

Smiling, he reassured his friend and went to the bathroom. After taking care of his basic needs, Hoseok washed his hands while staring at the dark blue toothbrush sticking out next to his own red one, penetrating his sight like something that shouldn't be there, reminding him of a time he didn't want to think about and that seemed so far away.

_You should break it before it starts feeling familiar._

_

 

 

The past few weeks were straining, he had spent every free minute at the gym, training and lifting. The whole obsession showed nice results as his body was in its best condition since forever, muscle mass and definition reaching goals he didn't think he ever had. He worked a lot and managed to acquire another grant for a project, being on the road for several days a week to meet up with the commission and giving talks here and there.

_You haven't seen his body for two weeks._

He hadn't, but he felt as if it was necessary, as if having breaks was important to keep the whole thing less dangerous, especially with how crazy their dynamics were. It was very hard to say no if Hyungwon already approached him with his gorgeous face and those big, brown eyes that stared at him in expectation.

_You're weak for him._

He was, which was they hadn’t seen each other for some time.

Locking his office, Hoseok tried to be quiet to not disturb Hyungwon who still stayed and worked on an abstract. He intended to go to the gym and get his edge off. Abstinence was hard, especially after the intense sexual contact he had enjoyed the first few weeks with the gorgeous black-haired boy.

Not even a second passed after his shoes touched the carpet covered floor of the hallway before the door to Hyungwon's office opened. It revealed the gorgeous black-haired boy, dressed in a loose t-shirt that caught on the waistband of his black jeans, like the boy had stood up in a hurry.

“Are you done for today?” the low voice asked and the familiar, slim body leaned against the door frame, arms crossed.

“Mhm, I'll go to the gym and work a little from home. How about you? You were quite productive over the last few weeks. You did well, I looked over your presentation for the colloquium, even though I wasn't there.” Hoseok smiled and dropped his keys into his open bag, closing the zipper right after.

Hyungwon grinned brightly at the praise until his lips pulled together and to the side in dissatisfaction, like Hoseok had done something he wasn't too fond off. A few seconds passed until the black-haired boy suddenly grabbed his arm and pulled him into his office, shutting the door with a bang. He barely blinked when the familiar, gorgeous face was already right in front of him, close enough to count Hyungwon's eyelashes.

“Have you been running away from me, Hoseok?” he purred.

The black-haired boy was so incredibly handsome with his soft facial features, complemented by his huge eyes that stared at him, expecting an answer.

“I wouldn't say running away. Let's say I'm on a diet.” He grinned and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Are you suffering? You can have something else, no need to wait till I have time.”

Hyungwon lifted at eyebrow at that, leaning in to lick over Hoseok’s bottom lip until he moved down and nibbled on his neck, long fingers slowly attaching to his hips.

“Is that so? But why would you need a diet?” he asked and licked along the outline of Hoseok’s neck downwards while his fingers easily slipped under his shirt and scratched along his defined abdominal muscles, applying the perfect amount of pressure. Hyungwon was a fast learner and Hoseok’s body and preferences were a subject area like any other.

“To remind myself of the important things. Did you miss me?” he asked and stroked over Hyungwon's black hair once, brushing a strand behind his cute ear.

Hyungwon hummed before sinking to the ground and lifting Hoseok’s shirt sufficiently to attach his full lips to his skin, nibbling along his vline and dipping his warm tongue into his navel.

“You seemed pretty productive to me, even while having a taste of me,” the black-haired boy remarked before mouthing along the outline of Hoseok’s crotch, slim body beautifully positioned on his knees in front of him.

“Yes and no. I told you I need distraction and you wanted to be exclusive, so I had to find a different type of distraction, it's less fun but gives nice abs,” he commented and flexed his abdominal muscles under Hyungwon's fingertips. Curling his fingers into the boy's hair, he pulled a little, exhaling sharply.

“Shit,” Hyungwon cursed, visibly affected by his muscle definition. The pretty boy followed the pull on his hair and lifted his head, staring up at him with his gigantic, brown eyes.

“Am I not good enough as a distraction then?” he asked and moved forward, plump lips rubbing along the outline of Hoseok’s dick, hands drawing pleasurable lines on his skin.

“No, because I need distraction from you,” Hoseok hissed and licked over his lips, going crazy just from the sight below him. But they were at work and work was a no go, it wasn't even night.

“Come here,” he said and reached down, pulling Hyungwon up and curling his arms around the boy's slim waist. “We're at work.”

The black-haired boy pouted, turning his lips even plumper and instantly wrapping his slim arms around Hoseok’s neck.

“But I liked it down there,” he whispered and closed his lips around a sensitive spot below Hoseok’s ear, sucking on it harshly, perfectly aware that it got him going.

“I also like a lot of things,” Hoseok whispered, pressing Hyungwon's body closer, longing for more contact. “Fine, I'll ditch the gym, come with me.”

“I want you to play with me, I missed it,” Hyungwon gasped into his ear, and pressed his body flush against Hoseok’s, quickly followed by an impatient whimper.

Hoseok had no idea why they both reacted so strongly, but he didn't have the presence of mind to think about it, curling his fingers into the black hair instead and pulling it. His teeth nibbled on the outline of the pretty boy’s bared neck and he turned them, pinning the gorgeous man against the Bordeaux colored door.

“I want to play with you all the time, which is why I need a diet, the cravings are no joke.”

“It's self-love, embrace them, Hoseok,” the black-haired boy whispered before slowly sliding his arms upwards, stopping above his head as his lips parted in a quiet moan, eyes not leaving Hoseok’s for even a second. It was easy to tell how Hyungwon's body responded in anticipation, shaking a little and subconsciously leaning forward to connect their groins, followed by desperate whimpers. “Touch me, please touch me.”

_What a mess. Fuck._

He lifted the boy's shirt, attaching his lips and teeth to the caramel colored skin, enjoying the scent and caressing the sensitive spots he had known about from before. Shit, he was so incredibly aroused by Hyungwon's body alone, but the way the younger man reacted made him go crazy. Completely crazy.

“Fuck, how am I supposed to say no, huh? I missed your pretty little whimpers so much,” he whispered against Hyungwon's stomach while sinking deeper and licking from the navel towards the seam of the boy's jeans.

“How do you want me to touch you, baby? Do you want me to make you feel good here? On the spot? I'll continue with my plans then. Or do you want me to take you home?” Hoseok smiled and looked up.

Hyungwon's fingers curled and uncurled a few times in their position above the boy’s head, thighs quivering a little at his words.

“Both, I want both,” the beautiful boy murmured eventually and bit down on his lower lip, watching Hoseok’s motions intently. “I want you to leave marks on my thighs. I'll- I'll be quiet I swear.”

Why did it always escalate between them? Why wasn't he able to say no? He simply wasn't able to give himself a reasonable explanation as to why he should stop, why he shouldn't succumb to the wish to do every fucking thing Hyungwon asked him for.

“Fuck this.” Hoseok opened the younger man's jeans and pulled them down his long legs. His hands immediately pinned the slim hips against the wall while his mouth travelled along the caramel colored skin, sucking intently. Once his tongue licked until the seam of Hyungwon's underwear, he sunk his teeth into the smooth skin carefully, soothing the spot with circling motions of his tongue.

Hyungwon kept his promise, remaining quiet and only allowing harsh breaths to leave his plump lips. He must have been struggling as the faint sound of nails on wood entered Hoseok’s ears. The way the caramel skin shook below his fingertips was enough of a sign that the pretty boy was enjoying every second, just like the erection that strained against his underwear.

“I- can also sit on the desk if you like, give you more access to my thighs, like on a platter,” Hyungwon whispered and shifted, hands still above his head. “Your tongue feels so good, Hoseok, I-”

“Your key.” He stood up and stretched out his hand, before noticing that it stuck in the lock. He turned it and helped Hyungwon out of his jeans and underwear, pulling his t-shirt over his head until the black-haired man was completely naked. Satisfied and overwhelmed by the gorgeous sight, Hoseok lifted the younger man and put him on top of his desk, wiping all the papers from it.

“You're a fucking drug, shit.” He sat on the chair and rolled towards the desk until he was positioned between Hyungwon's legs. Curling his hand around a pretty calf, he kissed along it, before placing it on top of his shoulder. His eyes always stayed on Hyungwon's face, how the boy was reacting and how his body was shaking under his fingertips drove him completely mad.

“Then let me get you high,” the boy replied and bit on his bottom lip again. His head was thrown back so that he was still able to look at Hoseok and meet his gaze, blackness of his pupils almost robbing Hoseok of coherency. “Taste me.”

Hyungwon spread his legs further and leaned back on his slim arms, open for Hoseok to taste and ravish, just like the boy wanted.

Five course meal. Hyungwon was one. Definitely.

Not needing a second invitation, Hoseok attached his lips to the sensitive skin of the younger man's inner thigh, sucking and licking on his skin in addition to his fingers that travelled along his gorgeous, lean stomach. He was so beautiful, sitting completely naked and vulnerable in front of him. The amount of trust was incredible.

_He trusts you. But why?_

He forced away the thought, nibbling along the boy's left thigh instead before licking over his perfectly shaped erection. After sucking on the tip he leaned to the side and sunk his teeth into the caramel colored skin of his thigh, just like Hyungwon asked him to.

“Fuck,” the beautiful boy cursed quietly and held his breath, attempting to remain quiet while trembling in Hoseok’s hold and watching the faint red marks that littered his luscious thighs. “I love it so much when you treat me like this, Hoseok. Touch me more, as much as you like.”

He didn't reply, simply taking the younger man's erection into his mouth instead, it was easy to touch Hyungwon due to the position, so he did, sucking on his length while his hand travelled upwards over his lean stomach and chest, before curling around his throat. Hoseok didn't apply pressure, yet, leaving his fingers soft and pleasuring the gorgeous boy as well as he could with his mouth.

The black-haired boy’s heartbeat was rapid below the fingers that Hoseok kept curled around his slim throat. The only sounds were the sharp exhales right before Hyungwon inhaled and held his breath again. The lean muscles were tensed, keeping the position while the beautiful boy basked in the pleasure, eyes dark and focused on him. It was so easy to tell the amount of strength that the younger man needed to keep his body in check, to not moan his name and beg for more.

“Here you are again, being the best boy,” Hoseok hissed before taking him back between his tight lips. Sinking all the way down, he applied a little more pressure against Hyungwon's throat for a second before letting loose.

A whimper passed through full lips that the pretty boy wasn't able to contain, a response to the actions of his fingers and the praise. Hyungwon had never been able to resist that.

“Please,” he whispered, “please, Hoseok, you don't need distraction, just me, I'll distract you as much as you want, fuck, please.”

The begging was intense but the most intense thing was that he liked it so fucking much. Repeating the whole thing, he deepthroated Hyungwon again and tightened his grip before loosening it again, it was hard to coordinate and he needed a lot of awareness and control that Hyungwon loved to rip to shreds.

“Be a good babe and come for me,” he whispered before tightening his lips around Hyungwon's erection once again.

The black-haired beauty on the desk in front of him always listened so well, body tensing up and hand instantly lifting up to cover the boy's mouth and contain the sounds of pleasure that threatened to escape as he orgasmed and came down Hoseok’s throat. His thighs were shaking, still covered by beautiful marks that were created by Hoseok’s lips

Even when Hyungwon had calmed down his right palm remained on his face, covering his lips as he watched Hoseok intently, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“You're so gorgeous, it's unfair,” he commented while licking his lips and stroking over the whole length of the boy's caramel thighs.

“You wanting distraction from me is unfair,” Hyungwon replied and wrapped his legs around Hoseok’s hips, pulling him closer. “I touched myself while thinking about your body.”

“You did? But I look even better now, you should update your mental image.” Hoseok winked, curled his arms around Hyungwon's waist and pulled him closer, burying his face in the crook of the younger man's neck that smelled so much like everything he liked that he had to hold his breath for a few seconds.

“Why is it unfair? I think it's understandable. Look at yourself, it's hard.”

Hyungwon chuckled before slipping onto his lap, still fully naked and stunning.

“Because you should do yourself a favor, enjoy what you have. You said sex was your distraction, why would it change? You're still getting sex, it's just better.” The black-haired boy shifted on top of his lap, perfectly aware of the effect he had on Hoseok and how to move to be wanted.

“Because I end up wanting more than I should and it's quite hard to set the threshold and draw a line. So, it seems easier to put breaks in between. That's why I told you that you don't have to be exclusive with me. I don't really care about that.” He hissed at the movements, but still kept a serious face.

“And I'm the one who suggested it, so it's obviously what I want,” Hyungwon replied and rolled his hips again, lips parted. He looked beyond attractive, sitting naked on his lap and staring at him with his beautiful eyes. “You want more than you should? What do you want, Hoseok?”

_What do you want?_

“To live without being forced to make decisions and choose between things that I can't set priorities for.”

He sighed and looked at the ceiling, suddenly longing to be alone under his blanket.

 

 __  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 16th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You smoked,” Hyungwon replied. “You don't even own an ashtray, Hoseok.”
> 
> “You got me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

“I hate your couch,” Minhyuk exclaimed and threw himself on said couch, forcing a rather painful squeak out of it, resembling a dying mouse.

Hyungwon sighed and sat down next to his best friend, less violent in his actions. Minhyuk always complained about his furniture whenever he visited, probably because it hadn't changed since he moved out of his parents’ place to pursue higher education. He was the first in his family to do so.

The two of them had finally found the time to meet up, now that Hyungwon wasn't stealing every free second that his second supervisor had for himself. After the older man had agreed to be exclusive (following Hyungwon's ridiculously planned out attempts to have him be with nobody but him) their meetups had calmed down a little.

_Because now he's trying to make it less._

Hyungwon didn't like it, not at all. He enjoyed the knowledge that he could feel Hoseok’s skin on his at any given time, but over the past few weeks the older man had been gone or just unavailable in the evenings. It drove him mad, drowning in work and attempting to distract himself.

Only when he heard Hoseok leave his office the day before had he acted on it, jumping him and finally getting what he had wanted for the past two weeks. It was a little strange considering that Hyungwon had been fine going months without sex, but their intense contact had apparently changed that a little, resulting in the need to feel the older man after a few days.

_But even yesterday he didn't take you home._

Hyungwon was still a little upset about that. He had had Hoseok right where he wanted him, between his legs and pleasuring him. The discussion had ruined it, elaborating on why the fuck the older man would need to distract himself from Hyungwon. Hoseok made it sound like Hyungwon was an actual drug instead of some exclusive fun on the side. Sure, he had stayed over more often than he would have expected before and they cuddled up at night, spooning throughout. But it still didn't have to mean anything.

_You don't want to marry him, there is no reason to panic._

Sighing loudly, he tried to get more comfortable on the couch. It was indeed a little hard.

“Why are you sighing? Want to watch a different movie? If you do, you can stick it up your ass. We're watching that high school comedy because we’ve wanted to for the past few months.” Minhyuk didn't allow any discussions, that was clear from his tone as he threw his legs over the armrest, head on Hyungwon's lap.

“This one is good. I was merely thinking about life.” He sighed again and thought back to the older man's expression of what he wanted, right before telling him he was tired and sending him home instead of covering him with several blankets and making him feel good.

“Do you even have time with all that work and friend ditching?” His best friend sounded a little accusatory, like he blamed him for having even less time than usual. Especially when Hyungwon had been fighting for attention, it had been difficult to find time for the blonde man.

“I'm sorry, it's complicated, I have this acquaintance with benefits thing going on,” Hyungwon explained and reached out for the remote to turn on the TV and have more background noise. It made it less obvious when he needed longer to answer.

“What the fuck is that? It's either friends or one-night stands. Are you repeatedly fucking some stranger?” Minhyuk was genuinely surprised, lifting his blonde head from Hyungwon's lap and staring at him. “That's not very much like you.”

“Nah, someone from work.” It was childish but Hyungwon felt a little triumphant that he was able to capture the older man so that he agreed to make it exclusive, wanting only him.

_But he's also of the opinion he needs to see you a little less._

It challenged him again, like he needed to put in effort, so that Hoseok wasn't able to resist, just grabbing him and taking him home and fucking him senseless.

“Ah,” Minhyuk muttered, not saying anything else and pursing his lips. Only when Hyungwon didn't reply his best friend continued. “I was just wondering why your ridiculously hot supervisor suddenly doesn't want to hook up anymore, but apparently it's because you fucked conduct.”

Hyungwon frowned at that. The comment made him a little angry and defensive, like his best friend was judging him for his behavior and his decisions.

_You know it's justified._

It was but he still didn't like it. He pressed his lips together and shifted under the weight of Minhyuk’s head.

“It's just sex and we're keeping it separate from work, just hooking up once in a while and keeping it exclusive. That's why he's not calling you.” Hyungwon shrugged and leaned back in his spot, grabbing a box with snacks from the tiny table next to it.

“Sure, you do,” the blonde replied and pursed his lips, expression very familiar from their high school times. That was what Minhyuk looked like when he thought someone did him ridiculously dirty or was simply dumb. It might have been the second this time. “Because it's so easy when you have exclusivity, see each other a lot and add body contact to the equation. You know why people laugh when two individuals who find each other attractive start fucking repeatedly and say that it means nothing? Exactly, because it eventually means something.”

Hyungwon chewed on his cheek, shrugging again. Minhyuk was right but it wasn't the same, the two of them had work to pull them apart. They just fit well sexually, there was no reason to deny it or to try to avoid it. Like Hoseok wished to do.

“I know what I'm doing, I'll deal with it,” he replied since it didn't leave room for argument. He knew all those worries, but he considered them unlikely, so there was no reason to panic. He was an adult who could deal with consequences and everything seemed fine.

His best friend hummed before sighing and covering his face with a palm briefly.

“As you wish.”

“What do you think it means when someone says that they don't want to be ripped apart by having to choose between two things that are equally desirable?” he asked suddenly, remembering the answer Hoseok had given him before, saying that he was tired and sending him home.

Minhyuk gave him a deadpan look like he was an idiot.

“That they have to choose between two things they like and don't want to do it?” he replied eventually and pursed his lips again. He seemed really annoyed by him.

Something told Hyungwon that the whole story with Hoseok was straining his and Minhyuk’s relationship a little, especially from his side, wishing to be exclusive and all.

_But what are the two things he has to choose one from? Doesn't he have them all?_

Hyungwon genuinely couldn't think of anything that the older man would want that he didn't have. He had said that he wished for something he wasn't supposed to, but there was nothing that would have conflicted. He could have wished to have Hyungwon, but there was no problem with that. He also had certain preferences, but Hyungwon shared them, so it was no problem either.

There was nothing he could think of and the older man hadn't looked particularly fond of talking about it.

“Why?” Minhyuk asked when he didn't reply for a while, squeezing his thigh. “Is Hoseok conflicted because he wants to fuck you, but his morals say no?”

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the question, thinking about the option. Was it possible that Hoseok struggled because he didn't think it's okay? But then he would have been more hesitant instead of following all of Hyungwon's wishes and fucking him in every possible position noted in the gay Kamasutra. It was just weird.

“He's too enthusiastic about my body for that,” he replied eventually and clicked through a few channels aimlessly, waiting for Minhyuk to stop silently judging him.

“You know, men are simple. It's difficult to say no sometimes and you are indeed gorgeous, why do you think we played around so much? Cause I like teaching boys the way of the ass? Hell no.” His best friend laughed and slapped his chest, shifting with his head on Hyungwon's lap until he felt more comfortable.

There was some truth to the words, but Hoseok just did not seem like someone who struggled to suppress his desires. The frustration Hyungwon had felt the first few months was the perfect proof for that.

_But he tried to stay away, saying he needs a diet._

“Maybe,” he whispered in reply and stopped on a channel that showed the new Avengers movie, finishing the conversation prematurely. The two of them didn't know what was going on in the older man's head anyway.

_You'll just have to make it harder to resist._

 

_

 

The silence felt deafening, like somebody was pressing down on his ears without the feeling of a person next to him, like the effect was there but the cause wasn't.

Hyungwon was sitting in his office chair, forcing himself to not succumb to the feeling of helplessness and hurt, but failing miserably. It was just an email, just a few words on the screen, black on white, but these single letters were sufficient to ruin his life.

His hands were shaking uncontrollably and he couldn't make them stop. There was nothing he could tell himself this time, nothing at all. It wasn't even about what he believed anymore, it didn't matter at all.

_Because she wants to fire you._

It was pathetic, really, sitting alone in his office in the evening and unable to do anything, not even work although there was so much to do.

_What's the point if she wants to get rid of you?_

He felt painfully close to crying and breaking down on his table, much like the time he had when Hoseok found him, calming him and helping him to write a paper in a day.

_Hoseok- maybe he can help._

It was almost scary how his mind instantly attached itself to the thought, wishing to curl his arms around the older man and be told that everything was going to be fine. Fuck.

He acted before considering further. Rubbing over his eyes in the hope that he didn't look close to crying, Hyungwon left his office and knocked on the door across from his, scared that Hoseok wouldn't be there.

“Come in, Hyungwon.” The older man must’ve known his knocking pattern by now.

Not hesitating any further, he walked in and closed the door behind himself. Instead of stepping closer he remained standing next to it, teeth mercilessly abusing his bottom lip and thoughts jumping from one formulation to the next without deciding on one. Was Hoseok really able to help him? Saving his job wasn't the older man's responsibility and it wasn't even about Hyungwon's skills anymore. Regina plainly hated him with every cell in her body.

The beautiful, black-haired man turned around and looked at him for a few seconds, before rolling over while staying on his chair. Stopping across from him, Hoseok looked up from under his black bangs.

“What happened?”

_You're obvious._

Swallowing once, Hyungwon merely gave up on holding back. The older man had seen him in much more vulnerable circumstances. Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s neck and climbed on top of his lap, unable to contain the tears that collected in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

Sniffing a few times, he hid his face by pressing it into black-haired man’s shoulder. Fuck, there was really nothing he could do. Hoseok couldn't help either.

He felt strong arms wrapping around his body. It felt safe and so warm, just like the low voice that breathed comforting words into his ear.

“Shh, it’s okay, just tell me what she said.”

“She wants to fire me,” he forced out and inhaled the calming scent of Hoseok’s pale skin, shimmering a little in the reduced light of the office.

“First of all, she’s probably having a paranoid attack again, and secondly, she literally can’t fire you, because I have you in the project for three years, at least. It’s just your first year, she can’t do anything, so don’t worry about that. But why did she say that? Did she at least give a reason, or was it random?” Hoseok stroked over his hair slowly and kept his voice a quiet and low timbre.

The words were reasonable but didn't get through to him. Why wouldn't she be able to fire him? Wasn't she in charge?

Hyungwon cleared his throat to not sound like a broken record and rubbed his nose over the older man's skin, purposefully drowning in the scent and the feeling of it. The line blurred, the separation between caring actions from a supervisor and sexual pleasure from their deal. What was it this time? He couldn't tell, not while sitting on Hoseok’s lap and crying his heart out.

“We were working on a report for the project for the commission and there was a mistake in the references. She thinks it's my fault and that I'm ruining it on purpose. She even filled out an employee complaint already and said I'm going to be fired. Fuck, I don't know what to do, Hoseok. Science is what I live for.” He sniffed again and closed his lips around a patch of pale skin to not let out any more embarrassing sounds, keeping quiet instead.

“We’re more similar than I thought,” the older man murmured and curled his arms tighter, pulling Hyungwon further into his lap and covering him in pleasant warmth.

“No matter how many complaints she will fill out, she’ll never have more than other people had already filled out about her. It will be okay. I will take care of this, don’t worry. HR knows that she’s mental, they’ll make a paper plane out of it. They all know me. Really, don’t worry, she’s not worth you feeling like this.” Hoseok’s hot lips connected with his skin, a kiss on his forehead where the older man kept the contact for a few seconds longer than it should’ve been.

It felt so pleasant, like Hoseok really wanted him to feel better, gifting him something special like the touch that remained on his skin, even though the warm lips were already gone. The older man really cared.

“What do you mean by ‘they all know you’? She filed complaints about you?” Hyungwon asked hesitantly and swallowed to reduce the amount of tears soaking the black-haired man's shirt. He didn't want Hoseok to see him with a red, swollen face, but it was difficult to calm down and stop himself. He was so fucking scared.

Hoseok laughed suddenly, as if something about the situation or his question had been funny.

“She did so many things, such a proactive human, isn’t it nice? I wished filling out complaints would have been the only thing to be honest. But you can be sure that this won’t happen as long as I’m here. The HR ladies like me a lot, we drink coffee together sometimes.” Hoseok turned his head and leaned in, soft lips touching his mouth briefly, then the touch returned, but the contact remained longer this time.

_This is so different._

Hyungwon gasped into the kiss, overwhelmed by the intimacy. It wasn't sexual at all. He didn't have the need to feel the older man inside of him, he just wanted to curl his arms tighter around him and have their lips connect in the same careful and soft manner.

“What- did she do to you, Hoseok?” he asked, scared of what he would hear. It seemed like Regina had no boundaries, nothing that she was afraid of saying or doing. Hyungwon still remembered how she had shamed Sammy for getting pregnant, terrorizing her and saying that real scientists didn't have children.

His hands shook a little, but he still let the fingers of his right hand travel upwards and stroke over Hoseok’s black hair, careful and tender, barely touching.

“Ah, nothing much, blackmail, threats, butting into personal business, stuff like that. But I mean, I’ve known her for a long time, so I’m not really surprised.” Hoseok’s delicate hand stroked over his cheek and wiped a few tears away, eyes focusing on his own and piercing him with the intense gaze Hoseok was able to pull off whenever he looked intently at something or someone.

It felt so overwhelming, having the dark eyes fixed on him and accompanied by such delicate and affectionate actions. It took his fear of being seen, of revealing his tear-stricken face and swollen cheeks. Sucking his lower lip into his mouth to not cry more, he finally looked up, meeting Hoseok’s beautiful face and allowing the other man to see him at his worst.

“Why would she do that to you? Your personal life is yours and nothing she is allowed to intrude on, so why-" He swallowed again as he felt tears collect in his eyes and blinked a few times to calm himself.

“I’m fine now. I’m just worried about you, don’t take it too seriously, I’ll talk to her tomorrow, don’t worry, nothing will happen. I promise you.” The older man reached out and bushed a black strand behind his ear, smiling one of those smiles that looked soft like a cloud, engulfing him in warmth and making him believe that Hoseok was right. Leaning in slowly, he could see how the black-haired man closed his eyes and touched his lips again, licking over them and probably tasting tears. “Don’t cry, she’s not worth it. She really isn’t.”

It was difficult not to believe the calming words, the low tone and the tender kisses. Wrapping his arms tighter around the older man and slipping a little closer on top of his lap, Hyungwon let his eyes flutter shut and kissed the warm, curved lips, focusing on nothing apart from the way the smooth texture and the hot tongue felt against his.

“Okay,” he whispered and brushed his nose against Hoseok’s.

He was gifted with a slow and sensual kiss. Hoseok moved his lips gradually, savoring every bit of his skin, his taste and drowning in tactile perceptions, before the beautiful black-haired man leaned back, just far enough to be able to focus, and smiled gorgeously.

“Good. Don’t worry. And don’t cry, even though you’re really beautiful when you cry, but still don’t do it.”

“Thank you, Hoseok, fuck- thank you so much,” Hyungwon whispered and could feel his bottom lip tremble, emotions still affecting him. “I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you so much for coming back, thank you, fuck.” His eyes burned again and he instantly looked up, holding his breath.

“You would’ve easily found something else, but dealing with her is tricky, she ruins one’s self-esteem and you feel as if you can’t do anything, so you stay and try to deal with all the bullshit. Furthermore, it would’ve been really sad if you went somewhere else, because you’re really extraordinarily capable and it would’ve been really sad for the project, professionally speaking. So, thank you for staying and I’ll make sure that you won’t have to deal with this alone.” Hoseok’s voice was low and stable, air hitting his lips as the older man spoke.

_He knows what he's talking about, he can make this okay._

Hyungwon nodded and rested his head on the black-haired man's shoulder, ignoring the fact that he should have been in his office, overworking a report and the fact that it was 5PM and a lot of people were still at work. It didn't matter, he still sat on Hoseok’s lap and exhaled sharply against the sensitive skin of the older man's neck, attempting to calm down. Hoseok managed to make him feel at ease, calm and taken care of.

_Your relationship is strange, isn't it?_

It might have been, but Hyungwon didn't care. It was what he needed and if Hoseok was the one capable of providing it then so be it. The black-haired man was able to make him open up and to reveal problems he had kept to himself for almost a year. Hyungwon wasn't willing to break something like that because of decency.

Hoseok patted his hair and kissed the shell of his ear, smiling against it.

“Are you feeling better? You can attach yourself, but Lisa will be here in five to ten minutes and she would have a mental breakdown if she walked in on this. We can talk later.” The beautiful man leaned back and smiled at him.

It was a little embarrassing, especially if he imagined Lisa coming in and seeing him like that. He really hoped that his blush wasn't too obvious as he scrambled off the older man's lap and fixed his shirt in a semi-nervous breakdown. The wet spot on Hoseok’s shoulder from Hyungwon's tears was obvious and he really hoped the other man would forgive him for that

“Shit, I ruined your shirt. I'm sorry, Hoseok,” he murmured and made his way to the door, heart hammering in his chest for some reason. “When- do you have time to see me?”

“The shirt will dry, don’t worry. I don’t know, I have a meet up with Regina at 7 and sometime after that. Just write me.” Turning towards his laptop, Hoseok opened some file that looked like someone’s thesis draft. Probably Lisa’s.

“You said we could talk today,” Hyungwon whispered, suddenly unsure if Hoseok misunderstood him. It was weird because he still didn't want to jump the older man, he just wanted to feel at ease.

The black eyes caught his gaze and Hoseok stared for a few seconds before a smile spread his cheeks and he nodded.

“Sure. As I said, I have something until 8 today and depending on the outcome I might have to do stuff, so I suggested that you go home, so you don’t have to wait and we can talk after I’m done.”

“Oh,” Hyungwon muttered before he could pretend that he had figured that out in the first place. “I'll write you then. Thank you again, Hoseok.”

Chewing on his cheek, he nodded again and slipped out of the office, just in time to see Lisa walk along the hallway. She seemed nervous.

“Hi,” she muttered briefly before knocking on Hoseok’s door.

_She's worried, that's why she can't tell something is off._

Hyungwon was grateful and snuck back into his office, rubbing over his face and hoping that he was going to look normal when he left the office in a few hours.

Going through his to do list and correcting student essays, he couldn't help the feeling that something was different, switching into a lane that it hadn't been in before.

One that it wasn't meant to be in.

 

_

 

 

Hyungwon focused on work as well as he could and simply pretended that Regina hadn't written him an email that she was about to fire him. Instead he overworked the report and fixed all the issues that had popped up out of nowhere.

_It wasn't nowhere, it was her._

He had been curious and tracked the emails back until he figured out that Regina had used an older version of his report, one that didn't involve all the changes and therefore made her believe he had purposefully removed everything.

_Hoseok is right, she's paranoid._

Sighing loudly, he shifted on Sammy’s office chair which he had stolen for himself again. It was already past 8PM but Hoseok hadn't really written yet and Hyungwon wasn't sure if it was okay to write already. Meetings with Regina could be very painful and unpleasant.

A knock on his door caught his attention until it was simply ripped open and Lisa stormed in, eyes wide.

“Holy shit, your boss is such a bitch,” she hissed and closed the door in a hurry like she belatedly realized it wasn't something to scream through the hallway.

Hyungwon contained an eyeroll and merely nodded, wondering why the pretty girl would have anything to do with Regina. After all she had been nervous about meeting Hoseok concerning her thesis.

“Oh my god, I was talking to Hoseok about how much I still need to do and then Prof. Mueller just came in and started telling him that you can't do shit and fucked everything up and that she's so fucking unlucky with her students. But Hoseok got mad, oh boy,” she explained quickly before throwing herself on top of Hyungwon's desk. It was a little weird because it reminded him of himself, just in the office across from his.

_Is that what it looks like to him?_

He stared at the way Lisa’s skirt slid up her thighs a little bit without being revealing. She still looked really shocked.

“He got angry?” Hyungwon asked to show he was listening and not a pervert that checked out her naked legs.

Lisa didn't seem to realize as she nodded furiously and stared at the door again like she expected someone to come storming in.

“He stared at her deadpan and just straight out told her that she's wrong, no arguments, no reasonable talking as usual, just nothing. But fuck- she's such a bitch! She just told him that he wouldn't know because he ran away to California just when he had to do more for science and didn't sacrifice anything even though real scientists always have to make sacrifices. Why is she so mean to him?” Lisa's eyes were wide as she shook her head, like she hoped for the memory to leave if she did it for long enough.

“And Hoseok? What did he do?” Hyungwon swallowed as an uncomfortable feeling spread in his chest.

_He must be hurt. What did she want him to sacrifice?_

“I don't know, he said we'd talk later and asked me to leave them alone. I had to tell you because you know her better. Does she tell you stuff like that too? How do you deal with that?” Lisa reached out and squeezed his shoulder, sliding a little forward on the desk. It was weird because Hyungwon usually didn't mind but it felt a little close for his taste. He placed his own palm over Lisa's and brushed over it once before removing it. He didn't really want to talk about Regina, he wanted to write to Hoseok and know if he was okay.

Shrugging nonchalantly, he grabbed his phone and quickly typed a message, asking the older man when he would like to meet up.

“It's fine, sometimes she does but she gets over it quickly,” he replied smoothly and smiled, turning back to his screen. “I'm really sorry, Lisa, but if I don't finish this, she might not get over it quickly."

The comment appeared to be convincing as the pretty girl nodded again and placed a kiss to his cheek before making her way to the door.

“Don't let her terrorize you, you're great,” she murmured and closed the door behind herself.

_He's definitely not okay._

Hyungwon stared at his phone but there was still no reply, just his message on unread and minutes that slowly passed by without anything happening.

_You could go to his place, he's probably home._

Jumping up from his chair, Hyungwon quickly packed up his stuff. He threw his hard drive into his backpack and shut down his pc. There was something about what Regina had said to Hoseok that seemed familiar.

Only when he was in the elevator on his way down did it dawn upon him.

_It's what he wants, to not choose between two things that are equally important. It's because he had to do it before._

The thought hurt a little and he couldn't imagine what that choice might have been. For Sammy it had been children, but Hoseok wasn't married and gay.

Playing with his hands to distract himself from the feeling of discomfort in his chest, Hyungwon stepped out of the building and crossed over the small plaza in front of the cafeteria. It was dark and only a few lamps next to the benches were providing a source of light.

He was just about to turn towards the metro station when he saw a broad figure sitting on one of the benches. The white shirt gave out that it was Hoseok, almost shining in the dark. The older man was smoking, head thrown back and grey exhales leaving his mouth after he inhaled the white smoke.

_He smokes?_

Hyungwon stopped walking instantly and stared, seeing how the older man wasn't wearing a jacket even though it was under eight degrees. He had never seen Hoseok smoke before and the older man had also never smelled like smoke. There wasn't even an ashtray in the black-haired man's apartment and Hyungwon was rather particular about stuff like that.

Sucking his lower lip into his mouth, he stepped closer, wishing to convince himself that it was really Hoseok. It was stupid because he was able to recognize the muscular man anywhere.

Hoseok continued staring at the black sky even when Hyungwon was only a meter away. Licking over his lips again to return moisture, Hyungwon sat down next to the older man, looking up as well. The sky was a thick black.

_He's not okay, that's why he's here._

He didn't say anything and merely reached out, placing a palm on Hoseok’s cold thigh. The older man must have been freezing.

Hoseok didn't react, simply inhaling more of the white smoke and billowing it out while looking at the sky.

There wasn't anything that Hyungwon could have said, not with the little amount of information he had, so he didn't. There were no real words that made something hurtful disappear, not just like that.

The older man had chosen a bench that wasn't illuminated, like he wished to be alone and remain undiscovered. Swallowing once, Hyungwon stroked over the muscular thigh once before he wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders. The other man felt so cold, like his skin had adapted to the outside temperature, freezing under Hyungwon's hot fingertips. He didn't say anything and just rested his head against the older man's chest, hoping that he could return some warmth and comfort, much like Hoseok had done for him.

“Are you feeling better?” Hoseok asked suddenly. His voice was so low that it sent shivers down his spine.

Hyungwon hummed and tightened his hold, exhaling against the skin of the older man's neck in the hope that it would warm him up a little.

“How about you?” he asked carefully, lips barely moving.

Hoseok hummed, taking another drag and blowing the smoke into the opposite direction of Hyungwon's face, before grinding the cigarette butt under his heel.

“She's wrong,” Hyungwon heard himself say, voice determined and a little louder than before. His arms were still tightly wrapped around the older man, breath brushing his pale skin. “Whatever she told you is necessary for science, she is wrong.”

“How do you know? Also, we definitely shouldn't be hugging in front of the uni building, she hasn't gone home yet and you have no idea how she is when she finds a personal weakness. I don't want you to deal with it.” The black-haired man freed himself from the embrace and stood up. “Are you going home?”

_She used a personal weakness of his before, didn’t she?_

The feeling was sudden, like a wall that hadn’t been there before was carefully placed between him and whatever was going on inside the older man’s head. Like there was no way to glance past it, to intervene and to help. Hoseok didn’t want him to.

It hurt a little even though it shouldn’t have. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be one that involved sitting on benches and hugging because of hurt feelings.

Humming, Hyungwon stood up as well. He felt strangely small next to the older man even though he was taller and wore a coat. There was something about the way the professor held himself, something authoritative despite the emotional turmoil he must have been going through.

“I want to be with you.” Inhaling sharply, Hyungwon glanced up at the pitch-black sky, wondering what Hoseok had found in it. It was a little calming, like there was nothing around him. Maybe that was it, the older man distanced himself from his surroundings by drowning in the blackness of the sky.

“You can stay over if you like,” Hoseok whispered and moved towards the metro station, still looking up and chewing on his bottom lip.

Hyungwon caught up and grabbed the older man’s hand, stopping him.

“Don’t you want to take your jacket? You’ll freeze, Hoseok,” he murmured and almost shivered at how cold the black-haired man’s hand was in his.

“I'm ok. Are you cold?” Hoseok looked around, probably looking whether there was someone they might have known.

“I have my coat, but- you’re freezing.” Hyungwon’s voice was quiet even though he didn’t mean for it to be. The situation was strange, not the way it was supposed to be.

_He doesn’t want anybody to see._

It was a little uncomfortable how Hoseok looked around, so he let go, simply standing next to the older man instead.

“It's warm in the train.” The older man caught his gaze and gestured for them to get going. Hyungwon merely nodded and followed him, making his way down the stairs and into the rather empty metro station. There were only a few people. After all, 9PM wasn’t the usual time to go home from work. Only a few girls were sitting on a bench and giggling to themselves, showing each other stuff on their phones.

They didn't talk until the train stopped at their station and they walked up the stairs.

“Why did you decide to go into science?” Hoseok suddenly asked, walking in the direction of his apartment and brushing over his hand. It felt intimate and made Hyungwon’s breath hitch, fingers curling up briefly before relaxing again.

_Why did you? Do you even remember it?_

He did, science had always been a major driving force for him, be it to finish quickly and be able to do what he was interested in or the one thing that he could drown in when he disliked everything else. It was a little bit like a sanctuary. At least it had been.

“I’m curious and I find the questions fascinating. I love working with data, analyzing results and figuring out what they mean. I also love to come up with designs that get to the bottom of a question. I mean- how awesome is that? You have no idea why people do something, but then you do this epic design that basically just consists of them staring at a screen and then you have the answer. It’s ingenious. Like- during my bachelors I worked on bilingualism and tried to figure out how the languages are stored in the brain and whether they are related to each other through links, figuring out which model is the correct one. It was crazy because I also had to develop a measure to figure out how proficient people actually are and how intuitive the language words. It was amazing. Obviously, I also like kids but well, I worked with patients before, so I’m fine with anybody as long the questions are interesting.” Hyungwon tried to think back to his bachelor degree, the time when he had already decided for himself that he wanted to go into science. “My bachelor degree was science-oriented, so it was the goal from beginning on. I never really knew I would end up in developmental psychology, but I always loved science. It just felt so free and idea-focused, a dream.” Only when he stopped talking did he realize that he had basically given the older man a mini lecture on his love for being a scientist. It was a little embarrassing. “Sorry, I got carried away.”

“No, it's interesting,” Hoseok commented and unlocked the door, running up the one flight of stairs and fumbling with the key for his apartment. “Have you ever thought about going somewhere else? I mean stay in science, but change your project.”

“Sure, when I’m done,” Hyungwon replied and sprinted up the stairs as well, leaning on the wall while the older man pushed the key into the lock. “I’ll get my PhD and then I’ll probably do a different area. That’s what I’ve been doing until now, switching from one to the next.”

Hoseok hummed and entered his apartment. Slipping out of his shoes, the older man started unbuttoning his shirt.

“I'll take a hot shower,” he murmured and disappeared in the bathroom.

It wasn’t the first time that the older man disappeared into the shower, it seemed to be something Hoseok did a lot, especially considering how often Hyungwon had sat on the black-haired man’s couch, reading a book (or his thesis) while waiting for him to reappear.

Much like the last times, he took off his coat, hung it up and placed his shoes into the spot he always placed them, at the side next to the coat hanger. There were never any other shoes around, probably because Hoseok packed his into a shoe cupboard. The whole apartment was ridiculously familiar to him, almost more so than his own, which he probably spent less time at if he didn’t count the hours that he slept in his bed. There was nothing to do at his place, so he was never there.

_You almost live here, don’t you?_

It shouldn’t have been this way, not with the agreement they had in the very beginning, but somehow it had turned out to be more intimate and closer than the two of them had planned. It had changed after Hyungwon stayed overnight at Hoseok’s apartment, enclosed by the black-haired man’s muscular arms.

If he was honest, he didn’t really mind. Knowing Hoseok’s apartment and feeling at home wasn’t a bad thing, nothing to be embarrassed of or to dislike. It was rather the context that appeared strange, the way they hugged and touched, independent of sexual desire.

_Are you getting too close, too intimate? Is this still okay?_

Hyungwon didn’t know, but he really hoped that it wasn’t close enough for Hoseok to drop everything the way he had promised back then.

 

***

 

No matter how long he let the water run down his body, the old woman's words repeated in his head endlessly. He knew that she was wrong, that she was paranoid, had no conduct, no boundaries, but it also meant that she was able to ruin a person's life nevertheless.

_Hyungwon's life. Yours is already ruined, but he's twenty-three and she'll fucking break him just because she can. And he doesn't want to leave, he wants to finish here._

Stepping out of the shower, he slipped into his white, fluffy bathrobe and glanced at his reflection once. The tobacco taste still remained in his mouth, even after brushing his teeth three times

_You haven't smoked for over a year._

Sad.

He opened the door and walked to the living room. It was usually the place where the beautiful black-haired boy waited for him when he showered.

“Did you eat?” he asked, knowing well that Hyungwon didn't, and already started thinking about what he could possibly prepare from what he had at home. It wasn't much.

“No, but I'm fine,” the pretty, black-haired boy replied and put the book he had been reading to the side, leaving it open. He looked gorgeous on the couch, just like he belonged there. His long legs stretched out along the whole length of the leather surface and his big brown eyes fit perfectly with his caramel-colored skin. “You don't have to cook for me, I live off snacks and fast-food anyway,” Hyungwon chuckled.

“Still. Want to order something?” Hoseok lifted Hyungwon's calves and sat down, putting the other man's legs on his thighs. Turning to the side, he watched Hyungwon's face and how it changed while he looked at him.

“Lisa told you, so you think that I'm sad, right? Don't worry, I'm fine.”

The pretty boy stared at him a little longer, lips twitching briefly like he didn't believe a word.

“You smoked,” Hyungwon replied as his lips pulled together and his eyes widened a little. “You don't even own an ashtray, Hoseok.”

“You got me.” He chuckled and brushed his wet bangs back. “I suddenly felt like it, I quit a year ago.”

“Before going to California?” the black-haired boy asked and shifted a little, slipping closer towards him. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Hyungwon slid closer, slim butt grazing Hoseok’s thigh. The position made him look younger again, unfitting to the way long fingers stroked along his upper arm. “I can't believe she told you that you don't make sacrifices.”

“Yeah, she always says the same thing. I'm not surprised. It's always the best to not have anything to sacrifice in the first place while working with her.” There was a strand hanging over Hyungwon's left eye, so he reached for the boy's face and brushed the black hair behind his pretty ear. “And yes, I quit before going to California, Detective Chae.”

Hyungwon smiled a little at that, slipping his hand into Hoseok’s bathrobe at the wrist and stroking along it.

“Did you go to California to do something good for yourself? To abandon all this bullshit and focus on yourself and what you like?” The question was quiet, almost like the boy was hesitant about asking it, despite the determined gaze.

He shook his head and pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing on it and thinking about his departure a year ago. It seemed so far away, but also so close, as if he wasn't able to run away from it in the end.

Hyungwon pulled a little closer and lifted his right leg to place it on the other side of his lap, thereby sitting on top of him. The pretty boy wrapped his arms around his shoulders and stared at him, inhaling slowly.

“Why did you leave then?” he asked quietly and let their noses touch for a brief moment, it almost seemed accidental.

Sighing in resignation, Hoseok stared at the way Hyungwon's shirt pooled on his tiny waist and generated a halfway acceptable and true answer.

“I was supposed to marry, but I broke up with him instead as my sacrifice for science. It was a little hard to stay here after it happened, so I fucked off to California because a good friend is a professor there,” he murmured and sucked in a breath. “Anyway, I was rather productive and I also learned surfing, so it definitely paid off.”

He could see how Hyungwon's lips parted in an answer only to close again. The black-haired boy seemed shocked, eyes wide and fingers pausing on Hoseok’s shoulders, holding on tightly.

“You- you wanted to marry but didn't because of science?” the pretty boy asked eventually, eyes remaining large and pink tongue licking over his plump lips.

“Yeah, that was the plan. I would say that I would have liked to have 48 hours in the day but I'd end up working for 42, so it doesn't really matter in the end.” Hoseok chuckled and stroked over Hyungwon's cheek. The black-haired boy looked shocked. “So, what do you want to eat?”

“I have a question,” the pretty boy whispered and swallowed before lifting his head and meeting Hoseok’s gaze. Shifting a little, Hyungwon moved closer, pulling Hoseok’s bathrobe further up along his legs. “Do you really believe that science requires sacrifices like that? To give up on interpersonal relationships?” There was something unstable in the low voice, like the boy attempted to keep his voice level but failed.

“No, not at all. It depends on the person and ambition. I guess it does apply to me. It's not that somebody forced me to, it's just something I had to do while deciding between two things I loved.” He smiled and leaned forward, pressing their lips together briefly.

“So, you believe that you loved work more than him?” Hyungwon asked again, instantly following Hoseok’s motion as he leaned back and attached his lips, soft and warm against his own. The black-haired boy was so close, tracing the outline of his neck with his cool fingertips. “Don't you think there might be someone you will love more than science? Someone who doesn't force you to choose?”

“If I decided in favor of science it seems so, doesn't it? And there's no-one who doesn't want you to choose, it's always me or the thing that competes with my time with you. I don't want to love someone more than science, because the situation will come and I'll decide to go for science again. It's better to just keep it like this,” he whispered against Hyungwon's lips and attached his mouth to the plump, smooth surface that immediately gave out under the pressure of his own.

A soft moan was caught by his lips as Hyungwon wrapped his arms tighter around his neck and attempted to press his lower body against him. The kiss must have distracted him as he suddenly pulled away and exhaled harshly, eyes wide.

“But I thought you're a good scientist, Hoseok, how can you conclude anything with a sample size of 1?” he asked and chewed on his bottom lip, adding bright red color and making it seem even more delicious than it already was. “How can you be so sure that you won't fall in love so intensely that the choice would be different? Maybe there won't even be a choice.”

He chuckled at Hyungwon's antics.

“You're really cute, baby. Don't you know the ethics committee? A good scientist doesn't do things that harm others out of personal benefit. A good human too by the way. I'm not saying that I won't fall in love, I just won't go for it. I'll stop before it gets painful.” He pulled Hyungwon closer by pushing against the other man's lower back and attaching his lips once again. He tasted so good.

Again, he caught a delicious gasp with his mouth, followed by a whimper and an almost instinctual hip roll, slim thighs flexing on top of him.

“Maybe- I'm just too romantic,” Hyungwon whispered and bit down on his bottom lip, eyes fluttering shut from the sensations. “I have never been forced to choose between two things I cared about and if I was-" the beautiful boy gasped again, “the person wasn't worth it.”

“Would you watch someone suffer because of you, even if they don't force you? Because I didn't choose science because he forced me to choose. Anyway, let's change the topic, it makes me want to smoke,” Hoseok whispered and caught Hyungwon's bottom lip with his teeth, enjoying the flood of reactions. He could tell how the gorgeous boy wished to reply, but succumbed to the pleasure, lips parting and releasing a beautiful moan.

“You could just-" Hyungwon licked into his mouth and Hoseok could feel the slim body tremble on top of him, “eat me instead. You wanted a distraction, didn't you?” The beautiful boy's eyes turned dark and fingers scratched over Hoseok’s exposed chest, followed by a whimper that Hyungwon tried to suppress.

“You're indeed a weakness of mine,” Hoseok hissed and went for the boy's neck, licking and nibbling on the sensitive spots he knew by heart. It felt really intense, Hyungwon was beautiful, so fucking beautiful.

When his teeth closed around his favorite spot, the gorgeous black-haired boy threw his head back, moaning loudly and hips stuttering to have some friction. The reactions were always so intense, a tease for what was to come as soon as the younger man lost it.

“Fuck, please touch me,” Hyungwon whispered and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, pulling Hoseok’s hair a little.

“How do you want me to touch you, babe? Just tell me, I'll do it all.” He wanted to give Hyungwon everything he asked for at this point.

“I want you inside me, it's been ages and I almost forgot what it feels like, make me remember and forget my name,” the gorgeous boy muttered, hands roaming over his back and shoulders repeatedly like he was impatient and unable to wait, dick visibly twitching in his tight jeans. “Please.”

“Then get ready, baby, I'll wait for you.” Hoseok smiled before leaning in and licking into Hyungwon's delicious mouth and anticipating being close to the gorgeous black-haired boy.

Thin feet instantly touched the ground as Hyungwon climbed off and inhaled sharply to calm himself. Instead of disappearing as he usually did, the gorgeous boy curled his fingers into the fabric of his t-shirt and slowly pulled it over his head, revealing his lean chest and abdomen, a stunning caramel color. The big brown eyes didn't leave his as Hyungwon undressed, continuing with his jeans that he unbuttoned and the zipper he pulled down. The boy's long fingers travelled over the exposed skin and cupped his own erection before he let his tight jeans slip down his legs, pulling them off with his underwear.

Once he was completely naked, Hyungwon stepped closer and sank to his knees. His fingers were quick as he lifted the edge of Hoseok’s bathrobe and uncovered his erection, holding it at the base with his index finger and thumb. Slipping the whole length into his mouth until it hit his throat, Hyungwon sucked harshly and let go again, small smile on his lips. Hoseok had to hold himself back to not just take Hyungwon like this, he really didn't care at this point.

“Wait for me then,” the gorgeous boy whispered and stood up, blowing Hoseok a kiss before disappearing in the hallway.

He moved to the bedroom, took off his bathrobe and slipped under the blanket. He had missed Hyungwon, he had really missed him so much, touching him and seeing his face when he was inside of the black-haired boy, the way his eyes widened and his mouth parted was addicting.

_He's addicting. You kept thinking about him, every time you went to the gym or did something else. He was always part of your thoughts._

Steps sounded in the hallway, quiet with how little Hyungwon weighed, accompanied by a few stray drops that landed on the wooden floors, probably dripping from the beautiful black hair and running down the lean body. When the door to his bedroom opened, he was met with the sight of big eyes and blushed cheeks. Hyungwon must have touched himself a little beyond getting ready, pupils almost black and lips a blood red, like he had nibbled on them repeatedly.

The boy purred at the sight of him on the bed and crawled towards him, slipping under the blanket next to him and wrapping his lean arms around his neck. Hyungwon's body was cool compared to his, curling around him as soft lips brushed over his.

“I want you so much, Hoseok, I felt like I was losing my mind when you didn't want to taste me,” the pretty boy gasped, shaking a little.

“I want you too, fuck- there wasn't a day when I didn't think about feeling and tasting you. Shit, I'll give you everything you want, babe, just tell me.” He immediately closed his arms around Hyungwon's waist, pulling him close and lips attaching to his delicious skin. “Caramel babe,” he whispered.

The gorgeous boy shivered in his arms at the nickname and pulled their groins together, groaning loudly at the contact. Hyungwon’s thighs trembled in anticipation and his hands played with Hoseok’s hair repeatedly until the beautiful black-haired boy lay down on his bed and crossed his wrists above his head, mouth opened.

“Play with me, touch me, I want to be close, as close as possible,” he whispered. “Please.”

Hoseok felt like he was on drugs, mind clouded and body screaming at him to get everything Hyungwon was offering him on a plate while being the most delicious dessert he had ever tasted.

He hummed, crawling on top of the slim body and immediately attached his lips, sucking and kissing along the caramel colored skin, leaving marks from his teeth on his chest and stomach, on his thighs and placing gentle kisses over the slightly red spots.

Hyungwon moaned, watching him intently and breathing with his mouth opened. He looked so gorgeous, open for Hoseok to take and play with, to be spoiled and pleasured.

“Hoseok- you- god I love it when you mark my body,” he whimpered and spread his legs, revealing the milky texture of his inner thighs, a slightly lighter shade.

“And I love taking a bite,” he hummed and nibbled along Hyungwon's inner thigh until he was settled between the boy's legs. Lifting them, he bent the black-haired man in half and licked over his entrance, playing with the tight ring of muscles and blowing hot and cold air against it in succession.

“Please do, please taste me,” Hyungwon gasped and didn't remove his gaze, thighs trembling in Hoseok’s hold and entrance spasming in anticipation. “I missed it so much.”

Who was Hoseok to say no? He pushed his tongue into Hyungwon's tight body and picked up pace, enjoying the sounds and the way the gorgeous boy shivered below him.

“Can't wait to feel you around me, babe,” he groaned and pulled the younger man's body against his lips, almost lifting him from the sheets.

A gorgeous scream echoed through his bedroom as Hyungwon gripped the sheets above his head and pulled helplessly, whimpering when his voice didn't have the strength anymore.

“Please,” the black-haired boy begged, shivering repeatedly and throwing his head from side to side. “Please, Hoseok, please take me like this.”

_Like this?_

“Wait, let me get the lube and condom,” he murmured and let Hyungwon's lower body touch the sheets before reaching for the drawer and pulling out the small bottle and a plastic package.

As soon as he reached the bed, Hyungwon curled his fingers around his arms and pulled him on top of his slim body, still shivering a little under him. The black-haired boy was shaking his head as he pressed kisses to his lips, cheeks and nose before moving a little lower and sucking on the sensitive spot below his ear.

“I want to feel you like this, Hoseok, feel it all,” he whispered and sank his teeth right where it felt good as lean arms pulled him closer.

He moaned, pleasure numbing every coherent thought.

_He wants you bareback, Hoseok._

“You- are you sure?” was the only thing that he was able to pull out of himself in between his own low moans at Hyungwon’s ministrations.

“Yes, I want to feel you, fuck me bare, Hoseok,” the gorgeous boy whispered and bit into his neck again, leaving a mark.

He threw his head back, groaning, before he lubed up and threw Hyungwon's legs over his shoulders, pressing his tip against the black-haired man's entrance, contracting at the contact.

“I think I'm going crazy,” he whispered, increasing the pressure.

The boy below him was losing his mind, breathing roughly and gasping whenever Hoseok pushed further. His hands kept fisting his sheets, attempting to push closer, to have Hoseok fill him out. It seemed intense how despite the arousal that coursed through the gorgeous boy, the gigantic brown eyes remained focused on him, beautifully wide and affected, vulnerable even.

_It's there again. He trusts you, he trusts you completely._

He kept the air in his lungs before exhaling sharply and bridging the rest, thick length disappearing inside Hyungwon's tight body.

“Fuck,” he breathed out, not sure how to deal with the flood of different emotions and perceptions.

Hyungwon was breathing heavily, mouth open and eyes half-lidded. It must have felt so good, enough for the boy to shift his hips and moan again.

“Move, let me feel you,” the black-haired boy whispered and reached out to stroke over his cheeks and cup his face with both palms. The light was reflected gorgeously in his eyes, lips glistening from the pink tongue that licked over them. “I want you, Hoseok, I want you so much. You feel crazy, I can't feel anything else, just you.”

Hoseok felt the same, he wasn't able to think about anything else, his perceptions were focused on Hyungwon under him. He stretched out his hand and brushed over Hyungwon's caramel colored skin, blush covering his pretty cheeks. Curling his fingers around his head, he grabbed a fist full of the boy’s black hair and leaned down, licking into Hyungwon's mouth desperately, longing to feel more of him to keep his taste in his mouth and to feel like one entity.

Slim arms instantly wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer, even though it forced Hoseok to bend Hyungwon even further in half. Moans were leaving the plump lips and passed through their kiss, intense and overwhelmingly emotional, like they didn't want to separate. It almost seemed like the black-haired boy was drowning in him, but not in the pleasure alone, rather it seemed to be their closeness and the emotional connection they shared, overwhelming both of them.

“I need this, Hoseok, I need this so much,” Hyungwon whispered against his lips, holding onto his body desperately and contracting around him repeatedly, pulling him deeper into his body.

“I want you Hyungwon, all of you,” he whispered back against the plump, red lips that trembled a little as he moved back and slid into the boy's body in a sensual movement.

“You can have it all, Hoseok,” was the quiet reply, accompanied by a low moan, showing how much the black-haired boy was enjoying it, basking in the sensation of being filled out and kissed tenderly. “Please, take it.”

Hoseok wanted to be closer suddenly, so he pulled out and took Hyungwon’s arms, pulling him up and sitting down next to him.

“Come here and sit on me, I want to touch you more,” he hissed, tugging at Hyungwon's hand to not manhandle him unnecessarily.

The beautiful boy followed instantly and climbed on his lap, lean thighs arranging on each side of his muscular ones. Wrapping his arms around his neck, Hyungwon lifted his hips and bit down on his bottom lip, waiting for Hoseok to line up. His face was really close, each breath tickling his cheek.

He curled his hand around the base of his dick and waited for Hyungwon to sink down, his heart beat fast due to the anticipation.

The young man's facial expression was stunning as he slowly slid down, all the way until his thighs touched Hoseok’s and they were fully connected, big eyes staring at him.

“I love the way it feels, it's- so different,” Hyungwon whispered and leaned in to kiss his curved mouth, eyes fluttering shut like the boy wanted to feel everything, focus on the sensations. His fingers were dancing over Hoseok’s shoulders without aim and he didn't move yet, merely contracting repeatedly and squeezing Hoseok’s thick length. It was easy to tell that it had been a while with how tight the black-haired boy was again, straight erection twitching between his legs and brushing over his stomach.

“You are so beautiful like this,” Hoseok muttered and attached his lips to the boy's caramel skin, breathing his scent and drowning in the feeling of the gorgeous man's body around him.

“Would you- like me to move?” Hyungwon asked and lifted up until Hoseok’s tip rubbed over his rim, pulling a whimper from his lips, eyes shutting tightly. As if he wanted to make Hoseok feel good he moved minimally, just sliding the head along the tight ring repeatedly. The boy's lips parted at the sensation and his thighs shivered.

Hoseok went crazy because of his reactions and definitely not because of the mechanical act alone. Curling his hands around Hyungwon's firm butt, Hoseok pushed the young man down in a smooth movement while thrusting up.

He was blessed by an instant scream as nails dug into his shoulders and Hyungwon's whole body convulsed. It was like the younger man melted at his ministrations, moaning repeatedly and unable to contain himself. Building up a rhythm, the black-haired boy got faster, slamming his slim body down and basically screaming into Hoseok’s face each time that he hit the sensitive spot inside of him.

Hyungwon appeared delirious despite keeping up the speed, eyes fluttering shut constantly and remaining unfocused as he threw his head back and rolled his hips on top of him. The boy's straight erection was leaking against his stomach, responding to the building up pleasure even without being touched.

“Let me make you feel really good, babe, I want you to feel everything,” he whispered and stood up, taking Hyungwon's weightless body along and pressing his slim back against the wall on the left. His teeth nibbled along the boy's neck while he rolled his hips into the gorgeous body, moaning at the intensity that seemed overwhelming.

The boy in his arms turned into caramel, loosely holding onto his neck and pressing his head to the wall from the arousal that coursed through him. When another scream left Hyungwon's lips, the black-haired boy lifted his head and wrapped his arms tighter around Hoseok’s neck, meeting each thrust while keeping eye contact. It felt crazy, like the younger man was staring right through to him, lips trembling and eyes wide, moans echoing off the walls.

“Please,” he whispered suddenly until it turned into incessant begging, desperate and accompanied by shivers that passed through the boy's long legs. “Please, Hoseok, fucking please.”

Hoseok wanted to give him everything. Literally everything he had to offer, just to see his beautiful lips part and beg him to give him more, fuck, he was so gone.

“Take it, take me, baby,” he whispered against Hyungwon's pretty lips as he picked up pace, complying to the boy's repeated requests.

Unexpectedly the slim body tensed in his hold and the black-haired boy screamed, throwing his head against the wall and contracting around him repeatedly, pulling him even deeper as he released himself between their bodies. Hyungwon was breathing harshly, eyes half-lidded but still focused on Hoseok as he reached out and cupped his face with one hand, stroking over his cheek until he closed the distance and connected their lips.

He kissed back, holding the boy's body and leaning towards the touch as if it was a substitute for his pre-orgasmic arousal that pulsated along his body.

_You can't come inside him. You're not using a condom._

“Oh god,” he whispered, realization hitting him suddenly.

_You are having sex with your PhD student. Bareback. Fuck._

Thoughts started raining down, but Hyungwon leaned back and looked at him, beautiful brown eyes staring right into his and making him forget everything that he had been thinking about before.

“Where do you want me to come?” he asked between the kisses.

“Inside me,” Hyungwon whispered and kissed him again, not allowing them to separate for longer than a second as he rolled his hips sensually, pulling at Hoseok’s length inside of him.

Normally he would have argued and normally he would've pulled out and he wouldn't have fucked a PhD student bareback. He wouldn't have fucked a PhD student at all. But there he was, doing all that, moving his hips and kissing Hyungwon's addicting mouth and feeling how his muscles tensed and his orgasm exploded behind his eyelids while he released himself inside Hyungwon's body.

The beautiful boy gasped at the sensation and his eyes widened while his big hands held onto Hoseok’s shoulders tightly, keeping their bodies connected as well as he could. Plump lips kissed his face sensually, first his lips and nose but also his cheeks and each of his eyes, fluttering shut at the contact.

“This feels so crazy- really hot, almost like it's burning inside me,” Hyungwon whispered and crossed his legs behind his back, remaining attached.

“It's because I'm crazy, fuck,” he whispered, but kept the black-haired boy close, breathing heavily against his lips and staring into his big, brown eyes. “I'll bring you to the shower.”

Hyungwon licked over his lips and nodded. The younger man seemed so overwhelmed, holding onto him and pressing his face to his shoulder, lips hot against his sweat-covered skin.

Moving carefully, he finally reached the bathroom, stepping into the shower while still carrying Hyungwon's body. Holding the boy's butt with one hand, he turned on the water, hearing a surprised welp from the pretty lips that had been attached to his shoulder before.

“It's cold,” Hyungwon murmured and pressed himself flat against his chest, probably to keep some of the warmth while the water heated up. The boy's fingers were tender on his skin, like he wished to trace his body without applying too much pressure, caressing his back. “You’re really warm, it's calming.”

“But I did freeze before coming here. I didn't feel it, but my skin was red and cold, so I know.” Smiling, he kissed the other man's forehead and pulled out carefully, letting Hyungwon's feet touch the tiles.

“Oh god,” the black-haired boy hissed and pulled a face, lips disappearing in his mouth for a few seconds. “This is a little weird, but it felt amazing before, when you came inside me. I could really feel it.”

_Oh god, you're simply crazy, Hoseok._

“I- normally don't do something like this,” he murmured, grabbing the shower gel and soaping his body to distract his thoughts.

“Neither do I,” Hyungwon commented with a laugh before biting down on his lower lip and reaching behind himself, probably to get rid of Hoseok’s cum. It was easy to see it running down the back of the black-haired boy's thighs. “I bet it looks crazy when you pull out.”

“Uh, yes, there are some people who like it a lot and then they go for a second round creating a giant mess. Anyway, you didn't eat.“ He suddenly remembered that Hyungwon was still hungry.

Hyungwon frowned at his elaboration on ‘a giant mess’, obviously not intrigued before laughing suddenly, mouth opened wide and eyes turning into crescents. He was beautiful.

“I'm fine though, being close to you is way better than food,” the young man replied and hugged his waist before kissing his lips. Hyungwon was so affectionate, squeezing briefly while still smiling brightly.

“Ah, why are you like this?” he asked, not expecting an answer and hugged back, kissing the young man's lips gently, licking over his bottom lip and tasting his mouth while the water kept running down. It felt intimate especially with the way the black-haired boy remained close, breathing his scent.

“You know, I-" Hyungwon laughed again like he couldn’t believe he was about to say his next words. “I actually only fucked girlfriends without a condom and that's something different, so I'm pretty overwhelmed.” Hiding his face like he was a little embarrassed, the pretty boy closed his lips around a patch of skin next to Hoseok’s collarbone. “Thank you though, for always giving me what I want. It drives me mad.”

_He's your weakness._

“I couldn't say no. And you're bisexual?” he asked, surprised that Hyungwon could combine being active with women and being such a good boy with him.

The black-haired boy grinned suddenly.

“Yeah, surprised cause I'm such a good boy?” he asked, basically speaking Hoseok’s thoughts. “To be honest, I even dated a girl for two years before starting my PhD, but long distance is hard, so now I'm also in an intimate relationship with science. I really related to you on a spiritual level when you said that in Philadelphia.”

“You did what? Relate?” Hoseok didn't get what the words were supposed to mean, but nodded nevertheless. “Relationships don't fit in my ambitions and my overall situation, so there'll be nothing like this for me. And I'm gay, but you figured.” Hoseok winked and grabbed the boy's chin, pressing a soft kiss on his pretty lips.

The contact stole Hyungwon's attention for a few seconds until it returned and the black-haired boy appeared a little shy about getting distracted so easily.

“Ehm, relate to something- as in ‘feel the same’. I also feel like I'm dating science is my point,” he elaborated and brushed through his black, wet hair, revealing his forehead. It made him look a little older. “But I don't change personality with girls or anything, I like girls that know what they want, preferably me, so I adjust. But I gotta say I've never met anybody knowing exactly what I want as well as you do, fuck.”

“We just fit well, too well,” he whispered to himself, turning off the water. “Let's go to bed, I have a lot on tomorrow in the morning.”

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied with a smile and placed his palm on the faucet, chewing on his cheek. “Is it okay if I stay a little longer?”

“Sure, I'll brush my teeth and wait for you in bed.” Hoseok left the shower, brushing his teeth quickly and slipping under the warm blanket. He stared at the ceiling, trying to get rid of the continuous pulling in his insides, body knowing the issue before his brain came up with the explanation.

_You like him._

Biting down on his lip, he sucked in a long breath and tried to determine a course of action for a situation like this.

_You have to stop._

He couldn't tell the black-haired boy that he couldn't do it any longer after fucking him bareback, but he had to stop nevertheless.

_At work. Tell him at work, it fits so well, doesn't it?_

It did, but the thoughts filled his lungs with lead, breathing getting more and more difficult, reaction a sad confirmation of how far he had come without stopping himself and allowing it to get this far.

Hyungwon was quiet when he entered the bedroom and carefully slipped under the blanket, still beautifully naked and skin cool to the touch. As if the two of them had a routine the black-haired boy turned to his side and slipped closer until his legs and butt touched Hoseok’s groin. Sharing body warmth, Hyungwon reached behind himself and grabbed Hoseok’s arm, wrapping it around himself in a tight embrace. It was so intimate.

“I want to feel your breath on my neck, Hoseok, it makes me feel at ease,” the black-haired boy whispered and pulled himself even closer, relaxing in his arms like they were the safest place to be.

He wrapped his body around Hyungwon, breathing his scent and pressing his lips to the cool skin. It felt crazy, as if his state suddenly changed, even though the actions were the same.

He was so aware.

Aware of how the black-haired boy started breathing slower, cuddling against his body and relaxing in his embrace.

Aware of the longing to touch more, to kiss more, to feel more of what he felt just at this moment. 

Aware of the fact that he started feeling deeply for the beautiful man in his arms.

And aware of the fact that he wasn't allowed to enjoy it any longer. Although he really wanted it to last.

Keeping his eyes open, he forced himself to stay awake, to count the soft exhales, to touch and remember the smooth skin of Hyungwon's arms and stomach, how his hips shifted but then relaxed again, feeling Hoseok's embrace, and to remember how it felt to be so close.

_Just a little longer._

_But you have to stop._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 18th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But maybe I'm not ready for a confrontation, maybe it makes me weak, which is why I need distance to strengthen it, to support my resolution.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

The sheets were warm but his body felt surprisingly cold when Hyungwon finally opened his eyes. His alarm had ripped him from the depths of sleep, a simple one that consisted of a beep that got louder the longer it was ignored.

Throwing the thick blanket to the side, Hyungwon jumped up and ran to his jeans, fumbling out his phone and turning off the annoying beeping.

Hoseok had already left for work, probably hanging out at the office around 8AM. Hyungwon preferred it when the two of them got up together and muscular arms surrounded him when he opened his eyes, but getting up early simply wasn't a sacrifice he was willing to make.

Smiling a little at the messy state of the blanket, he made his way to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looked healthy apart from his swollen features, something he always had to deal with.

_Even in the mornings he finds you attractive though. He was going crazy yesterday._

Hyungwon smiled a little and brushed his teeth more furiously, attempting to keep himself from smiling like an idiot in front of the mirror. It was a little weird. He felt happy about the closeness he had enjoyed with the older man but he didn't want to point it out too much. It was intimate and he wanted to keep it that way.

Still smiling, he cleaned his face and got dressed, glancing around Hoseok’s apartment to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything. It really felt like he lived at the older man's place, sleeping there and enjoying Hoseok’s presence, familiar with his furniture and where to find a cup.

_Is that okay?_

Hyungwon wasn't too sure about that, especially considering how Hoseok had pointed out they shouldn't get too close in the beginning, but it made him happy so he was okay with it. Biting down on his bottom lip, he pulled out a few sheets of paper from his notebook that he used for thesis ideas and wrote a message each on several pages. It was a little cheesy, but he somehow liked the idea, especially when Hoseok came home from work, tired and exhausted from unreasonable demands.

_Maybe it'll cheer him up a little._

He folded each page prettily and placed it on a spot the older man would go. He started with the shoe rack in the hallway where Hoseok always put his shoes, continued with the bathroom next to the shower because that's what the older man did first. Another was arranged on top of the coffee machine and then another in the living room next to the bookshelf. Hyungwon placed the last one on the bed and sprinted out of the apartment, worried that he would be late for the lab meeting.

He was so strangely happy, like something good had happened that he couldn't pinpoint yet. It almost seemed like the time he had spent with the black-haired man had improved his mood tremendously. Only when he arrived at the university metro stop and walked on the plaza in front of the building, eyes scanning over the benches, did he realize what it must have been.

_He shared something with you, something personal even though he never does._

Lisa seemed a little shaken when he blew her a kiss upon unlocking his office, blowing one back and topping it off with a wink. It almost felt like Hyungwon's workload was manageable and attributing it all to getting laid was a little far-fetched, even if it had indeed been awhile.

_You're not that sex crazed, even if he seems to pull the desire from the depths of your being like liquid through a straw._

After the lab meeting and dealing with a child that attached to his leg and didn't want to leave, repeatedly proclaiming her love towards Hyungwon and promising to marry him, he finally returned to his office, empty because Sammy didn't work on Tuesdays.

Rolling a little closer to his laptop, Hyungwon opened his email and almost wanted to perform a somersault, had he been able to. There, in his mailbox, was a simple but clear email of acceptance, saying that his paper was accepted for publishing, the one Hoseok had supervised him in writing. It felt amazing, so amazing that his hands shook and he wanted to run over to the older man and close his arms around him, share the good news. It was his first accepted paper, the first one that would appear in a journal under his name, a work that was his.

_It's a real sign of science._

Jumping up, he almost overlooked a sheet of paper, a tiny note that was stuck next to his keyboard and asked him to see Hoseok as soon as he had the time.

_Perfect._

Unable to contain the smile on his face, Hyungwon almost sprinted out of his own office and shut the door quickly. He knocked on the older man's door right after, but couldn't wait for a response, ripping it open.

“Oh my god, you won't believe this, Hoseok,” he exclaimed happily and shut the door quickly to not freak out the poor workers that decided to stroll along the hallway.

The older man turned around and stared at him, chewing on his lip.

“What happened?” he asked, watching him intently.

Hyungwon instantly crossed the room and grabbed the older man's shoulders with his big palms, still smiling brightly.

“My paper was accepted! The one you helped me with, holy shit.” He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm his excitement. “It's my first one, I still can't believe it. I feel like a real scientist.” Not waiting for a reply, Hyungwon wrapped his arms around Hoseok and pressed him to his chest.

“I am not surprised, but I'm really happy about it. You did well, really well.” Hoseok's voice sounded strange and he also didn't make any attempts to hug him back, staying rigid instead.

It was a little uncomfortable and enough for Hyungwon to loosen his grip on the black-haired man. He leaned back sufficiently to look at Hoseok’s face, attempting to comprehend if something was the matter. It wasn't like him to just not react.

_Maybe Regina told him something, reminded him of giving up love for science._

“Are you okay?” he asked, licking over his lips once.

Hoseok shook his head and looked up, intense gaze piercing his insides with its emotional valence.

“I have to stop this.” The older man's voice was barely a whisper, but he held his gaze nevertheless, fingers curling around the armrests tightly.

Hyungwon's eyes widened in confusion, jumping from Hoseok’s determined gaze to the insecurity in his grip and finally to the way the familiar curved lips pressed together. He couldn't understand what the older man was talking about. What could have made him so uncomfortable? Enough to not even hug him back.

“Stop what? Did Regina say something to you again? What happened?” The determined gaze was scary, so Hyungwon tried to change it somehow, letting his hands travel downwards from Hoseok’s shoulders and stopping at the muscular chest. The other man's heart was beating fast against his fingertips.

Hoseok looked at him, painful expression obvious on his face, not fitting to the situation at all.

“I have to stop being close to you, Hyungwon. It's too much, I can only be your supervisor from now on. But I will do my best, I swear,” Hoseok pressed out and closed his eyes for a second before catching his gaze again. He looked focused and determined, despite the obvious pain.

_It's you, he's uncomfortable because of you._

The previous excitement and euphoria seemed to be sucked out of his body like through a drain, leaving a strange numbness that Hyungwon didn't know how to deal with. It felt like a dream, something that wasn't really happening to him. It was almost like any second the older man would chuckle lowly and pull him into his embrace.

He didn't control his facial expression and even if he had been aware enough, he wouldn't have known what the most appropriate response was. Was he supposed to be calm? Nonchalant? Shrug it off and look for somebody else? Hyungwon didn't know, none of the typical responses seemed to fit his emotional state. There was just nothing, numbness with an unpleasant burning that slowly spread through his chest.

_Why would he do this if it hurts him too? Why would he hurt you and himself?_

Hyungwon felt his lip tremble, unable to help it as his hands tightened in Hoseok’s shirt, still not letting go.

“Why? Did I do something you didn't like?” he asked but his voice didn't sound like his own, strangely artificial.

Hoseok shook his head again, swallowing repeatedly before he seemed to regain his determination and looked up at him.

“You didn't do anything bad, you're perfect. It's me, I can't do it. I have to stop. It's getting out of hand and it's already gone way too far, so I have to stop doing it. It doesn't mean that I don't want to see you. It's just a different kind of relationship. You can always come to me if you have a problem or a question.” Hoseok's low voice spoke the words as if the older man had practiced saying them earlier, it seemed fluent and a little automatic.

Hyungwon could have almost laughed at how staged and typical it sounded, but the hurt and the anger and sheer frustration that slowly mixed into it didn't let him. It was bullshit, as if the older man was breaking up with him, pushing the blame on himself like in some stupid romance novel. He wanted to punch the muscular chest in front of him, but he didn't, only holding on tighter instead.

“What are you talking about? You make it sound like we are dating, we're not- we're just- it's just a deal, Hoseok. Simple and beneficial.” His voice shook as he spoke, making him seem even less credible than he felt as all the cases during which he wondered if they were too close came back to him.

_You're intimate, you were intimate all this time._

“We're not,” Hoseok whispered, biting down on his lip. “But this deal is getting too much for me, so I have to pass. But it's just a deal, so you can easily get something similar and I will keep being your supervisor, just like it’s supposed to be.” The older man licked over his lips and sighed, staring at a spot next to his chin.

_It's not that easy. It's not that fucking easy._

Hyungwon held his breath for a few seconds, hands remaining curled into tight fists that held onto Hoseok’s shirt. It felt like he was being dramatic and he really didn't want to be, but breaking off the deal wasn't as simple as the older man made it seem.

“How the fuck do you expect that to work? Do you think I can just walk into your office, talk to you about issues and my paper and magically forget about the way you feel inside me? How do you expect me to do this? I couldn't even do it before, how the flying fuck am I supposed to do it now?” His voice was firm but still quiet, anger bubbling under the surface and only growing with the hurt that fueled it, the pain at the sudden and unexpected rejection after opening up and finally having the older man do the same.

_But that's the reason, he opened up and panicked, pushing you away._

It made Hyungwon feel so helpless, like it didn't matter what he said or thought, Hoseok would still push him away and move on, continue the way he did before.

_He abandoned someone he loved before, what the fuck are you in comparison?_

The strong hands curled around his wrists and pressed down, forcing his long fingers to loosen their grip on the older man's shirt instantly as Hoseok turned towards his screen.

“How you're going to do it? Just like I'm going to do it, Hyungwon. In the same way,” Hoseok whispered as a knock sounded on his door and Lisa stuck her face through the door crack and looked at him in surprise.

“I hate you a little right now, because it hurts,” Hyungwon whispered back before turning towards Lisa and forcing out a smile. He didn't say anything else as he made his way to the door and squeezed past the still surprised girl. He wasn't ready for confrontation and had no strength to explain himself. He just wanted to disappear in his office and be alone, deal with the mess that were his emotions.

Once he sat down on his office chair and stared at his screen, the email that had conjured a smile upon his face still opened, he almost laughed at the change of feelings. He felt more like crying than like laughing, burning remaining in his chest and only getting worse with every additional thought.

It wasn't just about sex. Hoseok was turning back all of their relationship, the hugs, the affectionate touches, the fingers that cupped his face, all of it. How was Hyungwon supposed to treat him like a supervisor without thinking of all of the small gestures and caresses? How was that supposed to work?

The thoughts alone hurt, forcing a familiar burning into his eyes that scared him. He wasn't supposed to feel this way about breaking off a deal, he was meant to be calm and shrug it off, find himself someone new who provided him with the same things. Even if Hoseok was special and one of a kind it was no reason to react the way he did, body shaking from the pain that took over his chest.

Sex wasn't supposed to be that important and neither were the touches and the affection he was given. He should have been happy about his paper being accepted and continue with work, drown in the one thing that he filled his life with, his passion and his driving force.

Instead, he was sitting in his office, holding onto the edge of his desk so tightly that his knuckles turned white. His body was shaking a little as his eyes blurred and Hyungwon saw a tear drop on the light brown surface, reflecting his devastated face and sending him a clear message. It was almost as clear as the miniscule drop of liquid.

_You're in too deep, Hyungwon._

 

_

 

It seemed like he had transformed into a robot, mechanically fulfilling his tasks and sliding from one occurrence in his life to the next. There was nothing he could do, no confrontation he could seek, nobody he could tell.

Hyungwon was caught in a cell that he had forced himself into, just to realize that he wished to escape, right when the lock shut.

The girls kept asking him if he was okay, if there was something that bothered him, but he wasn't able to tell them. The deal had been a secret one, meant to occur behind the back of their co-workers. Just because it was over didn't mean that he could tell everybody.

_You make it sound like a relationship._

Because that's what it felt like. Hyungwon had been the one to joke about Hoseok pushing it too far and making it sound like they were breaking up, but that was exactly what the sensation in his chest entailed, throbbing whenever he thought of the older man.

Hyungwon hated it, he hated it so much. He hated the feeling in his chest and he hated himself for not realizing that it had gradually developed in the background, affection appearing without him wanting it too.

_And you hate him for forcing you to deal with it on your own._

Hoseok was a fucking liar. He had told him to still share problems with him and keep their supervisor student relationship but instead of following through the professor had just disappeared, running away to Berlin for a project that wasn't even relevant to his work.

_He's just escaping from you because he doesn't want to deal with your feelings._

It hurt and he couldn't have imagined how much yearning to see somebody you weren't allowed to touch anymore could hurt. Hyungwon wasn't naive, he had ended relationships before, been upset and missed the closeness and affection he had enjoyed before, but none of it had felt the way he did now. Like somebody tied a metal chain around him and kept squeezing, forcing the air out of him and stepping on his heart once it stopped throbbing for a second.

His whole life was intertwined with the older man. When he came home, he was met with the sight of both PhD theses Hoseok had lent him, other books he borrowed to read, candy that the black-haired man had given him but that he kept to eat later. It was ridiculous. Hyungwon had always believed that there was nothing at home for him, but now the simplest things reminded him of Hoseok and the fact that he couldn't be close, not even platonically because the professor had escaped to Berlin.

_Because he doesn’t want to see how miserable he made you. He broke it off because of you, he saw the way you respond to him before you did._

The feeling of emptiness hit right back as Hyungwon bit into the next chunk of his sandwich, tasting like nothing and reflecting his internal state. He couldn't let himself go, not in front of the girls and not at work. Regina would have instantly found something to pressure him with, forcing him to do more while threatening to fire him. It was too much at once.

Hyungwon had already received an email that accused him of getting too relaxed, believing that Hoseok would save his incompetence just because he was pretty. It hurt and only added to the thoughts in his head, moving into directions he was scared to follow.

_It's like you're falling apart. Even work reminds you of him. Every line you write screams his name because he told you how to do it._

“I still don't get why the hell he went to Berlin, they mainly do language,” Anna pointed out and shrugged her shoulders, sipping on the last bits of her soup. Hyungwon's still had more than half of his sandwich. He was shit at pretending.

Hypotheses were thrown around, suggestions like hidden girlfriends that made the girls giggle and play around. Hyungwon didn't pay attention and mainly forced himself to appear normal instead of the hollow human body he felt like.

A small hand reached out and squeezed his palm that had curled into a fist.

“Hyungwon, are you unwell? I know I asked this already but you worry me a little. Is it too much work? You stay really long.” Lisa’s voice was careful, like she worried about him getting defensive and avoiding her questions. That was what he had done the past week the older man had been gone.

Hyungwon shook his head and smiled, taking another bite out of his sandwich. He struggled to sleep but he had hoped that make-up was able to cover that. It should have been perfect with the right motion of his facial muscles, but he must have forgotten how that worked and felt.

“Is-" Lisa instantly reduced the volume of her voice, leaning closer. “Is Regina giving you a hard time because Hoseok is gone?”

“Yeah, a little, but it's okay, I can deal with it.”

It was almost ridiculous how the depreciating behavior and words of his supervisor had been the reason for his tears before, only to turn into an excuse to cover his unhealthy infatuation with an older man. It just made him want to cry again, fuck.

“Sorry, I have another meeting in a bit,” he muttered quickly and stood up, need to escape the situation almost overwhelming. He hated it when the numbness broke. He had to keep up a pretense, seem alright when Hoseok returned instead of pathetic.

_It won't stay like this forever, will it?_

It wouldn't, but the thought didn't make it hurt any less.

Hyungwon's hands were shivering when he held onto the railing in the elevator, begging his body and mind to remain calm instead of returning to the way the older man lay on top of him, stroking over his face and acting impossibly affectionate, like he cared. Hoseok had dried his tears, embraced him, calmed him down, made him feel good. Were all those things gone now? Why did he give them in the first place if he planned on ripping them out of Hyungwon's hands right after?

His steps echoed through the hallway as there were no other sounds. Everybody was on their lunch break, only he wasn't able to eat, drowning in his own pointless heartbreak.

When he stopped in front of his office, Hyungwon couldn't resist a glance to the side, staring at the familiar dark purple door, one of the reasons he wasn't able to distract himself. The older man was everywhere, tainting all of his experiences.

It was pathetic and somebody could have seen him, but he stepped closer and let his fingers run over the handle, imagining how he would press it down and step into the familiar office, be met with a smile instead of the pained expression he had seen last.

_You miss him, you miss him so fucking much that it feels like dying._

The door suddenly opened and he was met with the painfully familiar face, dark brown eyes staring and widening at the sight.

It felt like time stood still, freezing the blood in his veins as Hyungwon's eyes jumped from the familiar gaze, to the beautiful curved lips that were able to move up in a gorgeous smile but didn't. Hoseok looked so familiar and Hyungwon just wanted to reach out and touch him, but he couldn't, he fucking couldn't and it hurt.

“Hey,” Hoseok whispered, stepping back a little.

The older man's voice broke something in his resolve, low and pleasant as it seemed to pass through the air and make his body tremble. Hyungwon had wanted to be composed and appear unbothered, strong and nonchalant, everything but attached and infatuated. He had hoped that he would be able to pretend and convince Hoseok that it wasn't as meaningful as the older man had assumed.

But he wasn't able to. Instead, his eyes burned and his lips trembled from the painful sensation in his chest as he stared at the familiar face and wasn't able to say anything, nothing at all.

“Did you- want to see me?” The older man stepped further into his office.

Hyungwon swallowed and didn’t reply immediately. The honest answer was yes, but not in the sense that Hoseok was asking. The older man probably assumed that he wanted to discuss something, research, science, his work or something equally meaningless compared the sensation that kept spreading through his chest and abdomen the longer he remained standing in front of the gorgeous man. It was overwhelming, like being thrown into the ice-cold sea in the middle of nowhere without the ability to swim. Hoseok had taught him a lot of things but Hyungwon wished he would have taught him to deal with the emotions that coursed through him.

“I did,” he whispered eventually and finally let his hand rest at his side. It had remained in the air after the black-haired man had opened the door. “I didn’t know- that you returned.”

“I just wanted to take my hard drive and work from home the rest of the day. Did something happen?” Hoseok's hands jerked a little before he put them into the pockets of his black suit pants.

Hyungwon’s eyes stared at the motion, expecting something else to happen that didn’t. It almost seemed like the older man had the same inherent reaction, the same almost automatic wish to touch him. Was it normal? Did other people also deal with the same struggles? It felt so unique and intense, like there was nobody who could have comprehended the way Hyungwon’s hands shivered and he struggled to speak, hoping that the tears that collected in his eyes wouldn’t roll down his cheeks and reveal his state. He wanted to seem strong and grown up, not like an overly attached child. Fuck.

“No, not really. Nothing- nothing major,” Hyungwon whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds to stop the sight, to interrupt the way Hoseok’s facial expression seemed to engrave itself in his brain.

“You can tell me, because I have a few minutes now.” The older man’s voice didn't sound like him at all.

“It’s- nothing I would want to bother you with, just the usual. I just realized what it’s like when you’re not there, unable to stand up against her. It’s fine, that also teaches me something.” He spoke fast to get the words out before his voice cracked and he wasn’t able to finish. His knees wanted to give out but he didn’t let them, slowly turning around instead and feeling how the first tear made its way past his eyes, traveling along his cheek like a line of burning fire, so hot compared to the temperature of his skin. It felt so much realer, seeing Hoseok like that and knowing that he couldn't touch him. It took away the dream-like feeling that Hyungwon had kept, the hope that he just imagined the end of their deal, that Hoseok would return and be just like before. But he wasn’t.

The older man kept up the distance while Hyungwon was slowly making his way to his office and curling his long fingers around the handle, barely able to breath with how the tears clogged up his airways.

“Hyungwon, wait,” he heard the older man's voice before a hand curled around his wrist and he was pulled with an insane strength, almost flying into the older man's office, before the door closed behind him.

“You don't have to stand up against her alone, I just needed a little time, I'll be back in the next few days.” Hoseok looked at his shoulder instead of his face, licking over his curved lips, and immediately let go of his wrist.

It was unfair. Hyungwon had tried so hard to not cry in front of the older man, only to be directly in front of him, facing his gorgeous face while still feeling the warmth of his fingers around his wrist, even though the touch had already disappeared. It seemed like his head was collecting the details, holding on to them desperately and not allowing him to forget and to distract himself, only enhancing his attention on the slow breaths that seemed to brush over his collarbones.

“How do you- how do you expect me to just- to just come here and tell you how hard work is when it’s not the same?” He should have stayed with the safe topic, stayed with work and the one thing that still connected them but he couldn’t. Instead, he confronted the older man with his fears and inability to be composed and just cried in front of him like a child, tears running down his face that had nothing to do with the pressure at work. “I can’t just- switch it off like a button.”

The black-haired man looked up and froze, probably realizing that he was crying. His eyes widened and he bit down on his lower lip, chewing on it nervously.

“Are you having a hard time because of this? But why?” Hoseok whispered.

_Why?_

The answer would have been easy, a mixture of infatuation, attraction, the way the older man had filled out every area of his life instead of just one, leaving it empty and meaningless with his departure. But it wasn’t something he could say, not if he hoped to change something. Hoseok had broken it off because of seeing his behavior, he couldn’t just confirm the older man’s decision by agreeing to it, revealing and saying it out loud.

_You can’t show him too much, Hyungwon. You simply can’t._

“Because you’re everywhere, even when you’re in Berlin,” he muttered eventually, sniffing briefly before turning to the side. He didn’t want Hoseok to see him cry, not like this. It felt vulnerable and like he was showing something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Should I go away for a while? Would it make it easier?” Hoseok fumbled with his fingers, watching his face intently.

Hyungwon would have almost laughed at that, had he not been too worried about choking on his own tears. He sniffed again and shook his head quickly while collecting his strength to reply. Leaving didn’t change anything, it only made it worse, frozen in time without the possibility to interact and deal with it, to see change and gain experience with a Hoseok that was everything but affectionate. Maybe it would be easier like that? Feeling the distance and understanding that it was real and not something he hoped to be a dream.

“No, it just freezes time, keeping everything the way it is, like a prison cell,” he whispered and still didn’t dare to look at the older man, watching his tears drip on the ugly carpet instead, creating dark spots. He didn’t want to pressure the older man with seeing him like this but his emotions didn’t give a single shit about that, simply bursting out like they had only waited for Hoseok to appear in front of him.

“Don't cry. I'm sorry, it's not worth your tears.” The older man stretched out his hand but pulled it back again.

“Just- just do what you wanted to do and we’ll see,” Hyungwon forced out and attempted to walk past the black-haired man, rubbing over his eyes to get rid of the tears while hopefully keeping the make-up. He still had a meeting later and really didn’t want to explain himself, he’d had enough of that over the past week. “Return to your free self, but please don’t expect me to share my concerns, it’s hard.”

“That's exactly the reason why I didn't want to do it in the first place, fuck,” Hoseok hissed and closed the door behind him.

Hyungwon inhaled sharply and quickly made his way to his office, struggling with the key until he finally managed to open it and closing the door soundly behind himself.

_He didn’t want to start because it would be difficult afterwards?_

That might have been true, but it had been difficult before too. Hyungwon hadn’t wanted to open up and tell the older man about his concerns until they got closer and affectionate. If they hadn’t gotten as close as they did, he might not have told Hoseok about his problems with Regina and his fear of not being good enough. The development was something that came gradually, in combination with their relation to each other.

_It wouldn’t be like this if he hadn’t ended it._

But Hoseok did and there was nothing Hyungwon could do about it apart from attempting to get himself under control and pretend that he was perfectly fine.

 

***

 

It was hell. He had come home after cutting through his routine, their relationship and his heart, and read all the notes Hyungwon had left everywhere, pouring salt into his wounds and rubbing over it mercilessly.

He had been barely able to handle it, running off to a friend of his instead, working like crazy and giving guest lectures on a topic he taught himself on a lonely evening.

_Nice to be smart._

He had spent the days working and strolling around Berlin. He also had sex once, bringing a pretty black-haired boy back to his hotel room and lying to himself that the thing with Hyungwon would mean nothing if he distracted himself more.

But he had to come back eventually, so he did, dropping by his office to get his hard drive. Hyungwon was there, standing in front of his door like a magical creature, beautiful, delicate, gorgeous, crying and blaming him for having a hard time. Hoseok wanted to touch him so badly, to wipe away his tears and to kiss him like he had imagined it countless times while lying in his hotel bed in Berlin.

But it was stupid, all of it. Hyungwon had told him to be free and to not expect him to share his worries, even though it had been the thing Hoseok was worried about the most.

_Maybe you should leave._

The idea wasn't that bad, but he had to find a replacement. Someone who was able to supervise the girls till the end and who was able to take care of Hyungwon as well.

_Maybe a job rotation for a year? You haven't been to London for a long time._

Biting down on his lip, Hoseok wrote an email to his professor friend at the UCL and asked whether he was still up for a job rotation and to visit him for a week to take a look at the faculty. They had been on a date once and had talked about job rotation before.

_Running away is the solution for all of your problems, isn't it?_

It was and he hadn't left his office, asking Lisa to get him a coffee like a dick, just to avoid seeing Hyungwon and cracking. It was way harder than he had imagined it to be. He didn't think that Hyungwon would cry and have a hard time, he had thought that the gorgeous boy would immediately distract himself and not give a shit about him and his struggles, but he must've been wrong.

Packing his stuff and his hard drive, Hoseok threw the leather jacket over his shoulders and left the office. The elevator doors started closing and he ran over, only to see the painfully familiar face slowly disappearing behind them. He froze in place, unable to move and stood in front of the closed doors for at least a few minutes, hoping that Hyungwon was long gone.

_You can't handle it._

He ran down the stairs, bullshitting himself that the quick heartbeat resulted from the physical activity.

Once he arrived at the bottom of the stairs, he was met with the sight of a slim body, leaning against the wall of the exit and brown eyes that stared at him. Hyungwon had one leg propped up against the dirty grey tapestry and chewed on his bottom lip, hands buried deep in the pockets of his ripped jeans.

_He waited._

_Fuck._

Hoseok sucked in a breath and forced himself to smile in a friendly way instead of staring at Hyungwon's gorgeous legs or his caramel skin or his full lips, red from the constant chewing.

“Going home?” he asked, even though it was fucking obvious.

“Yeah, I'm guessing you too,” Hyungwon whispered and pushed himself off the wall, stepping a little closer.

He hummed, getting the chills, just from the fact that the black-haired boy was so close that he could've simply pulled him towards his chest and connected their lips like he wanted to. But, no, he wasn't supposed to, so he looked ahead of himself, watching the concrete and the ugly spots on top of it.

“You stayed late. Do you have a lot of work at the moment? I'm not quite updated because I was gone,” he murmured to keep some kind of conversation going.

“There is some, but it's alright, there are worse things than work,” the black-haired boy replied and fell into step with him, sneakers rubbing over the concrete in a regular pattern, constantly reminding Hoseok of his presence. “The girls are a little upset about your sudden disappearance, especially after you just came back.”

“Yeah, but they know me, running away is my coping strategy of choice.” He chuckled and stared at the schedule before glancing at his watch. “Five minutes, we’re lucky.”

“But don’t you think that it sucks for the other person? Maybe some kind of confrontation is necessary to develop a strategy to deal with it, but with your absence one merely remains stuck with the way it was when you left.” Hyungwon spoke calmly, different from the way he had a few hours ago in Hoseok’s office, crying and staining the carpet with his tears. The black-haired boy pushed a stray beer cap around with the tip of his shoe and stared at the ground.

“But maybe I'm not ready for a confrontation, maybe it makes me weak, which is why I need distance to strengthen it, to support my resolution,” he replied, picking up the cap and throwing it into the bin next to Hyungwon.

The young man suddenly looked up, eyes widening a little and hands remaining in his pockets.

“Why would you need to strengthen your resolution? I thought this was about me and I’m sorry for being pathetic and crying in your office, but I couldn’t help it. I’m not trying to change your mind, at least not purposefully, I just-” Hyungwon sighed and removed his right hand from his jeans, brushing through his black bangs instead, uncovering his forehead for a few seconds. He looked tired. “I don’t even know. I just thought it’s about me. Why would you break the deal if you aren’t 100 percent behind the decision?”

_He thinks that it's because of him? What kind of bullshit is that?_

He stared at the beautiful black-haired boy, sucking in his features for a few seconds before he licked his lips and sighed.

“It's not about you, you idiot. Regina ruined your perception. I stopped this because of myself and how I react to you. No need to feel all guilty, you didn't do anything.” He looked to the side, watching as the train approached.

“The way you react to me? But-” Hyungwon stopped talking because the sound of the train braking was too loud, doors opening with a beeping noise. Once they were inside, the black-haired boy stepped a little closer, chewing on his cheek like he wanted to continue the conversation but wasn’t sure how. A few moments passed during which warm breath tickled his neck, followed by sharp inhales. “But I thought that the one reacting was me.”

_This is even worse than you thought._

“Maybe. But it wasn't the reason. I decided because of my own perception, no need to feel bad about that.” He swallowed and brushed his hair back, glancing to the side. The boy's proximity was too tempting.

“But this makes no fucking sense, Hoseok. If you stopped this because of your own response, then why did you have to stop in the first place? What’s the problem with your response?” Hyungwon lifted his right palm and pressed it to the glass next to Hoseok’s head before it curled around one of the poles, giving the boy hold as the train shook. Hyungwon’s breaths were still brushing along his skin, a side effect of how close the tall boy was standing.

Hyungwon was a tease and something told him that the boy would grab his weakness and squeeze it as soon as he got hold of it.

“It does make sense to me. I have to stop because I don't want it. I don't want this response, I want to live in peace and work without having to think about anything else.” Their station approached and he stepped forward, stopping in front of the exit and got out as soon as the heavy metal doors opened.

The black-haired boy stepped out after him, remaining behind him as he made his way up the stairs to their common exit. Hyungwon didn’t say anything, staring at his own feet and the way one foot was placed in front of the next. Only when they reached the top, the place where they always went their separate ways, did the young man look up.

“That’s not living, that sounds like hell to me,” he muttered and bit down on his lip, hurt obvious as he turned around quickly, almost like he didn’t want Hoseok to see his emotional response. “Maybe you shouldn’t have kept Regina from firing me then, would have made the peace easier without having to run away.”

“And this is the reason why we shouldn't be together. Don't worry, you don't have to go anywhere, I'll take care of this myself. I'm used to running away from things that are dear to me. Have a nice evening, Hyungwon.” He turned around and walked towards his apartment slowly. Actually, he didn't really want to go, because everything reminded him of Hyungwon.

He heard sudden steps behind him, quick and rushed until slim arms curled around his waist and stopped him. Fingers intertwined at his navel and a warm chest attached to his back, pointy nose pressing into the back of his neck.

_Oh no._

His breath hitched and he froze in place, not knowing what to do. Hyungwon felt so warm and familiar, like a dear memory that you wanted to hold on to and never let go because it made you happy.

“This is hard,” he whispered, suppressing the wish to stroke over the boy's fingers in front of his abdomen.

“I’m really bad at avoiding things that are dear to me,” Hyungwon whispered against the pale skin of his neck and rested his forehead on Hoseok’s shoulder, arms tightening around him like he was afraid Hoseok was going to rip them off.

“And I thought we were perfectly compatible. Seems like we're not.” He kept his hands off, but leaned a little to the side to feel more of Hyungwon against himself.

The black-haired boy didn’t reply and merely inhaled deeply, keeping the air in his lungs for an extended period of time. A few strands of his hair tickled the transition to Hoseok’s shoulders.

“We don’t have to be to want this,” the low voice whispered behind him until he suddenly felt the sensation of hot lips at his nape, plump and careful as they pressed a kiss to his skin before moving back, closely followed by the arms around his waist loosening.

It felt so good, as if he only had to reach behind himself, to turn around and to take the slim body, pull it into his embrace, it was so easy.

_But it isn't._

The warm body disappeared, allowing the cold to engulf him and chase away the remnants of Hyungwon’s touch. Hoseok could hear steps behind him, slow and hesitant like the black-haired boy gave him time to stop him. The feeling of lips at his nape remained as the steps kept getting quieter and quieter until they faded away into the silence.

_You cannot stop him. There's nothing you can offer._

He stayed for a few minutes, watching the sky and the buildings, the concrete under his feet and the plants ripping it apart. But pain was normal, wasn't it supposed to hurt once or twice and stop for good.

 

_

 

It didn't stop. It continued hurting, no matter how much he had tried to avoid the beautiful, black-haired boy. A week passed and he simply drowned in work, not having any second to breathe at all.

Coming home at midnight, he just showered and collapsed on his bed, sleeping like a coma patient. It was easier like this, there was nothing to think about and nothing to expect besides data.

_But you can't avoid him forever, Hoseok. You're his supervisor, you're in Munich because of him._

He started feeling tired when he came to work, eyes falling shut due to the lack of sleep, but he had wanted to be a good supervisor, so he knocked on Hyungwon's door, walking in and throwing himself on a chair.

“So, tell me about your project, the status of your dissertation, your conference presentations and new data.”

The black-haired boy almost dropped the cup of tea he was holding and stared at him with wide eyes, sucking up his features like he doubted he was real.

“W- what?” he stuttered and stared at the screen that was covered by a gigantic and messy SPSS file. “Now?”

“Yes, now. You told me that you can't talk to me about your problems, fine, then talk to me about work. I'm listening.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and spread his legs for comfort, raising an eyebrow and acting nonchalant even though he was basically dying on the inside from every single gesture and delicate twitch of the gorgeous boy's face.

“But-" Hyungwon chewed on his bottom lip for a bit and clicked away the file, opening a random unfinished presentation document instead. “There isn't even anything of relevance to talk about. There is just the fact that my paper was accepted and apart from that it's a sad story.”

“What? A sad story? I like sad stories, those are easy to associate with. Be structured or unstructured, just tell me about it. Or did you decide to not talk to me anymore?” he asked, genuinely wondering whether Hyungwon was angry at him.

The violent head shake was immediate as the black-haired boy shifted on his office chair and pressed his legs together, visibly nervous and concerned. It was easy to see how the boy's big eyes constantly shifted to Hoseok’s face and body, travelling downwards until the young man stopped himself and returned his attention to the screen.

“No, it's just that nothing correlates and I can't change it which makes me the bad guy. You know, killing the messenger?” Sighing, Hyungwon clicked through his presentation and stopped at a correlation table. “We thought that two perspective taking tasks correlate, which makes perfect sense because they measure the same thing, right? Well, guess what, someone fucked up the coding, so apparently they don't anymore with the corrected coding.”

“I see, what do you plan on doing about this? What did Regina say?” Hoseok rolled a little closer to look over the table properly.

Hyungwon's body tensed, but the younger man didn't move away, instead he inhaled sharply and pointed at a few null correlations.

“She said- well, the usual.” The black-haired man didn't elaborate further and merely shrugged. “I'm trying to make sense of it. Maybe there is something in the task we weren't aware of.”

“Ah, that reminds me that I wanted to watch you supervise an experiment once, when is your next testing? I'll watch.” He turned to Hyungwon, watching how his eyes widened.

“Oh god,” the boy whispered quietly. “I'll fuck up.”

“Huh? Why? Because of me? I don't think so. I'm just really curious because our kids are older. And I heard all those good things about you and maybe you can broaden my horizons.” It was too late, he had already said it without monitoring his words, so he kept looking into Hyungwon's eyes like a creep.

He could see the gorgeous, plump lips part slowly almost as if the beautiful man instantly had mental imagery occurring behind his eyelids, blush appearing where it hadn't been and big eyes glancing to the side to avoid his gaze. It was so familiar, the same way he had seen him act so many times when they were intimate. It was a struggle not to react.

“You heard good things about me?” Hyungwon asked quietly, shifting again.

“Yes, the girls told me, lots of times, so I wanted to see for myself if you're any good in testing kids,” he commented and winked because he was flirty and it didn't matter whether it had been a random hot guy or the person he really, really liked and should've actually stayed away from.

“I'm pretty good with kids if getting love confessions and marriage proposals is anything to judge by.” A beautiful smile appeared on Hyungwon's face and he winked back, crossing his long legs and leaning back on his office chair. The loose sweatshirt he was wearing slipped a little lower on his shoulder, revealing the outline of his collarbone and a small mole right next to it. “You could watch me tomorrow.”

“I will. Is there anything else you want to share?” he asked and prepared to stand up.

There was silence for a few seconds until the boy's face turned serious and his hands tightened in his slim thighs.

“I miss you.”

His lips parted in a rough exhale and he couldn't help staring at Hyungwon's beautiful body, his face and eyes, lips and cheekbones, neck and collarbones, all of it. He wanted to give an explanation, a clear answer, a cut that made everything easier, but he wasn't able to.

“I miss you too. But it's inevitable.”

Hyungwon hummed as he turned away and stared at his desk, trying to distract himself by clicking meaningless buttons on his screen.

“But you're the only one who decided that.”

“But it's been three weeks, why don't you get a distraction? You're gorgeous, you can have all the fun in the world and forget about this, why?” Hoseok didn't know whether he had been asking himself or Hyungwon at this point.

There was a shaky breath that left the younger man before the big brown eyes returned to his face, expression soaked with hurt and something else. Hyungwon's lower lip shook a little, obvious through the small mole in the middle of it.

“Because fun is not what I want, Hoseok,” he murmured. White teeth bit down on the soft surface as Hyungwon glanced away again, almost like he protected himself by hiding his response.

_Was what you had no fun then?_

“If you don't want fun, the deal must have not been fun for you. I'm sorry. But then I don't know what you might want and I can't give anything because my emotions are a mess inside my head.”

One corner of the black-haired boy's mouth lifted in a barely present grin, bitter somehow.

“You called me an idiot for thinking this is about me, but I think you are the idiot. It's not the fun I'm lacking, it's what goes beyond that, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered and brushed through his hair, messing up the beautiful locks and adding contrast to the caramel skin of his neck. He shivered a little, like talking was painful to him somehow. “I told you what I'm missing.”

“Me? But I came back and I'm also trying really hard not to avoid you. I'm here. There shouldn't be anything to miss,” he whispered.

_But you miss him too. Isn't it the same?_

He wanted to touch Hyungwon so badly, to let his fingers run along his cheek and hair, pulling him into a soft kiss and make it better for both of them, but he couldn't. “I can't do more because I'm in too deep. It's painful now and it'll create more pain later on, so let's just keep it like this.” He stood up and crossed the distance to the door, grabbing the handle tightly. “But I'm sorry if I hurt you. I really didn't mean to.”

Hyungwon just hummed as he turned away and gripped the edge of the desk tightly.

_What a mess. You shouldn’t have started this in the first place._

He opened the door and left the boy’s office, returning to his flood of emails and asking himself why he felt like shit even though he did everything to prevent it.  


_  
  


He went down to the lab earlier to say hi to the girls who had their offices downstairs due to the lack of space upstairs. The family had already arrived and he played with the little boy until he heard slow steps approaching from behind. The kid climbed on top of his lap and pointed at Hyungwon who opened the door and glanced inside. It must’ve been a consecutive testing as the kid recognized the boy immediately and ran over to him.

“Wow, you did me dirty like this?” Hoseok asked and pouted playfully, pointing at Hyungwon.

It was obvious how confused the little boy was as he pointed at his clothes and said ‘not dirty’, before hugging the PhD student’s long leg. A gorgeous smile appeared on Hyungwon’s lips as he pulled the little boy up and embraced him, nodding briefly towards the mother.

“Great to see you again, Maximilian, the two of us have a lot of games for today.” The black-haired boy’s smile was charming and almost infectious as he gestured towards his fellow PhD student. It must have been Aurora as it was a pretty girl with dark hair and pale skin that Hoseok wasn’t very familiar with.

“I want to see the elephant again, Won-won!” Maximilian exclaimed instantly, probably unable to pronounce Hyungwon’s full name while he pointed at the room like a general leading his army.

Winking at him one last time, Hyungwon carried the boy to the testing room and closed the door after gesturing for the mother to enter. Several minutes passed until he reappeared, still smiling brightly.

“I’m just getting some water. You can watch from the video room,” he remarked and disappeared into the small kitchen, filling two cups with water that he instantly brought back to the room. “Please don’t diss me afterwards.”

“I might diss you, if you give me a reason to.” Hoseok grinned and winked, walking into the video room that was super stuffy with several chairs and a small prehistoric TV that showed Hyungwon and the kid, playing at the table.

The testing was a shorter one and lasted about an hour, which Hyungwon mastered in less time and way more effectively than what Hoseok was used to. The black-haired boy was indeed capable and seemed to have fun while doing the experiments. Hoseok couldn’t contain a smile when he helped the mother to tug the kid back into his fluffy jacket.

“Not bad,” he whispered in Hyungwon’s direction and smiled. The immediate smile he received back almost rivaled the sun with how bright it was, lips spreading over the black-haired boy’s whole face and eyes lighting up like diamonds.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon mouthed back and grinned at the little boy, stroking over his tiny head once and agreeing on the next appointment with the mother. It took a while until Maximilian finally decided to let go of the PhD student’s index finger, pulling out his bottom lip and pouting a little.

Waving at the family as they left, Hyungwon turned to him and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, still smiling a little as he stared at the ground. The boy looked really happy about the compliment while appearing a little shy.

“I think you’re exactly where you should be, but you surely need a better supervisor and the possibility to shape your research in the way you like it. We will work on that.” Hoseok reached out and patted Hyungwon’s shoulder lightly.

“And how?” The black-haired boy stepped further into the touch, like he wanted to be closer without making it too obvious. Big brown eyes passed over his features, a little widened like they weren’t used to seeing Hoseok be that close anymore.

“Well, I’ll try to fix what Regina messes up and I guess I will have to get more involved in the project, that was the reason for going to Berlin. Okay, not the main reason, but I did think about that too.” He smiled shyly and tried to hide how much he enjoyed Hyungwon’s proximity, his beautiful smile and his gorgeous eyes, looking at him as if he was some kind of Jesus, which he surely wasn’t.

“You gave a talk on language acquisition in Berlin,” Hyungwon commented with a chuckle until his expression turned deadpan, like the younger man couldn’t believe Hoseok had just pretended to go to Berlin for something useful instead of just running away from him. The handsome boy only held it for a few seconds until laughing again. “Listen, you’ve never worked on language acquisition, like ever. I know your CV by heart.”

Hyungwon shifted his shoulders, thereby brushing over Hoseok’s lightly, almost as if it was by accident, but Hoseok knew for sure that it wasn’t. “But I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah, because running away should be done right if it is supposed to work. I should’ve gone to the US or Israel or South Africa, the further the better, but I have the girls here, I can’t leave.” Hoseok tilted his head and grinned. “But language acquisition is quite interesting by the way.”

“My second main topic, I love it.” The bright smile returned as Hyungwon squeezed his arm briefly, exhaling slowly like the action relaxed him somehow. “But- you know- maybe, and when I say ‘maybe’ I mean that you should really think about this. Maybe, maybe, maybe, running away is also kind of a dick move, you know?”

“But maybe, and if I say ‘maybe’ I mean ‘definitely’, selfishly following your feelings and jumping dick first into something while knowing for sure that there’s literally nothing you can give or are willing to give is a worse dick move than running away?” Hoseok removed his hand from Hyungwon’s shoulder as it had stayed there way longer than was appropriate for a supervisor and his PhD student.

_You still have to tell him about the talk._

“That’s one way to see it. The other is somewhere between ‘no risk no fun’ and ‘how the fuck do you know without trying it out? It could be different this time around, especially with a sample size of 1’.” Licking over his lips briefly, Hyungwon nodded at his fellow PhD student who had finished cleaning up the room and waved as she disappeared into her office, also located downstairs.

“Anyway, I guess you haven’t looked at your mail because I haven’t seen you panic yet, but you’re going to London with me next week. I asked a friend of mine to do a job rotation with me because I had this sudden wish to leave, and he told me to come to his faculty to give a talk on language acquisition and moral development instead. I’m good in the second, but have no idea regarding the first, so you’re coming to save my ass, and there’s no way that I’ll ask Regina because I might just kill her while we’re abroad. Prepare an hour-long talk. There will be super important profs, so it’s your chance to shine.” He smiled brightly, really happy that he was able to give Hyungwon the opportunity after persuading his friend that his PhD student was amazing.

“What?” The answer was rather short considering the good news as Hyungwon stared at him, visibly baffled and eyes turning the size of saucepans which was rather difficult considering how much space they already occupied on the boy’s face in their default mode. Plump lips parted and shut again as Hyungwon turned to the side, staring at the wall that was plain white for a few seconds until his gaze returned back to Hoseok. “Oh my fucking god, what? That’s London, they are fancy, I’m not even a PhD yet, why would you take me? I don’t know shit, fuck.”

“You just have serious self-confidence issues, but that’s nothing that would matter while giving a professional talk, so you’re coming with me. I told the secretary to book a hotel. Wednesday to Friday, but you can stay longer. I will stay till Sunday, I haven’t been to London for a long time, I miss it.” Hoseok stepped back and moved towards the exit. “You have a whole week to prepare, come on,” he called while opening the door and glancing at Hyungwon, who just stood frozen in place.

“I’m going to die,” the black-haired boy muttered as he finally followed him, long legs absolutely useless with how slowly he trotted after him, horror remaining on his features and cheeks turning a more vibrant red.

“You’re cute. Just don’t blush like that in front of the professors, half of them are definitely gay, it’s hard to find a straight one in developmental psychology.” Hoseok laughed loudly, loving Hyungwon’s expression and preventing himself from pinching the black-haired boy’s cute cheek.

“True, but I’m not quite gay, so I guess I’m a tiny exception. A little bit at least.” Shrugging, Hyungwon inhaled again and pressed the button for the elevator, waiting for it to come down to the basement which was where the baby lab was located. “But if they are all gay, how will I figure out whether they like my research or my ass?”

“You’ll never know unless you let them get a taste of the second, which I hope you won’t.” He didn’t know why he said that, but being obsessive about a boy he didn’t even have a relationship with was a little off, so he acted busy, pulling out his phone and checking his emails pointlessly.

“I’m rather selective with that,” Hyungwon murmured and brushed his hips along Hoseok’s as he passed him and entered the elevator, leaning against the wall. “But why would you care? I thought you told me to look for ‘fun’ elsewhere.”

“You can do whatever you like, I’m not your boyfriend and not your dad and not in any position to tell you what to do or not to do. It just slipped out. Sorry about that.” He chewed on his cheek and refused to look up.

“If I could do whatever I like there wouldn’t be this much space between us,” the low voice whispered.

He inhaled but forgot to exhale, keeping the air in his lungs and getting a little dizzy as he watched Hyungwon’s dark eyes that were focused on him.

_Fuck._

“Is that what you want to do? Reduce the space?” he asked and licked over his lips, waiting for the elevator to arrive and free him from the prison of not being able to do what he would love to.

“Yes,” the black-haired boy murmured right when the door opened, revealing a few students that instantly wanted to run into the elevator and were rather surprised by somebody actually using it.

There were quite a few people, so he moved towards Hyungwon, leaning against the wall next to him. When the doors closed, he tilted his head.

“Like this?” he whispered, while keeping his gaze focused on the doors in front of him. None of the students were paying attention to them and occupied themselves with complaining about lecture times and ridiculous amounts of homework.

“Closer,” was the quiet response as he felt long fingers brush over his partially uncovered forearms.

He felt his skin tighten under the touch, goosebumps spreading and making each brush of Hyungwon’s long fingers so much more intense. He slid a little towards Hyungwon, giving the black-haired boy more possibilities to touch him, even though he shouldn't have. He fucking shouldn’t, but he still did, unable to control himself.

“Like this?” he whispered again.

Hyungwon didn’t reply and exhaled softly instead, caressing along the length of Hoseok’s arm, following the inner side to be less visible. Exploring a little further, Hoseok could feel how the black-haired boy traced the pattern of his ribs through the fabric of his shirt, warm breaths tickling his skin.

“Closer,” the boy whispered again, brushing Hoseok’s thighs with his own.

His insides were burning, on fire from the wish to just pin Hyungwon against the dirty wall and taste him, take a bite, feel his hot skin under his fingertips and hear the breathy moans, see how his big eyes took in his features in every detail, pupils dilating and sucking him into the never-ending circle of longing. Exhaling sharply, he closed his eyes for a second, collecting his wits before the door opened.

“I want to. I want to, but I can’t,” he whispered back and pushed himself off the wall, following the mass of people leaving the elevator.

Hyungwon did the same, falling into step and chewing on his full bottom lip. The young man wasn’t saying a word and merely stared at the ugly carpet below his sneakers.

“But the only one stopping you is yourself,” the black-haired boy muttered eventually as they reached their offices, key already sliding into the lock.

“I know.” He turned the key and heard the click the lock made when the door opened. “Do you want to get hurt? Because I really don’t want to be hurt, I suck at dealing with emotional pain.”

“Can’t imagine it getting any worse than this,” Hyungwon replied and closed the door behind himself, leaving Hoseok alone in the hallway.

 _Because he doesn’t know how bad it can get._  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 20th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I want you, give yourself to me, please. I'll take care of you, I'll be so good, you won't be able to believe it, I promise, I promise I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

“I can't believe that my baby has become a real scientist,” Minhyuk exclaimed dramatically while having one foot on the couch he hated so much and another on the armrest. The blonde man's right, rather delicate, hand was lifted into the air with an open palm like he was pretending to talk to the gods.

“Oh, just shut up,” Hyungwon groaned at the outburst and resisted the urge to throw whatever he held in his hands, currently a pretty heavy book on language acquisition. He was supposed to fly to London tomorrow and he felt not even remotely prepared. Sure, he knew his talk by heart, he had a slide for every possible question (at least he desperately hoped it was for every possible question) and he had spent most of the week at the office and reading through the lovely deadweight of a book he was taking along for emergencies.

But the talk itself wasn't his main concern, it was rather the proximity to the older man he had an unhealthy infatuation with. An infatuation he shouldn't be showing in front of other people, especially when the two of them went as PhD student and professor.

_That's exactly what you are, Hyungwon. You just always try not to think about it._

“Your suitcase isn't gonna fill itself while you stare into nothing, babe,” Minhyuk pointed out and smacked his lips. The blonde man had finished his one-man theatre performance and let himself fall on the everything but soft piece of furniture.

The nickname instantly sent an auditory memory through Hyungwon, accompanied by Hoseok’s gorgeous face above him, tracing the texture of his lips and telling him to take it and that he was being so good to him. Shit. For a brief moment it had felt okay, like he could be getting over it and dealing with the fact that his supervisor didn't want to be sexually involved with him, but there it was hitting him out of nowhere. The images didn't stop, travelling from the sexual to the interpersonal, the way Hoseok held him when he was upset, the way he carefully removed a strand from his face, the way he praised him for his skills with kids and the way he slowly slipped closer when Hyungwon wanted him to. It resembled a wall in a museum, moving through time and important memories while only showing a snapshot of their significance.

The book landed in his suitcase with a loud noise and he gasped, squeezing his eyes shut to not start crying like a crazy person, right after his best friend told him that he needed to pack. It made no sense at all and he hadn't told Minhyuk about the way things ended with Hoseok. He wanted to keep it a secret until he felt confident to talk about it without crying. It was stupid, so fucking stupid.

_Because he wants you, he obviously still wants you, but pushes you away._

It must have been the moral aspect, the fact that their relationship was too complex. Hyungwon couldn't think of anything else that might have changed Hoseok’s mind so drastically. He had believed that it was the feelings, but they must have only been a trigger for the responsibility Hoseok felt towards him.

He sniffed even though he didn't want to, digging his nails into his thighs and hoping he wasn't too obvious.

“Shit,” Minhyuk cursed and instantly jumped off the couch. Lean arms wrapped around his shoulders and pushed his head into a rather slim and not necessarily soft shoulder. His best friend wasn't as skinny as he was, but he wasn't comfortable either. Hyungwon would have chuckled had he not felt like shit. “Oh no, baby, what happened? Did I say something to upset you? What the hell is going on?”

He just shook his head, not trusting his voice yet as he inhaled the mixture of daisies and sunshine that Minhyuk always smelt like, a perfume that fit his personality perfectly.

“Did that bitch of a boss give you a hard time? Seriously, I'm suing her ass for emotional blackmail and psychological abuse. I'm no psychologist but that shit is too much, watch me beat her ugly face.” The blonde man was talking quickly, squishing him a little while he elaborated on torture methods and pranks that didn't defy the law, at least not in a way anybody could prove. It was sweet, really, but Regina wasn't the problem.

“It's not her, Minhyuk, give her a break. It's-" He swallowed and bit his lip again, thinking of the way Hoseok told him that there was nothing to gain from him, nothing the older man could have given him.

_He wants to, but he thinks it's wrong. It's almost as if you're a child and your opinion doesn't matter. He's not the only one in the dyad._

“Fuck, I knew it, I fucking knew it. It's your fuck deal, shit,” Minhyuk hissed and only pressed him closer, enough to reduce the air that fit into his chest. “I knew this would be a mess, it's too close for a fuck deal, especially an exclusive one.”

Hyungwon merely hummed. It wasn't pleasant to think about his best friend being right, telling him from beginning that it was crazy. But it wasn't the typical story, it wasn't him getting affectionate and the older man wanting to keep it simple. It was both of them liking it too much and the older man listening to the quiet voice in his head telling him it's fucked up.

“It's more complicated than that,” Hyungwon whispered and inhaled the sweet scent again. “We still want each other but he decided that we shouldn't.”

Minhyuk froze briefly and pushed him a little further to look at his face. It must have been swollen as always, everything but pretty.

_And still Hoseok called you gorgeous, even in the mornings._

“Seriously? But you're a catch! Just look at that beautiful face and body of yours, baby. He's just pussying out because he can't say no probably and doesn't want to lose his job.” Shaking his head in dismay, Minhyuk gestured with his hands and pursed his lips. “He's got a big dick, but he's mostly in for some fun.”

_He's not._

“I disagree, he's- he can be very different, affectionate and caring and interested in what you say and do. It's a little difficult to differentiate because he's such a good supervisor, giving me a lot of time and help. It's amazing,” Hyungwon elaborated and brushed through his hair, a little hurt at the thought that he wasn't able to enjoy the embraces anymore.

“Listen, with your ass everybody can get religious. When I fingered you back in middle school, I also thought your ass was eating my hand, but that doesn't mean I want to marry you, Hyungwon. Be fucking careful.” Minhyuk sighed like he thought Hyungwon was overestimating this. Who knew, maybe he was?

“I don't know, I doubt he's just after my ass, Minhyuk. For that he looks too affected by this, hurt even,” he whispered and pushed the book to the furthest side of his suitcase to have more space for his clothes.

“I don't mean to undermine your level of adult, Hyungwon, but that guy is forty or something. He's seen quite some shit and an infatuation with someone as young as you are won't really stop him. I know this might sound a little harsh, but he didn't seem like the type to ditch his responsibilities for a tight ass.” His best friend spoke quietly, like he was worried about hurting him. Warm hands rubbed over his back and brown eyes settled on his face, worry obvious.

“I know, but-" Hyungwon didn't know how to explain it. It sounded rational and a few weeks ago he would have agreed, pointed out that it was just the sex and nothing else. But it wasn't true anymore, there was something about the gaze of those intense almost black eyes. It wasn't as simple anymore. Words might have said one thing but gazes said another.

“I don't know, baby. I don't want to pressure you. I only don't want you to get hurt,” Minhyuk murmured and hugged him again, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

It was a little too late for that.

 

_

 

His teeth settled in his bottom lip as he attempted not to focus on the warmth that spread through the fabric of his jeans. The airplane seats were narrow and even though Hyungwon had no struggle to fit his hips into the provided space, the older man's thighs pushed a little into his own.

It was only the beginning of their trip and Hyungwon's heart was already beating furiously, quickening his breath due to the proximity and the images that appeared in his mind. He didn't want to feel the urge to touch Hoseok, but it was difficult.

A brief glance to the side revealed Hoseok’s pale palm resting on his thigh calmly, unmoving. Hyungwon wanted to grab it, intertwine their fingers, but he couldn't. Not in public.

_Not at all._

“Are you nervous?” the black-haired man asked as a beautiful smile spread his cheeks.

“No, not really,” Hyungwon replied and shifted on his seat, wondering why he struggled with the most basic body contract. Hoseok had been balls deep inside of him, but there he was, shivering because of their thighs touching.

“It's still twenty hours until the presentation, don't be scared, it'll be fine,” Hoseok whispered and squeezed his thigh, delicate hand curling around it easily before the older man pulled it back and placed it on top of his own thigh.

Hyungwon gasped, sucking his lips into his mouth to shut the fuck up and attempted to forget the feeling of Hoseok’s warm hand.

“How- big is your hand actually?” he heard himself ask suddenly, big palm lifting from the fabric of his jeans. It was a really bad move, the stuff girls did in high school to touch his hand, but it was too late already. He had to be confident and wing it.

The beautiful black-haired man looked at him for a second before glancing at his own hand after lifting it from his thigh.

“Not big, my fingers are not long enough to-” Hoseok stopped in the middle, brown eyes widening as the older man reached for his palm and pressed his pale hand against it. “See? Not big.”

“Not long enough to feel good?” Hyungwon completed for the older man and observed how Hoseok’s fingers stopped a little above his second finger joint. Smiling a little, he slowly slid in between the spaces and squeezed Hoseok’s palm. “Cute.”

“Not long enough to curl around my dick. But you could say it like that,” Hoseok whispered before removing his palm again. “You're cute.”

_He knows why you did it._

“Not when I finger myself and imagine it is you.” The words were out before he was able to change his mind, spilling out like at a cheap club. Only the cocktail and the sleazy eyebrow were missing.

“Oh wow, you're probably still cute, but thank you for the image, it's exactly what I needed on this one-hour flight, wearing tight pants and sitting squeezed into a seat. Thank you, Hyungwon.” Hoseok licked over his lips and threw his head back, baring his pale neck.

“I haven't even started yet, you're weak,” he replied with a grin and squeezed Hoseok’s thigh, suddenly finding the courage with the black-haired man's responses. “I wouldn't call it cute, or do you always find me cute? Like…” Hyungwon leaned a little closer to keep his words secret from the elderly woman sitting next to Hoseok, “when I fit your whole dick between my lips or... when I beg you for more.”

“Fine, you're not always cute, now please stop,” Hoseok hissed, turning to him quickly, gaze focused on his face and making him feel intimidated with how intense it was.

It was unfair. Hyungwon's lips parted, but he remained quiet, warmth rushing through his face and suggesting that he was responding to the dominant stare the older man was giving him. His fingers tightened in his own thighs and he felt his bottom lip tremble briefly.

“Make me,” he whispered, voice no more than a soft breath.

“Fuck, why are you doing this to me?” Hoseok asked, pulling out the September issue of Psychological Science and strategically placing it on top of his lap. “You know that I can't do anything here and you're using it shamelessly.” The older man leaned closer, curved lips almost touching his ear. “Fine, you won, of course I want you and you're cute and everything else too, so please let me mourn my loss in peace instead of rubbing it in my face. Thank you very much.”

The situation was surreal, hearing the black-haired man admit to wanting him, to desiring to be inside of him even though he kept himself from it.

_It's the moral obligation, but if it worked in Philadelphia, maybe it will work in London?_

“But my goal isn't to win,” Hyungwon murmured and licked over his lips, glancing at the journal on the older man's lap. “It's to have you.”

Hoseok leaned back to meet his gaze. Dark brown eyes jumping from his eyes to his lips and back.

“But why would you want me? It's just sex, you can find it anywhere, but for me it's not, it's complicated and I'm your supervisor in addition to the fact that I'm definitely not going to ruin your life with this. So-" the older man leaned in again, low voice vibrating against his ear lobe, “be a good boy and behave.”

“How would you know what it's like for me, Hoseok? Also, don't you think I have a say in whether you're ruining my life? Right now, it feels rather like you are ruining yours.” Hyungwon felt dizzy from the way Hoseok talked to him, using his weakness much like he had used the older man's. “Don't just assume.”

“Why are you so stubborn? I know your boss, I know myself and I know my feelings which is why this can't be. It's easy. There are no assumptions, I'm just trying to explain it so that you understand, caramel boy.” Hoseok spoke calmly, perfectly aware of the people around them and not giving a single shit about the fact that they were announcing the landing.

_He keeps thinking that he knows better._

“I'm not dumb, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied and chewed on his lip. “I'm just acting on what I want because it's easier to bear than the thought that I can't touch you the way I did, that I can't embrace you because I'm happy about an accepted paper. I fucking hate it and I know you do too.”

“You-” Hoseok cleared his throat before continuing, “You can hug me. It's fine with me, it's not that I don't want you to touch me, it's actually the other way around, but you can embrace me if you feel like it and if it makes you feel better.” The older man licked his lips and caught his gaze, big eyes watching him intently.

_He thinks it's wrong because he's your supervisor, even if he wants it._

“It's not the same,” Hyungwon whispered and held his breath to remain composed. He rested his cheek against the cold airplane wall and forced himself to bear it, hiding his face that showed his thoughts too clearly.

“Of course, it's not the same and I can't tell you that I don't like it because it would be a lie, but I have no idea what you expect me to do about it? Ditch the fact that I can't give you anything, that I'm your supervisor and that I will act more and more selfish because I won't be able to stop the further it gets? Don't you see how bad it is already? I shouldn't have started it in the first place and I'm really sorry about that.” The other man looked hurt, eye corners pulling down a little and lips curling downwards.

Hyungwon kept his cheek pressed to the aircraft, chewing on it to not start crying in the middle of a flight. It would have beaten every other pathetic moment in his life.

“I didn't see it being bad at all until you stopped it,” he whispered and squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, containing the tears that developed. “I was happy even.”

“For fuck’s sake, I had to stop it because I can't be having a fuck deal with you while having feelings for you. I'm also having a hard time but it'll pass and then it will be okay again,” Hoseok murmured, voice unusually emotional and trembling. The tires hit the ground and they were pulled forward from the decrease in speed.

“But what if it won't, Hoseok?” Hyungwon's voice intermingled with the rushing air around the aircraft as he looked at the older man, vision a little blurry. “Why can't you just give me more than the deal?”

“You told me that you don't want anything but sex. You did, as I warned you that I can't give you anything more than that. I can't have feelings for you because I'll find myself in the same situation and I can't go to the US for another year, Hyungwon, I have to supervise my PhD students until they're done and then I can fuck off from here.” Hoseok didn't sound like himself as he turned away, staring at something on his right.

_He runs away when he has feelings for someone?_

Hyungwon's eyes widened as he merely stared, remembering how the older man had told him about giving up an engagement for work.

_But he couldn't have loved him enough then, he only believes that work is more important. Look at the way he struggles being next to you._

Licking over his lips once, Hyungwon shifted on his seat and carefully observed the older man's facial features, the way he tried to look somewhere else, how his lips pulled together, how his eyes stared at nothing in particular.

Inhaling deeply, he reached out and grabbed Hoseok’s hand, curling his fingers around it and holding on tightly.

“You're just scared, Hoseok, aren't you?”

The other man froze for a second, turning around and staring at him right after.

“And you aren't, because you don't know,” he whispered as the seat belt signs turned off and people started standing up. Hoseok pulled away his hand and packed the journal back into his bag, unbuckling and standing up right after. “Let's go.”

Somehow, they managed to be compatible in bed and incompatible everywhere else and Hyungwon had no fucking clue how to solve it.

 

_

 

 

The lobby of the hotel was spacious, nothing too fancy like the one Hoseok had stayed in Philadelphia. The Americans had a liking for the extravagant and always booked hotels with several stars for conferences. In Germany everybody looked for a place to stay on their own within the available budget.

London was similar and considering how ridiculously expensive the city was, Hyungwon was amazed that the secretary had managed to find a decent hotel one week before the event.

The entry was a big door with shiny letters that Hyungwon had never heard of. It wasn't a chain and didn't seem to exist anywhere else if the ‘just opened’ sign was anything to go by. It didn't look shady but rather licked clean, so there was no reason to worry.

“Fancy,” he commented towards Hoseok and pulled his suitcase after himself to the reception.

“It's okay,” Hoseok murmured back before pulling his mesmerizing smile on the receptionist

_It's almost like a spell._

Hyungwon wouldn't have been surprised if the middle-aged woman had offered the older man a bigger room, herself and a cocktail just for the smile.

_Too bad he's gay._

“Oh, Mr. Lee, we have your room ready, you have two single beds as requested, did Mr. Chae arrive too? You are sharing the room for the two nights as stated in the booking.” It was amazing as the older man's facial expression drained from the other man’s face.

_She booked you a double room. Halle-fucking-lujah._

Hyungwon swallowed and decided to be the composed one as he slipped towards Hoseok while pretending that he had no intention of talking to the second receptionist in the first place.

“Yeah, I am here as well, Ms., thank you very much,” he commented and also smiled brightly, leaning over the counter to see the woman's face better. She was a little short.

“Ah we're sharing the room. I didn't know that, the secretary must've made a mistake,” Hoseok commented.

“But it's not a problem at all,” Hyungwon added quickly and briefly glanced towards the other man to figure out if he was okay.

“I made sure to give you a spacious one with a nice view. You will enjoy it! Please let me know if I can do anything to make your stay more enjoyable. Here are your keys.” The woman put both key cards on the counter and smiled. It was so automatic that Hyungwon almost chuckled.

“It's fine, thank you.” Hoseok smiled again but it looked forced, before the older man took his suitcase and moved in the direction of the elevator.

“Surprise, motherfucker,” Hyungwon murmured and pressed the elevator button. It was sleek and black much like the rest of the interior. He liked it despite the fact that he was about to share a room with the man he kind of had the hots for and that constantly rejected him. It almost seemed like fate had decided to do him a favor, only that there was no such thing as fate.

_There’re merely decisions over decisions. Too bad it's not a double bed._

Hoseok didn't say anything until they reached their room and he opened the door by holding the key card against the lock. The room was really spacious with two big single beds standing one and a half meters apart.

“At least it's not a double bed,” the older man commented and immediately started unpacking. Hyungwon hummed in response although he was of a different opinion. He preferred a double bed because they would have fit better. He couldn't really promise that he wouldn't attach himself to Hoseok’s muscular body, there was just something to the proximity and the knowledge that the older man was actually interested in him that just burned his inhibitions like a torch.

“What's your plan?” he asked and also opened his suitcase. It was mostly filled with books because he had panicked pointlessly.

“Want to go for food? I'll be dying tonight anyway, so no need to pointlessly prolong the torture, let's go out.” The black-haired man started unbuttoning his white shirt and put a dark blue sweatshirt on the bed to change into it.

“Sorry, but did you just call spending time with me torture? Wow,” Hyungwon muttered and threw himself on the bed that he decided was his. His eyes instantly settled on the older man as he slowly threw the white shirt off his shoulders and pulled the gorgeous sweatshirt on the pale skin instead. He preferred the naked skin, but decency was also important.

_He probably calls it torture because he keeps trying to resist you._

The thought that he couldn't touch Hoseok immediately returned the unpleasant burning in his chest. Resisting was so stupid, it didn't give them anything but heartbreak. Hyungwon didn't give a single shit about morals if that was what it felt like. He just wanted to reach out over those one and a half meters and brush the sculpted chest with his fingers, wrap his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

“It's sweet torture, I love it, but it's also not nearly enough,” Hoseok whispered, smiling to himself as he put his clothes on the provided shelves.

“It's not,” Hyungwon echoed and stretched out his arm, waiting for Hoseok to pull him off the bed so they could go for food. The opportunity was a good one, he was closer to the black-haired man that he was allowed to be. It was better than nothing.

_Usually you would have tasted him already, kneeling on the ground in front of him._

Hoseok's strong hand grabbed his and he flew in the air, clashing against the muscular chest right after.

“Oops, sorry,” the older man murmured with a grin that was clearly meant to tease.

Hyungwon grabbed Hoseok's chin with his free hand as his eyes narrowed and pressed a kiss to the black-haired man's lips, briefly, just a tease of what could have been.

“Oops,” he whispered but it wasn't as teasing as he had wanted it to be, pain returning to his chest.

Hoseok gasped, licking over his lips right after.

“God, you're making it so much worse,” the older man whispered and stepped back, grabbing his wallet and putting it into the back pocket of his jeans. “Let's go.”

Hyungwon didn't comment and merely followed, unpleasant sensation getting worse the longer he stared at Hoseok’s back, aware of the fact that as soon as they were outside the older man's responsibilities would kick in and there would be nothing he could do.

The place they went to was small, barely a meter in diameter and full with various sandwiches, soups and savory pancakes. Hoseok organized them a small table in one of the restaurant corners, quiet and rather private. It was pretty empty which made sense as not many went for dinner at half past nine in the evening.

“It's nice,” Hyungwon commented and opened the menu, thinking about whether he wanted to eat a sandwich with avocado, with salmon or with both. Once he decided for both, his eyes instantly looked for the older man. Hoseok was sitting across from him, legs spread comfortably and thumb rubbing over the edge of the page before turning it. The older man was so attractive despite being way out of Hyungwon's age range.

“Are you a picky eater?” Hoseok asked, glancing at him from under his black bangs, dark gaze focusing on his face.

“I'd say no, but for other people's standards I probably am,” he replied and licked over his lips, watching the way Hoseok’s hand brushed over the menu again.

Once the waitress came over, he ordered his avocado salmon sandwich and smiled at her, adding a tea because he was in Britain and they had good tea. Hoseok got a hummus plate with cheese and a coffee, smiling at the waitress like he wanted a discount before returning his attention to him.

“I see, I need to know more about you in case you choose to revise your decision on not wanting to marry me.” Hoseok grinned and placed the menu on the table.

_Stabbing right where it hurts, aren't we?_

“Sure, sounds reasonable. You said you have feelings for me, what do you mean exactly?” Hyungwon asked right back, shifting on his seat and leaning his elbows on the table.

“Oh, we're being straightforward for once, sure, all kinds of feelings, arousal, hurt, sadness, want and some quite romantic ones. Why?”

Hyungwon swallowed, not expecting it to be that easy. He lifted his hand to brush through his hair once and hummed to show that he listened.

“Because same.”

“What kind of sentence structure is that? Be careful, or when my professor friend compliments your research, you'll be like ’yeah same’.” Hoseok started laughing with his mouth open, eyes turning into crescents.

Hyungwon wanted to slap him for making fun of him, but the way the older man looked like a monkey while laughing like crazy was just too sweet.

“You're too old,” he pointed out with a shrug and grinned. “But I can say it again so that you understand. I asked because I feel the same.” His lips pulled together a little and he stared up, unsure what to expect.

“Isn't it dramatic? We're two people liking each other while not being able to be together, eating hummus and avocado in an alternative bar in London while talking about feelings and food. My life is so much fun, really.” Hoseok blew him a kiss and rested his chin on his palm, staring at his face intently.

“Yeah, the best,” Hyungwon replied and licked over his lips again, feeling the sudden urge to touch Hoseok’s hand that rested calmly on the table. “But the only one who decided that we can't be together is you. I'm of a different opinion and you know it.”

“Oh, so you suddenly do want to marry me? You know that I'm almost forty, right? Did you even have a relationship before? Like a grown up?” The asshole winked and licked over his lips.

The longer he stared at the older man the more he realized that Hoseok knew nothing and was used to other people his age.

“I never date without the idea of marriage, Hoseok. Why would I be with somebody if I don't like them enough to play with the idea of spending the rest of my life with them?” Hyungwon asked and bit down on his bottom lip. He had never started dating anybody without the thought of being close for a long time, living together, adjusting work and whenever he dated a girl also the possibility of children.

“Mhm, that sounds amazing, let's date then, move in together, be cuddly in the mornings and you will wrap your slim arms around me when I feel like work is too much and I will kiss your pretty forehead and embrace you gently when you're devastated about something. We will be so good together, have the best sex and be so close, sharing everything and more.” Hoseok stopped and leaned forward, close enough to count his eyelashes. “And then I'll get a nice professorship in New Zealand that gives me the possibility to finally reap what I sow and run away from that bitch boss of yours that ruined my life with the help of my weak self, and I will just leave you here because you have your research and I have mine and we will part because my whole life consisted of making decisions in favor of academia and I won't stop only because I like you so much that it hurts.”

Hyungwon's breath hitched as the words registered in his head, eventually resulting in the conclusion Hoseok must have drawn for himself.

_He doesn't want to be with you because as soon as he is given the possibility to escape and have a different chance with his career he is going to._

But it still didn't justify not even trying. It was hypothetical, like not kissing somebody because the previous person had gotten hurt.

“Hoseok, but aren't you making a decision based on something that is only hypothetical? Isn't it possible to find a solution if one wants to? I could try to come with you, look for a job close to where you are. If one cares enough there is always a solution.” Chewing on his lip, he reached out and intertwined his fingers with Hoseok’s, almost gasping at how relieving the contact was. “Don't do this to yourself, please.”

The older man didn't pull his hand away but also didn't make any attempts to hold him, gaze focused. Hoseok looked sad somehow.

“I don't want to do it to you, but I guess I was late with breaking it off,” he murmured before pulling his hand away as the waitress arrived with their food.

“You should also not want to do this to yourself, Hoseok,” Hyungwon replied quietly and took his sandwich, biting off a bit and chewing slowly. It felt like there shouldn't have been anything stopping them from being close, but at the same time he knew exactly that the more time passed the further Hoseok would try to distance himself from him.

_You can't let him, Hyungwon. He has to crack._

***

 

 

Hanging out with Hyungwon for four hours, the world seemed to be so easy to handle. There were no problems, only solutions and masses of opportunities to do what one wanted. One only had to try.

_Bullshit._

Hoseok was almost forty, he had plenty of relationship experience to be able to differentiate between reality and wishful thinking. What the black-haired boy was talking about was wishful thinking, unreal, a beautiful fantasy, but nothing else. Nevertheless, the long fingers brushing along his arm while they walked back hurt, reminding him of what he could have if he just reached out, pulled the slim body into his embrace, kissed those beautiful, plump lips, confessed once again and explained to the gorgeous boy how much he wanted it. How much he wanted him.

“Hoseok?” A familiar voice sounded behind him as warm fingers curled around his wrist and made him pause. He turned around and looked at the person who had made him stop.

It was the same smile, beautiful, a little apologetic, showing that he was pleasantly surprised. His eyes smiled too, it meant that he was really happy to see him on the streets of London, all of a sudden, after one year.

“Daniel?” he asked, even though it was pointless, he knew that it was him, Hoseok would have recognized him blindly, just by the sounds of his steps. The fingers remained around his wrist, burning a little with how meaningful it seemed to touch after such a long time. “What are you doing here?”

The tall black-haired man let his gaze slide along his body before focusing on his face again. His light blue shirt emphasized his gorgeous skin color, reminding him of his favorite Lindt chocolate. He was still beautiful.

“I'm working at a bank here, I moved half a year ago.” His ex-fiancée lifted his hand and pointed at the thin ring on his finger. “Because of this.”

_He's married? He married? He moved on so easily and you're still here, where you were before._

“I'm here for a conference, this is Hyungwon, my PhD student.” He pointed to the right without looking.

“Hi, congratulations on your wedding,” the black-haired boy replied with a gorgeous smile that was audible from his voice and stepped a little closer. “The world feels really small like this. How do you two know each other?”

“Yes, congratulations on your wedding.” He pulled his hands into his pockets after registering Daniel's gaze that looked for a ring.

_He thought you'd just continue living as if nothing happened?_

“Oh, we were basically in front of the clerk, but life is funny, isn't it? But I see you're doing well, you look good, really good.” A mesmerizing smile appeared on Daniel’s face and it hurt so fucking much that he had to swallow a few times.

Hyungwon merely hummed next to him and didn't say anything else.

“Thank you, so do you, I hope that you like London a lot. I'm back in Munich and I'll stay until the students finish and then I'll go somewhere far away I guess.”

The tall man finally let his wrist go and looked at him, appearing disappointed for no fucking reason.

“You went back to her? Why?”

_You definitely won't discuss your current work situation with your married ex-fiancée in front of your 20-year-old crush._

“Because that's just the way my life is right now. I have to work quite a bit, it was nice seeing you again, Daniel.” He smiled and turned around, walking in the direction of his hotel.

“Wait, I don't have your phone number,” the familiar voice called after him.

“You don't need it,” he murmured and continued walking, watching the concrete move under his feet until he reached the entrance of the hotel.

It was quiet as the two of them passed through the lobby and Hyungwon pushed the elevator button, watching him quietly until it arrived. Once they entered and the doors closed behind them, lean arms curled around his neck, hugging him tightly.

“Are you okay?” the black-haired boy whispered, exhaling against his skin.

He hummed, standing on the spot without moving. He didn't know if he was okay. Probably not.

“Let's go,” he whispered as the doors opened, but Hyungwon didn't make any attempts to let go of him. Only when the doors beeped, did the young man let go and press the button again to keep them opened. Hyungwon's long fingers curled around his wrist as he took his room card and opened the door, only to wrap his arms around him as soon as it closed again.

“Why are you like this? You don't need to pity me, I'm fine.” Inhaling the delicious caramel scent, Hoseok leaned in closer to have more of it, clouding his senses and forcing his mind to concentrate on something else besides his ex-fiancé’s happy face.

“I don't pity you, I empathize with you,” the beautiful black-haired boy whispered into his ear and lifted his right hand from his shoulders, stroking over his hair. They were standing in the middle of the hotel room and embracing. Like idiots.

_You're the idiot._

He was, curling his arm around Hyungwon's waist and pressing the slim body closer and inhaling the intoxicating scent while burying his nose in the crook of Hyungwon's warm neck.

“Do you regret it, Hoseok?” the pretty boy asked carefully and removed a few strands from his eyes, fingers travelling from the top of his head downwards to his neck and back again. It was impossibly affectionate, surrounding him with warmth.

“What?” he breathed into the warm skin, refusing to listen to the prominent voice in his head, telling him that it was a shitty idea to succumb to his urge to be close to Hyungwon and to care.

“Leaving back then- do you regret it?” was the quiet reply as lips pressed to the top of his head briefly, just a short touch until they were replaced by a warm hand. Hyungwon attempted to remain as close as possible, one leg slipping between his and chests flush against each other.

“Daniel? No, I don't regret it. I just think that it's interesting how different people are, he's so happy now. But at least I can be sure that I didn't ruin his life or anything equally terrible. Anyways, we shouldn't be hugging in a hotel room, independent of how I'm feeling,” he whispered leaning back hesitantly.

Hyungwon was chewing on his cheek and watching him intently, hands not leaving his body despite the request to do so. His face was gorgeous, hotel light absent because they hadn't pushed the card into the holder and lamps from outside throwing minimal shadows on his cheeks and reflecting in his big, brown eyes.

“Can't you- let me make you feel better?”

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, waiting for the urge to agree to be forced to the back of his head.

“You mean whether I can use you to deal with my emotional baggage? No, I can't. I'm not an asshole.” He opened his eyes again. The black-haired boy was so beautiful, his objective perception intertwined with the feelings he had for Hyungwon and formed a desire that was stronger than it had ever been before. Leaning in, he placed a soft kiss on the plump, red lips and leaned back.

The young man gasped at the contact, lips parting but meeting nothing as Hoseok had already broken the touch. Instead of increasing the distance between them, Hyungwon reduced it, wrapping his arms tighter around Hoseok’s neck and pressing his round nose into his cheek.

“You wouldn't use me, you'd accept what I'm giving,” the caramel boy breathed out and chewed on his lip, wiping it over Hoseok’s pale skin in the process. He was so close that his body warmth transcended through the fabric of their clothes. “Kiss me again, Hoseok.”

“I-" he whispered, not able to push him away and not able to do what the black-haired boy wanted either. “I won't take it, but- would you want to sleep next to me? Just sleep?” he asked, fingers tightening in the fabric of Hyungwon's shirt.

The answer was instant as he could feel the younger man nod, rubbing his nose along his cheek and attempting to hold on tighter, long fingers digging into his shoulders. Lifting up his right leg suddenly, Hyungwon hooked it around Hoseok’s hip, using it for leverage to climb up and let him carry the boy's weight as the left leg circled around his body as well.

The action made him curl his arms around Hyungwon's thighs automatically, breath hitching at how close they were.

“We're- we're not doing anything, so it's okay, isn't it?” the almost weightless boy whispered hesitantly and closed his lips around a patch of skin below Hoseok’s earlobe, inhaling roughly through his nose.

_It almost seems as if he wants to test how much he needs to do for you to respond._

“Are you testing me? God, I feel like dying because I'm not allowed to touch you,” he whispered, carrying Hyungwon to his bed and letting the young man's back hit the sheets. Opposed to his usual response, Hyungwon didn't let go and pulled him along instead, chewing on his lips and staring up at him.

“I'm not- I just want to be close and dread the moment you decide that you don't,” the black-haired boy whispered and pulled at his shoulders, like he wanted him to lie down on top, press Hyungwon down with his weight.

He complied, feeling so fucking hurt due to the knowledge that both of them wanted the same thing, but he was the one not allowing it to happen.

“I want to be close too, I want to, but I don't know how we're going to do this, Hyungwon. Right now, I don't see a solution for this.” Easing his upper body down on top of Hyungwon, he kissed the delicious, red lips again. It was a mess, he couldn't say no if the candy was right in front of his nose.

His lips caught a desperate gasp, accompanied by slim arms that pressed him even closer on top of the thin boy, like Hyungwon didn't mind being pressed down, welcoming it even. Plump lips parted to accept his kiss and the black-haired boy whimpered when their tongues touched briefly.

“But right now, we're far away from everything, Hoseok. Nobody knows,” the low voice murmured as long fingers tugged at his hair.

“But I know. And you know.” He propped himself up on his right arm and used his free hand to draw Hyungwon’s soft features with his index finger, feeling how the intensity of the simple touch reminded him of why it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

_Because you’ll crack. You can’t say no forever._

The gorgeous boy whimpered again and slowly let go of his hair. His hands travelled upwards until they rested above his beautiful face. Hyungwon was observing him, expression vulnerable with how his eyes were wide and quivering while his lips trembled uncontrollably.

“But I want this and you want this,” the low voice echoed him as the black-haired boy sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, attempting to hide his desperate response. “It's not much- only an embrace, I'm not asking for more, Hoseok.”

“I told you, I’m okay with hugging,” he whispered, leaning in and freezing right above the boy’s thick lips. Exhaling against them sharply, Hoseok moved to the side, keeping his lips a breath away from the younger man’s caramel-colored skin before he buried his face in the crook of his neck, pressing the slim body into the bed with his weight.

Hyungwon whimpered again and it was easy to tell that the younger man was shaking. The boy wrapped his long limbs around him and breathed rapidly like it was physically painful. Long fingers travelled along the length of his spine, dipping between each vertebrate and adjusting to each shift in his muscles. It was like the other man couldn't resist, saying he was content but unable to keep his body from revealing that it wasn't true, not at all.

“The way you react to me- I find myself thinking that I want to give you everything you want. But then I remember that there’s nothing to give.” Hoseok curled his arms around Hyungwon’s lower back and turned them, pulling the slim boy on top of himself.

“But there is so much you could give me,” Hyungwon murmured and rose until he was sitting on Hoseok’s lap, palms flat on his muscular chest. “I've never had anybody give me as much as you did. I don't even care how much it is, I'll take it all if it's you,” the boy babbled, almost like the proximity was driving him insane, taking coherency and burning his self-awareness like a sheet of paper.

“Fuck, my head is working but there’s no result, Hyungwon. There’s nothing,” he whispered, reaching out to brush a loose strand of black hair behind the boy’s small ear.

“Can't we just- forget everything while we are here?” Hyungwon breathed out and scratched over his chest with his blunt nails as the lean thighs flexed on top of him, reflecting the boy's desperation as clearly as his face did. “The last contact I enjoyed was when you came inside of me, Hoseok.”

_And you had sex while you were in Berlin. He’s suffering because of you._

Lifting his hands above his head, he stared into Hyungwon’s huge eyes, reflecting the minimal light that came from the streetlamps.

“Then take what you want, just take it.” He threw the responsibility at the black-haired boy, behaving like the worst person ever. But he didn’t know what to do, not at all, he didn’t feel strong enough to say no, but he still couldn’t do the same things he had done when they were close before. It wasn’t the same.

Hyungwon stared at him for a few seconds until he pushed his hips backwards along Hoseok’s legs, breathing heavily and visibly unwilling to remove his big hands from Hoseok’s body.

“Then let me please you, please,” the pretty boy begged and carefully slipped his hands under Hoseok’s blue sweatshirt, caressing his naked skin and spreading goosebumps all the way to his arms. Hyungwon's actions were so hesitant, like he feared that Hoseok would reject him any second, take away the proximity like sugar dissipated in water.

“Damn it,” he hissed, completely unable to think with how his resolutions immediately disappeared as soon as Hyungwon begged. “Do it, just do it, don't ask, I might say no,” he moaned, enjoying Hyungwon's cool fingers on his skin.

The gorgeous boy nodded quickly and closed his lips around his clothed erection, exhaling hotly while his hands continued brushing over his sculpted chest. Moving a little higher up, Hyungwon dipped his tongue into his navel repeatedly and loosened the button of his jeans. The boy was quick, desperation remaining in the way his hands shivered and his breaths stayed ragged.

Gasping briefly, Hyungwon lowered his zipper and licked downwards from his navel to the waistband of his underwear. Mouthing along the outline of his length, the pretty boy whimpered again, shifting on top of him.

He moaned, forcing himself to keep his hands under his head. It was strange with how active he had normally been, Hyungwon’s whimpers didn’t make it easier, erection twitching more with the increased desperation in the boy’s voice.

“God, I want to touch you so badly.”

Hyungwon exhaled roughly and lifted up his briefs, licking under them along his vline and over the base of his erection. The beautiful boy whimpered again, sound low and arousing while his legs shook repeatedly.

His jeans and briefs were pushed down his thighs and shaky breaths brushed over his tip. After Hyungwon licked over it once, the sensation only intensified. It appeared like a dream, all of it, Hyungwon’s beautiful face between his legs, the boy’s reaction presented to him on a fucking plate and the unfamiliar hotel room, somewhere far away from home and his apartment that reminded him of what he should and shouldn’t have been doing.

“Fuck,” he moaned and shifted his hips, staring into Hyungwon’s black eyes from under his bangs. The boy stared right back as he opened his mouth a little wider, flattened his tongue and allowed his thick length to slip in between the plump lips, accompanied by a low moan. Once Hyungwon had tried out the leverage, he moved all the way down, held his breath and let Hoseok’s tip hit the back of his throat. The soft texture of the boy's lips brushed the skin of his groin, instantly followed by a desperate whimper. Long fingers held onto his hips tightly, almost as if the grip was the last thing that protected the beautiful boy from insanity.

Letting out a low groan he thrust up, removing both hands from under his head and grabbing a fistful of Hyungwon’s hair, pulling him away and breathing quickly.

“Fuck, babe, I want you, so fucking much,” he moaned at the sight and Hyungwon’s gorgeous, swollen lips.

The boy's slim chest was rising and falling rapidly as his big eyes jumped from one feature of his face to the next, moving along with the pull of his fingers and gasping repeatedly. He was so beautiful.

“You know that you can have me, Hoseok,” he whispered and shifted on top of him again, eyes fluttering shut at another tug on his hair.

_He’s everything you ever wanted, Hoseok._

“I’m going to do everything you want. Tell me, I’ll do it all, everything.” He sat up and pulled the slim body on top of his lap, cupping Hyungwon’s small face with his palms and kissing his lips repeatedly.

“Kiss me more,” the slim boy whimpered and curled his arms around his neck, affection evident in every motion of his body.

He nodded, stroking over the boy’s black hair gently while his lips moved along Hyungwon’s plump ones, sucking them into his mouth. Hoseok exhaled softly and without any urgency even though he had been dying because of the tension a second ago. But Hyungwon wanted to be kissed and Hoseok wanted to kiss him, giving him everything he wanted because it was the least that he could give the mesmerizing person on his lap.

“You are delicious, I missed it, god, I missed it so much.”

The comment changed something in Hyungwon's behavior as he pressed himself closer and whimpered repeatedly, sounding so desperate. The boy hid his gorgeous face in his shoulder and gasped against his pale skin, begging him to continue hugging him, to kiss him and to not let go. It was almost overwhelming how scared he seemed, holding on tightly like he would be ripped away any second.

“I thought I was going to die, Hoseok, please don't push me away like that, I can't take it, I missed you so much. Let me be close, at least while we are here, please.”

_You made him suffer, without it getting any better. Just worse. It’s worse._

“I wasn’t myself, I couldn’t sleep and I tried everything to distract myself. It doesn’t work, Hyungwon, it doesn’t fucking work,” he whispered and curled both arms around the boy’s waist, pressing his face into his lean chest. “You can have everything you want, fuck.”

“I want you, give yourself to me, please. I'll take care of you, I'll be so good, you won't be able to believe it, I promise, Hoseok, I promise I will,” Hyungwon babbled helplessly as a wet sensation spread over his shoulder, soaking the fabric that still covered it. “You won't regret it, I'll adjust, I swear.”

“I’ll give you everything you want, I’m yours,” he whispered and kissed along Hyungwon’s caramel colored neck, sucking in the black-haired boy’s intoxicating scent he loved so much. “Touch me as much as you like, I missed your hands and your lips, your tongue and your legs around me, your soft exhales when you sleep and the pretty sounds you make when you wake up. I’m so deep it’s really in vain trying to make it fade.”

Hyungwon's breath hitched and the younger man glanced up, staring at him with his big, wet eyes and trembling lips.

“Then let's not make it fade,” he murmured and cupped his face, stroking over his cheeks with his thumbs and pressing his plump lips to Hoseok’s curved ones. “Will you- will you embrace me as we sleep?”

“Yes, let’s brush our teeth.” He lifted Hyungwon from his lap and packed his dick back into his underwear. It was really strange to be emotional while Hyungwon sat on top of his naked length.

_What is even normal with you? You just told a 23-year-old PhD student that you’re his because you’re hooked like a straight male in puberty._

Hoseok kissed Hyungwon once and stood up, walking towards the bathroom and pulling the toothbrush out of the glass he had placed it in. He had wanted to be strong, to say no, but in the end Hyungwon didn’t feel better. The black-haired boy was suffering and the only solution was to give him whatever he liked until he got enough and left voluntarily. His own feelings were a mess anyway, suffering while the other person moved on seemed to be easier in retrospect.

Hyungwon appeared hesitant, stepping into the bathroom with his own toothbrush and chewing on his cheek. The boy only wore his briefs as he squeezed out some toothpaste and stared at Hoseok in thought. His eyes and lips were a little swollen.

“This feels surreal,” he whispered after spitting out the toothpaste and washing out his mouth. “It feels like I'm going to wake up and return to endless crying and the hurt splitting my chest, telling me you're not mine to have anymore.” Suddenly the boy chuckled. “I'm sorry, it sounds like it was traumatic.”

“It kind of was.” He put his toothbrush back and stepped behind Hyungwon’s tall form, embracing him from behind and placing a kiss against his naked shoulder. “I’m sorry for doing it to you.”

“I mean- you couldn't know. It was supposed to be a fuck deal,” the tall boy whispered and rested his head on his, inhaling the scent of his hair. “I feel so calm when you embrace me, it's just crazy.”

“I can’t believe that you became so much more than candy in a matter of weeks, I didn’t see it happening until I had the realization and got so fucking scared. I’ll try my best not to hurt you.” He kissed the young man’s neck, ear and shoulder before letting go. He took off his shirt and jeans, folding everything neatly and putting it over the bathtub.

Hyungwon hummed and watched him carefully, eyes sliding over the naked skin that was on display.

“I'll try to do the same,” the tall boy whispered and held onto the edge of the sink, knuckles losing color. Plump lips parted as he looked up and met Hoseok’s gaze, brown eyes dark and wide. “But I still- want to be candy.”

_He wants you._

“You are caramel, so much better than anything else,” he whispered and closed the distance, kissing Hyungwon’s plump mouth and stroking over his black hair while deepening the kiss. His naked skin immediately responded with goosebumps at the feeling of the boy’s cooler skin.

Hyungwon moaned and leaned further against the sink, holding onto it with both palms and pressing his hips into him eagerly.

“Would you play with me, Hoseok?” he asked and licked over his lips, throwing his head back right after. It was gorgeous how his slim chest rose and fell quickly.

“I told you that you will get everything you want from me. How do you want me to play with you, baby?” He pushed his hips into Hyungwon, licking a stripe from his neck to his earlobe, exhaling in the process.

The gorgeous boy hissed and threw his head back against the bathroom mirror, lips parting in a loud moan from the contact alone.

“I want you inside of me, I missed it so much, I couldn't think about anything else apart from the way you touched me back then, the last time you allowed me close. I kept hoping that you would let me be close to you, even if just to please you, fuck,” Hyungwon babbled and shivered at the body contract. “I got ready for you, but I was so worried you wouldn't want me and now you do- fuck, please let me feel you, Hoseok, please.”

_He got ready? He knew that you would crack, fuck._

“I can’t decide whether you’re a bad boy for thinking that I’d crack or the best boy for knowing that I would,” he murmured and lifted Hyungwon up, carrying him back into the room and throwing him on top of the sheets, climbing on top of him immediately. “I missed you so much, baby, everything about you.”

“Shit, I thought I was going to die,” Hyungwon moaned and instantly threw his hands above his head, fingers of the right palm curling around his left wrist. He was beautiful, lips trembling in anticipation and muscles flexing at the wish to be close. “I've been good- so good for you, I hoped you would want me. Take me, Hoseok.”

Hyungwon was a kink. His kink, everything he ever considered attractive accumulated in one person and driving him absolutely crazy.

Jumping up, he got lube and a condom from his suitcase that he had prepared in case he went crazy because of Hyungwon and needed distraction. That hadn’t worked well.

He returned, placing everything next to the black-haired boy’s shoulder and immediately attached his lips to a small nipple, sucking it into his mouth and rolling it with his teeth, while his hand brushed along Hyungwon’s hairline, his lips and neck.

“Hold me down, please-” A loud moan left the boy's mouth as his body shook with arousal and his thighs pressed together. Although the younger man visibly wanted to touch him, he kept his hands above his head, whimpering a little.

“Please, Hoseok, please,” Hyungwon begged and curled a long leg around his hips, pulling him closer. How was it possible that they were into the same things and had feelings for each other at the same time?

_It’s just that you’re 16 years older than him._

Reaching out, he pinned Hyungwon’s wrists to the bed and continued worshipping the boy’s mesmerizingly beautiful body, his delicious skin and sucking in every bit of his reaction that added to the burning in his groin.

The pretty boy's erection twitched in his tight briefs, brushing Hoseok’s thigh. It was fascinating how much Hyungwon loved it, how he melted at each touch, how goosebumps spread over the caramel skin and forced loud whimpers and moans from red lips. The boy's eyes fluttered shut until they suddenly opened again, almost black and focused on him.

“Please,” he whispered and shifted his hips.

He let go, pulling Hyungwon's and his own underwear down before turning the black-haired boy to the side and preparing himself.

“Give me your hands,” he commanded, while spooning the long body, impatient to finally be inside of the beautiful boy.

Hyungwon was quick, obeying with a hiss and bending his arms behind himself so that Hoseok could take them and hold them in place with one hand. He let his lubed fingers slip between their bodies and circled one around the other man's entrance, pushing inside easily.

“Oh god, Hoseok, shit,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his head back a little, resting on Hoseok’s shoulder as he moaned loudly and contracted around the digit inside his tight body.

“I'll be careful, babe,” he whispered into Hyungwon's cute ear and let a second digit join, curling them and trying to focus on preparation rather than pleasure, but god, he wanted Hyungwon to feel good, so he still rubbed over the sensitive spot repeatedly.

“Give me everything, Hoseok, I can take it, I want to feel it all,” the gorgeous boy babbled in between loud moans, pushing against his hand and pulling at the grip around his wrists. It was obvious that he didn't want to free them, but rather enjoyed the feeling of struggle, pushing further against Hoseok and whimpering at the thrusts. “Make me take it, fuck, please make me.”

“Wait,” he hissed, pushing a third inside him. He definitely didn't plan on ruining Hyungwon's life and letting him stand for two hours while giving a talk after taking him without preparation. No.

It was crazy how quickly Hyungwon obeyed, relaxing in his hold and biting down on his bottom lip to keep quiet and not beg for more repeatedly. His body shivered at the pleasure that coursed through him but he kept still, spreading his legs to make it easier for Hoseok.

“Mhm, you listen so well, baby, do you want me? I think you might be ready to take me,” Hoseok whispered into his ear in his low voice, nibbling on his ear lobe right after slipping his fingers out of his tight body.

“I want you so fucking much, I couldn't think about anything else, you set me on fire, Hoseok, filling me up like crazy, I can't fucking breathe, please,” Hyungwon instantly murmured, pushing against his groin with his slim hips and tugging a little at the hold on his wrists. “Please, fucking please, shit.”

“I missed you, I missed you so much, nothing can compare, fuck,” he murmured as he pressed his lubed tip against Hyungwon's entrance, pushing himself in slowly, while holding his wrists in a tight grip behind his back. He kissed along his shoulder, hissing at the unreal feeling of the smooth skin against his mouth and the delicious caramel scent.

“I want you,” Hyungwon forced out, gasping at the intrusion and contracting around him repeatedly, muscles flexing under Hoseok’s fingertips. “Make me take it, you know how well I can.” The black-haired boy whimpered when their thighs touched, shaking in his arms and appearing delirious. “Make me scream, please Hoseok. I'm yours to play with and you know it, fuck.”

“Oh baby, you're such a good boy for me, I want you to feel good, to feel me,” he whispered, moving out and rolling his hips into Hyungwon smoothly, teeth sinking into his shoulder. “Can you feel me, babe?”

The gorgeous boy whimpered at the pleasure, sound low and desperate as he curved his spine and pushed his hips further into him, body shaking.

“I do, I do I do I do, fuck,” he muttered helplessly and intertwined his legs with Hoseok’s. “Please, Hoseok, please let me feel more.”

He curled his right hand around Hyungwon's thigh and lifted his long leg, thrusting into his gorgeous body and groaning at the intense sensations cursing through his limbs and centering in his groin. The angle was amazing.

The beautiful boy screamed, words and moans turning incoherent and incomprehensible and tightness only increasing with the way Hyungwon convulsed around him, narrow ring of muscles pulling him in with each thrust. The black hair spread out over his shoulder and he could see the plump, red lips opened wide to release the moans and screams that built up.

“Oh my god, fuck me, shit, fuck me, Hoseok,” the gorgeous boy screamed and curled and uncurled his fingers, still held in place by Hoseok’s hand. The younger man must have felt so good, losing his senses and his fucking mind with each motion of Hoseok’s hips.

He loved the position so much, being close to Hyungwon, feeling his skin all over his body, hearing his screams and the repeated begging, he was hooked. So hooked.

“Fuck, I want you to feel all of me,” he groaned, tightening his grip on the boy's wrists.

“Then give it to me, give me all of you,” Hyungwon replied and trembled in his hold. The way the younger man's erection twitched and how the tightness only increased was a telltale sign that the black-haired boy was close, at the brink of orgasm. “Please,” he begged like a mantra.

Hoseok went all out, kissing and biting Hyungwon's caramel skin, breathing his name and rolling his hips fast, alternating sensual thrusts with quick and rough ones.

“God, I'm close, come for me, babe,” he moaned.

A few more harsh thrusts were sufficient to feel Hyungwon's body pull him in and the slim thighs flex against his own, accompanied by a scream. Releasing himself on the sheets, the gorgeous black-haired boy turned limp, leaning against Hoseok and breathing heavily.

He moved his hips a few times and felt his orgasm explode behind his eyelids when he released himself, twitching inside Hyungwon's body repeatedly. Breathing harshly, he let go of the boy's wrists, stroking over them instead.

“I missed you so much, Hyungwon,” he whispered.

“I missed you too, so fucking much. I just cried like a little bitch all the time, unable to focus,” the younger man replied and relaxed against his chest, using one of his hands to stroke along Hoseok’s thigh that was flush against his. “I like you so much, Hoseok.”

“I like you too, I have no idea how that happened, but I do.” He kissed Hyungwon's neck before pulling out carefully. After getting rid of the condom and cleaning up, he sat on the edge of the bed and stroked over the boy's black hair slowly.

“We can sleep on the other bed, if you still want to, that is.”

Hyungwon turned around to look at him, black hair spreading out over the white pillow and face more than stunning. A smile appeared on plump lips as big, brown eyes turned into crescents, lighting up his delicate features. The boy looked so happy.

“I really do Hoseok, I’d love to.”

“Ah, why are you so beautiful? It's hard.” He leaned in and cupped the small face with both hands, kissing the red, swollen lips gently.

“Because you're not meant to hold back,” Hyungwon whispered back and closed his eyes, melting into the soft kiss.

Lifting the boy's body bridal style, Hoseok carried him to the other bed and crawled under the blanket next to him, spooning him like they had done it before, as if nothing had changed, although it did.

_You like him and you know very well that you can't run away from this, Hoseok._

_Not this time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 22nd of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ah, you misunderstood. I do like myself, I'm only of the opinion that I am not suitable for any kind of relationship. But I do like myself, I'm a great scientist.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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>   
> 

Hyungwon had believed that he knew what a rollercoaster of emotions was, a rough transition from one feeling into the next, from the fear of having a paper rejected to an acceptance, from the happiness of being close to a person only to be pushed away right after.

He wanted Hoseok, he knew that as surely as his own name. The older man had managed to evoke feelings in him, the desire to be close, to spend their time and whisper into each other's ears at night. Hyungwon wanted all that, but he had been convinced that it was something unattainable, that the black-haired man would never abandon his responsibility and moral obligation and embrace him.

Lying in the older man's arms, sated from the firework of pleasure he had given him, Hyungwon had felt so fucking happy, euphoric at being embraced and cared about. Just like the sudden break of their relationship had felt like a dream, having what he yearned and begged for in the past few weeks seemed unreal.

_Is he really yours to have?_

It was early morning, way before the sound of their alarm, and Hoseok was still asleep, exhaling softly against Hyungwon's nape. It felt pleasant and warm, a heavy arm around his waist and legs that intertwined under the sheets. The bed was small and only meant for one person, but the older man had fully enveloped him with his muscular body and reduced the space.

Hyungwon felt happy, ridiculously happy, so fucking happy that he wanted to turn around, grab Hoseok’s cheeks with his big palms and kiss every inch of his face, his curved lips, his straight nose and his eyelids.

He was happy, but also terrified.

_Because you don't know if he changed his mind._

It was perfectly possible that the black-haired man had felt weak, emotionally broken because of encountering his ex-fiancé that had apparently gotten married, leaving Hoseok behind. Daniel was a beautiful man, tall and muscular and to be honest not very similar to Hyungwon. He had expected the older man's past lover to look boyish, like all other conquests that the professor appeared to be interested in, but he wasn't. Daniel had seemed very independent and manly.

_You look really young in comparison._

Of course, Hoseok could have been emotional and hurt after seeing that Daniel had gotten married. Maybe Hyungwon had only been able to get close because of the older man's unstable emotional state, easily giving in to his begging and desperation. The thought was terrifying.

The clock across the room was ticking and Hyungwon was a little afraid of what would happen if the older man apologized for his behavior and returned to polite distance and being a good supervisor. He doubted that he could take another rejection like that, not right before the most important talk in his life and also not in general.

The sound of Hoseok’s alarm ripped him from his thoughts, almost half an hour earlier than he had expected. Hyungwon's body turned rigid and he squeezed his eyes shut, praying in his mind that the older man wouldn't push him away and tell him that everything was a mistake.

_You can take this, Hyungwon, you'll be fine._

A strained groan vibrated against his skin and Hoseok curled his arms tighter around him, pulling him closer against his chest and groin. The action almost pressed all of the air out of his lungs.

“We have to get up already? I feel like sleeping another twenty hours, you make me weak,” the older man chuckled and pressed a kiss against his nape. It was delicate, not like Hoseok intended on throwing him out of the bed the next second and give him pointers on how to make his talk perfect.

The relief was instant as he relaxed in the older man’s arms and hummed in agreement.

“It’s your alarm, you should know if you have to get up or not, mine is in thirty minutes or more,” Hyungwon replied and rubbed his head over the area between Hoseok’s head and shoulder, enjoying the warmth. He didn’t want to get up, it felt like a happy bubble and he wanted to remain safely inside of it.

“Are you feeling okay? Don’t you want to sleep a little more?” the older man asked and kissed his shoulder between his words, embracing him further, as if he was equally scared to let go.

“I’m fine, I woke up pretty early.” Hyungwon shifted a little and pressed his back a little more into Hoseok’s naked chest. “Currently I’m thinking about whether you had any new epiphanies in the morning and whether I am going to nail my talk despite emotional turmoil.” He chuckled.

“I told you that I will try not to hurt you anymore. Let’s get up and you can practice your talk.” The older man rubbed his hips against his butt and leaned back. Hyungwon hissed at the way it felt and forced himself to not lose his shit because Hoseok did exactly the one thing he was afraid of, be all professional.

_Apart from the dick against your ass, that's not very professional._

“Could you also calm down the turmoil,” Hyungwon murmured.

“Why? Are you scared?” Hoseok turned him and cupped his face with both palms, squeezing his cheeks before his face lit up in a bright grin, probably at the way his lips curled into a fucking ribbon.

“Of the talk? No. Of you suddenly changing your mind and going all professional on my sensitive ass? Yeah, kinda.” Hyungwon pouted and inhaled through his nose. There was no point in pretending that he wasn’t worried. If Hoseok was able to tell him instantly whether there was a reason to be terrified, then he wanted to get it over with.

“That’s what I meant. I have to be professional, but I also don’t want to stay away from you. I can’t stay away from you, there will be situations when I will have to act as your supervisor, which I am. But it doesn’t mean-” Hoseok closed his eyes and leaned in, touching his lips with his curved ones gently, almost like a soft exhale against his mouth. “Doesn’t mean that I don’t like you. I do. A lot.”

“Good,” Hyungwon whispered and reached out to stroke over the older man’s cheek, enjoying how warm it was against his palm. “I like you too and I’ll be able to deal with you being professional as long as I know that you’re not pushing me away.”

“I’m not. It doesn’t work and you’re suffering, I hate it. But we still have to get up and I want to listen to your talk. Liking you doesn’t save you from professional criticism.” The older man grinned, removing a loose strand of hair from his forehead and stood up from the bed, showing him his gorgeous naked body, muscular and pale before it got covered in clothes.

“I hope not naked,” Hyungwon mumbled and crawled to the edge of the bed, letting the blanket slide down his back slowly. It was cold and he really didn’t want to stand up, but there were a few things that were pointless to discuss with Hoseok. ‘I think I’ll be fine’ and ‘actually I don’t want to present my work’ were two of them. Placing his right foot on the hotel carpet, he finally lifted his long body off the bed and looked around to find his clothes, at least his underwear that Hoseok must have thrown somewhere.

“As you like. I don’t care as long as the performance is alright,” the black-haired man commented and sat down on one of the chairs, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest.

Hyungwon couldn't believe the audacity and rolled his eyes. He was definitely not presenting without clothes. As soon as he had found his briefs, he pulled them over his butt, followed by nice black pants and a black button down with a pattern. It looked fancy and seemed appropriate for an important talk. Styling up his hair would also make him look older.

“I'll keep it a little shorter,” he pointed out, and opened the presentation on his laptop, ready to go. A last glance towards the thick book on language acquisition was reassuring as he began with the historical background and slowly made his way towards current research and recent changes in the way language was conceptualized. As always, Hoseok didn't interrupt him and listened carefully, nodding once in a while.

When Hyungwon finished, he licked over his lips to return the moisture and watched the older man carefully. It almost seemed as if nothing had changed.

“Good. A small piece of advice from an arrogant self-loving scientist: you should look up relevant studies from the people present and add them to your literature list, as they might also ask questions related to them, because scientist love talking about their own research. Apart from that you’re constantly making me a proud supervisor. Let’s see how it goes.” Hoseok stood up and disappeared in the bathroom, probably brushing his teeth and showering judging from the sounds.

_He's really good at seeming like he wasn't balls deep in your ass a few hours ago._

Hyungwon released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding and let himself fall on the bed again. Adding a few studies wasn't difficult, he could do that. It was almost insignificant compared to the praise he had received, it felt so damn good.

_Like you're actually achieving things._

Now Hyungwon only needed to nail the actual talk and preferably not look inside his email account because his boss was strangely good at finding the worst timing for hate mail.

_You can do this._

 

_

 

It was difficult to register who was talking to him and whether it was relevant with how his heart was hammering in his chest and his hands still shivered a little after his talk.

Hyungwon still couldn't believe that he was at the UCL, giving a talk as if he was someone important which he sure as fuck wasn't. Luckily, Hoseok had talked before him and Hyungwon had the advantage of talking to a bunch of rather entertained scientists. The disadvantage was that he couldn't calm down and was instantly confronted with questions, students that wanted to know what his research topic was, and Prof. Lee’s ridiculously handsome face.

Hoseok was grinning at him from the first row and Hyungwon really wanted to ditch everybody and run to him and his professor friend that sat right next to him. Something about the guy was a little intimidating but it could have been the mixture of nasty eyes and short height.

It was difficult to avoid the way his eyes automatically slipped towards the two men, hands fumbling with a pen on the speaker pedestal.

When the student next to him began a rather detailed explanation of her own research, Hyungwon found himself meeting the older man's intense gaze, almost making his breath hitch.

“I'd love to know some more about that, do you think you could send me an email with the details?” he asked the girl as soon as he found a good spot in the conversation. Adrenaline was still rushing through his system and answering questions was not going to help him.

Feeling a little nervous, he made his way towards Hoseok and Prof. Yoo, smiling politely.

“How was it?” he asked quietly and leaned against the row of tables, not bothering to climb over it cause that would be a little too much.

Hoseok stood up and smiled one of his most beautiful smiles.

“Very interesting, Prof. Yoo liked it a lot. He was pestering me for having such capable PhD students who are good enough to give a talk at a symposium. I'm lucky,” the older man replied and winked briefly, turning towards the brown-haired man who smiled too.

“Yes, I'm jealous, I'm Kihyun, nice to meet you, Hoseok said that you're casual and you're not my student so let's just call each other by our first name.”

_Oh god._

“Thank you very much for thinking so highly of me, Kihyun. I'm glad you enjoyed the talk,” Hyungwon answered quickly and smiled. Glancing at Hoseok’s teasing face, he bit his lip and forced himself to remember that the older man always winked at him for no reason. “I'm Hyungwon.”

“Your topic is really interesting, you should think about coming here for a postdoc position. Hoseok intended to let me take care of you anyway. He changed his mind suddenly, but I would be glad if you considered.” The shorter man smiled in a friendly way and slapped Hoseok's arm for no reason.

“Yeah, I missed London and you're a good supervisor, even though your personality could use some optimizing,” Hoseok commented and gestured towards the exit. “Let's get a coffee, and stop talking about our conversations in front of everybody,” the older man hissed at his friend, but Hyungwon could still hear.

_He wanted to run away again, to London._

Hyungwon had the sudden urge to choke the muscular man, but that would have been a little too scandalous, even for his taste. Liking and sleeping with his almost twenty years older supervisor was enough excitement.

“Is it alright if I join you?” he asked carefully and waited for both men to slip out of the first row. “I wouldn't want to disturb your ‘conversations’.”

“Sure, please join, I was telling Hoseok how the job rotation works if he changes his mind again. I'm a little sad as I have wanted to do research at the faculty in Munich for quite some time and was really happy when Hoseok suggested it.” The short professor crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Yes, just come as a guest professor, and you'll run away as soon as you work with Regina for more than two days. I just realized that I have been gone for a long time and should wait until the girls finish their theses before going anywhere. Hyungwon has to finish too,” the older man murmured while pouring himself coffee out of the prepared pot.

“Well, Regina is surprisingly lovely to externals she doesn't pay,” Hyungwon murmured quietly and reached out to pour some coffee for Kihyun because he was polite. “How come you considered a job rotation, Hoseok? This is the first time I’ve heard about it.”

_He could have just left, without a warning, like to Berlin._

“I know Regina too, she stops being lovely if you have a different opinion on research, or reject a paper of hers. Yeah.” Kihyun gestured wildly before thanking him for the coffee and taking a sip.

Hoseok chewed on his lip briefly, catching his gaze and giving a barely audible sigh.

“I thought it would've made a few things easier, which is why I wanted Kihyun to come to supervise you, he's way better than me considering your topic and he can tell Regina to fuck off too. But I didn't go, as you can see.” The black-haired man removed his gaze and sipped on his hot coffee carefully.

“Yes, he wrote me a WhatsApp yesterday, can you believe it?”

Hyungwon's eyes widened.

“Yesterday? He cancelled the deal- yesterday?” he asked and hoped he didn't look stupid, half eaten snack still in his mouth and coffee cup tilting a little.

“Yes, I hate his spontaneity. Anyway, tell me if you're relaxed and we can plan this out properly.” He gestured at Hoseok before grabbing a Snickers. “And you must be quite fond of Hoseok, I understand he's an excellent supervisor and takes good care of his students, I would've never considered leaving my team with someone I can't fully trust.” The short professor grinned at Hyungwon's antics and corrected the position of his cup.

It was embarrassing but Hyungwon only nodded, too occupied with the thought that Hoseok was perfectly ready to leave and only changed his mind yesterday, the day when Hyungwon was basically all over him, begging him to stay and not push him away.

_But you don't know if that's why he cancelled it. He said the girls need to finish. He could have written to Kihyun before going out with you._

It felt so scary that the older man was this close to disappearing again, far enough for Hyungwon to be unable to follow.

“Hoseok is- really amazing. I'm glad to have him as my second supervisor and I'm happy he's back,” he muttered and looked at Hoseok, examining the older man's gorgeous features.

“What were you even doing at 3AM? But you know what, I don't want to know. But Hyungwon, did you know Hoseok before? Aren't you going into your second year? He was away in the US most of that time,” Kihyun pointed out and pinched Hoseok’s muscular arm, looking up at the older man for confirmation. “Do you actually know where you want to go after your PhD? Language acquisition, or something different? You would probably want to do something else anyway.”

_Oh god, he really cancelled because of you, after sleeping with you._

Hyungwon swallowed and glanced towards Hoseok briefly before pulling his best acting skills out of his ass.

“He signed my supervisor agreement but I actually never knew who he was until he returned from the US. He's my second supervisor, so it wasn't necessary to know him personally. Now I'm really glad that I do,” he replied with a bright smile. “To be honest my background is rather clinical, so I was thinking of going back into clinical research, but I'm not sure yet. I know that it depends on the offers, so I'm hoping something good will come along.”

“Ah, Hoseok mentioned you researched autism before. We have a pretty nice place here, the center for research in autism and education. The guys there are super nice, write me when you're in your third year and we'll have a talk.” The professor seemed really nice despite his intense and slightly intimidating gaze, there must've been a reason why Hoseok had wanted to switch with him and not with somebody else.

The black-haired man was sitting on one of the chairs and listening to their talk while drinking his coffee in thought, not saying anything.

Hyungwon's heart was beating fast at the thought of the autism center, but his eyes still travelled to Hoseok once in a while.

“You can't just call them ‘the guys’ when one of them is Simon Baron-Cohen, oh god, that's the understatement of the year,” he muttered and emptied half of his cup, overwhelmed by getting an offer just like that. That must have been what Hoseok meant by being given an amazing chance.

“Yeah, Hoseok and him went drinking a lot fifteen years ago. Right? He's a little too old for that now, but your age difference must be similar.”  Hoseok listened and nodded with a barely visible smile. Hyungwon couldn't help but wonder if their relationship was similar too, but that was probably going a little too far.

_How can he know everybody like that? It's crazy._

“We should visit, if we're already here and you're interested in autism,” Hoseok commented and emptied his cup.

Hyungwon drank the rest of his own to not make any embarrassing noises of excitement. This whole opportunity was too fucking crazy.

“That's- that would be all kinds of amazing,” he exclaimed and skipped the curses like an expert. “Can we please meet him, Hoseok? He's as close to a superhero as it gets for me.”

“Let's try it, but we have to get some good Gin first,” the gorgeous black-haired man replied and winked again, standing up from his chair and closing the distance. “We'll see each other later, can't miss the opportunity to impress a PhD student.” Hoseok grinned at Kihyun and slapped his shoulder lightly, before moving towards the exit while typing something into his phone.

Hyungwon almost automatically reached out to hook his arm around the older man's forearm, but stopped himself in time, just brushing over Hoseok’s shoulder as if there was dirt instead. It was much more difficult to keep his distance, now that the pressure from not being allowed to be close to the black-haired man was gone. Hyungwon hadn’t had enough yet and every second that he wasn't close enough seemed like a wasted opportunity.

“I loved your talk, as much as I loved the one in Philadelphia,” Hyungwon whispered and licked over his lips quickly, following Hoseok through the halls of the UCL.

“And I loved yours, you being breathtakingly beautiful and smart is something I can't really deal with well.” Hoseok chuckled and smiled at a message that he must've received.

“Good news?” Hyungwon asked excitedly and leaned in. The compliment had been enough to lift his mood to a different dimension. Spending another few days in London with Hoseok and meeting important professors sounded like a dream come true.

“Yes, we can go over there, it will be amazing, he's such an inspiring person.” Hoseok stepped into the fancy elevator and pressed the ground floor, waiting for the doors to close. As soon as they did, a strong arm pulled him into the tight embrace, curved lips placing a soft kiss on top of his mouth before the contact broke again. “You did amazing. Made me want to kiss you.”

Hyungwon's lips parted and his heartbeat picked up. Warmth travelled through his chest like it replaced everything else with liquid euphoria, filling him out to his fingertips. Glancing at the floor count briefly, he grabbed Hoseok’s face with his palms and kissed him again, longer this time to be able to taste the older man. The sensation of warm lips against his, clouded his senses. It was crazy and his knees almost gave out when he pushed back at the sound of the bell announcing the ground floor.

“You drive me mad, Hoseok,” he whispered and brushed through his hair, feeling his face heat up a little.

“It's because this has something forbidden to it, I'm older, I'm your supervisor, it's kind of crazy, right?” The muscular man stepped out of the elevator while licking over his lips slowly. It looked as if Hoseok was trying to savor the taste of his tongue. The sight caused a tingling sensation to travel down his legs, a hint of arousal. “You're delicious.”

Hyungwon pressed his lips together and nodded like Hoseok had told him something that required an answer, suddenly painfully aware of the number of people around them.

_Is it the taboo of it though?_

He didn't think it was. Sure, there was something exciting to it when they were at the office and Hoseok left marks on his thighs while he sat spread-legged on his desk, but Hyungwon didn't think of Hoseok as his supervisor when he was in the older man's apartment, sharing his bed.

“How come you were drinking together with the infamous Baron-Cohen?” he asked to distract himself from any thought that evoked a bodily reaction.

“I wrote my first PhD thesis at the UCL and he had been conducting his studies back then. We disagreed on moral development in children and I kind of dissed him but then he showed me that I had been an idiot and we went for drinks. And after that it kind of repeated itself because we both really liked Gin and not going home.” Hoseok smiled and brushed back his black bangs in a smooth movement.

“That sounds kind of amazing and not wanting to go home is very relatable,” Hyungwon said with a chuckle and again had to resist the urge to touch the older man. “I somehow can't imagine you fifteen years ago, it sounds like such a long time.”

“I was almost your age, a little older than you are now. I probably thought similar things you are thinking right now, or not, I don't know. What are you thinking about right now?” Hoseok asked as they climbed into the cab, thighs touching.

_Him, you're only thinking about him._

“You,” Hyungwon whispered and hoped that the taxi driver didn't hear. The proximity wasn't making it any easier. He just wanted to be able to stop thinking about it, to curl his arm around Hoseok’s broad shoulders if he felt like it. He had been so deprived over the past weeks that he felt like a starving lion, ready to pounce. “I'm thinking about touching you.”

“I thought you would be thinking about the autism center. But fair enough, I think about touching you too, especially when you're so close and look so breathtakingly beautiful, whispering your replies with that hot, low voice of yours.” Hoseok turned towards him and brushed over his lips briefly, smile spreading his pale cheeks.

_He’s fine with being so close in a cab?_

Hyungwon didn’t know if it was acceptable, but the older man seemed calm about it, so he inhaled sharply and curled his long fingers around Hoseok’s thigh, enjoying the way the firm muscles felt.

“I’m also thinking about the autism center, but that doesn’t feel real enough yet. You on the other hand…”

“We're almost there, wow, it changed quite a bit.” The older man got distracted by the pretty new buildings surrounding them as the cab turned into a narrow street.

“I’d be surprised if it didn’t,” Hyungwon remarked and leaned in a little further towards Hoseok’s side, using the window and the gorgeous sight as an excuse to inhale the older man’s scent.

“I had this feeling that I was doomed when I inhaled your scent for the first time and figured that it was caramel,” Hoseok whispered and chuckled, before lifting his butt to get his wallet out of the back pocket of his jeans.

“That’s a little too dramatic, isn’t it?” He chuckled and gave the older man some space to pay for the cab. That shit was expensive and considering that the currency was pounds it must have been even more. “For the first few hours after meeting you at the event, I kept wondering whether ‘Caramelsutra’ was your way of pointing out you like to experiment with sex positions. But nope, you just really like dessert.”

“Are you telling me that I don't like to experiment with sex positions?” Hoseok leaned back, looking all shocked, expression transforming into the human version of ‘you did me dirty, I hope that you burn in hell’. “Furthermore, I might be more of a romantic person than you would think, I was this close to marrying Daniel.” Hoseok gestured, showing a tiny amount with his thumb and index finger while narrowing his gaze.

_And then he ran away because he had to choose and chose work._

“I told you before, I think- that when you love a person enough you find ways to stay with them. I’m sure you loved him and cared about him, being all romantic, but probably not enough to go through with it.” Chewing on his lip, Hyungwon shifted on his seat, hoping that his comment didn’t upset the older man too much. “I didn’t say that you don’t like to experiment though, just that Caramelsutra wasn’t your way to express it. I’m still in nirvana after yesterday.”

“Nirvana? Sore, you mean sore. And I loved him enough to not want to him to suffer because of me. And it was a good decision because he's happily married now, looking gorgeous and all that while I'm still where I am, which shows that it wasn't about the amount and intensity of feelings, but about something else.” Hoseok stepped out and looked around, probably recognizing the entrance and walking towards it. The older man was wrong, Hyungwon wasn’t sore, he was content.

_Maybe Daniel was the one who didn’t hold on, giving up when Hoseok decided to leave._

Hyungwon didn’t want to put himself on a pedestal, but it felt like he would have tried to keep Hoseok there, just like he had done yesterday, begging and hoping for the older man to listen.

_But he could have also left without you knowing a single thing._

He could have, but Hyungwon would have gone to look for him, grabbed him by the neck and told him to come back. There was something about Hoseok that pulled him in and kept him there, despite boundaries and responsibilities.

“You also look gorgeous,” Hyungwon murmured, feeling a little uncomfortable as he followed after the older man. “And...you have me.”

“That is such a beautiful thing to say. Thank you.” Hoseok turned and smiled at him, it looked genuine and affectionate. They passed the main entrance and the older man turned around the corner, obviously very familiar with the building despite the time that had passed. Stopping in front of a white door, he knocked twice and walked in.

The sight of the affectionate smile melted his insides and he swallowed to not swoon like a little girl. Hoseok managed to disintegrate his composure like a technician did with a computer, taking out all the valuable parts with perfect knowledge of what they were for.

The thought that he was about to meet a famous scientist that he had basically read the life’s work of, suddenly hit him without a warning and various situations that could lead to him embarrass himself popped up in his head. Luckily, Hyungwon was a genius at overcompensation and confidence instantly appeared out of thin air as he followed Hoseok into a large and spacious office.

“Hoseok, god, it’s been such a long time. I was in Munich last year, but you were gone,” the red-haired scientist exclaimed and shook Hoseok’s hand, embracing him right after. “I know it’s weird, but you coming to visit with your PhD student seems so strange to me.”

“I’ve been a professor for eight years already, Simon. It’s been such a long time, it’s amazing to see you. I came to show your decade long work to Hyungwon here. He’s really interested in autism and is considering going into clinical research after his PhD, so I thought there wasn’t a better person to meet.” Another beautiful smile spread Hoseok’s pale cheeks and the older man stepped to the side to introduce him.

Hyungwon’s heart was beating crazily in his chest as he stepped forward and reached out to shake the old professor’s hand, smile on his lips.

“My name is Chae Hyungwon, I dare to call myself an admirer of your work,” he remarked and bit down on his cheek to not appear too excited.

“Nice to meet you, Hyungwon. I arranged a little tour through the lab. My amazing postdoc Lena will show you around and answer most of your questions and after that we can have a talk. Hoseok you can stay with me, we have more than ten years to catch up on.” The professor lifted his glasses once and smiled. A short, very pretty woman came in and waved at him to follow.

“Have fun,” Hoseok whispered and winked at him.

Hyungwon felt a little upset at not being able to spend the rest of the day with the older man, but that was his rather attached personality, wanting to get back the hours that Hoseok had avoided him and attempted to keep his distance. He wanted to see the black-haired man so often that he was able to compensate for all that lost time, lie in bed in his embrace and talk about personality traits.

A small hand on his shoulder returned his attention to the pretty woman that pulled him out of the office, showing no hesitation with body contact much like Lisa did.

“See you later,” he managed to exclaim as he was already pulled around a corner and met a bright smile, explaining the buildup of the lab to him.

 _Use the opportunity, Hyungwon, you still have an endless number of hours if you want to._  
  


 

***  
  


He forgot that writing guilt was a thing, even for a professor who was almost forty.

_Since when do you think of yourself as forty?_

Probably since he crushed on a 23-year-old. But yes, writing guilt was a thing, especially while sitting next to a professor who had almost five hundred publications. He wasn’t sure that a person could publish that much, no matter how much work she or he put into it. Holy shit.

Hoseok had used the time that Hyungwon was on a lab tour to promote the black-haired boy as much as he could, making sure that Simon remembered him when the young man decided to go into autism research.

_He should have the opportunity to go._

“You’re funny, normally a professor would say how bad his students are, so they would stay with him if they’re really good, but you’re really out there promoting him. I see your personality fits with your research interest. Altruism is a thing, huh?” Simon laughed and took a sip of his black coffee.

“Yes, he’s really good and I just wish for him to have all the possibilities open after he finishes. He’s not mine to have.” He meant the professional kind but the sentence hurt, as if it was the truth he had refused to believe.

_He isn’t yours to have._

“It makes sense, more for me,” Simon commented and grinned at him. So many years had passed but they still seemed to find a topic for conversation without appearing forced. He wanted to joke about that, but his phone vibrated annoyingly and he excused himself after recognizing the number.

Closing the office door behind himself, he leaned against one of the white walls and took the call, lifting the phone towards his ear slowly.

_Keep calm._

“Who do you think you are to just take Hyungwon and go to London with him? This is not part of his PhD and he has to analyze data for me, he has to submit another paper and there are other things that he’s supposed to do instead of enjoying himself with you.” Regina’s tone of voice managed to rile him up in seconds, he hated it so much. Sucking in a breath, he answered.

“It was an amazing opportunity for him to get a glimpse of the faculty here and to present the project and his own research, which was really good for him and will definitely benefit his thesis and his personal development.” Hoseok tried to stay completely calm, knowing that she had only called because he hadn’t answered her emails. Her hate emails in which she got personal, insulted his ability to do research, to teach and to get money for grants which was such bullshit that she of course had to tell him that he’s probably infatuated with Hyungwon because the boy is pretty and Hoseok as a gay man would be immediately hooked.

_Just that it’s kind of true._

“He just used his pretty face to cover his inability to do anything and you just jump on it like a horny 15-year-old,” the witch said in her fucking witch voice.

“What? Now listen up, I took him because he’s good, he is proficient in the research topic and it benefits his PhD. You have enough people to do the stuff you’re not able to do. Calm down.” Hoseok forced himself to speak quietly, to not tell the old bitch everything he had ever thought about her and be professional instead, provide arguments and be sane.

“He’s not your student, Hoseok. He’s mine. Take care of your army of pretty girls instead of butting into my business. You do not hold the Chair yet to decide anything. Leave Hyungwon alone.” There was silence for a split second before short sounds announced that the older woman must’ve hung up on him.

_She’s kind of right._

The worst thing about his colleague’s personality was that she took a tiny hint of truth, of reality, and bent it in such a crazy angle that it didn’t make sense at all, but in the end,  there was this tiny little truth, actually irrelevant and small, but becoming big and blown up due to the way she had presented it. It made you think: ‘But if she has such a big problem with it, maybe it really is an issue. If she is using it to put stupid arguments on top, maybe it’s good enough to be used as blackmail?’.

There was no escape. He felt like shit.

Putting his phone into his pocket, he spotted Hyungwon approaching from the hallway on the right, joking with the pretty girl before his gaze focused on Hoseok’s form.

“Hey, I hope it was nice. I have some things to take care of, so I’ll tell Simon to educate you a little and then we can meet for dinner somewhere, just write me,” he murmured with a forced smile, before entering Simon’s office and telling him about his plans. The older man was a little disappointed but didn’t show it, which was cute. Turning to Hyungwon, he smiled at the black-haired boy’s gorgeous face that looked a little worried and whispered ‘It’ll be amazing’ while packing his things.

From the corner of his eye he could see the black-haired boy murmuring something towards the pretty woman then Hyungwon stepped closer and placed a warm palm on his back, applying a little bit of pressure.

“Are you okay? Will you be fine?” the boy asked quietly and rubbed along his spine a little, still discreetly enough to appear like a friendly gesture. “I can come with you as well, Hoseok, you've already given me so much.”

“What? No!” he whispered, shocked at the possibility of Hyungwon actually ditching a talk with a famous scientist to come home with him because he got stressed out by the witch. “Let’s meet for dinner. And Simon, please take good care of him.” Smiling brightly, he winked at the black-haired boy and gave Simon a hug before disappearing down the hallway.

“I'll write to you,” Hyungwon called after him, voice laced with worry.

_Why are you so obvious?_

He needed to work on that.

_

 

Sitting on the hotel bed with his laptop open, he had spent the first hour sorting his emails and moving Regina’s into the hate mail folder to not stumble over them unnecessarily. The second hour, he stared at a paper review, answered all the questions from the girls that had first priority and smiled at the occasional texts Hyungwon had sent him, containing a short description of what the tall boy was doing and asking him whether he was done. Hoseok really hated being obvious, so he wrote that he was fine and that they could meet for dinner. He picked a small pub next to their hotel, they had nice but simple food and Hyungwon didn't have to spend any money, because Hoseok would pay, but it wasn't so much that the young man would've felt uncomfortable about him paying.

Another message arrived, stating that the black-haired boy was ready for dinner. Hoseok dropped the location pin and jumped into the shower quickly, picking a nice black shirt and black jeans that enhanced the contrast to his pale skin. He thought about styling his hair up, but it would've made him look more serious and a little dangerous, it wasn't really fitting, especially with what Hyungwon had been wearing before. Slipping into his shoes, Hoseok slapped his cheeks twice for color and left the room, going down to the ground floor before leaving the building.

He arrived first, taking a nice table in a rather dark corner, but it fit so well with the rest of the pub that he immediately felt at home. His phone vibrated suddenly and he smiled, expecting another message from the gorgeous caramel babe - how he was still called in his contacts - but instead it was a number he didn't know.

‘I had to ask around, but found you. I don't think I did anything wrong and if I did I'd like to talk about it. Let's meet up as long as you're here. We won't have many opportunities like this. Dan.”

He stared at the phone before closing his eyes and sucking in a breath. Daniel was right, he didn't do anything wrong, it was him who had this extremely painful time all by himself and felt unfairly treated only because his ex was happily married and able to move on.

A palm suddenly appeared on top of his, warm and soft as fingers caressed the transition to his wrist.

“I hope I'm not late,” Hyungwon remarked and sat down across from him, bright smile in place. Only the furrow in his eyebrows revealed that he believed something was off, a courtesy of the way he had styled up his hair. The gorgeous boy was wearing a pretty, semi-transparent black shirt and tight jeans, sticking to his legs like a second skin. It almost looked like Hyungwon had brought the outfit only for a night out with him in the city.

_Beautifully wrapped up candy._

“Oh, have you been to the hotel? Sneaky,” Hoseok remarked and smiled, trying to overcompensate for the change in his face when he was dissatisfied with something. “No, you're right on time, let's pick something tasty. What do you want to drink?”

Hyungwon pursed his lips briefly before he accepted the menu that was placed in front of him and took a careful look. It seemed like the younger man didn't quite believe Hoseok’s cheerfulness yet.

“I'd say a glass of wine, but I'm no expert on what to drink in London. I'd merely follow your recommendations.”

“You have to drink a warm lager,” he replied and laughed right after, suggesting gin and tonic as a good alternative to wine. “I'll take chicken and the gin and tonic. Let me answer a message real quick.” He pointed at the menu for the waiter to note and pulled out his phone, writing an answer.

‘You didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry if it looked like it. I’m really glad that you moved on. Don't know why we need to meet as we lived just fine not staying in contact, so I guess we will be okay. :) Hoseok.’

Chewing on his lips, he put the device on the table next to his right palm and looked up at Hyungwon.

“So, how was it? Was Simon nice to you?”

“He's amazing, a walking textbook, an encyclopedia, a library,” Hyungwon exclaimed excitedly after ordering a steak that he wanted without anything that resembled a vegetable. “I've never talked to anybody who oozes knowledge from his pores like that man does. It feels like I could stand next to him for a few seconds and increase my Raven’s matrices IQ performance by ten points.” The black-haired boy seemed in a very good mood, talking quickly and gesturing with his big hands in the process.

“That's amazing, I'm glad that you liked it so much. I told him about you and he really appreciates people who love his area of research. Your excitement makes me really happy.” Hoseok nodded at the waiter, after he had brought their drinks, and sucked a little out of his blue straw. It was really delicious.

“You're a hoe for gin and tonic, aren't you?” the boy asked with a loud laugh and leaned a little closer, letting the straw of his own drink rub over his plump bottom lip. It didn't seem forced or on purpose, rather it resembled a nonchalant gesture that had everything but a calming effect.

“No, I'm a hoe for you. But the gin and tonic is okay too.” Smiling briefly, he registered the vibration of his phone and unlocked it to look at Daniel's answer.

‘Don't you think it's time to revise your coping strategies? Aren't you tired of always running away? Let's meet for coffee. I'll pay. Dan.’

Staring at his phone for a few long seconds, he licked over his lips quickly and typed a reply.

‘Tomorrow, 10:30, the Starbucks next to the spot where we met yesterday. Hoseok.’

If there was something he hated, then it was losing a fight he hadn't started in the first place. He wasn't running away. Not now.

“Smooth, but not the truth,” Hyungwon remarked across from him and licked over his lips briefly before glancing out of the window at the side. The yellowish hue of the light enhanced the caramel color of his skin. “Your phone appears to be more intriguing company than me at the moment.”

“That's not true, actually. But it does remind me of things and it distracts me from the fact that you're sitting across from me, looking gorgeous and like a perfectly wrapped candy. Maybe it's good that I'm distracted,” he murmured, tracing the line of Hyungwon's neck with his eyes.

“Depends on how the distraction makes you feel. For now, I'm not too convinced.” Hyungwon brushed through his styled hair carefully and crossed his legs before returning his gaze to Hoseok’s face, intensity remaining. “I can do a better job.”

“But you're not my distraction,” he whispered, as the waiter brought the food and his phone lit up with a confirmation of his suggestion.

“I never said I was the distraction, only that I could make you feel better.” The black-haired boy shrugged and pulled his chair closer to the table, preparing to cut his steaks into mouth-sized pieces. Hyungwon appeared to use the break in eye contact to switch topics as his voice changed a little for his next words. “You didn't seem too happy before leaving today and you don't now, I dislike whatever made you feel this way.”

“Well, I can’t always be happy, can I? There are a lot of things going on, so don’t worry, it’s definitely not because of you. You’re making me feel better already.” Smiling brightly to emphasize his point, Hoseok cut a piece of his chicken breast and put it into his mouth, chewing expressively to make Hyungwon laugh. He knew how fucking ridiculous it looked.

It worked as the black-haired boy chuckled and stroked over his full cheek once.

“I'm glad,” Hyungwon murmured and returned his attention to his steak, placing gigantic pieces into his equally gigantic mouth. “I'm happy to be honest, being here with you, not thinking too much about what it entails, what other people think about us, what Regina writes about us. It's meaningless in comparison with the way I feel now and I love it.”

“Did she write you?” He immediately stopped chewing and stared at Hyungwon. “What did she write?”

“Yeah, she did,” the boy remarked with a shrug but it was probably pretense. “Apparently she didn't know I was going to London and got ‘a little furious’, but my point was that I'm happy with you which you strategically ignored, smooth.”

_That bitch._

“Was writing and calling me not enough, what the actual fuck?” He got angry immediately, before exhaling and waiting with the inhale until he calmed down a little. “I’m happy with you too.”

“You seem more furious than I was. Since when does she call? I'm only familiar with written confirmations of my incompetence.” Hyungwon chuckled again and Hoseok could suddenly perceive a sensation of warmth against his inner calf as the boy reached out to stroke it with his own carefully, while keeping his facial expression unaffected. “You have no idea how relieved I am that you didn't leave, Hoseok.”

“Didn’t leave? Where was I supposed to leave to?” He caught the younger man’s hand with his and stroked over the back of the slightly cool skin with his thumb. “She called because I ignored her emails.”

“You wanted to go to London,” Hyungwon whispered, not meeting his gaze as if the thought alone was scaring him. The tender caresses against his calf paused. “And leave me behind.”

“I did. I wanted to make sure that you had a nice supervisor and then go away. I had no idea how to deal with it otherwise, it was a really hard decision, but then you- you changed my opinion. I’m still not really over it, but I have to work on that, I guess. Can’t run away from you, can I?” He smiled and pulled the boy’s big palm towards his mouth and placed a kiss on top of it.

“You can't, I won't let you,” the black-haired boy whispered, expression impossibly vulnerable with how his eyes were wide and his plump lips trembled a little, a sign of the emotions Hyungwon must have been feeling. The touches against his calf resumed as the younger man lifted his long leg a little higher, almost up to Hoseok’s knee before sliding down again.

“You're ambitious,” he whispered, catching the straw with his lips and taking a sip of his gin and tonic.

“I have to be.” Hyungwon smiled and followed along, taking a careful sip of his own drink, visibly enjoying the combination. “It's fascinating that both gin and tonic are bitter, but the combination is sweet. It fits you.”

“You think I'm sweet? I'd say I'm bitter,” he commented and watched Hyungwon from under his bangs, “I think you're the sweetest there is. Really.”

“I said it fits you because it's bitter but only the combination makes it sweet. Who knows? Maybe I'm the one making you sweet.” The black-haired boy reached out for his palm again and intertwined their fingers, holding on as he continued to enjoy his drink.

“It's a very cute thing to say. To think that there are people who're able to change your essence, to improve its taste. It's comforting to know that you think like that.” Licking over his lips, Hoseok finished his drink and waved at the waiter to pay.

“I kinda wish you would think this way too. You keep giving me the impression that you don't like yourself, which is objectively difficult to understand.” Hyungwon's smile was warm as he squeezed Hoseok’s non-occupied hand again and let go. “I think you're amazing, a role model almost.”

“Ah, you misunderstood. I do like myself, I'm only of the opinion that I am not suitable for any kind of relationship. But I do like myself, I'm a great scientist.” He reached for Hyungwon's face and brushed a strand of black hair behind his ear. “And I’m a good lover.”

“And a good person,” Hyungwon added with a whisper, blush appearing on his cheeks. The waiter finally arrived at their table and placed the bill in front of them. Licking over his lips briefly, the younger man attempted to pull his wallet out of his tight jeans.

“Thank you. It’s my treat.” He placed a bill on the table and smiled at the waiter, attempting to stand up. “Let’s go? When are you going back actually?”

Hyungwon thanked him with a bright smile before it turned into a grin as he slipped into his coat.

“I'm staying until Sunday, you implicitly told me to.”

“Oh did I? I think I suggested that you stay to get more of the city. I booked a room at a really nice hotel on the Thames, it has a double bed.” He winked and put his hands into the pockets of his tight jeans. “But I have an appointment tomorrow at 10AM. After that I’m free.”

“Sounds fine with me,” Hyungwon replied and instantly hooked his arm around his, grinning brightly. “Watch me see exactly two things in London, your face and the sheets.”

“Well, that sounds like quite some variety. Let’s see. Want to stay with me?” Hoseok asked, acting as if he hadn’t intended on inviting the younger man anyway.

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied nonchalantly, like he hadn't planned on coming along even without an invitation. “A double bed sounds exciting and I'm sure you can offer me a lot of variety.” There was a teasing undertone as the black-haired boy brushed over Hoseok’s side with his long fingers.

“Amazing, I love having dessert every day.” He curled an arm around Hyungwon’s narrow hips and pulled him closer, pressing a kiss against his cute ear, lifting on his tiptoes a little. The other man was really tall. It was so nice to be able to be close in a city where nobody knew them, where he could be close to the gorgeous black-haired boy. He really liked him. A lot.

  
_  


It was amazing how a Starbucks looked the same everywhere and also harbored the same kinds of people. Women in suit pants, looking like his teacher in middle school, drinking pumpkin spice latte, whatever the fuck that was, and men in ripped jeans and leather jackets imagining being hipsters while drinking Americanos out of paper cups. Without a straw, to save the planet.

Sighing, Hoseok looked around and spotted the gorgeous-looking, tall man in the corner, sitting in front of two drinks. Daniel looked so good, skin tone glowing and so different compared to his own. He had loved the difference between them so much, it was beautiful when they had laid naked in his bed and Daniel curled his arms around him, making them look like milk and chocolate embracing. Kinder chocolate. Amazing.

_But it’s over, for a long time now. He’s married to another guy and you’re married to work._

_Beautiful._

It would’ve been an amazing and heart wrenching story, if work had given him beautiful memories, affection and sex, which it didn’t. It only gave him Regina and her schizophrenic paranoia and empty promises like finally getting the main Chair of developmental psychology, in addition to making life worse by placing the most gorgeous young man on earth as his PhD student, torturing him and not letting him run away anywhere. He really didn’t want to run away. He wanted to keep Hyungwon and not let him go anywhere.

_It’s not about Hyungwon. You’re here because of Daniel._

He got sidetracked, but caught himself and sat down across from the beautiful, black-haired man with full lips who smiled at him, showing his white teeth.

“I got you a cappuccino. You still drink it, right?” Daniel pointed at the other cup and crossed his jeans-clad legs. “It’s my day off today, so it’s really nice that you found time, Hoseok.”

“How could I not find time if you stalked my friends for my phone number? Why would you want to meet me after all this time? You said that you’re married. Why aren’t you with your husband? Does he know that you’re meeting your ex-fiancée?” Hoseok grabbed the cup of coffee and took a sip, before pursing his lips and looking to the side.

“Oh come on, Hoseok. You broke up with me and fucked off to the US. Moving on was the only opportunity I had to deal with this bullshit. Why did you leave? And spare me the ‘I couldn’t see you suffer’ bullshit. I’m 30 years old, I can make my own decisions. Why didn’t you let me? Why didn’t you let me participate in what you had decided for yourself? Was I not relevant enough? Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t meet you to accuse you, I really want to know because I spent months searching for what I might’ve done wrong, but I kind of failed, you know? And then I thought that maybe it’s good that we separated, because we are so different. You left and I didn’t bother looking for you and asking you why. We’re just like this. But I still miss you.” The attractive gaze settled on his face and he felt goosebumps spreading over his skin from the intensity.

“I guess it’s me. I had this feeling that I was helpless and made you suffer every fucking day, taking away the affection you deserved to get but have never gotten from me and I felt so fucking sorry. Fuck, I’m still sorry. I’m sorry, Daniel.” He couldn’t help but whisper the last words, feeling the pain slowly crawl out from somewhere deep inside him, reminding him with the path it took, of how agonizing it had been. So incredibly agonizing that he had to stop himself, his relationship, painful enough for him to leave everything he liked and to suffer alone somewhere far away.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Hoseok. It’s not some bad character flaw that you have something that you like so intensely that it’s worth doing so much for it. But it really doesn’t mean that you have to stop having relationships, to have fun, to enjoy yourself. You’re worth it and to be honest, putting all the good and bad things on a scale, you leaving me was still the worst. I think I would’ve taken the rest. I had a talk with Changkyun back then, because I was so fucking desperate. Sure, not desperate enough to come and find you, but I really needed to know. He told me the story with Regina. I’m sorry. I’m sorry too, for not noticing and for not being able to help you while you were suffering. As I said, maybe we’re just not made for each other, even though I really didn’t want to believe it. I liked it too much. Thank you for the time we spent together, Hoseok. It was a beautiful part of my life. Meeting you and being with you. I hope you can be happy with someone who loves you a lot. Really a lot, because I think that you’re someone who would be so good together with an affectionate person. Thank you for taking the time. That’s all I wanted to say.” Daniel smiled shyly before looking up and focusing his intense gaze on his eyes. “And that you’re really hot. You got quite some muscle mass and I almost drooled while seeing you, with the ring around my finger, like a hypocrite.” The younger man stood up and curled his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders. He smelled so sweet, like cacao. He loved it.

“You still smell like chocolate, have you even changed at all?” He chuckled and reciprocated the hug.

“Oh, you bet I did. Have a nice day, Hoseok.” Leaning back, Daniel blessed him with an breathtakingly beautiful smile and walked out of the cafe, waving before disappearing behind a corner.

He took a sip of his cappuccino and realized he must have been sitting for a while, as his coffee was almost cold and he couldn’t feel the other man’s arms anymore, sweet scent fading into nothingness as if it had never been there before. As if he had never felt it before.

 _As if you have never loved before._  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 24th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if he finds something he likes more than caramel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> < **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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Sightseeing could be exciting and fascinating when done right. It was the perfect way to get to know new places, become inspired and do some people watching. It happened to be one of Hyungwon’s favorite occupations when he wasn’t figuring out how the child’s mind worked, answering hate mail or fighting his way through teaching duties.

London was an amazing city. It was gigantic, urban, messy in its street arrangements and filled with tourists. Every corner revealed a new person speaking a foreign language and attempting to find the London Eye, the Dungeon, Buckingham Palace or one of the famous red telephone booths to take a picture for the family and prove to everyone that yes, indeed, they have been to London.

Hyungwon hadn’t been there before. Not because he wasn’t interested, not at all, but rather most of his trips had been with his parents and they had a rather strong affinity for backpacks, tents and everything that nature had to offer. Visiting larger cities was something he had done later during his limited work trips and exciting city adventures with Minhyuk.

That shared travel experience was the reason he found himself spending the morning (while Hoseok was meeting someone at a cafe) on the phone with his childhood friend. He enjoyed his slightly expensive but superb Earl Grey tea while describing every vaguely interesting or fascinating person he had seen on the trip. Minhyuk's witty comments and rather entertaining conversation was sufficient to distract him from the fact that it was not just 'somebody' that the professor was meeting, but his ex-fiancée.

_Why would you be so worried though? Daniel is married now._

That was indeed true, but a distant relative that both of his parents disliked with rather surprising vigor always claimed that marriage was no wall, but only an obstacle, one that could easily be mastered with enough effort and skill.

_You’re doing great in trusting him and all._

Hyungwon sighed and opened the door to the new hotel room that he was sharing with Hoseok. It was nice because it allowed him to stop running around London when he felt like it and to just throw himself on the gigantic double bed with silk sheets, pretending that he was right where he belonged.

_You’re sharing a bed with your professor in London, like a lover._

The thought seemed crazy, but also exciting. Hyungwon could almost feel how his heart began to pump his blood faster through his system, adding a little color to his face and finally warming up the tips of his fingers.

He still had approximately one hour before Hoseok’s return if his approximation of how long it would take for them to conclude their unfinished business was correct. It just seemed a reasonable amount of time for people that hadn’t seen each other for years, had a little bit of catching up to do, but also felt rather nostalgic about their previous relationship. But then again Hyungwon usually felt awkward whenever he met an ex-girlfriend, so he preferred to keep the meetings short. It was always unpleasant when one of them was single, emphasizing that there was something missing that had been there before.

_Fuck, that’s probably how Hoseok must have felt apart from the fact that it was more than just ‘being boyfriends’._

He really had to work on his possessiveness. The older man must have had a reason for talking to Daniel, explaining previous decisions, maybe apologizing for running away. Whatever it was that people discussed when in a relationship for that long. Hyungwon didn’t even know how long. His longest relationship was about one and a half years and that had been pretty long.

One hour was definitely enough time to take a shower as Hyungwon hadn’t had enough time in the other hotel. On hearing about Daniel, he had instantly disappeared to hide his moodiness and feeling like a child abandoned by his mom at a shopping mall. He just didn't want Hoseok to know how much he disliked him going out meet his ex-fiancée.

The shower was gigantic. Having no wall, it took up most of the bathroom and had a humongous shower head the resembled a waterfall washing over/crashing down on him rather than something as simple as a 'shower'. It was amazing and Hyungwon couldn’t resist standing there while doing nothing for a little longer than usual.

Brushing through his ridiculously soft hair after a thorough wash (for reasons), the application of his favorite body lotion (because it smelled like caramel), and drying his hair, Hyungwon let himself fall on top of the white sheets. It felt amazing lying there naked so he decided to enjoy it a little bit longer before he had to return to decent behavior and get dressed. He had already picked out jeans and a shirt that emphasized his collarbones but it was nice being like this for the short while before Hoseok came back.

He loved the intense scent that filled his nose from his own body and rolled over, lying on his naked stomach and grabbing the book he was currently reading from the bedside table. Chewing on his bottom lip, he focused on the words in front of him, attempting to figure out where he had stopped.

There was a short beep and the lock clicked open. Hoseok stepped in and pulled his black leather bag from his broad shoulder, glancing over to him and smiling a little.

“What are you reading?” he asked and brushed his black bangs back.

_He just walked in on you lying naked on the bed and reading a book. What French novel is this, Hyungwon?_

He tried really hard not to get embarrassed but rather pretend that it had been his intention in the first place, being ridiculously attractive and all. Unfortunately, the blood that instantly rushed to his face and added to the fresh blush of the shower told a different story.

“It’s the first novel by André Aciman, it received several awards and is rather captivating in its emotional descriptions. I’m quite- impressed,” he replied quietly and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth for a few seconds, giving himself a little more time to compose himself.

“Ah, I heard about it, but I rarely have the time to read proper literature. I’m this ‘reads fifteen papers a day’ person. Sometimes I open one of my favorite books and wonder why they can’t get to the point quickly. It’s a mess.” Hoseok chuckled and leaned against the wall, watching him intently. “I’d really love to have some tactile perceptions, but I probably smell like I’ve been out partying because I smoked.”

_Because he wasn’t okay._

The pattern seemed clear by now, just like the time the older man had smoked outside the institute after an unpleasant talk with Regina. He had gone home with Hyungwon back then.

_And you pulled him out of it, didn’t you?_

He smiled and closed the book while keeping his middle finger on the page he was on. Reaching out for the bookmark he had placed on the pillow next to his, he inserted it and returned the book to his bedside table.

“Come here,” he whispered and turned around a little, lying on his side and stretching out his arms towards the older man.

“But I don’t want to ruin your scent. I can already smell it, it’s delicious,” Hoseok whispered and closed his eyes, sucking in a long breath while his lips formed a contented smile.

Hyungwon lifted up on his right elbow and used his left hand to beckon Hoseok over again. It didn’t seem as difficult as it had felt at first and although the blush remained on his cheeks, he felt less embarrassed by his nakedness.

“You could give me a kiss and then take a shower if you like,” he murmured and reached out again, a little upset that Hoseok was standing too far from him to pull him closer by his shirt.

“I smoked with my mouth, not my body, baby.” Winking at him, the older man started unbuttoning his shirt slowly. “But yeah, I guess I'll take a shower and brush my teeth three times, and you can read your book in piece.”

“I’ll wait for you,” Hyungwon murmured, instantly affected by being called ‘baby’ even though it could have been considered derogatory. There was something different about it compared to ‘babe’, less sexual while still playing with affection. It was difficult to place.

Despite the invitation to continue with his book, Hyungwon remained lying on his side, body lifted up a little bit on his elbow as he watched the older man undress.

Hoseok played with it, moving slowly from one button to the next before he let the shirt slip down his shoulders and pool at his wrists while he unbuttoned his jeans, pulling down the zipper, while staring at him as if he was the most delicious five-star meal.

It was unfair, so unfair but at the same time gorgeous. In any other situation Hyungwon would have been able to play it cool, easily placing a grin on his plump lips, shifting on the bed to give a hint of allure while still not revealing too much. Lying on the bed, exposed as he was with only his calves and feet being partially covered by the white coverlet, it was impossible to hide the way he reacted to the older man. Heat pooled in the middle of his body and a prickling sensation travelled from his lips downwards and from his legs upwards. Still, he kept his gaze focused, not allowing himself to look away despite the increasing shame.

Hoseok licked his lips repeatedly and his gaze changed. The brown eyes became darker and his gaze narrowed, making the older man look a little dangerous, combined with the way his smile disappeared and made room for a different expression. Hoseok's pale hands made quick work with his jeans and underwear before his shirt finally fell to the floor as the last piece of clothing, revealing his incredibly sculpted, pale body, visibly aroused and so fucking gorgeous.

There was something uncertain about the situation despite the countless times Hyungwon had been close to the older man, had felt him inside of him. This time there was something in Hoseok’s gaze that said his actions weren’t predictable. The black-haired man could have stepped closer and stroked along his long, exposed legs, enjoyed the way Hyungwon’s skin felt under his fingertips and how the scent of caramel filled his nose, but he could have also not, turned around and followed through with his prior decision to take a shower.

Hyungwon’s heart was beating furiously in his chest as he licked over his lips to return the moisture and pulled his right leg a little higher, revealing more of his body while giving him more stability on the soft sheets. He felt exposed in his position, light easily falling through the open window on the bed, on his skin. It felt like playing with fire, pouring gasoline without knowing if it got warmer or whether he got burned in the end.

Hoseok licked over his lips again, before letting his right hand move over his own muscular chest, playing with an erect nipple and allowing it to move further down, tracing the form of his defined abs and drawing the vline with his index finger. All the while staring him down, as if he was some kind of prey.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to contain a shaky breath that passed his lips, appearing impossibly loud. The spacious room had suddenly become deadly silent, not even the barely audible air conditioning was interrupting the thickness of the tension.

It was almost unbearable, the way the older man’s black eyes took him in, like they were laying him bare even more than his lack of fabric did, taking more than he was offering.

_It has to fit, what he sees and what you offer has to complete each other._

Hyungwon’s lips parted as he pushed his body a little lower on the bed, hips moving some of the sheets and elbows slowly lowering his body until his head rested at the bottom of the pillow, soft black strands spread out over it. The desire was clear, he could almost taste it if he only stuck out his tongue and tried, engraved into the features of Hoseok’s face. Shaking a little at the arousal that kept building up, Hyungwon untangled his hands from the bedsheets and placed them above his head, chest rising and falling rapidly.

Hoseok stepped a little closer, moving smooth as a snake, or a dancer, muscles flexing to perform a perfect move. The older man’s rather delicate looking hand curled around his thick erection, fingers not quite closing around it and moved up. His curved lips parted and let out a shaky exhale at the action, while his pink tongue added moisture to his red mouth repeatedly. Hoseok looked as if he was eating him with his eyes that were watching every single twitch from under the other man’s black bangs.

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip as he felt his own erection twitch at the sight, instantly revealing his response, just like the familiar heat kept spreading further throughout his body, showing in the form of arousal, blush and finally the color of his lips, a vibrant red. His hands curled into the sheets above his head, pulling a little as he fought the desire to beg, to tell Hoseok to touch him already or to let him please him, but it didn’t seem appropriate, not yet. His eyes followed each motion of the black-haired man, the way his delicate hand slid upwards along his erection, creating a light contrast in skin tone that was beautiful to look at, the way his abdominal muscles flexed at the sensation, the way his lips released a quiet exhale, all of it.

A few more moments passed as Hoseok let his gaze slide over his body repeatedly, visibly sucking in every feature before the older man finally moved towards the bed, crawling on top of it. It looked intense, like a black panther with his penetrating gaze, flexing his muscular arms while shifting towards him agonizingly slowly.

Hyungwon was at the border of sanity and the edge of begging, lips parting and ready to speak the words but mind not allowing him the relief. His eyes were focused on Hoseok’s broad form approaching him slowly as the air remained trapped in his chest, almost as if he was waiting for the black-haired man to allow him to release it, to relax under his attentive, black gaze. His whole body was trembling, small jitters visible with the bare eye if one was attentive enough. The blood had already left his fingers from the strength with which he grabbed the sheets above his head, anticipation and simultaneous strings of self-control fighting for the upper hand.

As soon as the older man reached his calves, he leaned in, breathing hot air along his leg and up to his thigh without touching him. It was only air, exhales sometimes rough, sometimes soft, but caressing his skin with the moist heat of the black-haired man’s breath.

It was overwhelming, so much more than Hyungwon’s mind had been able to create in its own confinement, incomparable with the light touches he had imagined. Goosebumps spread over his skin, pulling a soft gasp from his lips that caused him to close his eyes for a few seconds, eyelids fluttering shut and sparing him the sight of the beautiful and arousing man in front of him. It was impossible to contain his urges, to contain his response and to be prepared for what was to come. Hoseok wasn’t predictable, he never was and that excited Hyungwon beyond sanity, forcing more trembles and jitters through his long legs, right beneath the black-haired man’s lips.

‘Please’ he mouthed, unable to help it anymore, but hoping that the older man hadn’t seen, that he still fulfilled his role, acted as was expected of him, quiet and only expressing his desire with his body, not his words. It felt like his shivers and gasps were telling their own story, much clearer than his words could have.

“You know-” Hoseok’s low voice started as the older man crawled further up, exhaling against his inner thighs and groin, while not touching him otherwise. “My mind is so busy, always messy, cluttered, filled with so many worries and thoughts, but then-” Moving further, Hoseok stuck out his tongue and drew a wet line from his navel down to his groin. “But then I come here, and there’s only you. You fill up my mind until there’s no space left for anything else.”

Hyungwon moaned at the sensation of a warm tongue on his skin, adding heat to his core and pulling a needy whimper from his throat right after, head turning to the right to contain the way he responded to the simple touch alone. It was like torture, but pleasurable torture, like being kept at the edge so that every small contact was a blessing, every fingertip that accidentally grazed his skin evoked a whole firework of pleasure. He could feel the precum that had developed at the tip of his erection, dripping down his length as he forced himself to meet the black-haired man’s gaze.

“Then do the same to me, Hoseok,” he finally whispered.

“You can still think about something else, but me?” The low voice vibrated against the skin of his lower stomach, before the stunning man over him licked the precum from his erection torturously slowly.

“No, I can’t think about anything but you- nothing at all,” Hyungwon muttered and whimpered at the nearly electricity-like pleasure that passed through his legs, almost making his body jerk at the touch. “I just want you to fill more than my mind- I- fuck- please.” He couldn’t help it anymore, body giving in as his mind shut down on his attempts to be quiet. He moaned and threw his head to the side again, gasping at the wish to feel Hoseok’s tongue again, to have the muscular man’s hands all over him and grabbing his hips, putting him right where he wanted to be. “Please,” he repeated again and dug his blunt nails into his wrist, keeping his hands above his head while his whole body shook from arousal.

“Fuck, you’re being such a good boy that I have real struggles holding back.” Hoseok licked another stripe before rubbing his tongue over his tip, teasing him repeatedly while his hands remained propped against the silky sheets.

Hyungwon was panting, feeling like he was losing his grip on his surroundings as he let his eyes flutter shut and drowned in the small touches, only hints of pleasure and what he could have. He whimpered again and almost felt the pain from his own grip on his hands, sanity returning for only a few seconds before retreating again. He wanted him so much.

“Please,” he begged again, spreading his legs wider apart and quivering with each touch, pushing the sheets a little lower and wrinkling them with the way his body responded.

“Do you want me, babe?” Hoseok asked, low melody of the other man’s attractive voice entering his consciousness after a few seconds. “Because I want you so fucking much.” Strong hands grabbed his hips and Hoseok took him into his hot mouth, tightening his lips and sliding down his length as if it was nothing, letting him hit the back of his throat. The older man hummed over his erection before letting go and nibbling along his inner thigh.

“I want you, I want you so fucking much,” Hyungwon muttered desperately, muffling a scream with the pillow as he turned to the side and shivered at the touch, scratching over the headrest with his nails before resting his hands above his head again. It was crazy, simply crazy, like he wasn’t throwing gasoline into the fire, but was the fire itself, burning mercilessly. “I’m ready, I’m all ready for you, Hoseok, just for you- you only need to taste me, please,” he begged, eyes finally opening and focusing on the older man’s mesmerizing face.

Nodding, Hoseok lifted his lower body with the grip on his hips and blew air against his entrance, circling his tongue around it before pushing it inside his tight body. The humming added up on the sensations as the impact of Hoseok’s voice sent vibrations through his body.

“Yes-” Hyungwon screamed and shut his eyes again, succumbing to the pleasure and moaning without holding back. His body shook in the older man’s hold and he scratched over the sheets with his nails, eyes shut tightly and toes curling from passion.

Hoseok picked up the pace, attentive to the way his body reacted to the pleasure and adjusting his movements until he decided that it was enough and eased his lower body back onto the sheets.

“I took you just last night- I’ll be fine,” Hyungwon murmured quickly, voice low and rough from moaning loudly, legs still trembling from the building up pleasure that now left a sudden emptiness behind, one that he had to fill. “I want you, Hoseok, please.”

“Such a good boy,” Hoseok mouthed before reaching to the side and pulling the lube and condom out of the drawer. The dazzling black-haired man prepared and grabbed his calves, placing them on top of his shoulders before pressing his lubed tip against his entrance.

It seemed like Hyungwon was losing his mind, senses tingling and time slowing down as all of his perceptions focused on the older man and the way his pale, warm skin felt against his, how his sturdy shoulders felt below his calves, how his firm hands grabbed his hips and how his erection prodded at his entrance. He wanted him, he wanted him so fucking much.

“Please,” he gasped again, looking up and holding the eye contact as he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, breathing harshly at the intrusion and at the knowledge of what was about to come.

Hoseok was quick, pushing in fast while distracting him with one hand curled around his erection, stroking him through the slide until he could feel the other man's thighs against his butt cheeks. Hoseok let out a quiet moan, before his eyes opened and he stared at Hyungwon lying below him.

“Will you scream for me, babe? I want to make you scream so badly,” Hoseok whispered, licking his lips repeatedly.

Hyungwon whimpered at how full it felt, connection between them instantly visible as soon as he glanced between their bodies. His heart was beating furiously, pulse thumping in his ears as he parted his lips to reply but merely gasped again, overwhelmed by the oversensitivity that Hoseok had built up through teasing him. Shifting once, he immediately cracked, moaning at the feeling of the older man inside of him and parting his lips.

“Yes, please make me scream, I want to feel you, I love how you feel inside of me, you make me lose my fucking mind,” he babbled and couldn’t keep his hands above his head anymore. He stroked over Hoseok’s firm chest, attempting to suck in the way it felt under his fingertips, how the older man’s abdomen flexed, how his muscular arms contracted. All of it was too much but at the same time everything he wanted. “Please.”

“I'll give you everything you want, you only have to take it.” The stunning muscular man leaned back before thrusting into his body while lifting his hips to improve the angle, even though it would've been sufficient with the size alone.

It felt like white sparks exploded behind his eyelids as he screamed, burying his nails in Hoseok’s muscular arms and whimpering at the aftermath, wishing for the feeling to return and to take him by force, drown him in pleasure like it had seconds ago.

“Again, please, again,” he begged and threw his hands above his head, holding onto the sheets and attempting to push his slim hips further into the older man, to feel more than he already did even though it was impossible. “I can take it, I can take you so well, no one else can, Hoseok.”

“Do you want me to play with you, my delicious caramel babe?” Hoseok's voice got lower, and he felt a warm palm move up his stomach towards his chest and neck.

“Yes, please play with me, Hoseok, I’ll be so good,” he whimpered. He wanted the black-haired man to do as he liked, to play with him, drive him mad, bring him to the edge only to make him wait again, torturously slow until he begged for release. Hoseok brought everything he enjoyed and lived for together and blessed him with it, setting his body on fire and freezing it over at the same time. “Make me take it.”

“Oh baby, you're already so good to me,” the older man whispered before he felt his thick fingers curl around his neck, pressing down a tiny bit, just enough to feel the restraint. His thrusts got rougher, sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room in addition to their moans.

Hyungwon was losing his senses, disappearing in between a mixture of pleasure, remaining arousal and the constant electricity-like bursts of white that appeared behind his eyelids with each thrust of the black-haired man inside his body, hitting just right to make his body convulse. Screaming with each motion, he wasn’t able to hold himself back as his insides tensed up, pulling the older man deeper inside of him and he orgasmed, spilling his release on his own stomach as his whole body trembled with the after effects, scream of Hoseok’s name still echoing off the walls.

It took only a few thrusts and Hoseok buried himself deep inside his body, moaning his name repeatedly before the older man leaned forward, resting his head in the crook of his neck, sharp exhales leaving his nose. He smelled a little like smoke and something sweet and tasty.

“I'm always telling you how I'll give you variety, it must be disappointing. I'll give you all the variety next time when I'm not emotionally constipated and fucking crazy about you at the same time. Okay?” Hoseok's low voice tickled his neck.

“Anything you want,” he whispered and turned a little to kiss the older man's lips again, loving the contact and the intimacy, the warmth of the older man inside of him. He didn't mind the faint scent of smoke, even though he usually would have. Instead he curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck and continued kissing him, first his lips then his nose and his eyes, just like he had when he begged the black-haired man to stay with him.

Hoseok didn't say anything. There was only the other man's irregular breathing, sharp exhales hitting his skin and the hot, muscular body, partially lying on top of him.

“I'm- really happy to be in London with you.” It was a sudden comment and possibly a little unfitting to the situation but it was the truth. Since Hoseok had given in and allowed Hyungwon to be close there had been rarely a moment during which he hadn't wanted to be next to the older man, as simple as it might have seemed. He wanted to walk through the city, drink tea and do people watching, hold the black-haired man's pale hand and hook his slim arm around Hoseok’s. There were a lot of small things, not even the sex itself, that brought tiny sparks of joy. In the same way the older man's meeting brought jealousy.

_The meeting upset him, but he said that you make him forget all that._

The thought was calming and conjured a bright smile on his face that he shared with Hoseok, kissing those gorgeous curved lips again and stroking through soft black hair. It didn't even matter that the older man remained inside of him, filling him out. It felt right somehow.

_Like you should be connected._

“I'm also happy that you're here, it feels unreal somehow, as if it's okay.” Placing a soft kiss on his lips, Hoseok pulled out carefully and got rid of the condom before gesturing towards the bathroom. “I'll take the announced shower, if it's okay.”

“Yeah, sure,” Hyungwon replied quickly and looked for tissues to wipe the excess lube from his thighs and behind. His body felt empty and a little sore, but it was fine, pleasant even because it reminded him of the way the black-haired man made him feel, wanting him and going against his own words. It was a little awkward to clean himself up while Hoseok was still in the room. Hoseok was usually very caring and an exception among his other experiences and it made him think a little on where he was going with his infatuation. “I'll- still wait.”

_As long as he lets you probably._

“Oh, okay.” The black-haired man sounded slightly disappointed before disappearing in the bathroom. A few seconds passed before he heard the sound of water.

_He wanted you to join, but you felt awkward._

It had been stupid as Hyungwon preferred to shower after sex, feeling cleaner and fresher instead of falling asleep. Chewing on his bottom lip, he made his way to the bathroom and opened the door, glad that Hoseok hadn't locked it.

“I'm sorry, I got awkward for no reason,” he commented with a chuckle and stepped right under the waterfall-like shower. It felt as good as the first time, massaging along the muscles in his neck.

_You're not awkward, you're hurt._

“I guess I'm just sensitive.” Hoseok immediately curled both arms around his waist, pulling him closer to his chest and connecting their lips. He tasted like a mix between chewing gum and cigarette smoke. It wasn't quite like him, but Hyungwon enjoyed it nevertheless, melting into the embrace and wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s neck in return. It was more intimate like this, not sexual after being sated. It resembled the way it had felt when they embraced at night, listening to each other's breaths while falling asleep.

“I just- I got worried when you let go of me after saying that this whole thing feels ‘as if’ it's okay.” He swallowed and kissed Hoseok’s curved lips again, missing the touch as soon as they parted. “It's too real for me to not be okay.”

“It is. But it's also not. We're abroad, no-one bugs us, we are free to enjoy ourselves. It's different at home, at least for me. Very different, so it feels unreal. And I don't really know what I'm doing by doing all this, what If I'm breaking something for you? I can't know, so I'm worried. I like you too much.” Hoseok sighed and tried to keep the contact, attaching his lips as soon as he finished talking.

“You only break me when you leave,” Hyungwon replied and buried his nose in the crook of Hoseok’s neck while attempting to press their bodies flush against each other. He needed him close, so close that it felt like they were the same person. “Because I too like you too much.”

_You like each other but still he wanted to leave and met his ex-fiancée._

The thought was sudden and hurt a little, reminding him of the throbbing in his chest that he had felt when Hoseok ran away to Berlin.

_You told him that he has you, but still he wanted to see him._

Hyungwon had hoped that he had forgotten about the older man's meet up in the morning but he hadn't, mind still returning to it despite the mass of reasons he had used to tell himself it was okay. They might have wanted to clear open questions, to get rid of hurt, to understand motives.

_But still it feels this way._

Hyungwon wasn't good at hiding his feelings, so he attached himself further to the older man, keeping their skin connected and plump lips brushing over the soft skin of Hoseok’s neck.

“Something tells me that I can't run away from this,” the older man whispered, before opening the bottle with the shower gel and letting his soaped palms travel along Hyungwon's back and butt.

“You did this morning,” he replied, words like venom on his tongue, a sign that he was affected by Hoseok meeting his ex-fiancée despite trying not to be.

_It's possessive but you can't help it._

Hyungwon wasn't like this with all of the individuals he had feelings for, not at all. But there was something about the black-haired man that felt threatening, like any second the touches and affection could be ripped away and it was terrifying.

“I didn't run away from you, I met Daniel, and then I came back. To you.” The gentle movements continued until Hoseok sunk one hand into his wet hair, massaging his scalp. It felt calming and took some of the fear that had spread through his bones.

_But you wish that he wouldn't leave at all._

“Did he hurt you?” Hyungwon asked carefully and brushed over Hoseok’s cheek and shoulder, touching him tenderly to show he wished to make him feel better, to forget about all that.

“No. He had a point to everything he said, but it's still sad. And he said that he missed me and I missed him too, so it's like a sad story, you know the plot and that you can't change it, but it's agonizing nevertheless. Something like that?” The older man leaned forward to kiss Hyungwon's lips once, before taking the shampoo and spreading it on his hair.

Hyungwon hummed as he followed the actions and did the same, almost mechanically in an attempt to not get upset about something he had no control over. Hoseok had loved the other man and their breakup had not been due to missing feelings. Of course, there was still some attachment and the desire to return to what had been. But knowing that it was reasonable didn't make it hurt any less.

“What will you do about missing him? Will you act on it?” he asked carefully and bit down on his bottom lip, distracting himself with the throbbing pain. “What- did he tell you that you consider to be true?”

“Huh? Act on it? What do you mean?” Hoseok asked, not understanding his point. “The way we parted, the fact that I broke up and left and him not looking for me, a lot of things. He still smells like chocolate, it's crazy.”

_You would have looked for him, you would never let him leave just like that._

Hoseok sounded affectionate, like the scent of his past lover was what pulled him back, made him yearn for touches and closeness that were already gone. The older man's words planted a thought in his head, something that didn't want to leave no matter how often he swallowed and for how long he observed water flowing down their legs and down the drain. It was terrifying.

_What if he finds something he likes more than caramel?_

 

***  
  


It was crazy how Hyungwon filled out his mind, pushed any previous thought aside only to replace it with his face, his words, his body, all of it intermingled in his head, creating an insatiable longing for the younger man, something he didn’t remember feeling before.

Standing in the shower after having sex, he had wanted to be close, impossibly close, to forget everything once again and to drown in Hyungwon, but the younger man had different plans, asking him about his meeting and bringing everything back, like the delicious scent of chocolate.

“It’s strange how a scent can bring memories back so quickly, I was shaken.” He shampooed his hair and reached for Hyungwon’s black strands, doing the same while massaging the boy’s scalp in the process. It still felt unreal, all of it, he was scared to go back.

“Does the scent…” Hyungwon trailed of and glanced to the ground, big eyes hiding away from his gaze, “make you want to return to him?”

_He thinks you want to go back?_

“So much time has passed and he’s married now, it’s just nostalgia, I guess. We’re too different, him and me.” Taking the boy’s chin between his thumb and index finger, he lifted the handsome face and placed a kiss on top of the pretty, plump lips. “Why? Are you worried about that?”

There was hesitation, almost as if the black-haired boy didn’t want to reveal his thoughts, but couldn’t quite help doing so, eyes large and lips trembling a little.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon whispered eventually, lowering his gaze to the shower tiles below them. “Because whatever it was between you, it was heavy enough to upset you and I hate that. I don’t want you to be upset. I can make you feel way better than this.”

“You're talking a lot about making me feel better. Makes me feel like a charity case, I'm not, Hyungwon. I'm fine, you don't have to be my vitamin pill, I enjoy your presence independently.” Stroking over the taller man's wet hair, he brushed a few soaking strands behind his pretty ears, leaning back to suck in the dazzling sight. Hyungwon was so breathtakingly beautiful, it was unfair.

“I don’t think of you as a charity case!” Hyungwon exclaimed and pressed himself closer to his body. There was something defiant in his gaze as his brown eyes narrowed and he hid his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck. “I just know that I can give you so much, everything you need and might want, but you are so hesitant, like you aren’t aware of it at all, yearning for something that is long gone while I’m here, right in front of you and able and willing to give you all that and so much more.”

“But I’m here with you and not anywhere else. What makes you think that I’m yearning for something that is long gone? Are you scared that I’ll leave? I mean, we’re not in a relationship, but I don’t seem to be able to get away from you even though it would be the right thing to do. Especially for you.” Hoseok curled his arms around Hyungwon’s tiny waist and attached his lips to the hot skin of his caramel colored neck.

There was hesitation again as slim arms curled around his neck and long fingers brushed over his broad shoulders, following the dips of his spine.

“But you wanted to leave once, Hoseok, how can I be sure that you won’t leave again?” the black-haired boy whispered and placed a kiss on top of his head, exhales mixing with the water that still covered their bodies. “It doesn’t feel like there is anything really keeping you with me, nothing that I can be sure of yet.”

Hyungwon had a point, but wasn’t life always like this? No one knew anything for sure and living involved being disappointed and moving on.

“But this feeling of safety you’re looking for, I don’t think it exists. It’s something abstract, something you wish for but will probably never receive. What would you need me to do, so that you feel that I won’t leave you? You know, I had a realization today, one that makes me consider my previous behavior exaggerated. I will probably still try to keep everything bad from you, but I don’t know if I can leave.”

“Then don’t leave,” the younger man said instantly and looked up, big eyes meeting his like the words left the boy’s mouth before his brain had decided to utter them. “I don’t know what to expect from you. You keep saying that everything is different while we are here, on our own, but what will you do when we are back? Will you avoid me? I don’t want you to, I want it to be just like this.” As if to emphasize their closeness, Hyungwon stepped into his embrace and kissed him softly.

“What- what exactly is it that you want from me? That you expect from me? Is it me ‘not leaving’? You make it sound like it, but I don’t think that’s what you mean.” Kissing back, Hoseok turned off the water and kept Hyungwon in his arms for a little longer.

“I told you before, whenever I like someone, I am not somebody who goes with the flow, Hoseok. I have certain expectations and think ahead, imagining spending the rest of my life with that person.” The black-haired boy spoke quietly, like he worried his words would throw Hoseok off. “But there is something about your hesitation that tells me you’ll freak out if I am too serious about this. But I am, I’m fucking serious, Hoseok.”

“You’re fucking serious? How serious? You want a relationship with me? Move in with me? Marry me? What is it? You don’t even know me, Hyungwon, how can you be so sure about this? We’re people who work together and had a fuck deal and that’s it.” He leaned back, shaken at the black-haired boy’s words. It was easy to say that one was serious, but only in rare cases the person knew what it really entailed.

“I know you better than every person at my fucking work place, Hoseok, and I spend most of my waking hours there. I know which books you like, I know what your apartment looks like, I could tell you your morning routine in ridiculous detail and elaborate on how you like to drink your coffee in the morning and how many you need to feel calm. I know what you are interested in and what hurts you. I can’t think about anything else but you, your expressions, the way you smile when I have done something well, how emotional you look when you get hurt and I embrace you. I could draw every expression on your face, make it appear behind my eyelids as soon as I close my eyes. Sure, maybe I don’t know your favorite color, but do I really need to?” Hyungwon looked emotional, eyes wide and lips pressed together as he stared at him, hands shaking a little against the skin of Hoseok’s arms. “If all of this is only work and a fuck deal to you, then- I don’t even know.” The black-haired boy bit down on his bottom lip and glanced up, like he wished to contain his emotions, eyes reflecting a little lighter than they had a mere second ago.

“You misunderstood. I haven’t described the way I feel about you, I described the way it was until now. What are we even, Hyungwon? You know that I’m almost forty, right? I know bringing in age is stupid, but on the other hand it isn’t because it influences a lot of things including our dependency relationship in which you depend on me and not the other way around. I broke off the fuck deal because I like you and I didn’t want to get involved further, hurting you and myself in the process, but now we’re here again, you and me. And you still haven’t answered my question about what you want from me.” Stepping out of the shower, Hoseok took a big, white towel and wrapped it around Hyungwon’s shoulders, drying the water drops from the other man’s stunning face.

“The whole thing,” the boy whispered as a tear ran down his cheek, instantly disappearing as he brushed the back of his palm over his face. He looked so much younger when he cried. “I want to date you, to be with you, to marry if you feel the same. It’s not like I chose this, Hoseok, I didn’t decide to have feelings for someone twice my age. It happened, but it’s fine with me, because that’s how I feel.”

He felt how his eyes widened and he kept staring at the black-haired boy, completely overwhelmed by the words and what they meant. He almost asked the younger man whether his parents knew that he was asking to date a professor double his age.

“You- want to date me? Do you like me that much?” he asked, lips parting a little to release a shaky exhale, before he slipped into the provided bathrobe as to not discuss relationships naked.

The younger man looked hurt as he nodded, curling the big towel tighter around himself and staring at him from under his wet bangs, drops landing on the cold tiles once in a while.

Stepping closer, Hoseok cupped Hyungwon’s pretty face in both palms and leaned forward while lifting on his tiptoes to kiss his wet forehead.

“I like you too. Let’s be crazy then.”

He could see how the boy’s eyes widened and he simply dropped his towel, arms clumsily wrapping around his neck and jumping up to curl his legs around his hips, almost throwing him off balance.

“That’s- that’s the confirmation I needed, Hoseok, something to hold on to and to know that you feel the same, at least partially. You don’t have to promise me the world or anything, but forget about my age for a second and give me a chance.”

“Partially? I’m a fool for you, baby. Can’t you see?” He connected their lips and licked into Hyungwon’s parted mouth, hot and a little salty from the tears he had cried before. It was crazy, he was crazy to start a relationship with a student of his, being completely head over heels and unable to make a decent decision while staying loyal to it.

The gorgeous boy kissed back desperately and intertwined his fingers with the strands of his hair, pulling it a little to have him closer and exhaling against his curved lips. A small smile appeared on Hyungwon’s pretty face, lighting up his features like a ray of sunshine through mostly closed blinds.

_He makes everything around him look beautiful._

“You are always so composed, it’s so difficult to read you sometimes,” Hyungwon whispered and kissed him again, licking over his bottom lip before letting go. “I- I really like it when you call me ‘baby’.”

Hoseok chuckled, giving up on composure and carrying Hyungwon back into the room. Falling onto the sheets while pinning the gorgeous boy against the mattress, he licked over his lips, leaning down and breathing hot air against the black-haired boy’s plump mouth.

“I need to be composed, otherwise you would know how hooked I am. Baby,” he whispered and leaned down, attaching his lips to Hyungwon’s caramel colored neck, sucking and biting along it down to his pretty collarbone.

It was fascinating how responsive the younger man was, gasping instantly and trembling a little under his touch, shiver passing through him at the pet name.

“But isn’t it unfair if-” he paused to hiss, “I’m the only one showing it?”

“If you pay attention, you’ll be able to see all of it. I still have the notes you left in my apartment. They’re really precious to me.”

Hoseok felt weird, there was happiness, but it intertwined with worry and the knowledge that they would have to go back and to find a possibility to be together despite their situation.

“I will make it work,” he whispered, leaning down, so that their bodies touched, hot skin transcending warmth and replacing the feeling of emptiness he had felt after meeting Daniel. Hyungwon was able to do it, just like that.

  
_

 

Back. He was back, back in his apartment, back with his responsibilities and back to being the supervisor of the twenty-year-old he was in a relationship with. Sure, he was crazy, but he was also very determined to make it work.

Sitting at his desk, he worked himself through the two hundred emails and pointless questions from a few students who lacked the ability to read. Having spent a few hours at home, he couldn’t stop thinking about the black-haired boy after they had parted. His boyfriend.

_Your boyfriend._

_Remember how you swore that science would be your only relationship? That worked well._

But he was happier, if it was possible to judge by the few hours he had spent being in a relationship with the gorgeous caramel boy.

_You can’t judge, your hypothesis is wrong, it’s not operationalized and you don’t have objective measures._

Thinking about how to operationalize his life satisfaction by comparing his mood while controlling for a certain relationship status, he suddenly got an amazing idea.

_Remember why you came here in the first place, Hoseok? The people, you wanted to take care of the people._

Opening a LateX document, he started looking for studies concerning satisfaction in academia and how the research was conducted to find good examples and use it for his own.

_You need data to do something against her._

Good thing that he was very familiar with data.

Spending almost six hours on his project, he prepared everything so that he was able to present it at the meeting of the university committee, in front of Regina’s eyes, so that she wasn’t able to attack him because she had no time to prepare. Putting his presentation on an USB stick, he still took his laptop along in case something didn’t work. It wouldn’t have been the first time.

Knocking on the neighboring door, he stuck his head into the room, spotting the pretty, black-haired boy sitting on his chair and clicking through a table furiously. After he made sure that nobody was in the hallway and also not in the other man’s office, he entered and closed the door behind himself, grinning all excitedly.

“I missed you so much I thought I was going to die, but I also had an amazing idea which I’m going to present in a bit, but it doesn’t make the fact that you’re in my head 24/7 any better. Take responsibility for your actions.” He lifted up the left corner of his mouth and closed the distance, attaching his lips to the crook of Hyungwon’s neck and sucking on a patch of skin.

The boy jerked at the contact before turning around quickly and pulling him into a passionate kiss.

“I missed you so fucking much, you creep, even the codes in my SPSS files spell out ‘Hoseok’ and that means I'm really losing it at this point.” The gorgeous, plump lips covered his again and Hyungwon wrapped his arms around him, visibly not caring about anybody walking in. “I can't wait for your talk, I love your talks, gives me a science boner- kind of.”

“Oh baby,” he whispered and leaned in again, kissing the boy’s soft, plump lips repeatedly. He was so gone, he didn’t even want to go to any meeting, he just wanted to kiss in a work-related setting and not give a single shit. “You won’t be able to see this presentation, but you will be able to see the one at the colloquium tomorrow. And you can see Regina’s face, it’ll be awesome. Please don’t ask her anything today or tomorrow. She might be in a bad mood.”

“Oh god, are you going to piss her off?” Hyungwon asked, eyes wide in shock. “That's like going for a swim at 1°C while knowing perfectly well that you're going to freeze and get ill. Why?”

“That’s what you think because you think that she’ll win, but she won’t. I told you that I was going to fight and I got distracted in the middle by you and trying to run away to London, but now I’m back and I don’t think I can leave, so I’m going to fight her. You know what’s the worst thing about this? That my actions are actually basic human behavior, but the fact alone that she’ll be pissed at this shows that she’s a trash kind of supervisor and unsuitable to be responsible for people. So, I’m kindly asking for your understanding. Also, she will probably say nasty things and I will try to leave and not show it to you, but I would really like it if you’d stay over tonight. I missed you. So much.” He attached his lips again, pinning Hyungwon to his chair with both hands pressed against the armrests.

The black-haired boy had looked around in panic when he bad-mouthed Regina, but as soon as Hyungwon was caught between his muscular arms, the boy stilled and bit down on his bottom lip. Meeting his gaze, the younger man nodded.

“I'll come to you tonight.”

Chewing on his lips, he tried not to be uselessly romantic and put the second pair of keys to his apartment on the table, acting as if nothing had happened, before leaning back and fixing the position of his laptop bag on his shoulder.

The smile on the beautiful boy's face could have healed cancer as he shifted on top of his office chair and tried to contain it by pulling his bottom lip into his mouth.

“I- thank you- oh my god. Don't make me soft, I still have a three-year-old to train,” he stuttered and fumbled with his hands. “I'd give you mine but you've never been there and there's only one key.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened and he stared at Hyungwon’s crotch that looked perfectly fine to him.

“What? You were hard? Just from the kiss? Wow, and why would you need to be hard to train a kid? Oh god.” Hiding his face in his palms, he shook his head furiously. “However, I didn’t want you to feel like some kind of candy coming over when I want it, so you get the second key. You can come whenever you like.”

Now it was the younger man's turn to stare at him in shock until he seemed to understand something, covering his mouth with his palm as he laughed loudly.

“Oh god, you really are kinda old, aren't you?” Hyungwon asked with a chuckle and grabbed Hoseok’s hand to place a kiss on the back of it. “I meant ‘soft’ as in ‘emotional’. Don't make me emotional because I still have to work. You are of course rather capable at making me hard, but a kiss is definitely not enough.” Hyungwon laughed again. “Thank you for wanting me in your apartment. It feels so much more real.”

“I’m a little scared by how real it might feel as I promised myself not to have any relationships, but it’s a good start, so I’m looking forward to going home today. For once,” he whispered and looked to the side, a little embarrassed by the sudden flow of emotions that made the sad truth slip out of his mouth so easily. “See you later.”

“I'm also looking forward to going home, for once,” Hyungwon echoed with a low whisper and pursed his lips, visibly expecting another kiss. He leaned in and connected their lips, curling one hand around the boy’s head to deepen the contact. He let go after a few seconds, afraid to ditch everything and stay in the ugly room, making out with his PhD student.

_And boyfriend. But at work he is still your PhD student. Get a grip._

“See you, baby.” He winked and stepped out of the office, smiling a last time before closing the door behind himself.

“Did you just call Hyungwon baby?” Tatiana, one of his PhD students asked, looking at him with big eyes while trying to knock on his door, fist still lifted in the air and connected to the wooden surface.

_Fuck. That’s exactly why you shouldn’t be doing this in the workplace._

“No, we were talking about babies and he’s going to test one, so I told him to have fun with the baby.” He improvised badly, but it sounded convincing, so the girl’s eyes returned to their usual shape and she asked him a question about her discussion that he managed to answer in two minutes before running towards the elevator.

  
_  
  


He was amazing, his research was perfect, Regina hated him and used Hyungwon to make him feel bad. The witch had realized that using the black-haired boy was more effective than insulting his work ethic or his army of female PhD students, but the committee went through with his suggestion nevertheless. He was going to do a big survey evaluating the PhD students’ job satisfaction and their working conditions in addition to their supervisors. He had perfect arguments, but knew that there would be backlash. It was just a matter of time.

It was funny how well he knew himself. He felt like not seeing anyone and collapsing on top of his bed alone. He also didn't want to tell anybody about the way he was feeling, hereby admitting the fact that it had made him feel bad.

_But you told him to come, so he will see it all on a plate. Amazing._

Turning the key in his lock, he stepped into his own apartment hesitantly and slipped out of his shoes, leaving the laptop bag on the chair and pulling the suit jacket from his shoulders.

“Are you home?” he called, even though there was light in the living room. A rather big, black suitcase stood pressed to the wall in the hallway.

Instead of an answer, he heard quick steps, naked feet on his wooden floors, until Hyungwon's pretty face appeared in the door frame and the gorgeous boy grinned.

“You calling it home makes me ridiculously happy,” he commented brightly until most of the happiness suddenly faded and big brown eyes settled heavily on his face. “What did she say to you?”

_He's so attentive._

“Wow, you're fast,” he murmured and pointed at the suitcase, lifting his eyebrow and trying to change the topic. “Moving in?”

“No, I merely wanted to have enough things here to be able to come over after work without having to get anything,” Hyungwon replied and shrugged once as he made his way towards Hoseok. Smiling briefly, the gorgeous boy placed a kiss to his lips and cupped his face with both palms. “What did she say?”

“She was mad, so she used my previous reactions to determine that I'm quite sensitive when it comes to her talking about you, so she was a good scientist and used it as the gold standard to make me feel bad. Normally I'm just alone if something like this happens and then I forget it after a while. How about you? Did you manage to do what you wanted? Oh, by the way, I almost got caught after calling you baby, Tatiana was standing outside when I came out, so I had to tell her a bullshit story. I have to be more careful,” he murmured, hoping that a lot of words were enough to confuse the tall boy.

Curling his arms around Hyungwon's slim waist, Hoseok leaned in to kiss the boy's dazzling, plump lips, sucking in the intoxicating caramel scent. “I have Caramelsutra in the fridge, that's what I normally do when I'm upset. I'm not used to caramel asking me for details,” he commented, chuckling and tickling Hyungwon's sides a little.

The younger man's whole body convulsed and he sank to the floor like a deadweight, giggling uncontrollably. Hoseok had underestimated how ticklish the pretty boy was. Sitting on the ground with his palms flat on the wooden floor and legs spread, Hyungwon tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck, I thought I saw my life flash before my eyes,” he muttered and shuddered again. Shaking his head like he tried to return to his senses, Hyungwon bit his lip and stared up, meeting his gaze. “She used me to upset you, how? And what did you do to make her angry?”

“Ah, a survey. She told me that you're not mine but hers and while I tried arguing with the fact that you’re not a fucking belonging, she told me that I can't separate my private attraction and my duties as a supervisor. Well, there's this tiny bit of truth in the second, so that sucks.” He dropped down into a cross legged position across from the black-haired boy and fixed his shirt that revealed one of his caramel-colored collar bones completely.

“Thank you for following my medieval ways,” Hyungwon said with a grin before his serious expression returned and he furrowed his eyebrows. “But you do separate it and give me good feedback, showing me how to improve. If one of us mixes affection and the job then it's me because I just want to climb up on your desk and ride your dick when I see you in button downs saying smart things.” Shrugging again, Hyungwon shifted on his calves to arrange his butt better on his feet. It must have been uncomfortable.

“I fucked you in my office, bending you over my desk, Hyungwon. What are you even talking about? God,” he hissed and threw his head back, immediately remembering every single thing he shouldn't have done in his workplace.

“Because I begged you to, after fingering myself and imagining it was you,” Hyungwon whispered and something in his face told Hoseok very clearly that he had a very different reaction to the memories. Licking over his lips once, the beautiful boy crawled closer and climbed over his thighs, thin arms wrapped around his neck. It seemed affectionate instead of the sexual tension that had been clear as day in Hyungwon's eyes a second ago. “Even if you were close to me at work and we assume it was your fault, you still do your job and are productive as fuck. Your dick is none of her business. Now why would a survey piss her off?”

Letting his hands travel along the boy's sides, Hoseok wrapped his arms around his waist and attached his lips to an exposed collarbone. He couldn't help thinking that the shirt had been a conscious styling choice.

“Because I pushed through a survey about working conditions and employee satisfaction at our faculty. And she knows what will happen as she already gets shitty evaluations from students, but I need the data. So, she perceived it as a personal insult.” He closed his lips around a patch of skin and sucked on it carefully.

“Oh no, shit, Hoseok, why?” Hyungwon exclaimed, response different from what Hoseok would have expected, only the touch of his lips pulled the expression of fear off the boy's face. “Why would you do that? It will be split according to employees and you have eight students and she has two. It is clear who has given her bad ratings. I don't know if Aurora can do that, she's so close to graduating and if I do, she will know. I can't say the truth, Hoseok.”

“Mhm, I thought about that. Which is why it will involve everybody. That means my students will also rate her and you and Aurora will rate me because we're the heads of the faculty. They do know her and you're not the only one who she had pissed off before, believe me. I don't know what the data will bring, but I need to do it. I'm not expecting anything of you. Really.” Leaning back, he watched Hyungwon's pretty, brown eyes and couldn't help a soft smile at how beautiful he looked, with his lips slightly parted.

“If you want me to say the truth, then I will,” the younger man whispered and shifted on his lap. “But I'm a little scared.”

“And this is the point where the professional and the private will have a clean cut. I do not expect anything from you regarding this survey, you can also refrain from participating, Hyungwon. It's up to you, I only told you because you asked so persistently. I came back to Munich to do a few things, one of those things was to improve the working conditions of people here at the faculty. It's not a fight I'm fighting for you. It's actually one for me and for people who got their lives ruined by that woman, so don't feel pressured.” Brushing a black strand behind Hyungwon's ear, he pushed the younger man from his lap and stood up, pulling the boy up with more strength than was necessary. “Have you eaten?”

“I prepared cup noodles because that's my life but I don't know how you feel about that,” the gorgeous boy remarked and attempted to return his balance after being basically catapulted into the air. He really didn't weigh much. Meeting Hoseok’s gaze, a soft smile appeared on the handsome features, turning his lips into a line and emphasizing his cheek bones. “I'm proud of you for doing this, Hoseok. If not you, I really wouldn't know who else could do this. You're amazing.”

“No, I'm just a sad 40-year old who loves data.” He chuckled and went to the kitchen, brewing a pot of tea. He always drank tea when he was upset and had the resources to go to the kitchen.

Hyungwon appeared next to him and instantly took out two cups from one of the cupboards, not even struggling to reach it. It was fascinating how familiar the boy was with the apartment, arranging everything in addition to the instant noodles.

“You're not even forty yet,” the boy murmured and sighed loudly. “And damn, who doesn't love data? It's the one thing that turned push and pull into an art, keeping you at the edge of your seat.”

“But it sounds more dramatic if I say that I'm forty, so don't ruin it.” Smiling to himself, Hoseok got the jasmine tea out of the drawer before turning around to face the black-haired boy. “I missed you today. I got used to you being around me for four days and it's so hard to go back.”

It felt like Hyungwon's face was a mirror, throwing the same emotional expression back at him as long fingers reached out for his and slipped in between the spaces.

“I missed you too, so so much. I struggled to fall asleep yesterday, missing your arms around me and your warm, irregular breaths on my neck because you always dream, but never remember.” Hyungwon stepped a little closer and rested his head on his shoulder. “Coming home only showed me more clearly that I need you around.”

“I need you too. Isn't it funny? You just live like this and then life fucks you over and gives you everything you hoped for but never consciously, and you try to get away but it still finds you,” Hoseok whispered placing a soft kiss on Hyungwon's cheek.

“You make love sound like a curse,” the black-haired boy whispered in return and glanced away, playing with Hoseok’s fingers in the meantime. “Shouldn't it be a blessing, something to be thankful for? I'm thankful for having met you, a lot, both in Philadelphia and here.”

“I guess it's always a mixture of emotional valence, prior experiences and personality. Don't misunderstand me, I'm happy that I'm in love with you, but it makes me weak too. I don't want to be weak, I want to fulfil my duties as your supervisor and as a scientist. I am a happier person after meeting you, feeling so much towards you enriches my life a lot, but I'm also a little scared because the last time that happened it went to shit. Have you had bad relationship experiences before?” he asked, pulling the younger man closer by circling an arm around his tiny waist.

Hyungwon appeared thoughtful as he played with a strand of Hoseok’s hair, curling it around his finger.

“It depends on what you call bad experiences. Most of my relationships ended mutually because of fading feelings and even if it wasn't mutual the girls never really showed it. The only exception was a girl that seemed to obsess over me in university and stalked me everywhere. That was pretty bad, but otherwise I'm not sure how you would define it. Unrequited love is also pretty bad.” The black-haired boy leaned in and kissed him, almost like he wished to overshadow his previous thoughts with their closeness. “What we have- it's rather different from what I know. I somehow don't have any worries giving in to you, I just do it and it feels freeing.”

An almost blinding smile took over Hyungwon's features, pulling the corners of his mouth upwards, lifting his cheeks and turning his big eyes into crescents.

“I love you, Hoseok.”

He felt warm. It wasn’t the feeling of overwhelming happiness or anything similar, he felt safe, comfortable knowing that Hyungwon must’ve felt similar, even though they were so different.

“And I love you,” he whispered and connected their lips, pulling the boy’s body flush against his own. “It still seems weird to me, like a dream. It feels like I will wake up suddenly and still be alone with everything. It’s too nice.”

“It's because you were hurt so much,” Hyungwon whispered and began to litter his face with kisses, starting with his neck, his jaw, continuing with his lips, his cheeks and finally his eyelids and his forehead. “I don't want to let anybody hurt you anymore.”

“Thank you so much, baby,” he whispered, stroking over the younger man's back, drawing his spine with his fingers and enjoying the warmth that seeped through the fabric of Hyungwon's thin shirt.

The smile only got brighter as Hyungwon leaned in and licked over his curved lips once, grinning a little. “You know, I’ve been wondering, do you have a preference for boyish looks?”

_Do you?_

“You’ve seen Daniel, you know that he’s thirty and built, so not quite boyish I would say. But-” He leaned back and let his gaze travel from Hyungwon’s long legs to his slim waist and finally pausing on his really handsome and young-looking face. “I consider you as my personal kink, yes. I was really shocked when I heard about your age, holy shit.”

“Well, it also seemed like the ‘candy’ you go for is thin and boyish, just saying.” Hyungwon shrugged with his shoulders and pouted his lips a little, like he purposefully wanted to make Hoseok’s life difficult. “My mom always says that I don’t really age and only grow in height. I basically looked the same at eighteen. What will you do when I get older though, will you find me less attractive?”

“Listen, do you want a relationship with me, or do you want to be my candy? And if you mean Minhyuk, yes, he’s pretty, yes, he’s fun, but do you see me balls deep inside him, or you? I mean not now, in general. And it’s not about being pretty, I’m going crazy because of your response, I have the feeling we’re into the same things. I also don’t look like a woman, or do I?” He flexed his arm in Hyungwon’s hold, forcing the other man’s long fingers to uncurl.

Hyungwon hissed, visibly enjoying the display of strength.

“At which point in my monologue have I said you are a woman? I must have missed that because damn, you sure as fuck are not and I am perfectly aware of that, Hoseok.” Licking over his lips once, the black-haired boy wrapped his arms around his neck, letting himself hang a little by bending his knees. “I wasn’t really talking about Minhyuk, he’s gorgeous, but he’s also six years older than me, so I still have time to be my pretty, boyish self. To be honest I want to be both for you. I want to be in a relationship with you and I want to be the best candy. I’m ambitious.”

“I don’t care whether you’re boyish or not. Right now, you are, but even if you stop, I won’t care. Simply stay so I can be in awe every day,” he whispered against Hyungwon’s red, thick lips and licked over his bottom lip briefly. “I said it because you’re bisexual. You compared yourself to my ‘candy’ and I said that I also don’t resemble your type.”

“Ah- well, yeah. I usually dated women or guys my age,” Hyungwon murmured and glanced to the side like he was suddenly embarrassed by that fact. “But you’re way hotter than my type. I can’t even describe it, you make me melt.”

“I want to melt you more,” he hissed while leaning to the side, whispering the words into Hyungwon’s cute ear. “You make me forget all the stress and give me the feeling that everything will be okay, it’s crazy.”

“You can’t hiss into my year and expect me to stay composed, Hoseok, I’m young and impressionable,” Hyungwon whined and buried his head in the crook of his neck, finally carrying the weight of his slim body by himself again. “Let’s watch a movie, I’ll educate you in the ways of the youth. If we don’t, I might just beg you for something entirely different again.”

“Anything you want.” He smiled and lifted Hyungwon’s basically weightless body and carried him to the living room, chuckling to himself at the fact that he didn’t have a TV and therefore couldn’t watch a movie. His life felt like living in a bubble, something people who owned a TV would’ve watched. A couple giggling and cuddling on the couch while watching something cringy.

_Is it your life? Is it really like this?_

“We could Netflix and chill,” Hyungwon exclaimed with wiggling eyebrows and snickered at his own comment, like it was particularly funny and entailed more than the words did. Once they passed through the door frame of the spacious living room the boy must have realized something as he tensed in his embrace and pursed his lips. “If you had a TV that is.”

“I love life,” he commented and threw Hyungwon on the couch, crawling on top of the black-haired boy and attaching his lips to his exposed collarbone. “You wore this shirt on purpose, didn’t you?”

“It was- for science,” Hyungwon murmured and wiggled a little under him, affected by the way Hoseok’s lips felt on his skin. “I was just experimenting and attempting to identify- patterns in behavior, learn something about the human kind by studying one individual, you.”

“Oh god, it’s like those statistic memes with Mark Wahlberg. ‘You don’t need the Bonferroni, girl, there’s no comparison’.” He laughed loudly at how cheesy it sounded and caught Hyungwon’s bottom lip with his teeth, nibbling on it. “You can bet that I react. But I might not if I’m really struggling with something, then I’m way less responsive, so don’t be sad if it happens. It’s not because of you, it’s because of my head.” He tried to prepare Hyungwon for what was about to come if he pulled through with his survey.

“So, you tend to be apathetic when you feel down?” the black-haired boy asked and slipped a little further up on the couch, like he wanted to have a little more space for his legs, “Then we will have to distract you, or draw graphs that show that you are wrong and your life is great. I’m pretty good with graphs. You should also be happy that you didn’t meet me in high school, I really loved those shitty pick-up lines even if I didn’t use them. The Bonferroni one is still better than ‘I would love to go into outer space so I can go and explore Uranus’.”

“Oh god, please leave,” Hoseok murmured and pointed at the door as a joke, rolling his eyes.

Hyungwon giggled loudly, hugged his neck and curled his long legs around his hips, crossing them at his back. “Not happening, I’m attached for life now.”

“Not to be the supervisor, who ruins all the fun, but what are you going to do after graduating? It’s not as far as it might seem to you, so you should give it some thought now.” Hoseok leaned back, completely aware that he had ruined the atmosphere, but he was an adult and there were things they needed to talk about from the start.

_You have to be prepared to part if he wants to pursue a different path than you._

“I don’t want to be in the way.”

 _But you are._  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 26th of December at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Listen up, Prof. Dr. Dr. Lee, there's no fucking way you're forty. You're fifteen maximum."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
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> 

“You seem rather happy recently.”

A chair screeched over the carpet behind Hyungwon as Sammy turned around and stared at his back, something he could feel even when his eyes were fixed on his computer screen.

“What makes you think that?” he asked in reply and couldn't suppress a smile at the thought of the man who had brightened his days over the past weeks. Hoseok and him were still busy and drowning in work, but even if they returned home at midnight it was amazing to cuddle up in bed and feel warm breaths tickle his neck. It was like a honeymoon phase, fascinated by everything and unable to get enough of the professor's attention.

“You smile more, you grin pointlessly and you don't look like you want to smash your screen with your own head. That's rare around here,” Sammy replied and turned back to her pc, clicking a few times. There was a playful undertone in her voice, like she had a suspicion.

_But she doesn't know and she won't know._

Hoseok and him had been as secretive as possible, only kissing in the evenings and behind closed doors while keeping polite distance in the hallways. Only in the metro their thighs touched or their eyes were unable to part.

“Things are going well, I published a paper and it seems like I know what to do with my life.” The amount of help Hoseok was able to give him was immense, speeding up his paper writing and improving his discussions. It was amazing and Hyungwon loved it.

Sammy just hummed instead of elaborating, filling the room with further clicking noises. It was peaceful and Hyungwon only regretted that he wasn't able to use her office chair.

A sudden knock interrupted his thoughts and Hyungwon glanced to the side, waiting for the door to open. Lisa's pretty face appeared in the crack, lips spread wide and eyes round.

“Do you have time to go grab a coffee with me, Hyungwon?” she asked quietly. Usually she would have already been sitting on top of his desk with crossed legs, grinning at him while elaborating on the newest chit chat going on in the faculty.

“Sure,” he remarked and stood up. Maybe Lisa was shyer with Sammy around, the two of them didn't know each other well.

As expected, the pretty girl relaxed a little on their way to the cafeteria and told Hyungwon about her failed experiments and how frustrating it was, especially now that she had to finish soon. Hoseok was particularly demanding and wanted her to have two published papers in her thesis and two submitted ones. That was quite a bit. It scared Hyungwon a little, even if he had already published one. Something told him that a blowjob wouldn't convince the older man to go easy on him, Hoseok was very particular about separating work and love life.

_Although he does leave marks on your skin once in a while, in his office._

Sitting down on a bench outside the cafeteria, Hyungwon stretched out his legs and enjoyed the fresh air, even though it had gotten pretty cold during the day. He was forced to wear a thick coat with his stick body, struggling to contain the warmth.

Lisa smiled briefly and lay down, placing her head on his lap. It was rather intimate and Hyungwon felt a little uncomfortable, especially with the glances that a few students threw them.

“Have you ever thought about Hoseok being mysterious, Hyungwon?” she asked suddenly and closed her eyes, licking over her small mouth briefly.

_Mysterious?_

“Well, he doesn't talk much about himself and prefers work, so yeah, maybe.” The question was strange and so was Lisa's behavior. She rarely asked him to go for coffee alone.

“There's- been quite a few rumors going around that he has a lover, have you heard?”

Hyungwon could feel the blood leave his face instantly, terror creeping up as he forced himself to remain composed and act out the naive PhD student.

“What? Do you think he even has time for that? I'm pretty sure he's in love with work,” he remarked and shrugged for good measure. A glance to his lap revealed Lisa's big eyes watching him intently.

“Someone saw him, with a young man to be honest, embracing on the metro,” the pretty girl murmured and glanced up without breaking the eye contact. It was intimidating even though there was nothing she could do.

_There is nothing she can prove, Hyungwon, even if someone saw you._

“Hugging doesn't have to mean anything, does it?” He chuckled and brushed through his hair once, hoping that it didn't appear nervous. He didn't want rumors about Hoseok to spread, even if they weren't really detailed. The older man had enough to deal with the survey and the constant workload that was thrown his way. Rumors about his love life were the last thing he needed. “And even if, so what? Let the poor guy have a life outside of academia.”

Lisa pursed her lips and shifted on his lap, appearing strangely sad.

“You don't look too surprised about that.”

“Well, there are always rumors going around, it's not a reason to get all excited.” He was surprised, but he didn't want to seem shocked. Acting nonchalant was the safest way to go, pretend to be ambivalent about the news.

“Depends on the rumors,” Lisa murmured and sat up, shifting a little closer on the bench until their thighs were touching.

“Rumors are just rumors, Lisa, they don't mean anything until they are proven right.” Hyungwon brushed through his hair again and watched the way his sneaker pushed the rotten leaves around, accompanied by a few thin sticks that had fallen from the leafless trees.

“They don't unless enough people believe them.” Hyungwon felt the sensation of warm lips against his cheek until it disappeared a quickly as it came. Lisa stood up and smiled, only barely taller than he was while sitting.

“I just thought you should know,” she murmured and brushed over his hair once, babying him as he disliked so much.

“Why?” Hyungwon asked back and glanced to the side, disliking the discomfort of the situation.

Again, the pretty girl smiled and sucked her lips into her tiny mouth, giving her face something melancholic.

“Because everybody believes that young man to be you, Hyungwon.”

 

_

 

Hyungwon's heart was beating quickly when he allowed himself to leave his office around 6PM. Hoseok had an evening lecture but according to the older man's schedule that Hyungwon had learned by heart and also had online access to he should have been in the office.

_You need to tell him._

Locking his door behind himself, he crossed the one and a half meters and was just about to knock when he saw one of the girls leave their office at the other end of the hall.

It was Lisa, raising an eyebrow.

Hyungwon smiled and bit his lip right after, not bothering to wait for an answer or knock as he ripped the door open and stepped in.

Hoseok turned around quickly, preparing himself to say something but stopping after he had recognized him. Rolling over with his chair, the older man smiled affectionately.

“Hey.”

“Were you about to scold me for opening your door with vigor?” he asked and closed said door with one hand, exhaling with relief once it shut behind him. There was something terrifying about the feeling of being watched.

“Yes, but it was you, so I immediately forgave you. Is everything okay?” Hoseok got up and closed the distance, leaning in slowly before pressing a soft kiss against his lips.

“No, it's not,” Hyungwon replied and bit his lip. His arms instantly wrapped around the older man's neck, doing the opposite of what he should have been doing considering the news. “I talked to Lisa today, she wanted to tell me something and asked me out for coffee, just the two of us.”

“And? Did she finally confess? Are you intrigued? She's cute, I know.” Hoseok grinned and kissed him once again, stroking over his hair gently, before brushing a strand behind his ear.

_What?_

Hyungwon wanted to punch him for suggesting he changed his mind so quickly, especially after basically fighting a whole fucking war by himself to finally get the black-haired man.

“Fuck you, why the hell would she confess? She's just touchy. You know exactly that I want you and nobody else, god.” Hyungwon hissed and pulled Hoseok closer, running his blunt nails over his shoulders a little to show that he was angry. “She said there are rumors, about us.”

The curved lips spread in a grin at the curse, before pulling together again after Hyungwon mentioned the rumors.

“What? Rumors? What kind of rumors?” The older man leaned back and stared at him, worry mixed with disbelief apparent on his pale, handsome face.

For a short moment Hyungwon considered lying, to pretend that there was no problem and people simply believed them to get along well. It must have been due to his fear of losing Hoseok, of making him think that he had to leave again for Hyungwon's sake.

But he didn't, because he simply didn't want secrets between them.

_You won't let him leave._

“They saw you hug me on the metro. They don't know it's me, but everybody believes it to be me. They think we are lovers.”

Hoseok just stared without saying anything, round eyes jumping from the right to the left eye, as if searching for something.

“This is bad,” he muttered and leaned back, arms loosening their grip on his waist. “We have to be super careful, it will definitely lead to negative consequences. I- have to think about how to solve it.”

“We,” Hyungwon muttered, eyes determined as he stared at Hoseok. “ _We_ have to think about how to solve it. You can baby me in bed, but not in general, Hoseok.”

“I'm not babying you, Hyungwon, I'm simply aware of the inevitable truth that you'll get more disadvantages from it, especially regarding the treatment from your crazy boss. And I don't want that, not at all, I'll definitely talk to you about it, I won't make decisions all by myself, I promise.”

The older man curled his fingers around his wrist and stroked over his skin carefully, in a soothing gesture.

Hyungwon smiled at that. It was already reassuring to know that he wouldn't have to pull every little bit of information out of Hoseok.

“We'll just have to be less obvious, let work be work, I guess. Only discuss in the evenings or on the weekend when we're both there. It's the safest I think,” he muttered and already regretted the changes, wish to attach himself to Hoseok’s muscular body instantly sending a tingling sensation all the way to his fingertips.

“It's hard once the rumors start, I guess there will be some inevitable changes, but I'll do my best to make it work.” Another kiss was placed on his lips as Hoseok exhaled against his skin.

_He's right, you won't be able to be this close anymore._

“Then I'll go back to my office to not make it even more suspicious than it already is,” Hyungwon whispered and pressed his lips together. He hated it. He hated it so much. In any other situation there would be no point in rumors and even if they were present, they would be meaningless to their relationship.

Squeezing Hoseok’s hand one last time, he sighed and let go reluctantly. It was ridiculous and he wanted to punch everybody who thought spreading rumors had any benefits.

“Are you coming over today?” Hoseok asked with a hesitant smile, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans before leaning his upper body forward and kissing him once again.

“Of course.”

Blowing the gorgeous man a kiss, he finally opened the door and stepped out, returning to the world in which he was only a PhD student and Hoseok was only his second supervisor.

 

_

 

The air got stuck in his throat, filling it out like needles instead of something that he needed for survival, something valuable. It burned and Hyungwon closed his eyes for a few seconds to forget the feeling, to focus on the matter at hand, the work load, the teaching, anything but the words on his screen.

_She hates you, she fucking hates you._

He had believed that Regina's words were like venom before, poisoning her tone and every positive thing she had ever done. But what his boss had written to him before was like a brief pinch, nothing that was worth mentioning compared to the email staring right back at him.

‘Fucking a professor won't save your grade’, ‘just because you are pretty and seduced somebody with no self-control you think you can have it all now’ and ‘who else do you want to fuck to graduate’ were just a few of the sentences that stared back at him, making his hands shiver and letting liquid dread settle in his stomach. Hyungwon didn't even know how to answer to that. There was nothing professional in the email that he could have argued against, nothing but personal insults and accusations.

He wanted to cry, go home to Hoseok’s apartment and just curl up, forget about everything else. He couldn't even go to the older man's office, not just like that and as emotionally unstable as he was. There was nothing he could do apart from drop everything and jump onto the next metro, curl up and hope that Hoseok would go home soon.

His eyes burned as he breathed through his nose and packed his stuff, throwing everything in his bag recklessly and locking his office door behind him.

_You need to calm down, you can't do that here._

Biting down on his cheek for distraction, he quickly walked to the staircase, running down and forcing his mind to remain empty all the way to the metro.

The numbers on the schedule reminded him of how close they always were at the station, bodies almost touching and lips wishing they were too. They had been so reckless, of course there were rumors. But Hyungwon wasn't with Hoseok for personal benefits, not at all.

_But you are getting them. He spends more time with you and helps you more than others, even though he has a whole bunch of girls to take care of._

It hurt because it was true. There were a mass of things that he benefited from because he was close to the professor.

_He doesn't even get angry at you for throwing his door open and letting it hit the wall. It's like you can do whatever._

Hyungwon closed his eyes as soon as his back pressed to the glass of the metro. It was cold, even against his warm coat. He wanted to see Hoseok, to have the older man tell him what was true and what wasn't. One email was enough to blur everything into a gigantic mass of self-hate and insecurity.

He didn't even know what time it was when he finally arrived at the older man's apartment, threw his shoes into a random corner, his coat to the ground and walked blindly to the bedroom, falling on top of the sheets that smelled so much like Hoseok. It was calming, like a bubble in which they could just be themselves. He bit his lip and curled the warm blanket around himself, fading out his surroundings. The pillow felt wet, but if he kept his mind calm and empty it was going to dry again, just like the feeling of helplessness would fade eventually.

_Don't cry, she's not worth it._

It was difficult to determine how much time passed as he just stared at the white wall across from the bed, remaining empty as the older man had still not bought more furniture, keeping the apartment impersonal apart from the living room.

Hyungwon curled up and breathed quietly, enjoying the way his tears dried again and made way for relief, the effect of endorphins after crying.

_It always fades, you'll be fine._

The words still hurt but they felt more distant, far away.

He heard the keys sliding into the keyhole, before the lock clicked and the door opened, followed by the usual shuffling that the older man created by taking off his shoes, jacket and probably taking care of the mess Hyungwon had created in the hallway.

After some time, the black-haired man appeared in the bedroom, immediately crawling under the blanket next to him.

“What happened, babe? You always throw your belongings around when you're not okay,” Hoseok's low voice whispered into his ear, followed by a gentle kiss.

“Nothing major, just Regina thinking I'm a whore,” Hyungwon replied and wanted to chuckle but it rather sounded like a rat attempted to blow its nose. The presence of the older man was calming but as soon as he answered he wanted to cry again. It was typical, unable to reply because the question forced him to think about his issues.

“She wrote you? I- also wanted to talk to you about something, but maybe when you're not sad like this. Did you save the emails? They're important.” The older man curled his strong arms around his waist and attached his lips to Hyungwon's neck.

“I did, they are safely saved in my hate mail folder.” Hyungwon turned in the embrace to be able to look at Hoseok’s face. It was a little dark but the other's dark eyes reflected enough light to be visible. Hoseok was beautiful. “I'm fine, I know it's not true, but it's hard to convince my feelings sometimes. What did you want to talk about?”

Smiling for reassurance, he kissed Hoseok’s curved mouth, licking along the upper lip to savor its familiar taste. He loved being close to the older man so much.

“About your new second supervisor,” Hoseok murmured, looking at him with an apologetic smile on his lips.

_No._

Hyungwon panicked and buried his nails in Hoseok’s shoulders with more strength than he had intended, shaky breath leaving his parted lips and eyes widening in fear.

_He wants to leave, just like you thought. He wants to go away._

“No, I don't want a different second supervisor, I don't want anybody but you. You're the only one keeping me sane, Hoseok, you can't do this. I'm opposed, no, just- fuck.” His shoulders shook as he suddenly realized that there would be nothing he could do apart from dropping everything once Hoseok left. He didn't want to be anywhere the older man wasn't. “I can't fucking do this without you.”

“Shh.” Hoseok stroked over his head and leaned forward to connect their lips. “I didn't say that I'm going anywhere, at least not now and not without talking about this with you. I just need to minimize the points of weakness, which happens to be our professional relationship. You can still ask me anything, I'll be here for you, just not officially. There are two possibilities and of course it's your decision, but it would make it easier for you to deal with Regina and to finish your thesis. The first possibility is Kihyun, he's very close to your topic and he's fair. The second-” Hoseok smiled in triumph, so unfitting to the way Hyungwon was feeling. “Simon would also do it, even though it's not really his area, but he agreed and it would look amazing on your CV, so please think about it.”

_Oh god._

Hyungwon didn't know what to say, staring at the black-haired man like an idiot with an open mouth. The fear of losing Hoseok moved to the back as the possibilities that the older man presented him overwhelmed him. There was no fucking way he could say no to that, it was a dream, like Batman offering an 8-year-old to be his best buddy.

“I- I would love that. Simon- he's such a role model and- fuck, Hoseok, he’s rejected PhD students for the past five years, fucking how?” His voice shook a little as he curled his left leg around Hoseok’s body, unable to believe the older man would provide him such possibilities. “You want to be ‘a professor’ and not ‘the supervisor’?”

Hoseok sighed and licked over his lips briefly, before answering.

“I don't want anybody to have the opportunity to say that your grade was the result of your intimate relationship with me. Plus, there's something that I intend on doing, because the old snake won't sit still, she loves ruining other people's lives and I don't want you to be in any way connected to it.”

_He's trying to keep you safe._

“Are you sure about all this?” Hyungwon murmured and lay down on his back, pulling the black-haired man on top of himself.

Hoseok hummed, pinning him down with his weight. The pale hand removed a loose strand of hair from his forehead and the older man brushed his lips over it for a second.

“I won't leave you all alone and go somewhere, but a lot of things will change. You will need to sign another agreement with Simon, I already got his signature because I thought that you would pick him, I'm sorry.”

“You manipulative bastard,” Hyungwon murmured but grinned, instantly kissing the older man on his cheeks, lips and nose. “So, you already did everything, amazing. Does Regina know?”

“Nah, but she will tomorrow, it has nothing to do with her and she won't say anything against Simon, he can be super nasty too, plus he has double the amount of publications. You'll win this one, so she won’t be able to be unreasonable. Actually, my life as a professor consists of 60 percent politics, 20 percent emails, 10 percent doing what I like and the other 10 being angry about the state academia is in right now, yeah.” The older man licked his lips and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Maybe I should become a clinician then,” Hyungwon murmured and brushed through Hoseok’s black hair, watching the way the strands moved in between the spaces of his fingers. “They definitely don't think I fuck my way through the hierarchy.”

“As you like, you have all the doors open for you. You wanted to finish your thesis first, with whoever will be your first supervisor by the time you're done.” Hoseok looked at him and swallowed once before rolling to the side. “I bet you haven't eaten.”

“I'll eat your love,” Hyungwon said with a laugh and examined the black-haired man's face. It was weird that he assumed his first supervisor would change. Regina had signed to stay until the end of the project and he definitely didn't plan on staying longer than another two years. It was suspicious to say the least but he decided not to say anything now, Hoseok appeared a little uncomfortable.

“You won't eat my love, you'll eat something proper, want to order out? I don't have enough stuff to cook, but I also don't want to buy any because I don't know how long I'll stay in this apartment, moving a lot of belongings is expensive,” Hoseok commented and laughed with his low voice, before crawling down the double bed.

“And why would you leave?” Hyungwon asked with narrowed eyes and did the same, throwing the blanket to the side and jumping off the soft bed. “You keep sounding like you want to run away. Of course, I panic, what the fuck, Hoseok? You swallow nervously and look like you're planning a revolution. What's going on? If there is something, I need to know _tell me_.” He sighed loudly and made his way to the kitchen, turning on the coffee machine for the two cups that the two of them drank in the evening. It was almost a tradition.

“It's not quite a revolution, you putting it like this sounds more dramatic than it actually is. I'm not planning to leave you, that's everything you need to know, but I might have to leave the university and then we will need to move somewhere where it's nice for you and for me.” Hoseok sighed and brushed through his hair.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the words. Leaving the university didn't sound particularly fascinating, especially if it entailed both of them not finding a job. Hoseok had no problems, he was famous and a professor but Hyungwon was a nobody.

_But you would have to leave anyway. You have no idea what this entails._

“Alright,” he whispered and pulled the filled coffee cups from the machine, handing one to Hoseok. “As long as I'm with you it doesn't matter where we are.”

“I didn't tell you to leave the university, Hyungwon, you wanted to finish here, I was talking about myself, but you know academia and I don't want to go to the TU in Munich, so I'll have to make compromises.”

Hyungwon frowned, stepping a little closer.

“But I thought the point was to move together, that's what you just said. You said that we need to move somewhere nice for both of us. I like the idea, I would have to leave anyway after finishing. I don't want to stay with Regina, she makes my life hell and gives me the feeling that I'm worthless. I hate it. I want to go somewhere nice, with you.” He sighed and leaned against Hoseok’s kitchen counter, realizing how few items the older man owned, neither food wise, nor cooking wise. Hyungwon just wanted to keep what they had while happily doing research, it couldn't be that difficult, could it?

Hoseok hummed before turning to him and piecing him with his penetrating gaze.

“I'm talking about the time span of the next few months, Hyungwon.”

“What?” Hyungwon's eyes widened and he almost dropped his coffee cup. “Why the next few months? You just came back, you have PhD students, I still have another one and a half years until I finish unless I hurry up. You can't just drop everything like this, including me.”

He couldn't believe that the older man changed his mind so quickly. Only a month or two ago they had been in London and Hoseok had decided to stay. Why were his decisions never permanent?

“You just said that you want to stay instead of going to London, what changed?”

“Everything. Everything changed besides the fact that I still want this to work, I don't have a good solution yet but I will have to find one soon.” Leaning back against the kitchen counter, Hoseok sipped on his hot coffee.

“Great, so you're basically telling me that you want to leave the university in the next few months and we'll have to deal with a long-distance relationship until I finish my PhD or what?” Hyungwon's voice sounded angry, difficult to contain. He couldn't believe that Hoseok pulled all those changes randomly out of his ass, not even warning him in advance when he had been obviously thinking about it for a long time. “Fucking great.”

“I don't know about long distance yet, but I will have to do it eventually. Don't be angry, I'm still here and there's no way I'll leave you, Hyungwon. I won't, I promise.” Hoseok stepped closer and curled his arms around his waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

It was frustrating, but he couldn't say no, not with how much he needed the older man.

“I need you,” he whispered and inhaled the scent of Hoseok’s hair, familiar and fresh from his shower in the morning. “I hate long distance so much, I need proximity. When you were in Berlin, I thought I was going to die. I was more like a robot than a human, performing mechanical actions without any depth. I'll go crazy without you around.”

“I know I might seem like some egotistic asshole, only thinking about himself and his comfort, but it's not true, it really isn't, I just don't want to ruin anything for you and believe me, I need you too, I love you.” Hoseok's hot lips brushed against the skin of his neck while the other man was talking, warm air hitting his skin at every exhale.

_He always does it for you, but you want him close more than anything else._

“I love you too,” Hyungwon murmured back, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck while holding his coffee cup and kissing him intently. The touch felt intense, fitting to the emotional turmoil in his chest as he relaxed and accidentally tilted the cup, pouring coffee down Hoseok’s back.

There was a hiss and a sudden flex in the older man's arm and back muscles.

“I know that you're angry and I see your point, but don't you think that pouring burning hot coffee over my back is a little unfair? It'll be all red,” the older man whined, making no attempts to move away from him. “But I'll take the pain.”

Hyungwon cursed and instantly let go, eyes widening. It was typical of him to just melt and lose all coordination. Fuck.

_Why would he take it though? What the fuck?_

“Shit, I'm so fucking sorry, Hoseok. Why would you take the pain? That's plain crazy.” He spoke quickly and threw the cup into the sink as he pulled a cool pack from the freezer, a cool pack that hadn't been there when Hoseok moved in because the other man had no sense of self-preservation. “Take it off.” He chewed on his lip and pulled at the fabric of the older man's shirt with one hand while squeezing the cool pack to bring it into the right shape with the other.

Hoseok started unbuttoning it with a grin, as if nothing had happened. After loosening the last button, the older man let the shirt slip down his shoulders and watched it hit the kitchen floor dramatically. “It's red, isn't it? Where's the cool pack from? I normally soothe burns with Caramelsutra. It’s the best because it melts the ice cream too, so I can eat it afterwards.”

Hyungwon wanted to facepalm, hard. How could a 40-year-old man be this irresponsible about his own health?

“Listen up, Prof. Dr. Dr. Lee, there's no fucking way you're forty. You're fifteen maximum, giggling at burns and stripping in front of me like it's hot when your back looks like a fucking lobster.” He sighed loudly and stepped closer, examining the red line that travelled over Hoseok’s shoulder and finished around the middle of his back. It wasn't that bad, not freshly brewed coffee, but the pale skin was sensitive. He placed the cool pack to the part that looked the worst, hoping that it would fade quickly. “I brought it because you have none of the basics here, I brought a first aid kit too. And snacks, for science.”

“You're so caring, thank you, I'm not used to it.” The black- haired man desperately tried to turn around to kiss him, lips pouty when he didn't manage. “I'm not fifteen, I just don't care.”

“Which makes you fifteen, baby,” Hyungwon chuckled and placed a kiss on the older man's shoulder, amused that he could be so whiny. “I'll take care of this and then you can kiss me as much as you like. I miss your arms around me already.”

“And you're actually fifty, hoarding cool packs and ball warmers or whatever. Ice cream helped me through the worst times, don't think your weird ass cool pack can compare. And it feels like goo. Just saying.” Hoseok really sounded like fifteen, voice higher on purpose and being all whiny.

Hyungwon couldn't contain his loud laughter, slipping a little lower with the cool pack from the force of it. He was the type of person to sink to the floor from laughter, unable to hold himself up.

“You're cute, my body just gives out on me. Who knows, maybe that's why we fit so well, mental and physical age oppose and thereby agree.” Smirking briefly, he leaned forward and licked a stripe from the older man's pale shoulder to his earlobe, sucking at all the familiar sensitive spots on purpose.

“Maybe you can just let me replace the ice cream instead,” he whispered and curled his free hand around Hoseok’s upper body, brushing over a nipple lightly.

“Wow, your ambitions are no joke,” Hoseok laughed but hissed at the ministrations. “You're already so much more, baby, thank you so much for not giving up on me.”

Suddenly, a warm sensation spread through his chest and clouded his mind. A bright smile spread his lips, still attached to the older man's skin. Hoseok must have been able to feel it.

He didn't need to answer, their proximity and the way he couldn't contain his smile was enough.

Hyungwon felt the same, exactly the same.

 

***

 

There was no reason for disciplinary action, of course there wasn't, but that crazy bitch submitted a complaint, so he had to react. His days mainly consisted of emails, phone calls and long ass letters stating why he wasn't breaking any labor law and why there was no reason to assume that his working conduct was lacking. Bullshit. All of it was bullshit. After dealing with it by himself for three weeks, he finally sat in his friend’s and also attorney’s office, sipping on a strong espresso and unable to decide what was more bitter, the coffee or his life.

_Oh, come on, you chose it. Because you love him._

“As so often, it's not about which of you is right. She will damage your reputation, the reputation of the faculty and probably also create problems for your boyfriend. My advice is to sue her, I mean you gave me all those emails and there's enough anonymous data from your study that suggests that she's doing systematic emotional abuse and bullying on her employees. I'm positive. The only thing is that it would be smarter to leave the faculty before you do it.” Jooheon narrowed his gaze and fixed his tie, smirking a little. He was so confident, it was amazing.

“I mean Kihyun is already here and we agreed on him supervising my students, I also have an alternative in Salzburg, at least until Hyungwon finishes his PhD and it would be okay for me to commute for the time being. Ah- I have the feeling that I've lost the fight if I simply go somewhere else,” he murmured, sighing loudly.

Jooheon stretched out his arm and slapped his shoulder lightly, reassuring smile playing around the corners of his plump lips.

“You don't lose, you just do something beneficial for yourself. Hyungwon will have Kihyun and as soon as we go full force with the lawsuit, the faculty will immediately remove her, probably putting her into early retirement to not risk anything. Leave this shit hole, Hoseok, I know that you feel responsible, but you're acting on your responsibility and you're doing your best in protecting your students and ensuring that they're able to work in a normal environment. You know, there are things you don't have to deal with, and this is one of those things. Give me your signature and leave the uni.” Jooheon leaned closer and pushed the mandate paper towards him. “I really want to do it because I love justice.”

Hoseok buried his face in his palms and groaned loudly, overwhelmed by the complexity of what had been happening in his life in the past few weeks. There was his newly developing relationship with Hyungwon, who seemed to be very serious about it. There was his attempt to find a semi-good place to work, so that he wasn't forced to have a long-distance relationship and there was of course his lawsuit against Regina that he had prepared even before going to the US, but considered important enough to finally go through with as the snake planned on staying longer.

“I'll do it.” He pulled the paper towards himself and signed at the bottom before sliding it back to Jooheon who smiled, showing his dimples happily. He looked cute, so different from the professional and slightly intimidating way he usually appeared in court.

_There he seems quite scary, just like it should be._

“You're doing the right thing, Hoseok. I'm proud of you.” His friend patted his shoulder and grabbed the phone immediately, calling his secretary and telling him to prepare the documents for the lawsuit.

_You're doing the right thing. Right?_

_

 

Entering his apartment, he had already said his goodbyes to, at least mentally, Hoseok took off his shoes and placed them into the shoe rack, hanging his heavy winter coat onto the hook and walking towards the yellow light coming from the living room.

He stopped in the doorway and observed Hyungwon, who was sitting on the couch, legs stretched out along its whole length and one arm placed on the backrest while the other carried the weight of his head that rested on top of it. The black-haired boy was listening to music, eyes closed and head moving lightly with the beat. Hyungwon was wearing pajamas, plain black fabric with buttons that was loose on his thin frame.

“I'm back,” he said, voice low and quiet, but enough for the black-haired boy to react. They had to talk about so many things, to share and deal with what he would say to all of it.

The boy's eyes opened and he smiled, instantly pulling the headphones off his head and scrambling off the couch with his long limbs. Hyungwon wrapped his arms around him and observed him intently.

“You look troubled,” the boy murmured and placed a kiss to his cheek. “Something tells me I won't like it either.”

Wrapping his arms around Hyungwon's waist hesitantly, Hoseok smiled in apology and leaned his head on the boy's bony shoulder.

“Mhm. I'm leaving the uni. End of this week.”

“End of _this_ _week_?!” Hyungwon basically yelled into his face, long fingers grabbing his shoulders and shaking him a little. “End of this week? Hoseok, when I said I want a warning and the possibility to plan I thought of something like in the next months and not next fucking week. Shit, why?”

“Because she started a disciplinary action and it won't be dismissed easily despite everyone knowing that she's nuts. I'm suing her,” Hoseok murmured and curled his fingers around Hyungwon's slim wrist, brushing over his slightly dry skin with his thumb.

“You're suing her? Oh my god.” The black-haired boy's eyes widened as he leaned against Hoseok’s shoulder and didn't say anything else for a few moments, visibly contemplating what that meant for him. “I need to change supervisor, fuck.”

“Kihyun is coming. Next week, so it will be okay. You will be okay, I already talked to him and you two have met each other, so it will be okay. I'm sorry that you are changing supervisors back and forth because of me, but I thought that running away is not the right thing to do this time. My new position will begin next month, so we can search for a nice apartment next to the central station.” His brain was mush, there were so many things to take care of, like the fact that he had to work in a different country and had to get his tax stuff taken care of, or the fact that Hyungwon had to stay back in this mess alone.

“Kihyun's coming? But I thought he was supposed to be the third? Now he'll be the first? Then Simon the second? Oh god, this is such a mess.” The younger man visibly struggled with the rearrangements, breathing quicker and holding onto Hoseok like the ground was about to swallow him whole. “You want to commute from here? Where is your new position even? I know nothing, Hoseok, tell me.”

“I'm the third. If you want me as your third supervisor, that is. I have the chair of personality psychology in Salzburg, until you finish your PhD. It's not the perfect position, but it's definitely better than going to the UCL or even better Berkley, they wanted me back, but I said no. I hope I'll find something nice later, after you're done. Somewhere next to you.” Sighing, he placed a kiss on top of the boy's head, resting against his shoulder.

Hyungwon pressed his lips together suddenly, appearing rather emotional as he watched his expressions intently and nodded slowly.

“Thank you, Hoseok. For doing everything to stay around, thank you, really. I know how much commuting sucks and how personality is actually what you decided not to do anymore because of all the hate you get for saying traits are changeable. Thank you for staying, fuck.” Biting his lip, the black-haired boy glanced away, exhaling slowly. His naked feet were quiet on the wooden floor as they shifted.

“I'm more worried about you to be honest, you will have to stay there. Sure, you have Kihyun and you can bet that he's not someone who will succumb to any pressure, but still, I'm probably going to come home late and we won't see each other as often. It's not two doors between us anymore. Ah, I feel sad suddenly.” He looked to the ceiling, thinking about the stuff he had to pack from the office he learned to like during the past few months, also thanks to Hyungwon, who had made the time so much more fun.

“I'll miss you,” Hyungwon whispered, still not looking at him and merely embracing him tightly, heartbeat perceivable through the thin material of his pajamas. “You made going to work something pleasant. I'm a little scared it will feel the same as back then, when I stared at your office door and wanted to cry.”

“Don't, Kihyun will laugh at you.” Hoseok chuckled and stroked over the boy's black hair, littering his face with kisses. “It's not forever, we have more time to make plans for after you finish.”

“I can't believe I'll be a ‘Dr.’ after all this bullshit,” Hyungwon murmured before glancing up and narrowing his eyes. “Is Kihyun gay?”

“Well, what do you think? Why? Thinking of replacing me?” Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he pouted.

Hyungwon laughed loudly and pinched his cheek.

“You're such a baby in private, I love it. No-one can replace you, Hoseok, I was just wondering because you said every man in developmental psychology is gay, so I was trying to increase my sample size.” Grinning nastily, the gorgeous boy curled his fingers around the bottom of his pajama top and revealed a little bit of his lean stomach, a beautiful caramel color. “In addition, I need to know if I have to protect what's yours.”

“He told me that I'm a crazy bastard. And yes, he's gay, but he has this sad, long distance affection going on with a good friend of mine, Changkyun. He works in the neuroscience department, you might have seen him around. Anyway, you're not his type- I think. Which is marvelous- for me.” Hoseok laughed and leaned in to attach his lips to Hyungwon's tasty caramel colored neck.

“Wait- short, has a witch-laugh and does brain scans of depression patients? Prof. Im?” Hyungwon giggled briefly and stroked over Hoseok’s hair. “He's funny and apparently not relevant enough to introduce me to. I can't believe you told Kihyun we're dating, he'll be my first supervisor and he's a little scary. He'll diss me, I feel it.”

“Changkyun is relevant, I didn't want to introduce you because he was dissing me regarding our fuck deal, so I was a little scared. As for Kihyun, he was insisting that I had a manic episode, wanting to leave every two weeks, but I told him that's what academia in Germany is like and that I'm dating you. He stopped then.”

“I guess that was crazy enough to explain your manic behavior.” Hyungwon smiled and placed a kiss to his mouth, wiggling his way further into his embrace and making his body smaller to adjust to their height difference. “Do you think your friends would like me? I have this strange experience-based suspicion that they won't take me seriously.”

“I don't know. We will have to find out. Let's move together first, get proper glasses and dishes and then we can hang around with your and my friends. It will be a mess. At least they're all gay. Apart from you. You're the black sheep.”

Grinning, Hoseok lifted the younger man and carried him to the couch, falling on top of it together and laughing like idiots.

“You know,” Hyungwon murmured with a smile, shifting under him until Hoseok’s hips fit perfectly in between his long legs. “My straight side is the last thing I think about when you're close to me. I'll fit right in and so will Minhyuk. Oh god, he'll fuck all your hot friends.”

“Yeah, Minhyuk is gorgeous, and he's not awkward at all, it's awesome, I like him.” Smiling briefly, Hoseok pulled Hyungwon's bottom lip with his teeth carefully. The action prevented the younger man from pursing his lips, visibly dissatisfied with the comment.

“Of course, you do,” he murmured and rolled his eyes. “You fucked him, several times. He's the reason I'm not completely straight, my mom thought it was infectious back then.”

“I see he has broadened your horizons,” Hoseok commented and started laughing. Hyungwon was so cute sometimes. “You're really sweet, baby.”

The younger man's face instantly changed as he pulled his lips into his mouth and glanced to the side, shifting under him as light blush spread over his face.

“You're- better at broadening my horizons,” he whispered and curled his right hand around Hoseok’s bicep.

“But we have to honor the pioneers who led the way for us, who came later.” He laughed again, feeling high from Hyungwon's reaction and the fact that he could stop thinking about everything as soon as the black-haired boy was around.

“He only- showed that exploring narrow fields of interest that remained in the dark might be… beneficial,” was the low reply as the beautiful boy finally looked up, eyes big and lips red. His breaths had gotten a little quicker, accompanied by the way his teeth slowly settled on his full bottom lip, nibbling on it mercilessly.

“Uuh, you must have very good memories of Minhyuk exploring your narrow areas.” Giggling, he attached his lips to the crook of Hyungwon's neck, licking and sucking on the sensitive spots he almost knew by heart.

He and Hyungwon were so tuned to each other that he couldn't stop wondering whether the multiple changes in their lives and routine would affect their relationship and how they would affect it.

 

_

 

 

It was dark, but the temperature started increasing slowly, not dropping under zero degrees anymore and not forcing him to wear padded jackets that he had to take off in the train and put back on when he stepped out of the tram in Salzburg to run the few meters to the university entrance.

The job was okay, kind of, there was lots to do and it wasn’t quite his area of interest, but he did his best, working like crazy and compensating for the lack of experience by more work and more prepared articles. He only came home late, just like Hyungwon did. The witch had left, but Kihyun was also demanding and tried to do his best for the black-haired boy to learn the most during those months he had left of his PhD. It was exactly like he had thought. There wasn't much connecting them, besides being tired and falling asleep right after coming home and showering hastily.

_It doesn't differ from the way you have been living before._

Opening the brown door that led to their apartment, Hoseok slipped out of his shoes and put Hyungwon's coat onto the hook, sighing at the black-haired boy's inability to keep his stuff tidy. Not saying anything, he moved to the bathroom and locked the door from the inside, taking his time to undress before stepping into the white shower stall.

The water felt nice, hot and burning a little against his pale, sensitive skin as he soaped his thighs and stomach, keeping his eyes closed and only listening to the sound of water clashing against the tiles and flowing down the drain.

_He didn't write you anything today. Maybe he's not really okay either._

If Hoseok was honest, he felt like crying. He wasn't happy, not at all, working in a field he didn't really like, only to be able to have a relationship with Hyungwon, even though they hadn't seen each other properly for ages, let alone have sex. He had the life of a sad, celibate forty-year-old.

_It's not how you imagined it to be. Maybe this is why Daniel didn't look for you back then. It wasn't worth it._

Sighing, he dried himself half-heartedly and pulled the white, fluffy bathrobe over his body. After brushing his teeth quickly to prepare for going to bed, he opened the door and walked towards the bedroom.

Hyungwon was already lying in bed, much like every time Hoseok returned home. The black-haired boy tended to be asleep, covered by a thick blanket and unaware of his presence. He could have not returned home and the younger man would probably not realize.

Coming closer, Hoseok could tell that the boy's big eyes were opened, staring at the opposite wall in their new apartment. The living space wasn’t as empty as the last one as Hyungwon had filled it with personal items.

“Oh, you're still up?” he asked, before taking off the bathrobe and throwing it over the backrest of the chair next to their double bed and crawling under the thick blanket, careful not to touch Hyungwon with his rather cool hands.

“Don't want to touch me? Fine,” the boy murmured and slipped a little further to the edge. His voice sounded strangely rough, but not like it was drenched with sleep, rather like he had a cold or a stuffy nose. The blanket covered Hyungwon all the way to his ears, hiding most of his expression apart from his wide eyes.

“My hands are cold and you're super sensitive to cold. Wait, let me warm them,” he murmured and placed both palms between his thighs, warmth immediately seeping through. “Did something happen? Was Kihyun a demanding bitch again? Should I scold him for you?”

“No,” the black-haired boy breathed out quietly and pulled the blanket a little higher. “You're not there anyway, how could you tell him to do anything? You have enough to deal with on your own.” Hyungwon's breaths sounded a little irregular, muffled by the fabric that covered his lips. The boy's big brown eyes jumped from one spot on the wall to the next, not focusing on anything in particular. He was emotional.

“He's still a friend, but you're right, I'm not there and you're not where I am. It sucks, doesn't it? Or is it only me? But you're probably super tired.” Hoseok pulled his hands out and curled them around Hyungwon's waist, pressing the young man's body against his own.

A shudder passed through the slim boy that couldn't be due to the cold as Hyungwon inhaled sharply.

“This isn't about Kihyun, Hoseok. It's about you and me,” he whispered and turned to the side, meeting Hoseok’s gaze, eyes reflecting the light easily with how wet they were. “I'm tired, tired of not seeing you and feeling like I'm living here all by myself. You're not even there on weekends, Hoseok. It's- it's just hard. I know it makes sense and that you have to, but it's not the same. I hate it so much, it makes me want to ditch everything and come to you. Is a career worth all this? I don't fucking know anymore.”

“You think that I'm pursuing a career? In personality psychology? Really?” He couldn't believe that Hyungwon accused him of being career crazy while he just tried to adjust to a field, he wasn't familiar with. “I'm not saying that I spend four hours in the train every day, so that we can live together, but that's exactly what I'm saying. I hate it too, I hate not seeing you too, I hate all of it, it makes me think whether it was worth all the bullshit we had to go through.” His voice got quieter towards the end and he sucked in a breath to suppress the burning in his lungs.

Hyungwon's lips trembled as the younger man looked at him, slowly reaching out to embrace him. The motions were slow, almost like the boy feared Hoseok would stop him.

“You misunderstood. I- I meant my career. Do I really have to do my PhD and all of this if it makes you unhappy? You have to do this, a topic you dislike and don't want to work on. Why- why would I force you to hate everything if I can't even make it better afterwards. I can't even hold and kiss you to make you feel at ease.” The black-haired boy's voice was shaky, hands tightening around Hoseok’s neck the longer he spoke and body trembling from emotions. “I can't do any fucking thing. I love you, Hoseok and I hate seeing you unhappy.”

_Oh god. You, it's because of you that he's suffering._

“No- no no, Hyungwon, no you don't understand. I'm so sorry, it's not because of you, I love you and being with you is all worth it, but only if you're happy, which you're not. We're doing all this and are both unhappy, it's not supposed to be like this, I don't want it to be like this.” Cupping Hyungwon's face, he leaned in, littering it with kisses before pulling the younger man flush against his chest.

The proximity lifted some of the heaviness that had spread between them like pitch and the beautiful boy swallowed and instantly hugged back, burying his face in the crook of Hoseok’s neck.

“Hoseok- I-” Hyungwon paused and swallowed again. “I want you to work where you want to work. I want you to enjoy it and not torture yourself day to day while waiting for me. I want missing me to be your only problem, but right now it's not. You hate it there, you hate the topic, you hate your tasks and you hate the lectures you have to give, all of which should be things you enjoy. You love science, I know you do, so why should you ruin something that you love?”

“Because there's something I love more,” he whispered and connected their lips, tasting the young man's tongue, caramel scent entering his nose and reminding him of so many pleasant memories. “You said that you can't have me go away somewhere and I definitely can't let you ditch your PhD. As your third supervisor I have to tell you to finish what you've started.”

“I want to finish,” Hyungwon murmured and placed a kiss below Hoseok’s ear, a tender touch that lasted for a few seconds. “I meant- that you should go where you want to go. Apply to a position you want, I don't want to be the reason for you staying here. I'll visit as often as I can and will try to follow as soon as I finish. It's a little less than a year now, it's doable.” The black-haired boy was chewing on his cheek, still hiding his face as he held onto him.

He looked at Hyungwon's pretty face and smiled, it was really sweet and also sacrificial in a way, especially considering the other man's unwillingness to part and his anxiety towards his possible departure.

Shaking his head, he stroked over Hyungwon's black hair and kissed his plump lips once again.

“I don't want to work in academia anywhere where you aren't. I will feel worse than now. I know it when I'm at conferences you can't go to, I'm literally dying on the inside. I- I will try to make it work somehow,” he murmured.

“Hoseok, it's not just you. We'll have to find time on weekends and you hate your work. Are you really fine living like this? I'm not sure that you are. I'm not sure what's worse, knowing that you're close but not there or you being far away but liking your job and being there for me when I visit.” Hyungwon sighed and covered his neck and face with kisses, filled with affection. “Who knows? Maybe my simulation sucks but we both hate the way it is right now.”

“Then we will have to change it. I have the feeling that if I'm not seeing you, not talking to you and not touching you, that I have no reason to do all this, I can't remind myself of why I've started this and why and what I'm waiting for. But it's stupid, maybe I shouldn't wait, but arrange it so that we can be happy like this too.” He climbed on top of the younger man and leaned down, kissing every patch of skin he found.

The beautiful boy chewed on his bottom lip as he nodded slowly, visibly overwhelmed by the sudden proximity. Looking at the light reflection in the boy's eyes, it was obvious how affected Hyungwon was, how unfamiliar he seemed with being close to him even though it should have been familiar.

“I miss you so much, I can't think about anything but you, but you return when I'm asleep and leave before I wake up,” he whispered and stroked over Hoseok’s naked arms with his hands, careful in their motions. “I couldn't fall asleep tonight, not before seeing your face.”

“I miss you too, sometimes I crouch down and stare at your face for half an hour, just to remember how much I love you, before I start considering myself creepy and go to sleep. You're my everything, Hyungwon, I love you so fucking much and it's so sad to not have all the things we had before, we had so many opportunities to touch and to talk, to see each other. I miss all of it.” He was carefully nibbling along Hyungwon's collarbone, licking over it right after.

A gasp left the beautiful red lips, followed by naked skin that touched his, so impossibly warm.

“I snapped at Kihyun because he left the door open, taking away the illusion that you were still behind that door and I simply didn't have the time to open it.” Gasping again, the beautiful boy tightened his grip on his muscular shoulders and pulled him further on top of himself. Hyungwon's legs were trembling from the sensations that passed through him. The way he reacted was beautifully visible on his soft features. “I would have watched you too, I would have touched you and attached myself to your body but I couldn't because you were never there when I opened my eyes. I can't even remember the way you feel like anymore, like something steals the memories with each time that I fall asleep without your arms around me.”

“I'm so sorry, baby, I was so busy arranging everything that I've forgotten what I'm actually doing this for. I look at our London pics at work- to remind myself that you indeed exist and I didn't make you up in between writing papers. But hey, one of my papers got accepted and then a professor friend from Princeton who apparently reviewed it, wrote me to stop fooling around and go back into Moral Self research. He recognized the sentence structure and the argumentation strategy I always use. Fuck my life.” He sighed but still attached his lips to Hyungwon's neck, tasting him and humming.

“You should,” the pretty boy whispered and shifted under him, blush slowly appearing on his face. It was way past midnight and Hoseok had to get up around 5AM, but here they were, kissing and touching desperately. “I got my second paper accepted so now there is only one left. I also look at our London pictures, often and whenever I feel alone. Minhyuk already got angry and threatened to write you messages to stop ignoring me but I hope he didn't. I just become so irritable when you're not around me, unable to focus and keep my hands off myself. Fuck- forget the last part.” Glancing away quickly, Hyungwon gasped again and buried his face in the pillow, muffling the noise.

“Oh god, I wish I had time and space to touch myself, but when I have time, I'd much rather touch you. God, you're so beautiful, I'm a lost man.” He brushed his fingers over the blush on Hyungwon's pretty cheek and leaned in to lick over the boy's bottom lip. “And yes, Minhyuk wrote me a few curses and I told him that I loved him too, so there was that.”

“Oh god, I'm sorry, Hoseok, there was just nobody to complain to, he's my childhood friend and he beats people if he thinks they deserve it. I'm so sorry.” Hyungwon's voice was still just a whisper as he kept shifting under him, thighs spreading gradually as he licked over his lips. “I'd also much rather have you touch me. Whenever I do it myself, I think of the time you caught me and bent me over your desk, telling me that you want me or back in London when I was reading naked on the bed, dying to be touched.”

“Minhyuk is cute and I like him because he cares so much about the people he likes, it's fine. You-” He sucked in a breath and held it in for a few seconds to calm down, but it didn't help, not with the way Hyungwon was shifting under him, lips parted and black pupils taking over the brown irises gradually. “I want you so much, if you knew.”

“Then act on it, you know that I want you too,” the pretty boy breathed out against his lips and rolled his hips upwards, brushing his obvious erection over Hoseok’s thigh in the process. “Please, I don't want to forget what it feels like, I want to remember every bit, every fucking motion of yours, please.”

He kissed his boyfriend's smooth skin and couldn't help thinking that he didn't do a good job, trying to make it work.

_You have to rearrange your priorities, Hoseok._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marry Christmas to those who celebrate!!!
> 
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
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> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	15. Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're going mad, Hyungwon, absolutely mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
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> 

It was like being caught in a bad dream, a movie plotline that switched from one devastating scene to the next, dramatically accompanied by soft piano music, heart wrenching to say the least.

It always started the same, wrinkled, cold sheets next to him, only giving the hint that a person had been there but not supporting it any further. Not even a used coffee cup stood in the kitchen to show that Hoseok had been there. The apartment was filled with Hyungwon's personal items, his pictures, his clothes, his kitchen equipment, his stupid couch that he still hadn't managed to get rid of. Only a few of the items belonged to the older man, several pieces of furniture and masses of books. It should have felt like their home, but it seemed to be his with the occasional traces of Hoseok passing through it like a ghost.

At work he had arguments with Kihyun because of changes in the project and pushed away Lisa who had been making moves on him ever since Hoseok left. The rumors continued and once in a while he had colleagues snicker and glance in his direction whenever Hoseok was mentioned and whenever he declined a lunch invitation by a female colleague, he wasn't very close to they tended to joke about having the wrong gender. It seemed like everybody wished to remind him that he was in love with an older professor that wasn't there, neither at his workplace nor at his apartment where he should have been.

_You're going mad, Hyungwon, absolutely mad._

The times he had cried about being lonely while resting his head on a wooden table in the English garden were countless, but Hyungwon hadn't even had the possibility of telling Hoseok in person because they never saw each other. Each message that he received sounded fake, like the older man wished to make it seem nicer than it was, pretend that travelling for four hours for a job he didn't even like was nothing.

Kihyun made it worse by asking about Hoseok and taking away the last bit of calm by keeping his office door opened, showing Hyungwon clearly that it wasn't the familiar broad shoulders, gorgeous face and muscular thighs sitting behind a work desk and curved lips smiling at him whenever he entered. It felt like he had been happier, even while working under Regina because he had had Hoseok next to him.

Hyungwon couldn't even remember the last time the black-haired man had touched him, running his warm hands over his back and along his spine before curling around his hips and pulling him closer. The arms that must have been around him at night were like an illusion, a dream that faded as soon as he opened his eyes.

Months had passed but it seemed to only get worse, robbing him of his resources and forcing him to cry like a child because of how helpless he felt about the situation.

He wasn't able to fall asleep, listening to the sound of rain drumming against the windows. It felt like hours passed where sleep refused to take him over, clenching his heart instead and freezing him to the bone despite how warm the apartment was.

When Hoseok had returned and stepped into the shower instead of seeing him it felt like a confirmation of all the doubts inside his head, the proof that there was no point to what they were doing, no attempts to treasure their relationship and see each other.

_You live next to each other and not with each other, what's the fucking point?_

Embracing the older man and finally feeling his hot breaths against his neck brought back all the memories and thoughts Hyungwon had right before they moved together, all the yearning he had felt to be close and the warmth in his chest that seemed to explode in a firework whenever he looked at the familiar eyes and curved lips, smiling at him and stroking over his skin in reassurance.

There was something about the way Hoseok spoke, the way he reassured him that everything would be fine, that they would find a solution without the older man moving far away and leaving Hyungwon behind. It was so tempting to believe it, to trust that it was true, that Hoseok could be satisfied with what he was working on and be able to see him, to embrace him when he was awake, to touch his lips with his own the way he did now, naked bodies flush against each other.

“Please touch me,” Hyungwon whispered quietly, voice still sounding loud in the empty room, now that the rain had quieted down and only their breaths and voices disrupted the silence. “I want to feel you, Hoseok, all of you, to remember what it's like to be wanted.”

The older man hummed, tracing his collarbone with his hot tongue, naked, muscular body pinning him down against the bed.

“You taste so good, babe, I hate being away from you, afraid to touch you because you're sleeping and waking up too early without seeing your eyes. Thank you for waiting for me today.” The curved lips travelled further down over his chest, as Hoseok rolled a nipple between his teeth.

Hyungwon moaned, unable to help it and trembled in the older man's hold. His chest was rising and falling quickly with each breath that he took, anticipation making his blood boil.

“Don't be afraid to wake me, please just do it, if it means that I can see and feel you there is nothing that I want more, please,” he whimpered, worried that the chance to feel muscular arms around him was taken from him because of sleep. He loved Hoseok more than sleep, so much more. Exhaling through his nose, he let his long fingers brush over the black-haired man's cheek and hair, pulling at the strands a little.

“I won't let you sleep then, it'll be a mess,” Hoseok whispered and blew against his nipple before licking down his stomach and arriving between his legs. The black-haired man licked his lips and leaned down, blowing hot air against his tip.

It was almost embarrassing how loud the gasp was that left his lips, a courtesy of deprivation and the barely satisfiable attraction he felt towards Hoseok. He hadn't been able to hide the way his body responded before and needing the older man as much as he did now made it even more difficult. His legs trembled and he threw his head back, pulling the black strands between his fingers a little harsher than intended.

“Please,” he begged, blinking rapidly and feeling the tingling sensation of arousal concentrate in his groin, blurring his awareness. “Please, Hoseok, please.”

His boyfriend teased him with tiny licks, not nearly enough, but only fueling his arousal further.

“Do you want to be a good boy or a bad boy today?” Hoseok purred against his tip, licking precum from it torturously slowly.

“Whatever- you- you want me to be because I'm good for you, only you,” Hyungwon muttered quickly and couldn't suppress the way his thighs shook, erection twitching briefly at the tiny licks. He was going mad. His hand tightened involuntarily and pulled Hoseok a little closer towards the tip of his dick, evoking another gasp. “Oh my god, I'm sorry, I- fuck, please.”

“Uuuh, bad boy, I like it,” Hoseok hissed and stared at him from under his black, slightly wet bangs, stretching his tongue out and licking a stripe from the base to the tip, again purposefully slow.

Hyungwon was losing it, fingers shaking as he kept pulling Hoseok’s hair to feel more, to finally have his boyfriend's warm mouth envelop him. Precum was collecting at the tip, showing the older man how much he wanted him, accompanied by the blood that rushed to his face and colored his skin a rosy hue.

“Please,” he begged again, whimpering when Hoseok licked along the whole length another time. He had no strength to keep himself under control, none at all. “Please, please let me feel your mouth, Hoseok.” His voice was low but at the edge of cracking, erection twitching in front of the black-haired man's face.

“Mhm, how can I say no to you, my gorgeous babe?” his boyfriend purred and finally closed his lips around his tip, sucking harshly.

The spark of pleasure was sudden and caught him off guard, loud moan leaving his lips as he threw his head back and his whole body quivered. His right hand instantly pulled the black hair, attempting to feel more and have Hoseok closer.

“I'm losing it,” he muttered and squeezed his eyes shut briefly, unable to control the way his body shook with arousal.

Hoseok hummed over his length, deepthroating him and obviously reacting to the pulls on his hair. The older man's strong hands grabbed his hips, pulling him closer to his mouth.

It felt crazy, like his mind short-circuited and erased everything around him, body heating up and pleasure pulling at him until he could barely take it, endurance reduced to nothing through endless waiting.

“I- I won't last,” he moaned and buried his face in the pillows, embarrassed about his inability to take something that should have been easy, nothing compared to what Hoseok usually blessed him with.

Hoseok released him with a loud plop, panting loudly and staring at him from in between his thighs before leaning in and biting into the skin of his inner thigh, licking over the bite right after.

“How do you want me to please you, baby?”

Hyungwon whimpered at the loss of contact and caught Hoseok’s head with his thighs for a brief moment, acting faster than his brain processed. Panting loudly, he rose up on his elbows and met the older man's gaze.

“I want to ride you,” he murmured and spread his legs again.

Hoseok raised up on his knees and lay down next to him, reaching for the bedside drawer and lubing up without taking out a condom. It looked crazy how his boyfriend's hand couldn't curl around the thick base of his erection as he stroked himself while spreading the lube.

“Want to sit on my face first?”

Hyungwon smiled at the lack of a condom as he had wanted to ask for it himself, feeling the need to feel everything. His thighs were shaking a little as he climbed on top of his boyfriend and nodded briefly. Arranging his long legs on each side of Hoseok’s head, he grabbed the headrest tightly and licked over his lips.

“Taste me,” he whispered and closed his eyes, focusing on the warmth of the black-haired man's body that danced along his skin.

Hoseok closed his fingers around his hips and pulled him down, circling his tongue around his entrance and pushing it inside him, hot air brushing against the sensitive skin.

Hyungwon moaned and fell forward a little, body remembering the feeling while his mind appeared clouded. Whimpering at the desire to feel more, he pushed his hips down and rested his head on top of the wooden surface, panting loudly.

“Hoseok- I- missed you so fucking much, shit, I can't even think properly,” he babbled, begging right after and spreading his legs a little wider, giving the older man more access. “I want no barrier between us, I want to feel it all, everything you do to me.”

“I love your taste and how you react, baby, you're being so good to me,” Hoseok murmured before continuing the ministrations, blunt nails leaving red lines along his thighs.

The praise went straight to his head, removing coherency before travelling all the way down to his groin in the form of arousal. His thighs began shaking and he wasn't able to contain his moans and repeated begging for more. It felt like his body was ablaze and the longer he waited the further he was engulfed by flames.

“Let me ride you, please, I need to feel you,” he gasped loudly and scratched along the white wall, hips pushing down involuntarily to feel Hoseok’s tongue deeper inside of him. “Let me please you.”

“Then come here and sit on me, babe,” Hoseok purred, licking over his entrance one last time.

Hyungwon was shaking as he lifted his hips and slowly pulled his legs downwards along the older man's body until his hips were right above the thick erection, twitching a little in anticipation. He wanted to feel it all, so badly, lose his mind and forget how much he missed Hoseok, how rarely he was able to be close and have those almost black eyes stare at him the way they did now.

“You're so gorgeous,” Hyungwon whispered and stroked over the pale, muscular chest, trying to remember the way it felt, smooth but firm under his fingertips. Licking over his lips, he lifted his hips a little higher and curled his hand around Hoseok’s erection, thumb and index finger easily meeting around it in a tight ring. Spreading the precum and lube some more, he let his hand travel all the way down to the base and lined it up with his entrance.

“I might be a little too tight,” he whispered apologetically and rubbed the head over his entrance, teasing himself.

“I'm fine, you're so beautiful, Hyungwon, holy shit,” Hoseok whispered in awe, letting his gaze travel over his body slowly before finally settling on his face, lips parting in anticipation.

It felt intense to be looked at with so much appreciation and wonder, black eyes remaining focused on his face and not breaking the contact for even a second. Relaxing his body, Hyungwon allowed his eyes to flutter shut for a few seconds as he slowly moved his hips down, breaching himself with the thick head of Hoseok’s erection and stopping about halfway to get used to the feeling. His body contracted around the black-haired man’s length repeatedly in the attempt to adjust as he moved up a little bit before sliding down again. It was fascinating to watch Hoseok’s face, mirroring the way it felt for him. It was much warmer without a condom, returning Hyungwon to the day he had begged Hoseok to sleep with him without a condom, orgasming inside of him and embracing him throughout the night.

_Before he broke the deal the next day._

Hyungwon bit his lip at the thought, willing it away so he could focus on what he had now, the black-haired man below him and just as infatuated as he was, unwilling to live a life in which they weren’t able to see each other.

“I need you,” he whispered, voice cracking a little.

“I need you too, Hyungwon. You're the only reason for doing all this. There's no-one else for me, only you.” His boyfriend sounded emotional, round eyes giving out his state immediately.

“Then let’s make it work,” Hyungwon whispered back before leaning in as much as he could and placing a soft kiss on Hoseok’s mouth. The action pulled a little at his lower body but it was enjoyable due to the older man’s size. Inhaling sharply, he leaned back and relaxed again, slowly slipping down all the way until his thighs touched Hoseok’s smooth and hot ones. “I love the way you feel inside me, it makes it seem real instead of like a dream that I live in.”

Hoseok didn't say anything, instead the older man moaned with his mouth open while his hands reached forward and travelled all over Hyungwon's body, hungrily exploring every bit of his skin.

It felt amazing, combining the sensation of being filled out with warm hands all over his body. Swallowing audibly, Hyungwon held the eye contract and began moving, moving up until the older man's erection almost left him before sliding down with a roll of his hips, almost screaming at the sensation. Hoseok was able to fill him out perfectly, make him moan with every twitch.

“Hold me,” he whispered and held out his wrists, pressed together as he kept moving his hips in a quick rhythm.

“I can't help it anyway,” Hoseok whispered and curled his fingers around his wrists, applying pressure while holding him in a tight grip. “Show me how much you like it, baby.”

“I love it, I love it more than anything,” Hyungwon moaned and sped up, hips moving quickly as the sound of slapping skin filled the room, accompanied by low moans and breathy gasps. He rolled his hips with every motion, making sure to contract around the older man's length inside of him. It felt so fucking good, almost enough to come. His endurance was shit.

“Would you let me bend you over the desk?” Hoseok purred into his ear, loosening his grip and placing both palms on his thighs, squeezing the muscles briefly.

Hyungwon nodded quickly, whimpering at the way he felt Hoseok shift inside of him. His body was burning as he grabbed the black-haired man’s palm and placed it on top of his lower stomach. He wanted the older man to sense it the same way he did, it was beyond crazy. He moved up once before slamming down.

“Holy shit,” he murmured and rolled his hips again, enjoying the expression on the older man’s face.

Hoseok moaned and thrust up into his hip roll, eyes widening briefly before he grabbed his hips with both hands and lifted him.

“Be the best boy and go over there,” Hoseok murmured, visibly affected and pointed at his desk.

Hyungwon nodded again, licking his lips at the praise and quickly climbed off the bed. His legs felt a little wobbly from the pleasure that burned in the center of his lower stomach and the arousal that kept increasing with each passing second, appearing unquenchable.

“Fuck me,” he hissed as he placed both of his palms flat on the desk and bent over, legs spreading a little to accommodate Hoseok better. The texture of of the wood reminded him of the time Hoseok had done the same in his own office, back when they were still working in the same place and only a few meters apart. “I want to be able to feel it for the rest of the week.”

“But you still should be able to sit, so I'll be nice, okay?” Hoseok let his fingers move over his hair, grabbing a fistful and pulling harshly, as he felt the other man's lubed tip push against his entrance.

_He has you wrapped around his finger in a matter of seconds._

Just the way it was supposed to be.

Hyungwon screamed at the combination and threw his head back, instantly following the pull on his hair as he scratched over the wood and threw a few loose sheets of paper to the ground. Pushing against the older man, he shook his head quickly.

“No- fuck- don’t be nice,” he muttered and whimpered when Hoseok didn’t move immediately. “Please, I want to feel it all, make me take it.”

Hissing a curse, Hoseok slid inside him, filling him out in a matter of seconds while still pulling his hair. As soon as their skin touched, he felt Hoseok's teeth sink into his neck, stinging, but not enough to hurt badly.

Hyungwon screamed again, loving the mixed sensations and the proximity. Hoseok was able to rip his inhibitions to shreds while reading every thought and desire he had from his lips and bodily reactions.

“Please,” he whimpered desperately, clenching around the older man and pulling him deeper. His body wasn't used to it anymore but it didn't matter as his muscles adjusted on their own, yearning to feel the same sparks of pleasure he had felt before. “I need you so much, drive me mad, make me beg- god.”

Hoseok leaned back and took his hands, pinning them behind his back before sliding into his body in a smooth movement, hitting dead on.

“Fuck-” Hyungwon cursed and let go of his muscle tension for a few seconds, body shaking uncontrollably until he regained his senses. “Yes, please.”

He loved the tight grip on his wrists and the way it took away his freedom to move, focusing his senses on the pleasure and the way Hoseok was able to make him feel. He knew exactly that the black-haired man could give him everything he needed and more, he trusted him.

“I missed feeling you so much, do it again, please do it again.”

Hoseok went all out, pressing his back down with force and slamming his hips into his tight body, fueling his arousal and making him see stars from the force he used.

Hyungwon was barely aware of what he was doing, begging and moaning the older man’s name repeatedly until his body convulsed and he almost slipped to the ground had Hoseok not been holding him. White took over his vision as his body reached its high and he orgasmed, covering the desk and becoming aware of the desk edge that was burying itself in the skin of his thighs.

“Oh my god,” he whispered and panted loudly, letting Hoseok hold him up as he purposefully contracted around the older man. It felt amazing and hot, no barriers between them.

“Where do you want me?” Hoseok asked, inhaling desperately.

“Inside me,” Hyungwon murmured without hesitation. He wanted to feel Hoseok again, to be able to perceive when the older man orgasmed inside of him, stroking over his skin and gasping in his face, emotionality so thick Hyungwon could taste it with his tongue if he only tried. “But I want to see your face.”

The older man chuckled, already in the middle of turning him around and letting his back hit the clean part of the desk. Slipping inside him easily, Hoseok threw his legs over his muscular shoulders and started moving, rough thrusts, precise and fast until he felt Hoseok twitch inside him and the older man released himself with a loud moan of his name.

It was fascinating how well Hoseok knew his body, how he was able to make him feel pleasure despite having orgasmed mere seconds ago. Hyungwon couldn’t look away from the gorgeous man’s face, senses tingling and making the whole thing seem like a fever dream. But it wasn’t, not this time.

_He’s yours right now._

“I can’t believe you’re finally with me again,” he whispered and reached out, stroking over Hoseok’s arm and enjoying the warmth that spread inside of his body, a little strange but at the same time pleasant. “Please be with me more often, Hoseok. I go crazy without you.”

“I know it sounds cheesy, but I'll do anything for you, Hyungwon. I missed you so fucking much.”

“I missed you too,” Hyungwon whispered, feeling strangely emotional. It seemed like he hadn’t seen Hoseok for weeks, but they were living together. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this, not at all. Work couldn’t be so important that they barely managed to kiss, let alone touch. “I can’t take living like this at all. I need this and not because it feels good, I need you, close to me, to know that I’m not thinking all of this up by myself, wanting to be with an older man who prefers to be in an office that he hates instead of with me.” He tightened his grip on Hoseok’s arms and slipped a little closer, back rubbing over the wooden surface. He made sure not to separate their bodies as he bit down on his bottom lip and glanced up. “I know you don’t do it on purpose, but that’s what it feels like. I want to be part of your life and not live next to you. I want to meet your friends and make fun of how old-fashioned they are, I want to show you mine and impress them with your brains. I want to live, with you, properly.”

“Let's do it then,” Hoseok whispered and leaned down, kissing his lips tenderly.

“That- was kinda easy,” Hyungwon murmured, a little surprised by how quickly the older man agreed. “How...do you want to do that? It’s not your post orgasmic self speaking, right? Saying I can have anything and more. I know you, Hoseok. You also said I could have that fancy Freud mug during sex and the next day you said only idiots buy mugs for thirty bucks.” He pouted and purposefully contracted around Hoseok, squeezing him a little.

“Honestly, for thirty bucks I'd expect a blowjob from Freud, what the fuck?” The older man grinned and licked his lips, leaning in to kiss his lips once again. “Because I don't like it and I feel like shit if I'm honest, I know that something has to change, but I've been in Academia for so long that I have those crazy thoughts like: ‘if I don't publish at least five papers while I'm here, nobody will give me a suitable position,’ or there's Regina’s voice telling me that I'm stupid for giving up being a _real scientist_ by making sacrifices for a relationship that doesn't even make me happy, followed by ‘I told you’, I hope she's having a nice pension, bitch.”

_Holy fuck._

Hyungwon's eyes were wide, watching the emotions exchange on Hoseok’s face, switching from worry to frustration and finally to anger. It was almost scary how Regina had found her way into the older man's mind, like a demon that lived inside his head and fueled negative thoughts, staying even if she was gone.

_It's the same for you._

“That's just fucked up, Hoseok. Nobody can make papers appear just like that. You need data, topics, overviews. She's wrong whatever she is saying. You should do what makes you happy and not whatever that bitch is mentally telling you to do. You want to write a paper? Fine, if you enjoy it that's perfectly fine. Then do it at home, no need to sit in your office over there. I'll make you coffee once I'm back and give way better blowjobs than Freud, I swear.” Hyungwon laughed and lifted up on his elbows, a little amused that he was discussing their future relationship naked on a wooden desk and filled to the brim. He really hoped they wouldn't make any gigantic life-changing decisions in that position, otherwise it would have been one damn weird story to tell their friends. He was lucky that Hoseok was huge and didn't just slip out, making a mess.

“Yes, yes and let's shower,” his boyfriend murmured, twitching inside him and confirming Hyungwon's hypothesis that the older man had gotten hard again while they were having a discussion. How Hoseok managed to keep his libido alive to such a degree was a mystery. Hyungwon had never dated an older man before, but other people's experiences always claimed boredom and lack of motivation. But that all that energy for young lovers had to come from somewhere.

Lifting him up, Hoseok carried him to the bathroom and turned on the cold water, like an asshole. Hyungwon yelped and pointlessly tried to free himself, scratching over Hoseok’s shoulders and hitting his muscular butt with his feet in shock. He felt like he was having a fucking seizure. It didn't matter how much pleasure there had been, now he just wanted to break the damn shower head.

“You asshole, I hope your dick shrinks, god,” he exclaimed before burying all limbs that fit under Hoseok’s armpit and his face in the crook of the older man's neck. “No, I don't but still- how can you even be hard like this?”

“Because you're so fucking hot, why else, also stop pretending that you didn't contract around me to prove your point.” A grin spread the older man's cheeks and he pressed him against the shower wall, lips attaching to the sensitive skin of his neck.

“I-” Hyungwon began to oppose but the words got stuck in his throat at the sight of the familiar grin, pulling the gorgeous, curved mouth corners upwards. His heartbeat instantly picked up and blood rushed to his face and downwards, not even given him a second of a calm thought before how much he really liked it became painfully apparent. “I only- fuck.” He suppressed a gasp to remain quiet, trembling in Hoseok’s hold.

_This is what the two of you are like, teasing until you give up._

Hyungwon had missed it so much, he wanted Hoseok to start moving and make him moan, break his defiance and prove to him how much he actually wants the older man.

“How can you literally be everything I've ever wanted in one person?” Hoseok purred right into his face and pulled out a bit, letting the remains of his previous arousal drop down before rolling his hips smoothly, hot skin pressed flush against his.

Hyungwon gasped, overwhelmed by how it felt to still be connected but not as full, staring at those familiar black eyes and feeling the water wash away the remnants of their lovemaking. His arousal was slowly becoming painful between his legs and his hands tightened in Hoseok’s shoulders, lips trembling at the wish to tell him to fuck him again, drive him mad and steal his sanity. But he didn't, breathing with an open mouth instead.

“God, you're stunning, I want you. I want to fuck you and I want you to beg me for more, with your low voice, groaning into my ear and scratching my arms because you're so fucking gone, fuck science,” the black-haired man muttered, burying himself deep inside his body and attaching his teeth to the crook of his neck, wet bangs hanging into his face.

Hyungwon screamed and gave up on holding back, head hitting the shower wall and erection twitching instantly at the mixed pleasure.

“Please, fuck- please fuck me, please please, please,” he begged and attempted to pull the older man closer with his legs and arms that curled around his neck. With Hoseok he could just be himself, beg and scream if he wanted to without the black-haired man using it, manipulating him with it. It was so fucking freeing and Hyungwon wanted to keep it forever, to ditch everything that kept them from being together.

“You make me go crazy, Hyungwon, fuck,” Hoseok moaned at his begging and he could feel the thick erection twitch inside his body at his words. The black-haired man started moving, first sensual and slow before picking up pace and basically fucking him against the shower wall, holding him in place with his strong, muscular arms.

Hyungwon's lost all perception of time and space as he screamed repeatedly and scratched over Hoseok’s back, unable to help it and begging for more without a break. His voice broke and his body trembled violently with each rough thrust inside of him. It felt so fucking good, painting his vision with pleasure and the gorgeous face of the older man, soaked with ecstasy. Hyungwon loved seeing him gone, losing his senses just like he was. He wanted Hoseok to press him into the wall until both of them orgasmed, unable to hold back.

“Take it baby, I know you can,” Hoseok groaned and curled his fingers around his throat pressing down a little bit, restricting him.

The combination overwhelmed him, adding to the heat in his groin. It was beautifully coordinated with the older man's rough thrusts inside of him. Hoseok had the ability to maximize his pleasure while approaching orgasm himself, throwing them over the edge together.

The older man panted loudly, sweat mixing with water and running down his sculpted chest.

“This might be the most romantic thing I'll ever say, but I'm doing home office tomorrow.”

Hyungwon giggled, unable to suppress the happiness at something as simple as that. It was the first sign that the older man was willing to adjust and make it better, to see him more and show him how much he cared. Smiling brightly, he leaned in and kissed Hoseok’s lips before replying.

“I'll be doing home office too.”

Science had ruined both of them.

 

***

 

“Do you think that I'll get a job after this if I'm not hanging around the university ninety nine percent of my time?” Hoseok pressed the button on the coffee machine. He had recently bought a new one after doing home office once a week and realizing that coffee quality was important. Changkyun grinned in reply and pulled his cup from under it and took a careful sip.

“The sad thing is, I don't know, I think we all ask ourselves the same, but none of us are brave enough to try, keeping up the myths instead. Please tell me how it’s going, dating a 20-year-old and not spending your life at work.”

“Yeah, you're talking now, wait until Kihyun is here, remember the last time? I just want to remind you of ‘I'll ditch science just to have his dick in my mouth’, an original quote by Professor Im.”

“Shut up, I was drunk, I'll tell your baby boy everything about you being the owner of the candy shop and all that buzz, I know that you have more blackmail material, but I have my secret weapons you might not remember,” Changkyun hissed and started singing Candy Shop imitating 50 cent in the most accurate way, using his graveyard voice.

_Maybe him and Kihyun can finally start something, now that they're in the same city._

Hoseok really hoped so. He also hoped that Hyungwon would come soon, he was already missing the gorgeous black-haired boy, who went out to buy more Gin and Caramelsutra.

Some things never changed.

A warm hand with long fingers grasped his shoulder and turned him around, until he was met with Hyungwon's smiling face. The younger man had the magical ability to make almost no noise unless he really wanted to.

“I bought the ice cream and three bottles of gin, because it's your money and I didn't know which one is better,” the boy remarked before grinning. “Your voice is impressive Prof. Im. I was seven when candy shop came out, convinced it was about lollipops and the most delicious song ever.”

“Oh, hi, I'm Changkyun, now I have a face and a voice to the long figure Hoseok hugged in front of the metro. Nice to meet you, your childhood must've been amazing.” His best friend grinned and looked up at Hyungwon who was way taller. “Are you sure you're not wearing insoles?”

“Ehm, yeah, now I understand why Kihyun likes you, you're shorter. Hoseok kept telling me I'm not his type and I realized the reason only last week. He hates taller guys.” Hyungwon laughed and brushed through his hair, curling his arm around Hoseok’s bicep right after. “I saw a lecture on human brain mapping of yours and asked you one or two questions, but that's the climax of our interactions. I love your research though, all of it, even the tiny paper about fMRI being shit science that finds activity in a dead fish.”

“I almost started hating you for saying that I'm short, but my science ego was stroked gently and now I'm fine again. Kihyun is gorgeous, when is he finally coming? You didn't lie, Hoseok, or did you? Isn’t your cand- Hyungwon writing his thesis with him?” Changkyun caught himself in time and turned towards him, acting busy by storing the Gin in the fridge.

“Yes, he should be here any minute, as if I would lie, you think I like you so much that I'd lie just for you to come here? No fucking way, but you'll get drunk and sing Bohemian Rhapsody with Kihyun and that's exactly what I'm here for.” He grinned and opened one of the containers with the caramel ice cream, dipping his spoon into the soft creamy substance.

“Yeah, we have to educate the kid,” his best friend murmured and gestured towards Hyungwon.

“I know Bohemian Rhapsody by heart and Freddie Mercury is a gay icon, thank you very much,” his boyfriend replied with pursed lips before asking Changkyun whether he was in the middle of gay panicking, pushing the bottles around in the freezer for no reason.

“He's cute,” the younger man whispered into his ear.

“He is, watch him when Kihyun arrives, it'll be the best. Oh, by the way, my lawyer is coming too, I thought to invite him so Minhyuk won't be alone, it's a huge gay gathering.” The doorbell rang and the rest of the guests arrived, including Kihyun who licked his lips as soon as he saw Changkyun and Hoseok simply grabbed his best friend's arm and pulled him towards Kihyun, placing him in front of the short man.

“Here, your present. How long have you been walking around each other? A month? You're literally at the same university, now have fun.” Pushing a shocked Changkyun against Kihyun's chest with one hand, he returned to Hyungwon, who giggled and slapped his back lightly.

“You're doing God's work. We didn't wait a whole month.” It was amusing how the black-haired boy was overcompensating, joking around and talking a lot even though it wasn't quite like him. “Just wait till Minhyuk decides to make our apartment his bitch, joking about us needing half a year for a welcoming party and complaining how the curtains aren't fab enough.”

Approximately two seconds passed until the blonde boy walked over to them and smiled brightly, resembling the fucking sunshine, especially with his hair.

“I'm loving how you needed a whole six months to invite me over,” he commented while still keeping the smile, pinching Hyungwon's side in the meantime and forcing him to the ground in a matter of seconds. “Haven't seen you around, Hoseok, I'm glad you got your priorities straight.”

“Thank you for helping me out by reminding me that ‘having a big dick doesn't make me a good person’ and that you telling me that I was amazing had been a lie,” Hoseok replied shortly before winking at Minhyuk while keeping his beautiful smile. He was at least equally good at this. “Where's Jooheon? Or did you do something to the poor boy? Don't, he'll sue you.”

“Oh my god, who is he, Hoseok? Have you seen those dimples? I could fucking drown in them. He's adorable and looks like such a good boy, apart from those thighs, dayum,” Minhyuk babbled without a break, elaborating on Jooheon’s superior choice of attire, how Hoseok was a horrible ‘boyfriend of a friend’ for not introducing them earlier and that he better promotes his gorgeous and pure self to the dimpled cutiepie. Hyungwon was suppressing a laugh throughout.

“He's my lawyer and we’ve known each other for quite some time, he looks like a good boy but you should see him in court, your balls will drop.” Pulling Hyungwon from the ground, Hoseok smiled, feeling happy to have the younger man next to him.

“Oh god, you're so in love it feels infectious,” Minhyuk commented with a curled lip before smiling suddenly, embracing Hoseok for no fucking reason. “You're doing great, Hoseok, thanks for giving Hyungwon all that love he needs, he looks euphoric, even more than when he finally got you to fuck him on your office desk.”

“Oh god, shut up,” Hyungwon hissed and covered his face for a moment, groaning in frustration.

“I always told him he needs a good dom because he's into that shit but he didn't believe me, going on about people using it for manipulation, but here we are. Love you guys, but I kinda wanna get into those tight suit pants.” The blonde man pressed his palm to his mouth and blew them a kiss just like Hyungwon loved to do.

“I apologize,” Hyungwon whispered and buried his face in Hoseok’s shoulder, sighing loudly.

“Oh wow, so Minhyuk is a walking dictionary of your sexual preferences? Interesting.” He couldn't help looking at Jooheon to find out whether he was okay with this much love, but his lawyer put on his cute dimple smile and was explaining something to Minhyuk, who had already placed his palm on top of ‘those thighs’.

“No…? Also, your lawyer looks like he’s five, that's pedophilia,” Hyungwon muttered and brushed through his hair again, visibly nervous even though he tried his best to appear composed. Hoseok could already predict the gorgeous boy curling around his body in the evening and coming out with his mass of concerns about his friends.

“Hoseok- what do you usually do with your friends?”

“We talk about science, the replication crisis, expensive alcohol and- well, candy, I guess.” He felt a little strange, especially now that they didn't really talk about candy as he was in a relationship with Hyungwon. “Not really now though, I have no time. And no candy.”

“I love how your said ‘no time’ before ‘no candy’ - not,” Hyungwon murmured and pouted a little. “I told you that I want to be candy too, the best candy, but I don't know if I want you to discuss fucking me with your gay friends. But then again, I did the same, kind of, when Minhyuk forced it out of me. Are your friends even fine with my age?” Some of the bravado disappeared the longer Hyungwon talked, glancing towards the living room where Kihyun and Changkyun were discussing something animatedly, smiling brightly. “Am I not the odd ball?”

“I haven't thought about it to be honest, Changkyun did diss me a lot when we started back then, but I guess he was sulky because we couldn't go out together anymore, because of the exclusivity. My friends have to accept my choices, just like I accept theirs. How about you? Must be weird to have a friend who had experience with your boyfriend.” He smiled in apology and curled his fingers around Hyungwon's wrist, pulling him into the kitchen to make another Gin and Tonic.

“Honestly? I hate it because I'm possessive as fuck even though I try not to be. When Minhyuk hugged you, I wanted to pull out his hair, god,” the black-haired boy exclaimed, following him while speaking quietly. “Minhyuk and I have a lot of history, so I can deal with that in general, but I just keep worrying that your friends will think I'm naive or boring. Kihyun always makes fun of me that asshole. He joked about you coming home early when I winced while sitting down next to him.”

“It's his kind of humor, I'm sorry, but he's also making fun of me, so I got used to it. Where do you think ‘The owner of the candy shop’ comes from?” Hoseok rolled his eyes and turned to the tall boy, curling his hands around his waist and lifting him on top of the counter easily. “And I manhandle you all the time like a crazy person, I'm sorry.” He licked over his lips, compensating for the fact that he liked it too much.

“I- actually really enjoy it when you do that. It... makes me want to be tied up and fucked against a wall,” Hyungwon whispered against his lips and curled his hand around the collar of his shirt, pulling him between the boy’s legs. “Did they… call you the owner because you fucked around a lot? All them pretty boys?”

“Yeah, I had a lot of fun back in the day, before I met Daniel and got all domestic, but I must've remembered my wild side after ending things with him, so yes. I was having all the candy, but the candy also had me, so it was a very beneficial relationship. I don't know how it happened that you became so much more. That's why I don't want to call you candy. You're not.” Leaning forward Hoseok connected their lips, tasting Tonic on Hyungwon's mouth.

“I've never fucked around much, I just went from one long-term relationship to the next, having some fun with boys when Minhyuk convinced me to go to the gay bar. I remember that ‘beneficial relationship’ you talk about, we had it too.” The boy's legs tightened around his hips and straight teeth nibbled on his curved lips, enjoying the taste. “But now I have all of you. I'm not candy, I'm caramel.”

“You're better. You make me feel better than caramel and I love you more than anything, Hyungwon. I really do. Are you worried because of my friends? They take some time to warm up to a new person, but after that they're the best. On the other hand, you won't get insulting messages about your genitals, I still can't believe he wrote me after screaming praise into my face all those times.” Hoseok shook his head, remembering Minhyuk’s poems on his dick, how it's a religion and the begging to please go for another round.

Hyungwon laughed loudly.

“It means nothing, getting Lee Minhyuk’'s heart and affection is basically impossible. I can't believe he's sitting there and squeezing your lawyer's cheeks. Dick doesn't really get him hooked, not enough to be upset about a deal breaking off.” As a few more seconds passed Hyungwon appeared worried again, chewing on his cheek. “I'm not really worried about your friends, only about them finding me dumb. And about you not eating that ice cream, please eat it.” The black-haired boy stared at the floor and wiggled his long legs a little, glancing towards that ice cream that Hoseok had left on the counter.

“I can't eat it, I can only drink it, but no thank you, I want to throw everybody out and eat you instead.”

“I'd really love that, but- oh god this is so stupid.” Hyungwon groaned at himself and glanced towards the ice cream again. “Maybe don't eat or drink it, but- you know, fumble around in it?”

Staring at the black-haired boy in disbelief, Hoseok tried to understand what exactly Hyungwon wanted him to do.

“You want me to ‘fumble’ in it? Why?”

“Cause I'm disgustingly cheesy and put something there, you slowpoke.” Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon glanced away, color visibly appearing on his cheeks as he spoke, revealing that the black-haired boy cared much more than he pretended to. “Can't put anything into a paper, but you like ice cream, so- yeah.”

_Paper? Ice cream?_

“You didn't try to poison me for staying at work for too long did you?” Narrowing his gaze, he reached to the side and took the container, swirling the already liquid ice cream with his spoon and glancing at the mass suspiciously.

“What? Of course not!” Hyungwon exclaimed in shock and shook his head rapidly, shifting on the kitchen counter, almost like he was scared of Hoseok’s reaction. “It's everything but wanting to poison you…it's-” The black-haired boy didn't look away as he watched his hand intently, like he waited for him to find whatever he was supposed to find.

Swirling his spoon through the buttery caramel, the metallic surface rang strangely, like it caught on something equally metallic, causing the tall boy to widen his eyes and chew on his lip in semi-panic.

_Oh god._

Catching the small object, he lifted the spoon, gaze meeting a ring.

“You- holy shit,” he whispered, staring at Hyungwon with his mouth open and eyes probably resembling plates. “Did you want me to find this?” he asked to make sure.

Hyungwon nodded slowly before panicking even more, hands curling around the counter edge and bottom lip sucked into his mouth.

“You don't have to feel pressured and run away or anything though, it's chill, it's my grandpa's and pretty and it would look amazing on you because you even have the exact same ring size, not like I measured, but I did, and it will fit and you can wear it and yeah- not be pressured.”

_He's proposing. Oh god, what are you supposed to do now?_

“You know that you just told me to be chill while giving me your grandfather's ring in an ice cream container and looking as if you'll faint any minute. What’s going on? Are you trying to propose to me?” He was completely shocked, with Daniel it had been a very soberly discussed topic, without any romantic aspects. He had never been proposed to. Ever.

Hyungwon blanched, shifting on top of the counter and turning his knuckles the color of chalk.

“Yeah,” he whispered and swallowed audibly. “I didn't know where else to put it, books don't really work and there is nothing else that kind of connects us enough to use and I didn't want to make too much of a fuss either in case you think I'm young and dumb and have no idea what I'm doing, god.”

Sucking in a breath, Hoseok washed the ring under warm water before stepping closer and focusing his gaze on Hyungwon's beautiful, chestnut brown eyes.

“Okay, but do you know what you're doing? Right now, I asked you whether you are proposing and you said yeah, but that's it. I will take this ring and wear it while being ‘chill’ if that's what you want. Or what is it that you want? I'm sorry, I'm a scientist I have to make sure the definition is solid.”

The gorgeous boy shifted again, not breaking the eye contact and licking over his lips briefly, like he wished to fight the nervousness by returning moisture. Hoseok had never seen him that obvious in his insecurities, hands shaking.

“I don't want you to be chill about it, I want you to marry me, but I'm fucking terrified you'll say no, so I'm hashing it like a real scientist, saying that maybe possibly marginally significantly I want you to accept that ring and say yes,” he whispered, eyes reflecting most of the kitchen light and voice low and quiet.

Keeping his facial expression straight, even though it was so incredibly hard, he lifted an eyebrow and tried to ignore his own deafening heartbeat.

“So, what's your hypothesis?” he asked.

“That you'll say yes, because you love me more than anything,” Hyungwon whispered, voice regaining some confidence as he repeated the words Hoseok had spoken mere minutes ago. “I've never wanted to be with anybody this badly, willing to ditch everything else just to see your face more often. This feeling is not recent, I've felt like this for several months and it's only getting stronger, changing into this warm mass that centers in my chest and makes me want to attach myself to you and never let go. It's how I feel and it seems to me that you feel the same, Hoseok.”

“Your discussion makes sense, and I do feel the same, I'm just always worried if I'm beneficial or the opposite to you and your life, but well, I can't ditch it, so I have to take what I can get, being selfish and all that. I love you. Thank you so much for this gesture, it is beautiful.” He dried the ring with a kitchen towel and put it back into Hyungwon's palm, watching his shocked face.

_Now he thinks that it's a ‘no’._

“Aren't you supposed to put it on my finger or something? I want the whole package now that I got a taste.” He smiled brightly, feeling how his eyes turned into crescents.

Hyungwon looked so emotional, eyes wide and bottom lip trembling a little like he fought to keep his composure. His long fingers grasped the ring carefully, shaking as they reached out for Hoseok’s palm and pulled the beautiful white gold ring over his ring finger, fitting perfectly.

“I love you so much I want to cry even though you torture me by not answering and being so fucking beautiful at the same time,” he whispered and met his gaze, eyes a little wet.

“I told you that your discussion made sense, so of course it's a yes. Yes, Hyungwon, I want to be with you too and I want to do all the things with you, no matter what. Why are you making me lose my shit, it's not supposed to be like this, gosh,” he murmured, glancing to the ceiling to collect his wits.

“Because you make me just as crazy,” the black-haired boy whispered and pressed a tender kiss to his cheek. “I can't believe I covered the ring in ice cream, I'm sorry. It was actually really obvious, but you took a bite without looking and then you let it melt and oh god- why am I so weird?”

“You're not weird, you're amazing, thank you for enriching my boring life, thank you so fucking much.” He was the worst boyfriend ever, crying after getting proposed to.

_You shouldn't have drunk the Gin, it makes you emotional for no reason._

“God, I'm sorry for being so sappy, you make me so incredibly happy, fuck my life.”

Hyungwon smiled at that, instantly reaching out to brush over his cheeks and place kisses all over his face, legs easily wrapping around his hips.

“You make me happy too, and I'm the one proposing, so I'm sappy. You're just amazing for saying yes even though we don't even know where we will work in six months and what we will be doing and whether you will get tired of my immature self. Fuck, I love you, Hoseok, if you make me cry too it'll be a fucking crying fest.” The pretty boy slapped his shoulder lightly before embracing him again, voice giving out.

Kissing Hyungwon's face repeatedly, he sucked in the delicious scent of caramel, warmth spreading all over his body and making him feel safe. It was funny how the black-haired boy managed to complete what he lacked, how he was able to be so stubborn and determined to make their relationship work, no matter what.

“Thank you for everything, thank you for not giving up on me, Hyungwon. I love you.”

_It's possible, Hoseok. You can be happy too._

Being embraced by the gorgeous man in his arms, Hoseok thought about all the things that they both have been through, sharing similar working experiences, being devastated and feeling unfairly treated, but still managing to get their priorities straight.

He loved science, he really did, but it wasn’t a general thing, it was very similar to what one of his older professor colleagues had told him, back when he had been anxious about his future. ‘Do you ever wake up early because you are excited to go to work? Yes? Then continue. No? Do something easier and better paid.’ Being smart and hardworking had never been enough and the fact that there were so many people that were equally smart and hardworking made the whole thing so much scarier.

Sure, he had no idea where they both would be in six months, after one year or after five years, but it was always a choice, a choice they both made every day after standing up and doing what they loved while making compromises for each other.

It wasn’t perfect. It never was, but it was more than enough for him while he looked into Hyungwon’s beautiful brown eyes and whispered his most genuine ‘I love you’ against the boy’s plump red mouth that spread in a breathtakingly beautiful smile.  
  
  
  
The end.  
  
  
  
  
  


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